Reflections on being a grandma.....while missing my mom

 Yesterday was (apparently) our one day of spring here in Chicago.  It was a warm and windy morning, followed by an even warmer afternoon.  Grace and I went for a walk in the morning and stopped at the park near their house.  It was so windy that Grace actually got blown over several times trying to walk around the playground.  I could barely push the stroller home in the strong wind!  Later in the afternoon, we ventured outside again and thankfully the wind was gone and it was beautiful.  No sweater needed on this excursion.  We sat on the grass, played with Sammy and Kylie (who were also so glad to be outside) and watched bubbles float by!   I had lots of time to reflect on being a grandma....

Yesterday happened to be 7 years since my mom died.  I thought about her a lot during the day.   In our family we never have to stop and think about how many years it has been since she died because Zeke was born on her birthday, just a bit over one month after her death.  Zeke will soon be 7.  So much of what I know about being a grandma, I learned from my mom.  She had such a special relationship with my kids, in spite of us living a distance apart.  There were many years that we only saw her once or twice a year.  But she stayed connected to my kids and really understood who they were.  It was somewhere around the time of this photo that I remember having a conversation with Gwen.  Through tears, she insisted that Grandma Nona just HAD to be at her wedding someday.  I think she had just come to realize that there was a possibility that my mom may not be alive when that  day came.  Not only did my mom attend Gwen's wedding, she had a close relationship with Lia and Ellie!  It is so interesting to hear Anna talking about Great Grandma Nona who is heaven with Jesus.  Neither Anna or Zeke have any of their own memories of my mom, but Lia and Ellie talk about her all the time. 

Mom was the "silly grandma" who laughed and played games with the kids.  She always seemed to have one of the kids either on her lap or sitting right next to her.  Just this week, Doug was talking about Grandma always having a dish of Reese's pieces next to her chair. Along with her knowing the kids well, the kids also knew what Grandma Nona loved.  Doug said he could see her with her crossword puzzle and cup of coffee sitting in her chair, and he added "at like 4:30am" since she always got up early!  She always had your favorite cookies when you visited and really cared about what you wanted to do.  She loved Yahtzee and Skipbo and Solitare and played a mean game of crazy eights or kings in the corner.  She would shop where the kids wanted to go.  She bought "surprises" and was always up for a Dairy Queen run.  Yes, she was a fun Grandma!

I am so thankful that I live close enough to my grandchildren to really get to know them.  I am thankful for things like texting that allow me to stay in touch with Lia and Ellie - even though they are only 9 and 11!  The legacy of Grandma Nona is a hard act to follow.  There is a lot to live up to!
She prayed for all of her children and grandchildren. She believed that Jesus had a big role in how her family had turned out.  She often remarked that she never knew how to be a mother since she never knew her mom.  And she never knew any grandparents either. 

When I am sitting on the grass with sweet little Grace, letting her put pieces of grass into my hand, I am thinking about my mom filling her pockets with the acorns my kids were picking up in the park.  When I am sitting on the floor playing a game with Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna, I am remembering my mom patiently explaining Yahtzee to my own kids.  When I suggest Wendy's for lunch when I am at Gwen's house, it might be because I know that those kids love Frosties.  And I am remembering those sometimes light night trips to Dairy Queen that always included the kids.

A few weeks ago, I blogged about my DNA test and some surprises around that.  It has been interesting to get in contact with some of the cousins from that testing.  It has actually been so fun to finally be in touch with some of my mom's side of the family.  My mom was always sad that we did not stay close with our cousins from her side.  I have often said that I could sit next to my cousin and not even know we are related!  I have 17 cousins that I have no real memory of ever meeting! I actually only saw two of my mom's sisters a few times.  That's what happened when you lived across the country from one another in the 50's, 60's and 70's.  I know that my  mom would have be so pleased that through this DNA, we have connected. 

My mom's legacy includes 5 children, 9 grandchildren, 26 great grandchildren and 3 great-great grandchildren.   While I miss my mom, I am so thankful that she is with Jesus and finally getting to know her own mother.   It is interesting how, as you age, you see things so much more clearly.  I am so thankful that my children were blessed with such a special grandma.  I am trusting that the love and the caring of my mom is helping me to continue her legacy of love. 

Jesus, thank you for my mom and her love and caring that filled our family.  Holy Spirit, remind us all to be present when we are with our family.  Keep us connected to each other, rather than distracted by social media.  Thank you for the opportunity to know my grandchildren.  Jesus, encourage all adults to get to know some of the young people around them.   Amen

Happy 100th Birthday to my mom.................

Yes, today would have been my mom's 100th birthday.  It is 5/15/15.  It was always easy to remember her birthdate.  And it seems so odd to think that this would have been her 100th special day.  I love the picture above.  My mom thought that she was about 3 or so in this picture.  She is the little one in this picture.  Don't you just love the clothes? And the hair bows?  And if you look closely, the shoes?  When I look at this picture, I can see each of my aunts in these faces.  I love that my Grandpa is sitting off in the background, watching this picture taking event.

And here is my mom with her sisters in the early 1950's.  In this photo, my mom is on the far right - the tallest sister! Even though she was the youngest!  I am so glad that I have these photo "snapshots" of my mom with her sisters. 

I learned so many amazing things from my mom that is is hard to even know where to start.  She had such a quiet kindness about her.  She cared about each person and wanted to please everyone.  She catered to my dad for most of the years of their marriage.  And I always felt that she never really thought about what she liked or wanted.  And that was such a selfless way to live.  In the last years of her life, after much prodding and encouragement from her children, she finally did a few things that she always wanted to do and "treated" herself more than she ever had.  Some of these things were big things (like trips to visit her sisters - one in Washington, one in California, and one in Florida) and some were just little things (Dairy Queen Blizzards whenever she wanted and a dish of candy that always sat on the table near her chair).  Mom was the kind of grandma that knew each grandchild and exactly what they liked.  And she even knew exactly what kind of cookies to have in the kitchen when the great grandchildren visited.  If you ask Lia and Ellie, they can pick out the exact cookies that she always had (Vienna Fingers, in case you are wondering).  She always remembered that I loved Windmill Cookies (I really don't know what these are called but they look like windmills and have almonds) and they were always in the kitchen when I arrived!  She made "favorites" for each of us for birthdays or just during a shared dinner.  She really embodied the word "Mother"!

In 1990 I had made some really big changes in my life.  I had experienced a very real Spiritual "awakening" in 1988 and a couple of years later, I changed churches.  The new church I was drawn to was not a "traditional" Lutheran church.  In fact, it was about as non-traditional as you could get. One of the biggest concerns I had about this change, was what my mom would think about this and how she would react to the church when she visited me.  Because, let's face it, she was pretty traditional!  But, here's the thing, she listened to me, she asked questions and then she prayed about it!  She was totally open to this new thing.  And she was 75 years old!  That summer, in 1990, I dragged her with me to a large conference that was held very near to where she lived.  This was way out of her comfort zone and she loved it!  In fact we went to that same conference, year and year until it was just to difficult for her to manage the big crowds.  I will never forget how surprised she was at one event when they called for people over 80 to stand and she was standing with many people.  Then they called for those over 90 to stay standing and there were still more than you would expect.  She told me that she loved how on fire for Jesus all of these people were.  The next time she came to my house, she was excited to visit that new church of mine.  And she loved my church, also.  After several years of visits, she felt at home and she knew everyone!  She loved that Gwen and Doug were so involved and she loved seeing rows of young people filling the church.  It was never a problem for her that it was different.  As far as she was concerned, if Jesus was the center of it all, it was just fine.  This openness made these last years with my mom so wonderful.  I saw such growth and change in her as I watched her draw closer to Jesus.  What a gift it is to know that mom is celebrating right now with Jesus!  I am sure that there is one very amazing party going on right now.  

Yes, she was a special, special mom.  I miss her everyday and in so many ways.  But I know that much of what is important to me, was sown into me by my mom.  I am so grateful for her prayers and her wisdom and her love.   This has been a good day of remembering!  I encourage you to look at your mother (and those "other" mothers that fill that role) and see all that they do and more than that, look for Jesus in them.  Often the selfless acts of moms are a reflection of Jesus living in them.  

Jesus, thank you for my mom and all of the wonderful years that she blessed so many people.  Holy Spirit, give us all wisdom to see you in those around us.  Help us appreciate our families and give us eyes to see ways to bless others.  Thank you for birthdays and anniversaries that help us keep our focus on what is really important.   Amen