A hope filled future....because of Jesus

 It seems very strange to be talking about hope on this particular day.  Eight years ago today, I couldn't imagine a future filled with hope.  Our family was in the midst of a great tragedy, the death of a ten day old baby.  Even now, eight years later, my heart remembers the pain and the asking "why" questions that had no answers.  But Jesus.  Ten days ago, on Lucas' eighth birthday, our family remembered him together. It was an incredibly beautiful, sunny and warm day. The fall colors were amazing.  I found myself filled with love and even joy as we watched the falling leaves standing at the grave of Lucas Jacob Rowley. 

Seeing Doug and Susie with Grace and James, is the true testimony of "But Jesus".  For this family to survive and grow and shine with love, after this catastrophic loss is a picture of a hope filled future.  It hasn't always been easy, but knowing that Jesus has overcome death and the grave, gives us the courage and boldness to walk on into the future.  A future of remembering Lucas, knowing we will see him again one day, because of Jesus.  

This past week I attended my first ever writing conference.  While it was not easy or comfortable, it was very good.  It brought clarity to me and confirmed for me the Spiritual call I have to share my story.  I realized that this particular blog title could be a subtitle to my book!  Every generation on my family tree as far back as my great-great grandparents, lived a hope-filled life in spite of impossible and often terrible situations.  But Jesus.  After the first few sessions of this conference, I was ready to throw in the towel and stop even thinking about spending more time writing.  But, thankfully, I hung on till the end of the event.  One of the last speakers reminded us all of the Spiritual call that had brought us to even begin to think about writing our stories.  It was a reminder that the world needs our hope-filled words.  

Just before that conference, I received an unexpected comment on an older blog.  It was an anonymous comment that included the words "you should consider writing a devotional".  During those hard sessions at the conference, those words helped me hang on to hope that I was actually a writer.  That comment reminded me that I write because of Jesus.  Yes, it is a hope filled future.  There is so much ahead with Jesus.

Thank you for all that you show us each day, Jesus.  Holy Spirit, comfort all who mourn and grieve. Fill us with the love, joy and hope that we have because of Jesus.  Give us courage to walk in hard places and grace and peace to work through tough situations.  Help us love others when things are hard.  Thank you for holding us close when we don't understand.  Amen

A whirlwind week with the kids - being a missionary to my own family!

 I spent last week with Ellie, Zeke and Anna while Gwen, Tim and Lia were on their yearly mission trip.  It was a super fun, busy, and yet very relaxing week for me. While I am actually spending the week as a fill in for mom and dad, I always feel as if it is my own mission trip.  I have a daily reminder to pray for the students and adults who are with Gwen and Tim and I love knowing exactly what they are doing each day.  The kids take the prayer time we have each day very seriously and some very specific prayers were shared.  I especially know that these times with my grandchildren are precious.  So many memories are made.  The time actually flies by and I can't believe when we come to the end of the 8 days.  

Over the eight days we visited 4 playgrounds, 1 skatepark, 3 stores, 5 fast food restaurants, 1 breakfast restaurant, a nail salon, an outdoor dance program and art show,  and 1 bowling alley and the favorite ice cream place - the TeePee. We also played so many rounds of Hues and Clues and also Disney Trivia.  Ellie had three dance practices and we all swam every day but the last day (which was a very cool 72 degrees).  There were so many crafts, thanks to the daily gifts that Gwen prepared for the kids.  We did beading (which was much harder than you might think), decorated bird feeders, magic art (which was really magic), did some detective decoding, made some origami animals, did some fashion designing, and colored some sun catchers.   I tried to get these photo collages with pictures from each day and they are pretty close. Here is the fist Saturday.

And then Sunday.  After church we stopped at the store and picked up some treats for the week.  And we also played lots of games. On Monday we went out for ice cream and we also visited the Dollar Tree for some treats. Tuesday and Wednesday were HOT! I was so thankful for their pool and we spent lots of time in the water.  

 

On Thursday we all had a pedicure.  Gwen had tried to get me in for a pedicure before this week but they were booked!  So I decided to take all of the younger kids - including Zeke!  It was his first experience and he loved it.  He said his feet felt really good.  It was only Anna's second or third time for an actual pedicure experience so it was lots of fun. We visited the "Big park" (as the kids call it) and the Skate Park before having our pedicure and finished it off with Culvers for lunch.

On Friday we ate breakfast at a restaurant, visited another playground (my favorite). Eating breakfast out was Ken's favorite thing to do and we had started taking each of the kids out by themselves for a special treat. Sadly because of Covid and then Ken's sickness, Anna never got a turn.  But this reminds me of those special times. In the afternoon we went bowling.  I USED to be a really good bowler.  Sigh.  I never came close to 100.  Zeke was pleased to win both games and both Ellie and Anna did really well.  It reminded me how much I miss bowling!

Our last day together started off watching Ellie dance in an outdoor performance for the local Art Fair in Grayslake.  The Spotlight group shared some of the recital dances. It was a wonderfully cool 72 degrees and actually nice to sit in the sun and watch the show.  Ellie did such a wonderful job and I am always so impressed by the quality of these performances.  This studio is amazing.   After the show we stopped at Burger King for lunch and the kids got crowns!

One of the last things I did was help Anna hang her bird feeder on one of the many trees in their backyard.  She was delighted that a bird found the feeder and was eating some of the seed.  I was enjoying the cool breezes in their sunroom when Gwen, Tim and Lia got home.  I was sad to leave, but also glad to be home.  

The kids have all grown up so much.  I had as much fun as the kids at all of these activities.  It was so neat to hear the kids play "Concentration" in the back seat of the car.  And I learned about a new finger game called "Sticks".  (This game actually has a math component so the kids are adding and subtracting while they play! It is really cool).  We had many great conversations and I am amazed at the depth of their thinking, the creativity of their ideas and just how thoughtful and kind they are.  I am so proud of them.  

On Sunday morning I had the opportunity to teach in the Rock Kids program.  There were 10 younger kids (3yrs -Kindergarten) and we were teaching the story of Ruth.  Now this is usually a very hard story for kids to really understand.  But this curriculum is just fantastic.  The kids were "gleaning" yellow feathers from the ground after the "harvesters" had left some of the feathers for the "Ruths" to pick up.  From this story the kids learned that God gives us hope even in bad situations.  We talked about kindness and caring.  And the kids made a basket to put some "wheat" in.  So much fun.  

It is a wonderful thing to feel like a missionary.  Being able to bring the message of the Gospel to those around you.  When I was adding the bird seed to Anna's birdfeeder, I was thinking about all of the seeds that I had been able to sow into Ellie, Zeke and Anna during this week.  What a blessing to be also have sown some seeds to those kids in Rock.  More importantly, I heard the message loud and clear.  There is hope in Jesus. In every circumstance. We all need this message today.   So much more happens during a mission trip than just whatever activities are planned.  Relationships are built.  Stories are shared.  And then people learn about Jesus.  It really is a time of being the hands and feet and the "skin" of the Gospel.  I was so blessed to be a small part in this mission time in my family.  So, so blessed.  

I ended the week filled with hope for the future.  When you see children and youth so on fire to serve Jesus and to share and care for others, your hope for future of our country soars.  I encourage you to look around and find the ones that are marching out into the darkness around us with the light of Jesus.  The world doesn't look as bad or as hopeless then.  I don't think there is anything that shines brighter than a faith-filled child.  Be like them!  Let your light shine!

Jesus, thank you for filling me with hope and joy and peace.  Holy Spirit, remind all of the children and youth and adults touched by this past weeks mission experience that Jesus loves them.  Keep them close during these next weeks as they go back to their normal life.  Jesus give us courage and boldness to shine our light into the darkness around us.  Thank you Jesus for your love.  Amen

  

(Watching) Dancing my way into the New Year.

Well, here we are in 2022.  And we are STILL in the midst of the Covid pandemic.  As a matter of fact, so many of the "normal" things that had finally come back in late 2021, are now on pause, once again.  Lia and Ellie have been practicing for months with their Dance Connection special performing group, Spotlight.  These girls (and boys) work long hours, doing extra classes and learn extra dances, just to perform.  The purpose of this group is USUALLY to entertain at nursing homes and care facilities for the surrounding communities.  Then Covid, again.  So the very creative and wonderful owner and teachers of this studio, decided to do a series of shows for the community - aimed at children under 10.  The dancers whirled and twirled to the familiar music of Frozen.  There was limited attendance, social distanced and everyone wore masks.  The air purifiers were humming and the windows were cracked to help keep everyone safe.  The dancers wore 2 masks! The studio even zoomed for anyone who was unable to attend.   Was it worth the effort?  You bet!  

During the last two years, so many of us have become depressed and lost hope.  It has felt like we would never again be truly happy and at ease.  Even going to the grocery store causes anxiety, and it's not just the prices that make us feel queasy. We have become fearful and nervous around others - even sometimes our families.   Not only do we not want to get sick ourselves, but we certainly don't want to get others sick. So many have "taken sides" against each other.  Logic and common sense seem to have fallen by the wayside.   Yes, these are tough times.  But just take a look at those sweet, young faces.  They probably have many of the same feelings that you and I do.  In fact, I think it is much harder for the children and youth to process growing up in a world wide pandemic.  But I see HOPE and JOY and LIFE when I look at these photos.  There is determination and perseverance and hours of hard work.  And behind every one of these dancers are their families.  The moms and dads (and sometimes grandmas) that drive them to and from dance classes, over and over.  Who most likely make monetary sacrifices to pay for these classes.  Is it worth it?  You bet.  I don't think these dancers were giving Covid a second thought as they performed the day I watched the production.  They were listening to the giggles and claps of the children in attendance.  They were feeling the joy of the accomplishment of a job well done.  They were part of something bigger than themselves.  A common goal.  

I wish that all of you could watch this performance.  More than that, I hope that all of you take away a bit of the lesson I learned that day.  We can not stop living.  We have to find a goal to shoot for.  Make plans for the months ahead.  We need to figure out how we might bring a spot of joy and hope and life to those around us.  Even knowing that it takes hard work and perseverance.  A life lived for Jesus is a life that walks confidently - no matter what is happening around us.  We need to begin each day, covered in the armor of God so that the fear and isolation and anger about the pandemic don't overwhelm our hearts. Over the past week since this dance show, I have had more than one aggravation pop into my life.  It certainly helped to close my eyes and remember the freedom and joy I saw on the faces of the dancers that day.  And then I began to sing... "Let it go!"

Jesus, thank you for using ordinary things in my life to remind me of your plans and purposes that don't stop for Covid.  Holy Spirit, keep this message fresh and close in my mind and heart as I walk through the next days.  Jesus, keep us mindful of your presence as we face conflicts and disagreements, no matter what the topic.  Guide us to the people and places that you have purposed for us. Thank you for loving us all.  Amen
 

No matter how you look at it, 45 years is a long time!

Yesterday was one of the "milestone" days for Ken and I.  It was our 45th Wedding Anniversary.  Normally, you only think about 25 and 50 as being BIG anniversaries.  But for me, somehow this feels like a note-worthy occasion.  It could be because this entire year sort of feels, well BIG to me.  Let's see, first Gwen turned 40.  That's a big deal.  Lia, our first grandchild, turns 13 in a couple of weeks.  Having a teenage grandchild seems impossible.  Last week in the mail I received my Medicare card.  Yes, in a couple of months I turn 65.  I guess that is all part of the reason why 45 seemed like an event.  

Ken had just turned 22 and I was only 19 when we got married. . That seems REALLY young to me now.  (Thinking about Lia being 13 and that would only be 6 years away for her.....yeah, that is a heart stopper).  I never lived away from home (with my parents) until after our wedding.  I did not go away to college.  I did not have my own apartment.  It wasn't that unusual in 1974.  I had several high school friends who got married the summer after we graduated.  I was two years out of high school.  I did not FEEL young at the time.  I remember my sister Karen talking to my mom and dad about me being really young to get married.  Mom and dad were not at all worried.  They loved Ken and felt we were a good match.  Apparently, they were correct. 

Ken and I spent the first five years of our marriage really having a good time.  We lived in three different apartments.  Had a whole bunch of friends.  We went to lots of parties. We bought and sold several cars and motorcycles.  Took several vacations.  And finally bought a house.  And, in sort of textbook style, also got a dog!  Then, a few months later, Gwen was born.  Three years after that, Doug came along. 

I have been a stay at home mom. I ran a home day care business.  I worked full time and part time.  I arranged to work school hours.  I transitioned  back to full time work when Gwen went to college.  And finally, after lots of years, I stopped working to be able to spend time with my grandchildren. 
I can honestly say each of these phases of my life has been a blessing.  Looking back, it is easy to see God's hand on each of my jobs.  There was flexibility when you would not expect it.  I had above average earnings during financially challenging times.  When the field I had been working took a nosedive (mortgage banking), God arranged for me to move into a totally different field and I became a church secretary.  Something I did for almost 20 years.  When that job was ending, Gwen suggested that I might like to be a nanny, since I loved working with children.  So my last five years of  paid work  and now being with my grandchildren are actually sort of a "back to the beginning" for me. My time with the kids is very much like being a stay at home mom.  Yes, I feel like I have come full circle.  And it is a wonderful, big circle, full of God's love and provision. 

I wouldn't be telling the truth if I didn't say that there were some tough moments in the last 45 years.  In our first 5 years, Ken worked second shift and I worked normal hours.  So we didn't really see each other as much as most newly married couples.  We also had several years that Ken traveled for his job.  During those years, he would often be gone for several weeks at a time.  And this also happened to be during the years I was working full time and the kids were young.  The first five years of Doug's life were also difficult since he had health issues which included multiple hospital stays.  Both Ken and I had job losses and transitions that certainly were not comfortable.  Standing with our family through the loss of our precious Lucas.  But through it all, we persevered. 

The Bible study I am currently working on has this thought as the main focus from Romans 5:3-5....
Suffering produces Perseverance, Perseverance produces character and Character produces Hope.

It wasn't until I was writing this blog that I realized just how well this fits my life!  Yes, those tough times were "suffered through" by both Ken and I.  We did "persevere" over and over.  And I can truly say that every marriage/family/sibling produces character as you learn to give and take.  And in the end there is hope.  Hope that looks ahead to more good years together.  Hope that sees God's plan and destiny unfold for Gwen and Tim and Doug and Susie.  Hope that supports Lia, Ellie, Zeke, Anna, and Grace as they find their path.  Hope for more laughter, more fun, and even more additions to our family.  And most of all, the hope and assurance of heaven.  Yes, it has been a wonderful 45 years.

Jesus, thank you for your great provision for Ken and I.  Holy Spirit, remind us all of the truth of those Romans verses - especially during those times of suffering.  Pour out your grace and wisdom and strength so that we can hold on.  Help us to see your love and care and recognize your plan to grow and change us along the way.  Most of all, hold out your banner of hope over us.  Give us all a fresh infusion of hope.  Thank you for who you are Jesus.  Amen

Rain down on us.... more thanksgiving!

We are in the midst of a rain storm and some much needed rain as I begin this blog.  In one of my last blogs, I was crying out for spring or some promise of a soon to come spring.  Today it was 87 degrees and very humid and now it is storming.  But we also have been having warnings of fire danger since things are so dry.  It seems that we have passed right by spring and into our typical summer stormy season.  Sigh.  But, as I said, we really need this rain.  The trees and flowers need it.  The farmers need it.  All of us really need a bit of springtime rain.  I am so thankful for blooming flowers and trees and warmer weather.  Yes, this past couple of weeks have been thankful weeks for me.  

I was telling some friends today that Ellie asked me to accompany her to her dentist appointment this week.  I had previously gone with Gwen to take both Ellie and Anna to have a filling.  Gwen wanted to stay with Anna and she didn't know how Ellie would be without her.  So I willing went and sat in a chair in the corner while Ellie had her filling.  This time Gwen would have been able to go with Ellie, but she asked me to come with her instead.  While this might seem a bit strange to some people, knowing that Ellie trusts me and know that she can count on me - even in scary and hard situations - is really a special thing.  I have blogged in the past about how close I feel to the grandchildren.  I don't know if I have really thought through how they feel about me.  I was a privilege to take Ellie for her second filling.  She didn't even seem nervous during this visit and their dentist does a great job with the kids.  The hygienist noticed that Ellie didn't have her "bunny" with her (this is her special security item) and she said "Oh, I see you brought your Grandma instead!"  I thought that was really nice.    I don't think Ellie realizes how much it means to me that she wanted me to sit in the chair in the corner during her appointment. What a blessing for me to be able to be a part of these little things with them.

Several months ago, I had purchased a Groupon for a bounce place.  Gwen and I thought it would be a good idea to visit BEFORE school let out for the summer.  So we spent a great morning letting the kids jump to their hearts content.  There was hardly anyone in the place, so these four cuties had it mostly to themselves.  Anna managed to get me to jump, something I would never have done if there were more people in the place!  And I am so thankful for this time just celebrating JOY and FUN with them.  Afterward, Ken joined us all for lunch.  What a wonderful time together.  Really, you can't beat a great Portillo's lunch (anyone from the Chicago area will agree) with those you love.

At the end of that day, Gwen and the kids came to a Photography Exhibit where Ken had three photos on display.  That beautiful pink tulip is one of Ken's photos.  The kids had a great time.  They are very thoughtful when looking at art of any kind.  I am so thankful that Gwen and Tim have always taken them to art museums.  They were all engaged and thoughtful as we looked at every photograph on display.  They each had their favorites and especially loved the photographs of animals.  Even after such a long day, they sure made both Ken and I proud.  It poured rain on the opening of the event and the artist reception.  In spite of the rain and very cold weather, so many people came to view the photos and greet the photographers.  The building was packed with people.  The exhibit continued for the entire weekend and over 800 people viewed the work of these talented photographers.  I am so thankful that in this transitional time of retirement, Ken has found a wonderful hobby with great opportunities, and wonderful friends.  

I snapped this very (unprofessional Iphone) photo of this Japanese Magnolia Tree blossom, that is right near the parking lot we used for this exhibit.  I was just so enamored with the beautiful purple buds right in front of my eyes, on each trip to the event.  I was stunned by how amazing each bud was.  Some of the buds were still tightly closed (it was only 34 degrees on the first night of the exhibit!) but there were a few that were more open.  Such a picture of the hope of springtime to come.  A bud poised to open when the rains come and the temperatures increase.  I am so thankful for the creation that surround us.  In every season of God's handiwork, there are pictures of the promises of God for us.  There is hope in the buds on that tree.  A promise of beauty to come.

So, as the rains are falling tonight, with thunder and lightning, and the air conditioning is running (since it is still in the 80's), I am filled with so much thankfulness.  I have been reminded more than once that thankfulness is more about perspective than anything else.  After looking back at the words on this page, that sure seems true!  While Ellie's need for a filling in her tooth is not a "thankful" thing, I am so thankful that she knows I love her!  And I am thankful that we have ready access to good dental care.  Ken being out of work before he was really ready to retire could have been a really bad thing.  But I am so thankful that he gets to spend more time with our family because he is not working.  And he had time to prepare for this wonderful photo exhibit that, most likely, would not have happened if he were still employed.  Yep, I'm thankful for retirement!  Finally, I am so thankful for spring this year.  It has been a long, long, dark winter.  Everyone of us needed the blue sky and warm weather that we have had the last week.  Even the rain is a welcome reminder that spring is truly upon us.  

I stepped out into the rain for just a minute this afternoon and it was wonderful.  The air was warm and the rain was softly falling.  The sun was sort of peeking out from behind the clouds.  It was one of those moments when you just know that you are blessed.  And very thankful.

Jesus, thank you for the wonders of creation.  Holy Spirit, thank you for raining down your presence on us every day in every season.  Give us all eyes to see the things we can be thankful for - even in those really tough situations.  Thank you for rivers of living water that refresh and renew us all.  Amen

Well Ken and I had a really whirlwind day today.  We left the house at 8:00am and just now returned at 7:00pm.  Quite unusual for us.  The highlight of the day was a really special musical that our sweet Lia presented with her co-op friends.  I just can't say enough about this wonderful co-op that Gwen and Tim found for their home schooled kids. 

There is something so special about watching our Lia, with her friends, put on such a cute performance with an amazing message.  The show was a 1950's take on the Bible story of Joseph.  She did such an incredible job as one of the main characters, with many lines and solos.  Ken and I were just shaking our heads at the fact that she is almost DONE with 6th grade and will soon be a 7th grader!  It hardly seems possible that she will be 12 in a matter of weeks.  We were remembering our own 6th and 7th grade experiences and then talking about Gwen and Doug at 12.  And here is Lia, our granddaughter, so grown up.  Where does the time go?

On our way "up north" (Gwen and Tim live an hour north of us), we decided to take a side trip to the Chicago Botanic Gardens.  Ken had been there last week and  currently a photo exhibit is  there that he wanted to show me.  It was another bitterly cold day - sunny but the temperature was only in the 20's with a slight wind.  The exhibit was held in a building that also includes wonderful tropical gardens. 

There were so many blooming plants!  It was a wonderful taste of spring that was so needed!  We had snow showers on Friday and there is actually 1" of snow predicted for tomorrow and more on Monday.  Being in those hot houses certainly was a break from our dismal weather.  

After Lia's show we took the very long way home.  Ken decided to drive through some of areas that both he and I frequented during our high school years.  So much has changed that we could hardly recognize it.  It was fun to talk about those "good old days" and see some familiar sights.  

After a quick dinner, we decided to swing by the Morton Arboretum to see if any of the spring flowers were blooming yet.  Sadly, it is still brown and winter like there.  The daffodils are up about two inches, but not very close to blooming yet.  

On our way out of the Arboretum several deer crossed the road right in front of us.  They were so beautiful and it is interesting just how difficult it is to see them among the undergrowth.  Since it was almost dusk, I think that they were surprised to see a car driving down that road!  

So, yes, it was a full and busy day.  As I was putting these thoughts onto the page, I was thinking about three Bible verses.  First this verse about grandchildren.....

Proverbs 17:6   Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.

Yes, our grandchildren are certainly a joy.  Each one seems exactly like a beautiful gem stone that might embellish a crown.  They are all so different, yet each cherished for their unique shape.  It is exciting, as a grandparent, to watch your grandchildren grow into their destiny and purpose.  

The second verse that came to my mind was 

Song of Solomon 2:11-12a  See!  The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.  Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come.

Actually, I was singing a song in my head that is from Paul Wilbur, Dance with Me.   This song has always spoken to me and contains the line "winter has past and the springtime has come".  Right now this is really a prayer for the WINTER TO BE PAST!  

The third verse in my head was 

Psalm 42:1  As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.  

That Paul Wilbur song is all about being close to Jesus.  It is exactly what David was talking about in Psalm 42.  Even when he was feeling down and despondent, he was hungry and thirsty for God.  This winter has been long and cold and snowy for so many of us this year.  It has seemed dark and dreary for oh so many months.  We all need some of that hot house sprinkle of spring.  We need hope!

I'm closing out this blog with a stanza of one of Lia's songs from her play today.  Even when the winter seems way, way too long, even when those flowers don't seem to want to bloom, no matter what.  Here is your dose of hope....

When I hear... (boom) I know my God is near.

He won't leave me when the storm is raging.

When I hear... (boom) I know my God is near.

He won't forget me when the earth is shaking

Rain or shine, he'll follow through

cause all of his promises are true.

When I hear....(boom) I know my God is near.

Jesus, thank you so much for your words of hope.  Thank you for children and grandchildren.  Thank you for musicals and songs that bring us hope.  Holy Spirit, remind us to look around and see the amazing world and all of creation.  Remind us to look for you to be near us when things seem dark.  Thank you Jesus for this wonderful day.  Amen

The rainbow with all the colors...........

My Saturday with the kids was a bit different than usual since it rained for most of the day!  Usually the kids spend many hours outside.  Instead, we watched a couple of movies - something that we rarely do.  Finally in the late afternoon, I prompted the kids to go outside with their umbrellas (just to burn off a bit of energy).    I took a quick picture of their umbrella "cuteness" since this grandma just had to capture this moment...

I left the kids watching another round of rain clouds forming in the sky, and went inside!  Suddenly the door flew open and Ellie announced, "Grandma, come quick!  There is a double rainbow!"  

And there it was! Standing on their front porch and looking at the sky, a perfect full arch, double rainbow!

I got several pictures of the rainbows, but I especially love this one with the kids looking at the sky.

It was such an awe inspiring and simply beautiful sight.  We all just stood  and stared for the longest time.  Then Ellie noticed something even more special.....

As the rainbow started to fade away, one portion became very visible and you could clearly make out ALL THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW - even the violet (that is so often hard to see)!  My picture really does not do it justice, but you could clearly see.... (as the song says)

RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, GREEN, AND BLUE, INDIGO AND VIOLET, TOO!

What an amazing thing it was to stand under that very bright and very clear rainbow with ALL the colors!  It was indeed, a bright spot in a very grey and dreary day.  And every though it wasn't the end of the rain that day, I know that as I reflected on the day, it was that beautiful "rainbow with all the colors" that stood out to me.  

Sometimes you just need that one bright colorful thing to change a bad day into a really good day, don't you?  I love the symbol of the rainbow and the Biblical promise to Noah that God would never again flood the entire earth.  It is the also a symbol of hope and light after times of loss and darkness.  Our family has been blessed by Grace,  a "Rainbow baby". Bonus picture of Grace - just because!

I found this description of a rainbow baby and I love it!  The time after Lucas died has felt like a storm with lots of darkness.  Even in that time of dealing with the ravages of that storm, there was hope.  We were able to hold onto the promises of the Bible, knowing that we would see Lucas again one day, and knowing that there would be a rainbow!  When the sun shines through the clouds, the rainbow appears.  Knowing that Jesus is always with us - even in those really dark and hard times - gives us hope!  

As I was thinking about this, I decided that really the rainbow is all about HOPE!  Before the storm, during the storm, after the storm, dealing with the effects of the storm...... when you think about that bright rainbow..... you have hope.  Yes, I am so thankful for that very special rainbow with all the colors.  

Jesus, thank you for always being with us.  Holy Spirit, remind us when it is especially dark, or when storms are all around us, that the light Jesus will break through those clouds.  Help us to hold onto the hope found in you.  Thank you for letting me see through the eyes of the children around me.  Amen

Christmas Eve peace and hope

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve this year.  It was actually the day that we gathered and celebrated as a family. We spent the day together at Gwen and Tim's house.  We had lunch of snack things that are extra good on holidays - Taco Tray, meatballs in the crock pot, little pizzas on french bread, veggies and dip - well you get the idea!   After "snacks" we opened presents.  Before we knew it, it was time for church!  The kids got all dressed up in their Christmas outfits!

We took a family picture, but sadly it was not on my camera.  So you will have to wait to see that group shot.  I did manage to snap this shot of the four kids.  Don't you just love those fur jackets?  I sure did!  And look at that handsome boy in his sweater!  We all went to church and we have to take two cars since we all don't fit in one! I guess that is the mark of a "big" family!  After the Christmas Eve service, we returned to Gwen and Tim's house for a wonderful (and traditional - for us) dinner of Lasagna!  The time just flew by and suddenly it was time to leave for home.  It was such a good day!

Doug and Susie get the award for the best presents this year.  They gave all the kids (and let's be honest here - Tim) a set of Laser Tag guns.  The game has come a long way since the vests and guns of the 1990's.  The kids had a blast playing with these - and so did Tim!  And then Doug and Susie managed to get an amazing gift for Tim, who is certainly one of the hardest people to ever buy for!  They gifted him tickets to an event that he just loves- a gamer convention!  So yes, this was the year for Tim, for sure!  

I got some very special presents this year.  First, I got this amazing purple heart that Ellie made in her home school co-op art class!

 Ken and I also got this amazing Christmas Tree ornament that has the kids thumb prints.  I actually got to help make these ornaments this year!

 Ellie also painted me this colorful picture that is now hanging on my scrapbook room wall.  I love the bright colors and she told me I needed an "L" for Lyn on my wall! I love that it looks a lot like a waterfall that is that wonderful flowing river!

 Each year Gwen and Tim and the kids gift Ken and I something wonderful that comes from Haiti.  Their church supports a ministry that creates works of art from old oil drums.  I love that this represents both Christmas and Easter - the manger and the cross!  It is already hanging in our foyer!

There were so many wonderful gifts exchanged this year, but best of all were all the hugs and laughter that we shared.  Susie and Lia played a game of Sorry and Zeke and Anna worked on puzzles.  All the kids had Lego sets opened on various tables.  Anna spent a lot of time with her favorite present (also from Doug and Susie) a Peppa Pig camper!  So there was plenty of "snorting" going on!  So much food eaten, so much love shared.  

The day ended much too quickly for me.  We saw some great light displays as we were driving home.  There is something so peaceful about driving along roads that are mostly empty (especially when there are usually many, many cars).  Because it was late on Christmas Eve, all of the stores along the route were closed, the parking lots were empty.  There was plenty of time to reflect on the day.  I love the story of Jesus' birth.  Thinking about the journey that Joseph and Mary had to make.  The crowds of people that must have been everywhere.  But then, there was the stillness of the night.  The newborn baby.  The shepherds, out in their fields watching over the sheep.  The angels!  The star.  

The message...... (Luke 2 -from the Passion Translation)

Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared in radiant splendor before them, lighting up the field with the blazing glory of God, and the shepherds were terrified!  But the angel reassured them, saying "don't be afraid. For I have come to bring you good news, the most joyous news the world has ever heard!  And it is for everyone everywhere!  For today in Bethlehem a rescuer was born for you.  He is the Lord Yahweh, The Messiah!" You will recognize him by this miracle sign; you will find a baby wrapped in strips of cloth and lying in a feeding trough!   Then all at once, a vast number of glorious angels appeared, the very armies of heaven! And they all praise God, singing: GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST REALMS OF HEAVEN! FOR THERE IS PEACE AND A GOOD HOPE GIVEN TO THE SONS OF MEN!

Yes, there is that word "PEACE" that I was feeling at the end of a day of celebration.  But I was also thinking of "HOPE".  Each day, whether we are together or not, we remember Lucas.  Lucas is always a part of our time together because he is a part of our family.  But at these times, we especially feel his absence.  Even this year as we expectantly await Doug and Susie's baby girl, the loss of Lucas is present with us.  HOPE is also there.  It is that good hope that is given to us, because of that baby born in a stable, under the shadow of the cross.  It is that hope that lets our hearts smile and sing, knowing that one day we will be reunited with Lucas.  

That is the message of Christmas.  The miracle sign of a baby lying in a feeding trough, under the shadow of the cross of Calvary bringing peace and a good hope for everyone everywhere!

Jesus, thank you for silent nights that allow us to hear your message more clearly.  Thank you for angels that proclaim your truth to the world.  Thank you for sharing this message with shepherds who were just busy with their daily tasks.  Remind us that you still speak to us, even when we are distracted and busy.  Holy Spirit, bring this message of hope to all who grieve and feel lonely in this season.  Thank you Jesus for your great love.   Amen

Telling the truth even when it is hard!

So I went to bed last night thinking about my last two blog posts.  I guess it was really on my mind since I have promised total truth telling on this blog.  And I knew when I woke up this morning that I would have to do a follow up blog.  This may not be popular, but it is the truth.  And I know that I need to always speak the truth......  My dad drank......A LOT!  I have posted that he usually had a beer in his hand.  And I even shared yesterday that he experienced health problems because of his drinking.  But the truth is, HE DRANK so much that it caused serious problems.  There may be some in my family who would disagree with me.  Some who might think it not really very nice to write these things.  But I know that I need to share the reality of my own experiences with my dad - and that means telling the truth about his drinking.

It was much more socially acceptable to drink in the 1950's and 1960's.  Men came home from work and had mixed drinks or beer.  Or they stopped after work for some "refreshments".  And smoking went along with this.  You were not at all shocked by smoking in every scene on television.  Even Lucy and Ricky smoked on "I Love Lucy".  And they often were seen drinking mixed drinks.  Ricky actually worked at a nightclub on that show.  No one really thought much about it.  This was the time period that I grew up in.  There was much less talk about problems with alcoholism or drunk driving.  And very little was said about what drinking and smoking might do to your physical body.

And here is some truth about my dad.  He was hospitalized when I was just 2 years old with serious stomach problems.  When I was 4, he had pancreatitis and began taking insulin for diabetes.   I will never forget the ambulance coming to our house to take my dad to the hospital after he collapsed in the bathroom when I was 6 years old.  All of these health conditions were make much worse because he continued to drink.  And he didn't just drink a small amount.  He drank until he was very drunk. Almost every day.   He never managed his diabetes.  He acted as if he didn't have it.  And that is the reason he spent the last three years of his life in a wheelchair and on dialysis. He did not want to give up his beer or his Manhattans.

Because I was the youngest child and my siblings were gone from the house, I spent a great deal of time with just my mom and dad.  It was during those years that I watched what my dad's drinking did to my mom.  She felt powerless to stop his drinking.  And I lived many, many years in fear of my dad causing a serious or deadly car accident by driving drunk.  When I was in Junior High and High School, I would wait up to make sure that mom and dad got home safely after they went out for the evening.  I knew that my dad would drink and that he would never let mom drive home.  I remember many times, being in the car with them, wondering if we would make it home in one piece.  My dad never had a serious accident caused by his drinking and he never got a ticket either.  But it doesn't change the fact that I know that he often drove very impaired and took risks with his own life and the lives of many others.

My mom took care of my dad at home mostly, during those last three years.  He had made her promise to NOT put him in a "nursing home".  Those three years were so hard on my mom - emotionally and physically.  My dad was still a big man and she had to transfer him to the wheelchair, in and out of bed and the bathroom.  Into the car and back into the wheelchair.  They lived in a townhouse with stairs and she finally got a "stair climber" so that my dad could get up to the main living area.  But after a time when it became to hard for her to get him onto the stair climber, she resorted to creating a living space for him on the lower level.  This meant that she made countless trips up and down those steps with food and drink and to care for my dad.  During those three years, I watched my mom go from a vibrant, healthy women in her late sixties to a thin, nervous and drained old lady.  I was 400 miles away and had a sick child and I was unable to be any help to her at all.  Mom and I often talked to each other from hospital rooms in separate cities.  I feared that her health would get so bad that she would have a heart attack and die and my dad would live on!  Her biggest regret was that my dad had so little actual "retirement" time.  But she realized that he lived his life exactly to his own choosing.  He made the decision to drink and eat whatever he wanted - with no regard for his health.  And that choice took him away from all of us sooner than it could have been.
He could have had more time to travel.  He could have had more time on that pontoon.  He could have had more time with his grandchildren.

This is the last picture I have of my dad.  I had taken a trip to visit them when Doug was 18 months old in the fall of 1983.  Gwen at 4 years old, remembers this trip and she was very scared of my dad since he was so sick.  Dad died in April of 1985.

Mom recovered from her years of taking care of my dad.  She took care of her own health and made wise decisions.  During the 25 years that she lived beyond my dad's death, she lived a full and happy life.   She traveled to visit with her sisters.  She visited with her children and grandchildren.  She had many friends and she spent many happy days at Lake Maud.  She made lasting memories with many of her great grandchildren.  My sweet Lia and Ellie have so many great memories of Great Grandma Nona and they talk about her all the time.  I am so grateful for these precious years with my mom.

Yes, my dad's drinking certainly had an effect on my life. I  never drank more than a sip here or there.  There was a time when Ken was known to drink - sometimes more than he should have.  But when he experienced a health crisis, he made the decision to stop drinking.  Both of us experienced our parents drinking and the consequences of that choice.  I am very thankful that Ken made this decision.  So if you ever wonder why you see Ken and I drinking a soda or even water when we are out at social events, this is the reason. Each person needs to make their own choices about drinking.  But I think it is also important to tell the truth about my own experience.

This is a blog and because of that, I don't know who may ever read these words.  Maybe you are in a spot where you are scared about someone else's drinking.  Maybe you are frightened by your own inability to stop drinking. The problem might be drugs.   Possibly this has struck a cord with you because of some other health issue.  Maybe this reminded you of your own experiences as a child.  Whatever your situation, I want to tell you that no matter what.......Jesus loves you.  He loves us all when we fail.  He loves us when we do things without thinking.  He cares about our emotions and our feelings.  He loves you more than you could imagine.  There is no quick or easy answer to some of the big problems that many are facing right now.  It may seem dark and hopeless.  But there is hope and light in Jesus.  Don't let a moment pass without stopping right now, and simply taking a breath and asking Jesus to show you His great love.  I can assure you, He is faithful and you will experience his presence when you ask.  Then find someone you can trust and tell them your truth!  Speak the truth about what is bothering you.  Don't be deceived into thinking that you can't tell anyone else your problem.  That is a lie from satan!  Jesus cares and He will show you others who will stand with you.  You don't have to face this alone.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible in Psalm 40:2-3.  It reads.........
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in Him."

This is the reason I write this blog. To tell my stories.  To talk about the many times I have found myself in that slimy pit.  And then to tell how I found myself standing on Jesus. He has given me that new song!  He has given me a wonderful testimony and so much to praise Him for.  And it is my desire that everyone who reads these blogs would catch a glimpse of  the wonder and amazement of Jesus.  It is my hope that many will trust in His promises.  I am waiting to hear all of those new songs of praise from each of you!

Jesus, thank you so much for reminding me that you are THE TRUTH!  You desire for us all to share truth with each other.  Thank you for drawing me into the place to share these words.  Holy Spirit, let your comfort come into the hearts of those reading this blog.  Give us all renewed assurance of the great love of Jesus.  Amen

Coming full circle..... back to Joy!

I've blogged many times about this last year.  It's been very different than any other year of my life.  It was unexpected and truly a challenging time.  It all began here....From Joy to Sorrow to Hope.  This was my blog post on November 16, 2014.  This was my first post after the death of my grandson Lucas.  I never expected to put those words on a page.  But it has been one of the most read posts that I have blogged.  Somehow people around the world are still finding that post and reading it.  Just this week a reader in Russia sent me a message that this post had touched her deeply.  I know that the Holy Spirit is using my ramblings to spread the hope of Jesus to hurting people.

Last Christmas was a bit of a blur for our family.  But for me, I was just clinging to HOPE.  Hope has been that ever present thing that has helped me to keep walking on.  As our family started planning this Christmas, there was still that strong feeling of hope.  But more than that, there was joy beginning to break through.  At my small group Christmas gathering yesterday, one of my dear friends brought gift bags for each of us.  Inside was a sweet treat, as well as an ornament.  Each was different, and it was not just chance that brought this ornament into my hands. It was Jesus.

Last year a different friend from that small group had given me this ornament and it was so perfect for last Christmas.  It was hung on my tree with many tears.  When I saw it this year, it was like a wonderful beacon....a reminder of that angel of hope that has been with me for the last year.  

When I saw that Dove....with the words "Joy to the World", I knew that the joy I have been sensing and feeling is very real.    Here are the words to that wonderful Christmas Hymn....

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Let earth receive her King;

Let every heart prepare Him room,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the world, the Savior reigns!

Let men their songs employ;

While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat the sounding joy,

Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the curse is found,

Far as the curse is found,

Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,

And makes the nations prove

The glories of His righteousness,

And wonders of His love,

And wonders of His love,

And wonders, wonders, of His love.

Not only has Jesus, the Savior, come, but He reigns!  No more will sorrows grow.  Jesus will make His blessings flow.  He is truth and grace and His love is wonderful.  Yes, this is just a reminder of who Jesus is and all that he does for us.  It has been quite the ride, this past year.  I did a lot of clinging to the Word (reading Scripture) and was so thankful to be surrounded by supportive friends who helped me hang on to hope.  So now it is wonderful to be singing JOY TO THE WORLD THE LORD HAS COME!  No matter how dark or deep the sorrow, there is hope in Jesus.  And that hope will reveal the joy that all the world repeats......The Lord is come!  

Jesus, thank you for wonderful friends that deliver words of great encouragement.  What a wonderful reminder of who you are, in the words of a song.  Thank you for your truth and grace that reveal your love.  Jesus, most of all, thank you for being with me during this last year.  Bless all who take the time to read these words.  Help them to know the wonders of your great love.  Amen

Thankful overload.....

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Gwen and Tim and the kids (and Chandler, the dog) arrived on Thanksgiving morning.  We visited and played some games and ate our festive "un-Thanksgiving" lunch.  We had lasagna instead of turkey.  We started this tradition when our "black Friday shopping" became "Thanksgiving afternoon/evening" shopping.  I did not want to be cooking/eating/cleaning up from a big meal all before 3:00pm!  Besides, we were having our family REAL Thanksgiving on Friday at Doug and Susie's house.  I know that there are lots of people who have strong opinions about shopping on Thanksgiving, but here is my thoughts about that.  This shopping experience is one of the BEST times that Gwen and I have together.  We laugh, we plan, we celebrate the small victories when we find that certain bargain, we work together to conquer the crowds.  We also meet some wonderful people and simply have so much fun.  I can't think of a better family time.  And honestly shopping now is so much better than when we had to get up at 3:30am!  We didn't get enough sleep before we shopped and dragged around for all of Friday.  Now we get home before 10:00pm on Thursday.  We get a great night's sleep and leave the house at 5:30am on Black Friday.  We shop for a few hours and get home in time for breakfast with the family.  So much better!

So after a very successful time shopping on both Thursday evening and Friday (very early) morning, we were ready to celebrate Thanksgiving.  Doug smoked a turkey, which is so good.  Susie prepared a wonderful spread including some flavorful stuffing.  We all sat around their very large dining room table - all 10 of us!  Before we ate, Gwen asked who wanted to pray.  With very little hesitation, Zeke volunteered.  Our little four year old prayed the most wonderful prayer....  I can't remember exactly what he prayed but it included thanks for the food and for the time together as a family.  It was simply the sweetest, most heartfelt prayer.  There was no doubt that he knew exactly WHO he was talking to.  I have decided that there is nothing better than a little one praying from their heart.

Yes, it is a thankful overload.  Great family time, great shopping, great food, and great prayer.  What an amazing couple of days.  Then came the Christmas set up.  Ken had seen a really interesting laser projector thingy but it was sold out by the time we went to look at it.  So we opted for this large tree instead.

We are used to having some kind of outdoor decoration, so it was fun to have something new and very festive.  It was no easy task putting this tree up, however.  All of the lights were tangled into one big mess on the inside of this tree.  It took us a good two hours to get the lights all freed up and in the correct spots. And Ken was working on a ladder since this is over 8 feet tall.  The lights twinkle very gently. We were very thankful that it looked good once it got dark!   Part of my Thankful overload!

After dinner Ken brought out two foam kits that he had purchased a few weeks ago to add holiday decor to his office.  One was a very large two story gingerbread house and the other was this nativity set. 

This went together really easily and is really quite cute.  I don't know what I think about the one wise man in the front that seems to be wearing a stocking hat....but it is festive!  And then we went to work on the gingerbread house.  Oh my.  What a task.  I was trying to imagine children doing this, since it was a kit designed for kids.  And there were no real instructions...just a series of pictures on the back of the box that showed 5 steps.  It was a trick to figure out which piece was which and then when we tried to put the first walls together, we realized we would need some glue.  So I got out the craft glue.  Well, that didn't work very well.  After lots of time and lots of effort and many, many pieces falling apart, Ken went out to the store for super glue.  The odd thing was that some of the pieces were adhesive and SO sticky that you could hardly deal with it.  But other pieces had no glue at all.  I don't know how they thought this would work since it never says on the package that you need glue.  

It took us over two hours to finish this project.  But it was nice once it was done.  Working together on these two kits was certainly part of my thankful overload.  

So, there you have it.  A recap of my Thanksgiving couple of days.  I have been reflecting on how different this year feels than last year.  Gwen and I talked about how fuzzy and foggy last year seems in our memory.  We did a lot of just going through the motions for the holidays last year.  It was very hard to be thankful in the heaviness of our grief.   We really did just cling together and pull each other along, step by step, through the days, weeks, and months.  As we were sitting at that Thanksgiving table, I was so aware of the missing highchair and felt the loss of Lucas so deeply.  But there were smiles and even laughter this year.  And that perfect prayer of a little boy.  And now we move into Advent.  A time of expectation and planning.  A time filled with hope.  There could not be any better ending to my thankfulness overload than that.  

Jesus, thank you so much for knowing exactly what we need and when we need it.  Thank you for time together and your great peace and love.  Help us all to enter into Advent with a thankful heart and spirit.  Keep our eyes trained on you and the amazing story of season.  Thank you for lights and laughter and the wonder of children.  Amen