Final thoughts on 2024

I love finding these hanging on the doors of the "Game Closet" at Gwen and Tim's house.  The tree on the left is a long ago memory of mine.  Ken and I bought these matching Christmas Tree gift bags at Crackle Barrel restaurant to take into our offices.  I had mine hanging on my office door for many, many years.  The Santa Claus was Ken's growing up.  His mom made it for him as a "Pajama bag" that was on his bed every Christmas season until he got too cool for this.  His mom added the door hanger and we received this from his mom on our first Christmas together in 1973.  It's a little worn, as you could imagine since it was made in 1952!  So I love to see this still around in 2024.  My kids remember this as a piece of their Christmas celebrations.

One of the highlights for me this year was Jimmy's three year old preschool Christmas program.

It has been so fun watching him adjust to being in a school setting.  I get to drop off and pick up on the day that I watch Grace and Jimmy.   The week before the program I asked Jimmy what songs they were going to sing and he told me that it was a "reindeer song".  He couldn't sing it for me, but he insisted that it wasn't any of the ones I suggested.  He couldn't remember any of the other songs, so I kind of figured it would be a typical 3 year old performance with not much singing happening.  Boy was I wrong.  That kid knew every song and every motion and performed them all perfectly!  The reindeer song turned out to be "Reindeer Hokey Pokey".  Watching that class of 18 three year olds gave me a great appreciation for their teachers!  There were a couple of girls that twirled the entire program. More than one child stood stone faced and didn't sing or do any hand motions.  There was one little one that sniffled and cried, clearly scared to death!  But Jimmy performed the entire show!  The boy next to him tried several times to distract him, but he was on a mission!  This is one proud Grandma for sure.  An added bonus for Jimmy was that Yia-Yia (his other grandma) also came for this performance!  There is just nothing cuter than three year olds at Christmas.

I went to Christmas Eve church at 10am.  It felt kind of strange to not go at night, but this made the most sense for me.  It was a lovely service and after pictures, I went to Gwen and Tim's for Lasagna for lunch.  This is my families kind of traditional Christmas Eve dinner.  

I also got to be a part of Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna receiving their yearly Christmas Ornament from Gwen and Tim.  Their (very small) tree is crammed with all of these ornaments but the kids have insisted that this tree must remain.  No new tree is allowed! 

Of course Lia received a Lindenwood ornament.  Ellie got a yarn ornament and Anna got Stitch. It's really been a Stitch year for her.  Zeke got a Lorax ornament - its what he wanted!  

I spent a quiet Christmas Day at home and never got out of my pajamas.   I watched some Christmas movies and just relaxed.  It was good to just rest and reflect.  I knew that the following weekend, I would be back at Gwen and Tim's to watch Chandler and Sunny.   

Their entire family went to a wedding in St. Louis of a former youth from their church.  Lia was actually a bridesmaid and Tim walked the Bride down the aisle!  So a a very big deal for sure.  This was the first time I have been at their house with no kids!  Just the dogs!  Needless to say, these dogs missed the rest of their "pack".  We had a very quiet three days.  By the end of the time they were both running the front door if there was any sound of a car that might be coming close to their house.   It was a good way to end the year for sure.  

This morning I took down Christmas.  It was a bit early for me, but I just woke up motivated to clear up my space.  As usual, it looks very empty with everything put away.  As I was tucking the  boxes back in the closet, I saw my Christmas wreath on the door - wreath hanger - still in the closet.  I simply forgot that I even had that!  I guess that is the mark of being 70 years old!  Hopefully next year I will remember to put it up!

And here we are.  The New Year begins tomorrow.  I have been studying the Bible book of Acts this fall.  The primary thing about this book is action.  It is the story of the start and spread of the Christian church.  Looking at the Bible account, it is hard to miss the fact that this actually happened over a long period of time.  Recently it was point out to me that Paul spent years in each of the places he visited.  Somehow, in my mind, these were like short term mission trips.  But in reality it was very long term.  So I will be reminding myself that while Jesus calls us to action, there is also not a "short term" period put on that assignment.  A recent sermon reminded me that our culture of hurry needs to stop and take a pause.  Given these two reminders, I will be taking more "pauses" during the New Year.  If I have one thing added to my "To Do" list in 2025, it will be to slow down.  And this is good.  This past year has seemed to be rushed and busy for everyone.  There has been much anxiety and stress for so many.  So lets make 2025 a year of stopping and taking a deep breath.  Then we will be able to turn our focus to Jesus and really enter into His plans and purposes for us.  Praying you all have a slower, calmer year ahead.  

Jesus, Thank you for reminders and words that turn our thoughts towards you.  Holy Spirit, give us courage to say no to things that bring stress and anxiety to our life.  Help us remember to stop and breath deeply so that we can focus on your plans for us.  Give us boldness to do those things that you place before us.  Thank you for becoming one of us, to bring us back to you.  Amen

  

 

Year end wrap up.... goodbye 2021

 What a year.  I think all of us are kind of glad to see 2021 go.  There were certainly some very good things in this year, but the constant ever present Covid just kind of put a damper on everything.  Right now things are not looking good on the Covid front.  The numbers are skyrocketing and things are shutting down - again.  But in spite of that, I am ending the year in a hopeful and happy place.  

As usual December was a busy, busy month.  In spite of some minor sickness (just common colds) and the rising Covid numbers, my family was able to gather and celebrate Christmas together.  

I am especially thankful for remembering to get photos of me with the adults and not just the kids this year.  I don't remember the last time I had a photo of me with Gwen and Doug.  As usual, we had a wonderful day together.  Even James cooperated and took a good nap, in spite of all the noise and commotion.  It was a day of fun, laughter and many memories made.  

I had several other wonderful surprises during this month.  While volunteering at the Operation Christmas Child processing center (which is only about 2 miles from my house) I actually got to meet Franklin Graham.  

He just happened to visit this center on the day that I volunteered.  I have been filling shoeboxes since 2014. I started doing these boxes in honor of my grandson Lucas,  shortly after his death.  Every year I fill each box for a little boy who might be close in age to Lucas.  I love praying that each box finds a boy that needs to hear that Jesus loves them.  This year (March of 2021) I actually heard back from a family that received one of the boxes I packed in 2019. 

This sweet little boy lives in Chili with his mother.  She wrote me a wonderful email thanking me for blessing her little boy.  They went to help center to get some necessary items and he was invited to attend a shoebox event.  You can see him holding the picture I included in all of our 2019 boxes.  It was so amazing to actually see what impact such a small gift can bring.   So meeting Franklin Graham and actually getting to once again touch hundreds of boxes, and pray for each of the children was an incredible start to my Christmas season.  

Then, one day in the flood of packages that arrived at my door, I received an "unknown" package.  You know, the one where you hold it in your hand and wonder, "Now what did I order?"  Well, this package remains a mystery since STILL no one has claimed to be the sender

This lovely scarf has all seven of my grandchildren's names listed over and over.  I love that this includes Lucas (who can so easily be forgotten by others - but is never forgotten by family).  It was sent by someone who knew that blue is my favorite color.  I just love this mystery gift so much!  I don't remember the last time I received a truly mystery present that has brought me so much joy.  I actually got to wear this scarf the other day when the weather changed (finally) to cold and snow.  It was such a comfort to find this scarf wrapped around my neck - just like being hugged by those special people.  

I finished off the month by going with Gwen and Lia to purchase new Pointe shoes for Lia.  The first pair of Pointe shoes that Lia has were now "dead".  Apparently that is what happens to well worn pointe shoes?  Lia actually pointed out how worn they were and showed me the marks made by running through the grass to get quickly on stage during their outdoor "Recital" (thanks to covid).  I learned so much about the fitting and wearing of pointe shoes that day.  It was most amazing to watch the mature, confident, young lady that Lia has become, interacting with the gal fitting her. 

 Sometimes I look at Lia and think, "Where was I when she grew up? How can she be this old?  I can't help but reflect on the powerful words and visions I had for her when she was just born.  She is a "little bird with a big voice".  A leader who will show her peers the right way to go.  

I made these name frames for each of my grandchildren, from the words that I was given to pray for them, even before they were born.  I love watching each of them grow into the things that Jesus showed me for them.  As I watch Lia, I can see this just come to life.  I can't wait to see what is ahead for her.  

Over the last few weeks I have been working on the frame for James.  Because I have not yet given it to Doug and Susie, I won't share it - yet.  But It has been part of my December this year and remembering Lia's frame has just made the construction of Jimmy's frame that much more special.  So...look for a future blog about James!

The Lord has been so good to me!  That phrase just rolls around and around in my head.  This has been a year of firsts in missing Ken.  This was the second Christmas without him.  Our family has been lamenting that we have not been able to plan our trip to Florida to fulfill Ken's wishes to have his ashes scattered at Casey Key.  It has been a frustrating time,  deciding when we could all travel and then trying to find a place that could actually fit all of us!  I have spent literally HOURS searching VRBO and  AirBnB trying to find something that would work.  I have messaged and called countless hosts trying to find something.  Around Thanksgiving one particular host called me and told me to wait until after Christmas.  She said that often people cancel reservations that week, before the year ends and often weeks open up.  So, I waited.  And then a miracle happened.  This place emailed me that they had three weeks open up... One in early May, 2022.  

It was almost to good to be true.  It is on Casey Key.  It has enough beds for all of us.  It has a pool and is steps from the beach.  It even has a pier for fishing.  Really more than we hoped for.  So, at last, our trip is set.  I think that we all breathed a sigh of relief.  I know that we have all needed this last piece of closure.  This trip would make Ken very happy.  We will all be together at his very best happy place, Casey Key.  It will be a wonderful way to remember Ken.  

This was really a great way to end 2021.  This trip seemed impossible for so long and now it is on the horizon.  I am so thankful for the many answers to prayer and the joy and hope that are filling my life.  It's been such a wonderful December.  I can't wait to see what is ahead in 2022.  I don't usually do "New Years Resolutions" but this year I am.  I have decided to 

*Pray more and worry less

*Sing more and sigh less

*Praise more and complain less

I can't think of a better way to start a new year.  Yes, Covid is still here and most likely will be all through 2022.  There are many things that could make this year hard.  But with these resolutions in the front of my mind, it is going to be a great year.  This world wide pandemic has gotten to all of us.  I hear so much fear from even those who know Jesus. This is a time to remember that 

You dear children are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1John 4:4

Also, I have been continually reminded to start each day, putting on the full armor of God.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   Ephesians 6:11-17

*Belt of truth.... we all need truth!  Not what we hear/see on the internet.  TRUTH

Jesus said "I am the way, the truth and the life"

*The breastplate of righteousness - covers our heart to keep our emotions in check.  

*We can walk in the good news of the Gospel that Jesus has won the battle!

*We have the shield of faith that protects us from whatever the enemy throws our way.

*Most importantly, we have our heads - our minds- covered in the helmet of salvation.  Because of this, we can think clearly

*Finally, we have the offensive weapon of the sword of the Spirit.  We have the word of God available to us.  

It is my hope that you will be blessed by the reminders I have just shared.  In these uncertain times, it is good to be firmly planted in the truth.  So, dear friends, follow with me in hope and joy as we walk confidently into 2022!  

Jesus, thank you for all the reminders you have given to help me stand during the last years of change and transition.  Holy Spirit, bring these words to life for those who are seeing this post.  Give us all courage to acknowledge your help and your presence in our daily life.  Thank you Jesus for all the wonderful good times I had in December.  Amen

Our Christmas - finally! Ending 2020 and on into 2021!

The Rowley family Christmas happened yesterday and it was amazing!  If there is one thing that I have learned in 2020 it is that family is EVERYTHING!  This wonderful group was used to being together about once a month - that was until Covid hit.   During the last few weeks of Ken's life and then right after, the kids came together, in spite of Covid.  I honestly don't know who was happier to be together.  It was a full day of smiles all around.  The kids had such a fun time.  We all celebrated being able to sit together for a wonderful meal (thanks to Tim).  And this year (thanks to Gwen and Tim's new house and the weather) the kids had a blast sledding!  

I didn't get a good picture of Tim in all of his snow gear, but Doug came prepared!  Including Goggles! The kids had several saucers, some small tubes, a longer sled and a big tube.  They spent several hours going down Gwen and Tim's front yard.  Needless to say, it is a LONG hill but also filled with trees.  At one point Tim and Doug had a race down the hill and Gwen, Susie and I couldn't stop laughing.  It was just so much fun.  With this new wonderful property, there is no need to travel to a sledding hill.  And inside is just steps away with warmth and hot cocoa.   It certainly made for memories that will bring smiles in the days ahead.  

I have been planning a special present for the kids since shortly after Ken died.  There is a really amazing company called Project Repat that makes quilts out of T Shirts.  A few years ago I made quilts for Gwen and Tim and Doug and Susie from their stash of shirts from their younger years.  And I knew that I wanted to preserve Ken's shirts this way also.  Additionally, I decided to take all of Ken's Hawaian shirts and make a quilt for myself.  I love having it in my livingroom and I have so many memories of each of these shirts.   I had the idea that I also wanted to make a pillow for each of the kids with a photo of them with Ken and I and then use the shirt he was wearing in the photo as the back of the pillow. Thanks to a very large collection of  shirts, this was a fairly easy project. Here are the finished projects.

I have included a couple of the last pictures I have of Ken next to my quilt.  One with me that was taken on the Fourth of July and one during our tree removal in August.  The kids were so surprised and there were many tears all around the room when they opened their quilts and pillows.  Each of their quilts include a "photography" T shirt and a Christmas T shirt.  Most of the kids had their quilts over their laps and were hugging their pillows during the rest of the present opening.  It really felt like Ken was there with us during this kind of hard fist year without Ken.  

The kids had time to play with some of their new toys and we played a hilarious came of  Kids Against Maturity,  Tim, Ellie and Grace worked on a jig saw puzzle.  Anna and I were a team and I didn't get a picture of us, but we were playing!  Lia was the big winner at the end. 

The hours literally flew by.  The day ended much to soon for this grandma.  It was so life giving and such a great way to end 2020.  One of my presents from the Johnson's was the photo calendar I have been getting since 2007.  Usually this calendar includes pictures of our monthly get togethers.  But alas, this was not possible with the 2020 pictures.  Gwen and the kids decided they wanted a photo every month that includes Ken.  So each month I will have a new picture that includes a memory including Ken.  What a special present. 

I am so, so thankful.  While 2020 was challenging in so many ways, I am so thankful to be ending it feelling hopeful for the future.  Nobody ever "expects" to be widowed at 66.  But this is where I find myself.  I know that Jesus knows exactly where I am and there is plan for me in the years ahead.  Right now I am just walking day by day not looking to far into the future.  I have got myself on every list I can find in the hopes of getting a Covid vaccine as soon as possible. And my plan is to just keep on doing my best to stay safe.  This blog is very theraputic for me.  Every person who reads and likes these blogs, who leaves a comment or mentions to me that they have seen these posts is a treasure to me.  I could never thank you all enough.  I am praying that Jesus uses my words to bless others.  

Thank you Jesus for this year that ended in a time filled with laughter, tears, smiles and so many memories.  Holy Spirit, help us to all feel your presence with us as we walk into 2021.  Remind us to keep our eyes on you Jesus, and keep our hearts filled with gratitude and peace.  Thank you Jesus for your love and care for us in all things.  Amen  

Another dose of hope....

It has been an interesting couple of days.  I was so grateful to gather with my prayer group friends for fellowship and prayer.  This sweet ornament was a gift from that occasion.  An angel of hope.  Yes, I really needed that message.  And now I can see that reminder each time that I look at my tree. This prayer group is such a gift to me.  I just don't know what I would do without their support and encouragement.  And of course, their prayers.

You know, it is very difficult to walk through a family crisis during a time of celebration - for everyone else.  I have been feeling this even more intensely as Christmas approaches.  Quite frankly, tonight, I would rather it just jump ahead to January.  But then, as I reflect on that thought, I realize that the last thing that I need right now is to skip the most important event in history.  The birth of Jesus - Emmanuel - God with us.  For never has there been a time that I personally, so needed Jesus with me as right now.

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So this blog did not get finished last night, since my computer completely locked up.  Ken received notification that we had "malicious mal ware" on one of our computers....guess which one!  So thankfully, Ken spent many hours last night, scanning and deleting and doing all those "techy" kind of things so that I can have a working system.  And finish this blog.  Yes, I am so thankful for a husband that can step in and help make things right for me (and my computer!)
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Yes, Christmas is a time to gather as family.  To worship and praise with the angels.  But it is also a time when the losses are much more apparent.  When that chair is empty at the family dinner, or there are no presents for that person.  So sometimes, it is just to difficult to gather.  And it is a time to consider making NEW traditions and letting go of some of the old ones.  Sometimes that is just what you need.....a new thing.

There have been many prophetic words about 2015.  All of them focus on the great blessings that 2015 will hold.  Some even talk of the repayment in double of the losses that have been suffered in the last year.  All of them proclaim that 2015 will be a New Year of Great Grace.  So, yes, I am looking forward to stepping into 2015.  There is great hope in a new year.  Hope for fulfilled promises.  Hope for new beginnings.  Hope for blessing and love.  And I am anticipating, with great hope, that new thing.  Yes, Christmas is difficult.  But the spirit of Christmas is love.  So great a love that God sent his son to live among us.  And because of Jesus' death and resurrection, there is great HOPE!   I will purpose to walk through Christmas with that spirit of love bathed in the hope of the new year.

"For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

Thank you for knowing and accepting us right where we are.  Jesus, you never ask us to be anything but true to ourselves.  Thank you for loving me and caring for me, even when things are difficult.  Thank you for family - for the closeness and the love.  Thank you for friends and the prayers that sustain us.  Thank you for wisdom and knowledge to repair computers. Thank you for the amazing gift of a tiny baby that brought heaven to earth.  Thank you for your great promises and the new things that bring us hope.    Amen

Feeling a bit under the weather....

So I spent a part of today in bed!  This is really unusual for me.  Its Saturday and I have a lot to do on the weekend.  Yesterday I was feeling a bit worse than the day before with my head stuffy but today I woke up coughing and with a very sore throat.  I really need to kick this crummy cold.  We went out this morning and did a couple of errands but it became clear to me that I just needed to get home and lay down.  So that is what happened.   We came home and I went to bed.  This evening I think I am feeling a bit better.  I can certainly tell when my medicine wears off, but it is helping.  So I am thankful for a quiet day.

It must be because we are moving into a new year, but suddenly Ken and I are thinking of more projects around the house.  Right now he is converting what was our "exercise room" into a camera room.  I can't complain since I appropriated the other spare room a LONG time ago as my scrapbooking room.  So this is only fair!  I love that Ken supports my love of scrapbooking and I am very glad that Ken has returned to photography.  When I first met Ken in high school, he was already a camera guy.  He was in AV and had a dark room at his home.  Somehow, over the years he moved away from photography.  I was happy several years ago when he asked for a new camera.  And I am so proud of all the wonderful pictures he has taken over the last couple of years.  So, I am very willing to clean up that under-used room and make it work for his hobby. 

There is a lot to the "New Year" thing.  This is a good time to clear away the old and get ready to move into the new.  I am glad that we are doing some cleaning and clearing out of our house.  And I am also glad that this is a time to clear away and move into new things in the Spiritual.  I love that this is a "New Year" time.  I just realized that November was a time of great Thanksgiving for me.  December was a month of celebration and memories and joy.  I am looking forward to January and the new things that are in store for me.

Jesus, thank you for healing and health.  You are a God of restoration and new things.  Holy Spirit continue to bring to light all the changes and new things that are coming.  Speak clearly to us and help us to be willing to clear out the old and unused things to make room for the new.  Thank you for Ken!  Amen

Some things never change...... and some do!

Today I was thinking about our Christmas and the different years when our own kids were little and then I saw this picture of Ken from the early 1950's.  There he is, in front of the tree with all of his trucks.  And I was remembering  Zeke with this year's special toy from Uncle Doug and Aunt Susie.  It was a battery operated Backhoe that shook and moved and lights flashed.  Yes, it was a hit with Zeke.  There is something about boys and their trucks.

Sadly I didn't get a picture of Zeke with that truck. Or the cars and the ramps that he also received.  What I did get a picture of was this sweet shot of Zeke with the doll and blankets and bed that we gave him.  You know, Zeke is going to be a big brother and with a new baby coming soon, he needed his own "baby".  I love the look on Zeke's face.  He was really happy with this little doll.  I was thinking about how grateful I  am that some things DO change.  When Ken was little in the 1950's, no little boy would have been given a doll.  I am so thankful that in 2013 it is totally okay to let boys learn how to nurture and care for babies.  Actually, Doug had a Cabbage Patch doll in 1985.  I guess when you have older sisters, you expect to be able to have your OWN doll to play with. 

After looking at these pictures I was thinking about how much things have changed in the last years.  I am very different than I was a few years ago.  How I view the world and my life has taken a very different direction than I would have thought.  And I know that it is because of Jesus in my life that my perspective has shifted.  I know that even 10 years ago I would never have imagined I would be working in a daycare center.  As a matter of fact, this would have been the LAST place I would have imagined working.  Yet, I know that in this season, it is exactly the right place for me to be.  I am so thankful for the children and the people that I work with.  The days go quickly and I am grateful for the paycheck.  I know that there are many things that Jesus is teaching me in this season, and things that I am to be doing.  As the year winds down and you begin to think about what the new year holds, it is good to remember that things DO change!   So over the next week I will be thinking about the things that I would want to change and the things that I hope will not change in the new year.  I really think that this is a very different process than making "new years resolutions". Or even setting goals for the new year.  Its all about perspective! The most important step I will be taking is to be listening for the direction of the Holy Spirit as I make that list.  I know that is the only way that I will see the true path for the year ahead.   So right now, I am celebrating that some things don't change and little boys still love their cars and trucks (and so do BIG boys!).  But I am also celebrating that some things DO change when I see that sweet expression on the face of my grandson with his baby.  

Jesus, thank you for reminding me that I need to evaluate the new year from your perspective.  Holy Spirit, thank you for once again, using photos to trigger the thought process that leads me to the subject that you are speaking to me right now.  Jesus, thank you that you want to open our eyes, and ears and our spirits to your direction. Help me to continue to look, listen and be aware of all that you are speaking to me in the days ahead.   Amen