Remembering.....with love

Today our family gathered to remember Lucas on his first birthday.  We spent time together just talking and then we visited the cemetery.

Doug and Susie had just had the stone placed for Lucas.  It was a beautiful day to be together.  The sky was blue and the trees were losing their leaves.  The stone is really pretty.  There are shades of blue and green and flecks of crystal.  The footprints are so sweet.  Gwen and Tim had the kids make their hand prints to leave for Lucas.  I made the wooden heart that says "Always in our heart".   We had time to reflect and just stand together.  It was so peaceful and so meaningful.  I was remembering last year when Doug and Susie had to select this spot.  It was one of those unimaginable experiences to be with your children as they select a grave for their baby son.  But even in all of the emotions and the horror of that day, I knew that this was exactly the right choice.  As I was standing there today, I was remembering the last line of my blog from last night.... Lucas is in that glorious presence with Jesus, forever.  

When we got back to Doug and Susie's house, we took pictures of Lucas bear with the kids with a picture of Lucas.  This will be a good tradition and a way to honor Lucas in the years ahead.

I have had many people say "how did you get through that?"  Looking back, I know that the only way I got through was because of the powerful presence and peace of Jesus through the Holy Spirit, and the prayers of so many faithful friends and family.  Let me tell you, in times like these, this is a very real thing.  And then you can put one foot in front of the other, get out of bed each day, and go on......day by day.  Watching your son and daughter-in-law go through this....is heartbreaking.  I fell to my knees over and over, pleading for Jesus to help them - to help all of us.  I found myself begging for hope and faith.  Jesus was there to pour out exactly what was needed each day.  A very wise person once told me that you never have the "supernatural faith" until you need it.  It is the faith that comes in those times of great need.  It was that faith that has carried us during this last year and will carry us into the future.

Lucas will always have his place in our family and in our hearts.  He will be remembered and honored always.  One day we will be reunited with him, in that glorious presence of Jesus, forever.  

Jesus, thank you for your great sacrifice for us on the cross.  Thank you for the blue sky today and the warm sunshine and the love of family.  Thank you for hearing my desperate cries of the last year and pouring out your love on our family.  Please watch over Doug and Susie and all of us in the next weeks as we go through this time of remembering.  Give us all more grace for those around us who are walking through grief.  Keep us sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit every day.  Amen

Glad I saved these......for something!

So you know that one thing that you might have stuffed at the back of the closet or buried high up on a closet shelf?  That item that you think..."why am I saving this?"  Well in my world, it is this large 12X24 envelope filled with Doug's X-Rays from 1982 through 1985.  Somehow I could not bring myself to get rid of these.  They are really a picture (no pun intended) of the medical troubles that Doug suffered during these years.  In the later years you can clearly see the two surgical clips that are the mark of his kidney removal.  I have given Doug and Susie most of his childhood stuff, but somehow, this envelope didn't make it over to Doug and Susie's house.  And this week I was especially glad that I still had these.

And it was because it was "X" week at work!  Do you know how hard it is to find anything that has an X in it that will make sense to 3 and 4 year olds?  We did mostly words that ended in X like box.  Today we did several rounds of "What does the Fox say?", which all of the kids loved.  It seems that almost every parent has exposed their kids to the Youtube video and they all knew the words.  Since today was "show and share" day, I shared these X-rays.  The kids were fascinated by these.  They loved seeing the rib bones and then feeling their own body to find their ribs.  And then we made our very own fake "X-rays" of their hands.

It doesn't take much to impress three year olds and they loved this!  Isn't it funny how something that has so little real value can be so important at the right time and place?

These X-rays were incredibly important during the years that I carried them from hospital to hospital and from doctor to doctor.  But considering that Doug is now a healthy almost 32 year old, these are pretty meaningless.  When I held them in my hand and put them down on a light table, I couldn't help but reflect back on those years.  It was a time of so much uncertainty and fear.  There was a time when I wasn't sure that Doug would ever get to be an adult.    I am so thankful for the miracle that is Douglas!  And I am thankful that it took a dusty envelope of old X-rays and X week to remind me! 

Jesus, thank you for using crazy things to make us grateful.   Thank you for the amazing miracle of good health for Douglas.  Holy Spirit, help us all to recognize the times you bring these reminders to us.  Help us all to remember the past and to celebrate the present while looking forward to the future!  Amen