Moments captured in clay....

I've been thinking about Lucas - and Doug and Susie - more than usual these last weeks, since October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. All you have to do is be on Social Media a short time and you will see dozens of stories of families impacted by this.   It seems everyone either personally or in their immediate family has had a loss.  Or they have friends or coworkers that have been touched by this tragedy.  Trust me, this is a club no one ever wants to join. When I was a just married young adult, we never heard about anyone losing babies.  It was a subject not shared or talked about.  How much better it is that now these families don't have to endure this loss alone.  

We are  coming up to Lucas' birthday on November 1st.  It is hard to believe that he would be four years old.  The years have slipped by but Lucas remains so much a part of our family.

Every time I am at Doug and Susie's house watching Grace, I pass by this shadow box, hanging in the stairwell of their home.  Each time I glance at it, I am taken back to some of the hardest, darkest moments I think I have ever experienced.  Those white very faint hand and foot prints in the middle of this frame are from Lucas Jacob.  And they remind me of one of those phone calls you never think you will ever make.  But then when the situation arises, you make that phone call.  Actually, this was just one of those calls in the long list of calls that must be made. 

Lucas was only 10 days old when he died.  Doug and Susie's house were filled with flowers, cards and gifts from his birth.  There were stacks of baby items from the showers that had not even been opened.  Among those items was a frame and clay packages to make foot prints of your baby.  Not something that you would have done in the first 10 days with a newborn.  When I looked at that package I knew that I needed to make that phone call.  So I took that package and called the funeral home and asked them to preserve these pressed in clay memories of Lucas for Doug and Susie.  I know that I didn't imagine the importance of that call.  Even today I can remember the kindness of the funeral director who greeted me when I brought the package over.  Everyone was so gracious and willing to complete this task for me.  What a blessing they were in this difficult time.

Susie completed this frame after Lucas' first birthday.  Those hand prints of Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna were made for that occasion.  It is such a fitting place for those small faint hand and footprints.  Lucas is surrounded by his cousins.  They are holding on to his memory.  Lucas will not be forgotten.  Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna have a part in bringing Lucas into the future along with our family.  They will help to share memories and stories of Lucas with Grace.  There is nothing better than seeing these cousins, loving being together. 

So this month is a bit bittersweet.  There is certainly remembering and sadness.  But there is also so much gratitude and joy.  I am thankful for Lucas and his place in our family.  I know that God has a destiny for our family and Lucas has a place in that destiny.  Even though we may not understand and still be filled with "why" questions, one thing is certain.  Jesus loves us all. No matter what the situation, no matter what the tragedy, nothing - not even death- can erase the love.  We can walk on, growing and changing, leaving a legacy of love in our footprints, holding memories in our hearts and sharing them in the years ahead.

Jesus, thank you for your great love for us.  Holy Spirit, help us to love even the most unlovable around us.  Keep us mindful of those that may need a helping hand today.  Jesus, touch those who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or infant or child. Thank you for family and friends who surround us with love.  Amen

It is much better to NOT know what is just ahead, around the corner.

We have had a very rainy week and weekend and I know that this has played into my feelings today.  I have been working on scrapbooking for the last week or so.  I am so blessed to have a wonderful space to scrap and also plenty of time to do so.  But, for whatever reason, it has been hard to get into gear and get busy.  I knew that this particular book would be difficult - it is the last few months of 2014.  Yes, I am that far behind on my scrapbooks.  It was probably NOT a good time to work on these pages, with the dreary weather and gloomy beginning of fall.  But I made a commitment to myself to get this book done before my next scrap weekend.  So, I have been plowing through these really difficult pages.  It was not so bad going through the pictures of the wonderful Baby Shower that was given for Doug and Susie.  Then there were some wonderful fall pictures taken at a couple of parks that left you just feeling that crisp fall weather.  Our house got a make over during these months and I scrapped a side-by-side picture of the old look along with the new, updated look.  And then it was time to work on the pictures of Lucas' birth on November 1, 2014.  

I was not prepared for the rush of emotions as I sorted through these pictures. If you have not been following my blog since 2014 you may not know that our sweet little Lucas died just 10 days after his birth.  And although I am just the grandma, I feel this loss every single day.  Each time a thought of Lucas comes to my mind, I try to imagine just how hard this must be for Doug and Susie.  I want to honor Lucas in this scrapbook and I want to remember just how happy and delighted we were at his arrival.  But knowing exactly what was ahead for our family, this is a difficult thing to accomplish.  

October is actually pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.  It is only when someone you know, someone in your family or even you yourself experience this tragedy that you become aware of the widespread nature of this.  So many people have been touched by this, yet it is so seldom spoken about.  Every single member of our family has felt the loss of Lucas - each of us in our own way.  

Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna miss their cousin and mention him often.  Lucas is and will always be a part of our family.  Each of us carry him with us into the future.   And now our family is anxiously anticipating the birth of a new baby for Doug and Susie - due in February of 2017.  This new life will never change our loving and remembering and missing Lucas.  But today we celebrate this expected baby.  

Yes, I have decided that it is much better to NOT know what might be ahead. Especially when trying to remember and capture a happy event that is followed by a tragedy.  In spite of this difficulty, I will press on and finish these scrapbook pages.  But it is also a reminder to me of the importance of capturing in photos and journaling, events of every day.  There is always something to be celebrated in each day.  This is another plea to just remember to be present in the PRESENT.  

This is the day the Lord has made!  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!   

None of us knows what is ahead for us.  Things happen each day that change the future for some of us.  Right now there is a very dangerous hurricane in the Atlantic basin that is headed for Jamaica, Haiti and Cuba.  And then it may take aim at the east coast of Florida and the rest of the US.   Some people will face illness, accidents or even sudden death.  Yet we know that our hope and our peace is found in Jesus.  This is the day that the Lord has made.....we need to rejoice and be glad.  We also need to remember that nothing is gained by worrying about the future.  Jesus reminded us of this in Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  

Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Won't you join me today and find something to rejoice about and be glad about?  Even if you are also joining me in this month of October remembering a precious little baby that was gone far to soon.  Take a photo today of something that made you smile.  Spend a minute or two or five or twenty writing down your thoughts.  Celebrate whatever October 2, 2016 had for you.  Be present today with the presence of Jesus.  Make a memory today worthy of a scrapbook.  Even if it doesn't actually get into the pages until sometime in the future.  You will be so glad that you did.

Jesus, thank you for the powerful reminder that you want us to rejoice and be glad every day - even when that day might hold troubles.  Holy Spirit, thank you for the comfort and peace that only you can give to all of the families that know the pain of the loss of a child.  Help us all to hold each other close during times of trouble.  Jesus, protect those in the path of Hurricane Matthew.  Amen