Trying to find the place to put your feet....

This week at Gwen's the kids asked to go to "the park with the fake grass".  Needless to say, Gwen knew exactly which park they were talking about.  As you can see in the picture, the entire play area has some kind of artificial grass that is also very spongy to walk on.  It does seem odd since most of the playgrounds around here have either some kind of wood chips or rubber chips.  I can see why this is memorable for the kids.  This playground also has some really different play structures, including this one that Zeke has mastered.  He actually climbed to the very top and went down the other side!  I was watching him and thinking about just how difficult it is when you are trying to figure out where to put your feet - especially when you can't see your feet!

That is certainly how I have felt in the last few months.  I've been trying to figure out exactly where I should be putting my feet.  Not to climb - but simply to find the correct path to walk on.  I think it is especially difficult when you don't seem to have a clear idea of what the destination looks like.  I know that I want to be in the place that Jesus has for me.  But I am not exactly sure what that place is!
I have had times in the last year when I THINK I have found that open door and I begin to move towards it, only to have it shut right before my eyes.  There were a couple of times that I thought I was actually going to be moving in such a different direction that it almost seemed like I was going backwards.  But then suddenly that path faded away and I found myself standing in exactly the same spot as before..  I've been hearing that many people feel like this is a time of shaking and transition.  I can agree with the shaking since you feel that most clearly when you are standing still.  It is just the transition piece that hasn't seemed to happen for me.  At one point early this year, I blogged about feeling so called to Kenya again.  I had an opportunity to work with a church that was in the beginning stages of partnering with a ministry in Kenya.  As I got a few months into this, it didn't seem like this was the correct fit for me.  Over the summer months off from meetings,  I have been in prayer for a decision regarding my participation in this group,  Just as I had reached a decision that this might not be the place I needed to walk, I got an unexpected contact from a pastor in Kenya.  While there is no connection between this pastor and the group I've been meeting with, this surprise message was a reminder to me that Kenya is calling out to me.  So I got the message and will continue to walk forward and participate in this group.

Isn't it interesting how Jesus gets our attention?  Within hours of that decision I made to step away from the Kenyan ministry, a pastor friend that I had not heard from since 2013 decided to send me a personal message.  Sometimes Jesus knows that you need that extra bit of encouragement to make the correct decision.  I'm not sure what is on the horizon regarding Kenya for me.  I feel exactly like that photo of Zeke.  I am off of the ground and out of my comfort zone and I can't quite see my feet.  So I am just moving ahead and trusting that Jesus is helping me find the place to plant my feet.

This has been an interesting week for me also as far as this blog goes.  I noticed that there was an unusual amount of traffic reading my blog.  And the most interesting thing was looking at the map of blog hits.  There were hits from all over the globe.  The list of blog readers included the United States, Kenya, Germany, France, Portugal, Ukraine, Russia, Argentina, China, Finland, South Korea, Saudi Arabia, Uganda, India and Indonesia.   I've said it before and I'll say it again -  I just don't get it.  The only explanation for this is that the Holy Spirit is leading people to read the things that I am sharing from my daily life.  In total truth telling, I was at a point of considering, once again, stopping this blog.  And every time that I begin to feel like I have nothing valuable to share, the number of readers increase.  It has to be a God thing.  So for now, I will continue to share in total honesty with all of you.  Even though I don't feel like I have any idea where I supposed to be going.  Even though I don't feel like I have anything worthy of sharing.  You are getting the real deal on this blog.  The good, the bad and the straight up real deal.

If you are in this place with me - you don't know exactly what or where you are supposed to be going, know that I will be praying for you.  The one assurance I have for you is that you are not alone!  And sometimes all it takes is knowing that there is one person out there that is feeling the same way you are to get you to take that first step.  Leave me a comment if you are in the same boat as me and I promise to pray for you as I ask that you pray for me!

Jesus, thank you for reminding me that you will get my attention when I don't seem to be getting your message.  Holy Spirit, continue to guide me and help me to find the path that I need to be walking.  Thank you for all the readers of this blog.  Give them great peace as they encounter Jesus as they read these words.  Thank you Jesus for always being with us and always loving us.   Amen