Busy month and no blogs due to a computer crash and moving on through grief!

 I am sure you are thinking, "what does this have to do with a busy month and a dead computer?"  Here's the thing!  I think this is the best ever picture of my July!  First, a bit of a background on this photo.  I found this little pine tree growing in my front yard.  I have no idea where it came from.  When I pulled it out, the entire root ball came with it.  So I planted it alongside my flowers and have watched it take root and grow.  My July has been filled with our family loving on James and so thankful for the new life that has sprouted from our family tree.  I have "transplanted" my working space from an old (very slow) tablet to a new, very speedy laptop!  

Most of the month, I have been focused on preparing my entire upstairs for new carpeting.  This has been quite an experience for me.  When I tell you that the carpet in the master bedroom has been there for 43 years, you might understand what I mean!  Yes, it is original, builder grade gold shag carpet that has never been replaced.  This "getting ready" part has explained partially why we have never replaced this carpet!  It is a lot of work to clear out and get ready to MOVE everything from all of the rooms when you live in a very small space.  While I thought I had cleared out much of the "junk", I have discovered even more during this process.  I even went through my scraproom and really cleared out things I know I will never use.   I have managed to empty 7 shelves that will find a new home at Gwen and Tim's house. Three trips to Goodwill and to many bags of garbage to count, and I am closer to that new carpet!  As of right now, the end is in sight and by the first of September, I should have a whole new upstairs!  I can't wait! 

Looking at that persistent little tree caused me to reflect on the last three quarters of a year in my life.  In some ways I feel a bit like that tree.  It was kind of out of place, there in the dirt by my front deck.  Suddenly being alone after 48 years of "togetherness" with someone sure does feel out of place. I have come to identify this feeling more quickly now, 10 months after losing Ken.  It happens so suddenly and without warning like when I find myself referring to "our" house. Or "our" kids.  Changing those thoughts to "my" has brought on that out of place feeling.  It is just a little thing, but one more reminder of loss.  While clearing out the bedroom closet, I came upon these two framed posters...

I have resisted throwing these out because of the sentimental value they have for me.  On my 18th birthday (September 1972), Ken gave me these two posters. I thumb tacked them to my bedroom wall.  It was a total surprise when I received these.  Ken and I had only been dating for a few weeks and the thought behind these posters was deep and meaningful.  A year and a half later, Ken had these framed and gave them to me as a wedding present.  This was written on the back...

It reads  "Love you XXOOXX   To my dearest love   May all that I can give you be joyous and wonderful  With all my love, Ken" 

These hung on the walls of our home or many years.  They have faded and the frames have  gotten damaged.  When the bedroom was painted a few years ago, they were moved to the closet.  Now they are preserved in photos, this blog and future scrapbooks.  I have been moved into a new season, a new beginning.  Transplanted in a way, into a new and different life, going from "our" to "my".  Although these pictures are no longer here, the thought - the meaning- the words are still with me.  The 48 years Ken and I were together had lots of ups and downs, many struggles, many tears and much laughter.  My heart is full knowing that it was Ken's desire for our life together to be joyous and wonderful.  

I can't wait to see how this little tree grows.  I am anxious to move ahead into all that Jesus has for me in this new season of my life.  I am so thankful, so blessed, so hopeful and excited for this next chapter.  

Jesus, thank you for the times you speak to us through nature.  Holy Spirit, help us to see through your eyes at times we are shaken and unsettled.  Help us to take root in the new places and the new seasons you bring us to.  Fill us with your power and love, Jesus, to carry us through times of transition and changes.  Thank you Jesus for your constant, unchanging love for us.  Amen

A busy week with Ellie, Zeke and Anna

Every year, when Gwen and Tim lead a Youth Mission Trip from their church, I get to spend the week with the kids that are so young that they can't go on the trip!  Lia has already had a couple of trips, and in just a short time, Ellie will be going.  This year, it was great to have Ellie, Zeke and Anna for a week filled with fun and adventure.  

Gwen always leaves small gifts for the kids to open each day, along with a card telling us a bit about what they will be doing on their mission trip that day.  On this day, the kids got 6 very fun card games.  Over the course of the week we played these games for hours - and I mean hours!  Go Fish and Old Maid were the favorites and Anna and I played War over and over.  Having the swimming pool was such a wonderful treat for me.  I love to swim and we often spent many hours in the pool.  Sometimes two or more times in one day.  The weather was really good for us, and I picked the one "cooler" day to take the kids to Great America. 

The kids have memberships there and know the park like the back of their hands.  They led the way around the park and managed to get on all of their favorite rides (except for one), in spite of the fact that it was a beautiful day and the park was pretty crowded.  We stayed for about 5 hours and left with plenty of time to take Ellie to dance.  

The kids were excited to get new floats for the pool as one of their daily gifts from Gwen.  I saw how much these kids played with these floats and I was getting a lot of use out of them also!  All of the kids swim like fish and have so much fun playing together in the pool.  

I had promised to take the kids bowling, so on the last full day of the trip we finally got there.  Each of the kids got several strikes and several spares.  They did so well even though they don't often go bowling.  I had fun watching them bowl, and they couldn't believe that I had once been a really good bowler.  

On the last day I took the kids to a breakfast in a sit down restaurant.  As always, the kids ate everything that they were served.  It is so much fun to be with them and watch them share with each other, making sure everyone gets exactly what they want.

After breakfast we went to the "Big Park", another tradition from the years past.  I had promised Zeke that we would go to the skate park and this was the last chance.  

The week was filled with so much fun, so much laughter and so many hugs.  I can't ever express how much this time with the kids means to me.  When you get to spend time with the kids like this, you really find out so much about them.  I saw how caring Ellie is with Anna and how she will do anything to make Anna feel special.  One day she made up a scavenger hunt for Anna with notes all over the yard.  We also had a special "Dance Recital" hosted by Ellie that featured Anna as the dancer.  It was hours of work and practice.  I got to watch Zeke playing some on line video games and it was certainly an education for this grandma.  I heard Zeke sounding very mature, interacting with other players.  I heard him often opt out of some games if there were "bad words" being used by players, and often taking other players with him when he did this.  He would be open to ask these players if they believed in Jesus and I heard him talking about Jesus and the Bible more than once.  I also realized just how much Zeke was learning from playing these games.  I saw him using strategy and planning to work together with other players to score points and win the game.  It was a really different perspective than you might have about video games.  I am very aware of all of the limits that Gwen and Tim have placed on these games that make it safe for the kids.  Anna often talks about being the youngest and was really glad to hear that I am the youngest of my siblings.  She loves to swim - I think more than any of the other kids - and was very happy to have me there willing to swim with her whenever she wanted.  I loved having her read to me each day.  Anna was the first to want to help me with whatever I was doing and she helped with dishes and laundry, even when it wasn't her "job".  The couple of times that Zeke and Ellie didn't get along well, Anna was always wanting to be the peacemaker.  She really wants her siblings to get along and she is pretty quick to tell them that.  

During the week, the kids and I prayed over the items on the cards Gwen left for them.  We talked about the area that they were visiting and the poverty and sometimes homelessness that the kids there experienced.  It seemed like each of the kids really understood just how blessed they and their family are.  I especially like this connection to the Mission Trip.  It certainly helps me focus on what God might be doing through this time.  

Yesterday marked 9 months since Ken died.  It is hard to imagine and in some ways it seems like much longer that he has been gone.  It was one of those unexpected times, when grief suddenly hits you.  There was really no good reason, other than the date.  I am still finding it difficult to plan any vacations even though the COVID restrictions have lifted.  So in the next week, I am making it a point to begin to plan a trip away.  I know that when I do set things in place, it will mark a new beginning for me.  We finally had some much needed rain last week but one of those days of rain also brought some bad storms.  I found myself sheltered in my downstairs bathroom, while the sirens blew.  Fortunately, the storms passed over my area but sadly some areas near me were damaged.  It was certainly proof that we have moved into summer.  I am working on giving myself grace to walk through this grief process.  I often remind myself that it is normal for me to have these times were I feel stuck.  I am so thankful that my family and friends also continue to support me in this ongoing journey.  This time with the kids certainly helps and getting time with Grace and baby snuggles with James are also a joy. In spite of grief and loss, life is good.  Yes, I am blessed.  

Jesus, thank you for time with my kids that fills my heart so full.  Holy Spirit, remind all of us walking through grief that it is ok to move as slowly as we need to.  Help us surround ourselves with grace.  Jesus remind us all to see others as you see them.  Thank you for opportunities to go out of our comfort zone to share your love with others.  Give us courage to take the next step when it seems hard.  Amen

Lia is 15 and Gwen and Tim celebrate their 20th Anniversary!

I always appreciate doing these blogs because it helps me to reflect on just how blessed my life is!  Just after our family welcomed baby James,  Lia turned 15 years old.  It is truly hard to imagine that I now have 7 grandchildren!  And as the oldest, Lia is now well on her way to the end of her childhood.  

Lia is such a wonderful young lady and I loved tht I got to be with her to celebrate her special day.  I can't believe that she is now taking (gasp) drivers ed and will getting her permit soon.  Wasn't she just a tiny baby?  I love seeing how well she cares for her many friends and is always the first to give a word of encouragment to others.  Her confidence and caring will pave the way for amazing things in her future.  

On the heels of Lia's birthday was Gwen and Tim's 20th Wedding Anniversary.  While they had at one time, planned to go on a big vacation for thier anniversary, logistics just didn't make that possible.  Instead of going away, they asked if I would watch all four kids for a few days at my house, so that they could be "kidless" at home.  They had a wonderful couple of days, enjoying the time to do as they pleased, when they pleased!  

We don't often have the chance to be at my house without Gwen and Tim, so the kids were really looking forward to this visit.  We went out for a furious game of Mini Golf, which was really a lot of fun.  The kids were so happy to get in an extra visit with Grace and baby James without a "very long car ride".  Grace was happy to share her really small pool and a walk to the nearby playground.  We also had many games of Zingo and Candyland.  The time passed so quickly for me.  I am really cherising all the time I have with the kids. With Lia being 15, I know these times together are quickly coming to an end.  

 Since Doug has  returned to work after a couple of weeks home, I have gotten to visit and see James and have play time with Grace.  I know how much help a pair of extra hands can be with a preschooler and a newborn.   Grace and I have had lots of fun, especially when it is not just too hot to be outside.  

I love this photo I snapped of Grace one morning when the light was streaming in through their patio doors.  She is certainly all of the personality that you see in this picture, along with her daddies big eyes!   For the most part, she is quite happy being a big sister and very ready for the time that James will do more than eat and sleep and actually play with the many baby toys.  

The sunlight in this picture is a reminder of the very real "Son light" that covers over all of my family.  Every day and in so many ways, I can see and feel the presence of Jesus with us.  We have thankfully, as a family, survived the pandemic.  We are so blessed with James joining our family.  Being together to celebrate James arrival certainly helped us all know and feel Jesus.  At different and unexpected times, missing Ken becomes very real.  Last week my Timehop showed a picture of the last picnic that Ken and I ever went on last year.  It really didn't seem possible to me that a year had passed since that day.  Ken was happy to be outside by a lake, eating our takeout food.  It was a wonderful cool evening and we spent several hours watching the birds and listening to the sounds of nature.  The surprise for me was that this picnic happened in June.  I would have told you that it must have been August because in my mind this was one of the last times that Ken asked to do something like this. I am so thankful that we had this time together in nature.  Grief is so strange.  Things that you never thought about just hit you out of the blue.  This photo reminder was one of those things.  I happened to be with Ellie, Zeke and Anna when I saw this reminder.  The kids immediately said, "well we should go on a picnic to remember Grandpa".  It was exactly what I needed.  Sometime in the near future, there will be a family picnic on the calendar.  

My heart goes out to so many who face these grief triggers without someone to say the exact right thing when it is so needed.  It is at these times that I am so thankful for that Sonlight around me and the love and support of family and friends.  

Jesus, thank you for your  constant presence and peace that surrounds us.  Holy Spirit, give us courage to walk through times of grief and sadness,   Remind us all to see and feel your presence as we bask in the light of sun.  Thank you for family times, for children, for fun and for the blessings of new babies.  Amen

Welcome James Kenneth Rowley! Such a Joy!

 The long wait has finally ended!  James Kenneth Rowley was born on May 24, 2021.  His name was a surprise for everyone, since Doug and Susie had not made a final decision until he was actually born.  I still can't get over the surprise that this name brought.  Doug and Susie had decided on this name since it was in honor to Susie's dad (Steve's middle name is James) and Kenneth is, of course, to honor Ken.  But sometime in the first day I remembered the very first picture we have of Ken. 

Ken was adopted and he had spent several weeks in the hospital before he went home with the Rowley's.  The nurses had named him after the two doctors who had delivered him by C-section (not very common in 1952).  Those doctors first names were James and Joseph.  Ken's very first name was James.  Doug and Susie did not remember this fact at all.  It was such a God moment for me.  Truly our new little James is a gift to our family and one that Ken would have treasured.  

I had the wonderful pleasure of being with Grace while Susie, Doug and James were in the hospital.  Grace recently "graduated" from 3 year old preschool and one of the special awards from her school was a day at Blackberry Farms.  This is an amazing place with animals, activities and reinactments that were sure to please a preschooler!  And it happened to fall during the time I was watching her.  So off we went to Blackberry Farms!

Grace got to ride the Merry Go Round, and a REAL pony!  We rode the train, we saw lots of animals including her very favorite - a pig!  She was very facinated with the ladies who were carding, spinning and weaving sheeps wool.  We spent a long time watching the process.  Grace's preschool is actually held at this amazing location so she had experience seeing the animals during the year.  At the end of the day, Grandma delighted her with a candy stick treat.  

I got a chance to visit with Susie, Doug and James in the hospital the day after he was born.  All of us were thankful that the COVID restrictions had begun to ease and a few visitors were allowed to come during very limited hours.  So all of the grandparents had a chance to meet James when he was first born.

The next day, I got to witness the homecoming and see Grace's reaction to her new brother.  It was such an amazing event and I feel blessed to have been there.  Kylie and Grace were so gentle when Doug let them see James in his car seat.  Grace was so excited!  She could hardly stand the wait to get to actually hold her brother.

This picture will always be one of my very favorites.  You simply can not deny the total happiness and joy on the face of this big sister.  And James looks cozy and calm.  

It has been such an up and down time since Ken's death, which was exactly 8 months before this picture of Grace and James.  For me, it seems like James birth has propelled me into a new season.  Certainly helpful in this change is the easing of COVID restrictions.  The weather is now very warm and we are truly in the grip of summer.  One of the many articles I have read after the death of a spouse, talked about living through the first year after the death.  The advice given was to mark the changing of the seasons and see the joy in each one.  For me that included the colors of the leaves last fall.  The softly falling snow in the winter and the eruption of the spring flowers.  And as we are moving into summer, I will celebrate the warmth and joy of all of the grand kids as they run and play outside.  What a wonderful summer is ahead,

Jesus has been so present and so real to me during these past eight months. In spite of the huge loss, I have managed to stay on an even keel.  I am so thankful for family and friends who have given me so much support.  My small group has been around me and we always talk about "holding up each other's sheilds",  based on the picture of Roman soldiers standing with their sheilds locked, each one being able to have a ligher load to carry.  I will never underestimate the power of others to carry us when we feel like we might not be able to go on.  It has never been more obvious how much we need each other, than when we were forced apart during COVID.  I am so looking forward to catching up with friends I have not seen, going on trips again, and really enjoying time with my family.  I am so hopeful and encouraged for the time ahead.

Jesus, thank you for new life and the plans and destiny that you have for James.  Holy Spirit, be the encouragment for all who are experiencing loss.  Surround us with your love and presence.  Thank you for bringing us through the trying pandemic.  Give us courage to go out and bring your love to those around us.  Thank you Lord.  Amen

Dance Recital Weekend - this year!

 Ths past weekend, I spent the day with Gwen watching the Dance Connection yearly recital.  So much thanks needs to go to Bridget Blake, the Director/Owner of this studio.  During Covid she has worked tirelessly to make dance something that the kids could depend on, even in the midst of quarentine.  She arranged zoom classes and figured out how to bring the kids safely back to the studio as soon as possible.  This is so much more than just a dance studio - it is a family.  This recital marked Lia's 12th  dance recital, Ellies sixth and Anna'a fourth. The one thing that was really not able to be practiced or planned was the weaather, and it was less than ideal!  Saturday was COLD, WINDY and RAINY!  The entire event was held outdoors in an open tent.  I felt so sorry for the dancers in their thin costumes, as Gwen and I sat huddled under two blankets wearing several layers of clothes and sweaters.  But the kids danced like it was 80 and sunny.  There was energy and grace along with precision and joy.  Of course there was also reluctance from the smallest dancers, to even go on the stage!  It just made your heart so full and was such a welcome normal event.  

Anna danced so well!  She had a jazz dance and a tap dance.  I am so amazed at how well these kids do, even the really little ones!  The dances are not easy and there are so many steps to remember.  She danced with so much confidence!

Ellie has had some years where she has chosen to not dance.  But recently, she has really liked Ballet and Lyrical dance.  She has done so well in both and also made so many great friends.  She is moving up next year to a new, harder level that will take lots of work.  But she is dedicated to keeping on in dance.

This only represents a portion of Lia's dances.  I really don't know how she remembers all of these complex dances.  She had a Tap, Lyrical, Jazz, Ballet, Pointe, Student Teacher, and 2 Spotlight dances!  Yes, that is 8 different dances.  It was the first time we have seen her dance "on Pointe" and it was breathtaking.  Both Gwen and I were teary watching her dance.  These 12 years of watching her dance seem to have passed in a flash.  Wasn't it only just a short time ago that she was in that front row of dancers in "Pre Ballet"?  

This was Lia's first dance recital costume.  Driving home, (with my car heater blasting to try to warm up), I was thinking about this very first recital. Ken and I went and Lia was so tired after doing two big dances in one day, she could hardly keep her eyes open. Ken had picked out a special "Penguin Pillow Pet" for her.  

It was so good to be able to walk to a shelf, and pull off a scrapbook from 2010 and find this picture. Certainly makes the time and effort to do these books worthwhile!  Ken was so proud to see Lia up on that big stage. There was a tired 3 almost 4 year old.  And now, there was a poised, talented, confident almost 15 year old!  Dance has strengthened her body, soul and spirit.  She has become close to girls that she has danced with for these 12 years.  She has looked up to and admired and wanted to be like the student teachers and teachers she has learned from.  The care and compassion that was shown to her as she grew and learned each new dance, she is now showing to those little ones that SHE student teaches.  Watching her almost float across the stage brought tears to my eyes.  As of right now, Lia is thinking that dance will be her college direction.  She is only just finishing her freshman year of high school, and that might change.  After this past weekend, that path seems quite likely.  

As I have been reflecting on watching my precious girls dance, there has been an important backdrop to this event.  I am so thankful that these girls are dancing filled with the love of Jesus in their hearts.  The time that they spend at dance is balanced by time learning and growing at church. Church is also home and family to them.  Before they were born, Jesus gave me a glimpse of His plans for each of them.  And it is so amazing to continue to pray for the fulfilment of these plans.  I see Lia as a leader of her peers, bringing so many to know the Lord.  Ellie has the heart of a warior - fighting for those she loves on her knees in prayer.  Anna will bring the kingdom of heaven to earth through a legacy of love.  Yes, I am so grateful that I get to walk along side of my children and grandchildren on this path into the future.  

Sometimes it is not easy to see Jesus at work today.  Things seem so dark and distant from what you read in the Bible.  All you need to do is find a way to surround yourself with the love, laughter and joy of a bunch of kids, dancing with all their might. Then, even with dark skies and rain falling and the wind whipping around you, the sun will come out in your heart.  I also encourage you to stop and ask Jesus to show you how to pray for those around you.  It might even be a coworker or a neighbor.  Or a child or grandchild or niece or nephew.  I remember once hearing this... "General prayers are answered generally.  But when you pray specific prayers your get specific answers".  

I missed telling Ken all about the dance recital.  But I was thankful to have that long ago memory of his love for Lia, shown through a penguin pillow.  

Jesus, help us all to look through the noise and darkness of our world today to find your love and your grace that is all around us.  Holy Spirit, guiard the hearts of our children and youth who face so many temtations today.  Thank you Jesus for giving creative ideas to business owners, to families, to so many during this pandemic.  Thank you for your protection and love.  Amen  

Remembering Ken on his Birthday and celebrating Zeke's Birthday!

 Friday would have been Ken's 69th Birthday and Doug suggested that we remember him with his very favorite barbeque - Uncle Bubs.  So Doug went on the rather long drive and picked up enough food to feed a small army.  I went to their house to spare Susie a car ride to my house (so close to baby due date!)  Grace was delighted to have dinner with me and we had fun remembering Grandpa.  It was such a beautiful evening that we ate outside.  

It was fun to hear Grace talk about Ken.  She has a few memories of him and Doug and Susie will continue to remind her all about her Grandpa.  She remembered him napping whenever we were together (which is accurate).  And she also remembered the time that Doug brought a "really big burger" for Grandpa and he ate the whole thing! This is also true and was actually the last really good meal that Ken ate.  I love Uncle Bubs so this was a real treat for me. Doug and Susie sent me home with enough food for several more meals.  It was a good way to remember Ken and to honor him on his birthday.  Ken loved to bring Dunkin Donuts to work on his birthday and always made sure to have plenty to go around.  I was trying to remember how many years he had done this, and thinking back, it was as long as I have known him!  Every place he worked, got donuts on his birthday.  I think I will need to purchase some Dunkin Donuts soon!

This is our families really busy time.  Between Gwen's birthday, Mother's Day, Ken's birthday and my Wedding Anniversary, we have added Zeke's birthday (which is actually also my mom's birthday) and Lia's birtday is on the 28th!  And very soon we will be adding, yet another birthday to these busy weeks.  I love being with the kids on their birthday and always try to find a special present for them. This year Zeke was requesting all things Fortnite.  All I know about Fortnite is that it is some kind of video game that includes needing "peels", all of which means nothing to me.  But I managed to find all Fortnite related items for Zeke, who turned 10 years old!  

And from his reaction to his presents, I did good and he was very happy. His presents included wireless gaming headphones, which I confess were more of a present for everyone else in the household who will not have to LISTEN to Fortnite anymore!  I actually celebrated with Zeke earlier in the week because the yearly Dance Recital fell on his actual birthday.  I knew that the day of the recital would be very busy so it was fun to spread out his celebration a little bit.  

It is sure interesting going through this grief process.  Most of the time, I don't feel like I am really in a grief process.  Many people asked me if I had a hard day on Ken's birthday.  For me, it isn't the big things (like Ken's birthday) but all of a sudden, some small thing will trigger a reaction for me.  If you haven't gone through the loss of someone close to you, this may seem strange to you.   Mostly I think that Ken's declining health gave me a long window of time to come to grips with how limited his time would be.  And because of that, I was in a very different place at his death.  I am much more aware now, of trying to be present in every day.  Finding gratefulness has helped to keep me grounded and also given me freedom to look ahead.  Coming out of the pandemic has been a breath of fresh air for me, as I feel as if some kind of normal is returning.  In a way, COVID has helped me transition to this new phase of my life since everything is different now for everyone!  Knowing that Jesus is in control helps me the most.  There is a real freedom from worry about the future when you know that our days are numbered by God.  Taking time everyday to read the Bible, to pray and to seek guidance for that day has brought peace and joy to me.  If I were to give advice to someone struggleing with loss or grief, my encouragement would be to draw close to Jesus.  If you don't know how to do that, or if it seems difficult because of your circumstances, just begin by telling Jesus!  Even the simplest prayer - "Jesus I want to know you" - will open the way.  When you ask, He will answer!  Trust me, you will be amazed at the way it happens.  Feel free to reach out to me if you want to know more!  

Jesus, thank you that you are ready to answer even that very simple prayer.  Holy Spirit, help us all to find our direction, our peace and our joy in drawing closer to Jesus.  Give us courage to admit that we might need help or guidance.  Give us wisdom to follow your plans each day.  Jesus free us from our pride that keeps us from being honest about our feelings.  Thank you for memories and birthdays!  Amen

Great family time and an old piece of mail makes me cry!

 

I had a great day yesterday as we had our last family get together before the arrival of Doug and Susie's new baby (due very soon).  The kids were happy to be together, as usual, and Doug grilled and smoked some good food.  Of course the meal ended with delicous cake and special cupcakes.  I took home a treat of chocolate covered strawberrys, which were wonderful.  Tim was missed, having stayed home, working on projects that really need to be finished.  With their very busy schedule, he needs every moment of the weekend to complete these projects.  I can't help but reflect on how special these times together are, with the COVID pandemic winding down.  We will never take for granted being able to spend time together.  It is always bittersweet missing Ken during these get togethers.  

Today is Mothers Day and we certainly celebrated that yesterday.  I was sharing with the kids, that I had found a letter during some cleaning, that had made me cry!  It was certainly a timely find.  It was a letter Gwen mailed to me from college in 1998.  It was early in her Sophmore year, and the letter was filled with all the interesting stories about her friends and excatly what they were going to do the following weekend.  She talked about some of her classes and her job at the campus day care center.  

Just ordinary stuff for sure.  But the letter ended with this paragraph and it had me in tears......

What a precious Mothers Day gift that Gwen sent me twenty two and a half years ago.  She would not have had any idea just how much this would mean to me, so far off in the future.  It is a reminder that we should  not stop sending those hand written notes!  You just never know how much joy will come at unexpected times.  

The time just seems to be flying by.  I got through April well,  usually a month that causes me to feel a bit down.  My mom, dad, sister, mother-in-law, father-in-law, and grandmother all died in April.  As a matter of fact, in April 2020, I was actually sort of holding my breath, fearing Ken having a health crisis.  But the month passed without incident.  At times it seems like Ken has been gone for a very long time, but at other times, it feels very new.  I am incredibly grateful for my friends and family that have all been watching over me.  I have been making an effort to get out, to meet new people and continue to process this new season of my life.  Waiting for a new baby in the family is certainly a plus!  I have been so very blessed.  It seems at every turn there is evidence of Jesus watching over me.  Finding the letter from Gwen on Mothers Day weekend, is just an example.  God knows exactly what we need, even more than we do.  If there is someone who has come to your mind, but you just haven't reached out to them, I encourage you to do so!  And write those cards, send those small notes along with making that phone call.  Isn't God just amazing?  I am so thankful.  

Jesus, thank you for putting that letter into my hands at the exact right time.  Holy Spirit, remind us all to answer those small nudges that you give us to reach out to those around us.  Jesus, give us courage and boldness to share our faith with others. Thank you for the blessing of mothers.  Amen