Changed lives.....

On Tuesday our family gathered together to remember and celebrate our precious little Lucas, who would have been two years old on that day.  It hardly seems possible that two years have passed since our family was shaken to the core by the sudden and unexplained death of my little 10 day old grandson.  Hearing about this kind of tragedy is far different than actually experiencing it.  I know that our family is not alone in the loss of a child.  You can hardly scan Facebook or hear the news without some report of children leaving their families way too soon.  While we have been shaken to the core, we are also still standing.  We are standing together.   And for that I am extremely thankful.

This was the view, looking up, from the graveside of our little Lucas when we gathered at the cemetery on Tuesday.  It was a beautiful day - so warm for November 1st.  The sky was a brilliant blue and the leaves were just beautiful on all of the stately old trees that surrounded us.

It was so good to be there together with Doug and Susie - grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles and cousins.  Standing together and remembering and celebrating his very short life.  Gwen and Tim and the kids had made a wonderful stepping stone that includes each of their thumb prints.  

I left a small sun catcher of a robin that I found when Ken and I were traveling a few weeks ago.  

The robin is a symbol of light.  And Lucas' name means light.  It is also the symbol for hope and the bringer of new life, since it is often the first bird spotted in the spring time.  I tied some rainbow colored ribbons onto this, to celebrate Doug and Susie's anticipated new baby, making Lucas a big brother.  This symbol of hope seemed particularly fitting to me since Jesus has been speaking hope into me over these really difficult last two years.  In the midst of this great loss it seemed impossible to imagine having hope.  But each day there seemed to be a new measure of hope.  Jesus knew exactly what I needed and every day I had just enough for that day.  

Just as we did last year, we are sending Operation Christmas Child  boxes in remembrance of Lucas.  My five boxes are sitting here next to me, awaiting delivery on collection week.  Every little trinket and toy, every crayon and health supply is packed with prayers for that little boy who will receive them.  It's just a small way to honor and remember Lucas.  

None of us knows exactly what God's purpose is for our life.  Or how He might use us to fulfill His plans to love the world.  I am convinced that the length of our life - the number of our days here on earth - doesn't matter at all to Jesus.  He sees the impact of each person in ways that we can't begin to fathom.  As I was standing there, thinking about Lucas, I was remembering this......

A tiny pebble, thrown into the water, makes rings that go on and on and never seem to end.  It doesn't take a big rock to do this.  Just a tiny, small bit will cause this effect.  Lucas has made an impact on our family that will never end.  His life changed all of our lives.  Because of our love for Lucas, because we are standing together and going on, because of that impossible hope, we will remember and his life will make a difference.  

Jesus, thank you for your great gift of hope - even when we feel totally hopeless.  Holy Spirit, continue to give Doug and Susie strength to walk on another day.  Bless them with peace and that extra measure of hope each day.  Thank you Jesus for your loving arms that hold us when everything around us seems to be shaken.  Thank you for your great love.  Amen 

Four year flashback

So today I was thinking about this new "app" that shows you flashbacks for past years.  I have not yet gotten that app, but when I was in a store today, a sales person was showing someone a picture from her phone on that app.  So when I got home, I did a little looking back myself, and realized that 4 years ago today (2010) Ken and I were just beginning one of our longest vacations ever!  I think I would have to say that this 2010 vacation was one of my all time favorite vacations.  This was our first "real" day of that vacation.  On the previous day we had traveled for 15 hours.  This was a long awaited day at Blackwater River State Park in Alabama, near to the Florida border.  We had tried to kayak at this location on a different trip, but it was 32 degrees and snowing on that day.  On this day in 2010 it was beautiful.  The water is really black appearing, caused by a mineral in the soil, but crystal clear.  The sand is the white sand just like the beaches of Pensacola.  For the first hour we were there it was wonderful and we had a quiet paddle.  Until about 9:00am.  Suddenly, it was just a sea of people along the entire stretch of the river.  And there were swimmers and floats and it was just crazy.  This was all caused by the oil spill that had closed all the ocean beaches in Pensacola and the surrounding area.  So everyone was at the Park to swim!  We were glad to be out of there by 10:00am. 

But the rest of this trip was amazing.  We traveled 3860 miles on this trip.  Illinois to Alabama to the Gulf coast of Florida, to Marco Island Florida, to the Atlantic side of Florida.  From there we traveled to Washington DC and then made our way home.  It was 16 days and lots of time in the car, but still really a great time. 

I guess I am spending time flashing back to 2010 vacation is because our vacation this year did not turn out exactly as I planned, and I still feel like I need a vacation!  Isn't it silly how we all seem to need these vacations?  I think it is because we don't have enough rest in our day to day life.  We don't celebrate the Sabbath rest.  Our weekends are so filled with all of the "stuff" that we need to get done, because our work week is so busy.  And just as I have discovered this week (and wrote about yesterday), we don't sit and wait in silence.   And now that I am without a job, this seems really silly.  I have plenty of time, but it is not the same as being away on a vacation.

So, while I still would like to have another vacation to look forward to, I will practice more waiting and more rest.  And deep breathe and relax.  All the while I will be remembering to turn my focus onto Jesus.  And yes, I will also be remembering the relaxing time paddling on that river. 

Jesus, thank you for all the ways you have provided for Ken and I over the past years.  Thank you for vacations and travel and kayaks and beaches and exploring.  Especially thank you for pictures and memories that can remind us of peace and rest.  Holy Spirit, remind us to stop and rest and turn our focus onto you.  Change our perspective to heavenly things!   Amen

The contrasts of today.........

Today is the day.  Three years ago today, I lost my mom.  She was truly more than just my mom.  We shared and laughed and enjoyed each other so much.  I just love this very old photo of us.  It is a "casual" photo - not posed.  And we don't have many pictures like that!  It was taken at "the lake". And I just love the look on my mom's face.   It was taken in 1955.  I assume that the cat belonged to my grandmother.  I know that she always had at least one cat around.  Most likely, she had brought it down to our cabin from the farm. I decided that this was the picture I would share today, in honor of my mom. I love remembering that she is now, celebrating with Jesus.

This has really been an amazing day, something that I didn't expect. First of all, it was actually WARM!  Like 75 degrees warm.  Remember that this winter was brutal and the ice and snow seemed to last forever!  So a day with the sun out and no coat required is really something to celebrate!  There was a short, very stormy period this morning, but it past quickly, and the sun came out again. 

And then the doorbell rang.  It was a neighbor telling us that a piece of siding near the peak of our house was "flapping in the breeze".  Needless to say, we ran out to take a look.  And there, on the OTHER side of the house, was the very loose siding. (See my post from November 29, 2013 - we had a piece of siding blow off in the same location - on the opposite side of the house)  Ken got out are very short ladder and our very long tree trimmer tool and tried to push that siding back so it wouldn't blow all the way off, lest we lose it!  Thankfully, as soon as he touched the piece, it fell to the ground.  So we are now in possession of THAT piece of siding.  However, there is still a LARGE piece that is loose. And it was Saturday, at noon.   The soonest that we could arrange for anyone to come out to repair this is Monday afternoon.  It is supposed to rain and storm over the next 24 hours, so we are praying that piece of siding stays put!  

To finish off the day I went to an amazing church service.  I just loved the wonderful worship and the sermon was great.   I felt as if the entire service had been planned for me.  The sermon topic was from 1John 5 beginning at verse 13.   It was about KNOWING! (See my comment from yesterday about Lia, just knowing).  The point was that knowing was more than understanding.  It was having absolute assurance. During the sermon the Pastor shared an interesting list of the contrasts that are expressed all through out the book of 1John.  Here was the list....

God (Love)      Satan (Sin)
Truth                 Lies
Light                 darkness
Life                   death
confidence        fear
love                   hate

The thing about this list is that these represent what it is like to live either in the Kingdom of God or the kingdom of Satan.  Without the KNOWING and the assurance, when we are in the world, our life is filled with lies, darkness, death, fear and hate.  I am so blessed to have that knowing - the assurance of living in the Kingdom of the King of Kings!  A place of truth, light, life, confidence and love.  

In each of the events of today..... there is the contrast.   My mom died, but she is celebrating with Jesus!  There was a time of storms today, but the sun came out again!  Our siding came loose, but we were able to retrieve the piece - it wasn't lost!  We live IN the world, but we are not OF the world.  Coming into this Holy Week, I am so thankful that I have the assurance - that deep knowing that Jesus is all that I need.  I am so grateful for Jesus' work on the cross, and his marvelous resurrection! 

Jesus, thank you!   For contrasts, for blessings, for all that you do in our lives.  Thank you for guiding and directing us to the exact places that we need to be.   Thank you for memories, for moms and for the assurance of our eternal life!   Holy Spirit, help us all to spend time this week, remembering all that Jesus has done for us.   Thank you for the assurance that comes from KNOWING!  Amen

A little preview of April celebrations.....

I have been thinking about my family a lot during the last couple of weeks.  My birth family.  My mom and dad and my sisters and brothers.   Recently I was telling someone about my relationship with my mom and dad that was very different from my siblings.   And that is why I thought about the above picture of my dad.   This picture was taken in 1980.  It was the 80th birthday of my dad's sisters Agnes and Alice.  My dad, his sister Mable and sister Svea are standing behind the twins.   My dad was the youngest in his family - his siblings were 20, 17, 13, 13 and 8 when he was born.  (If you have read my previous blogs you might remember that my dad had two additional siblings that died the year he was born - brothers who would have been 18 and 6)  His siblings were mostly grown by the time he started school.   And because I was the youngest in my family, that was true for me also.  In many ways I experienced my mom and dad very differently than my siblings.  After we moved to Illinois when I was in 8th grade, my dad's job changed and he stopped traveling as much.  When he did travel, he often took my mom along.  And in the summer, I also got to go along. 

One of my very favorite memories with my mom and dad was a trip that we took in July of 1969.  I am totally sure of the date of this trip because I watched the moon landing in a motel room in Green Bay Wisconsin, with my mom and dad.  On that same trip, we drove into upper Michigan.   It was a really memorable trip for me.  On that trip I got to talk to my parents about their growing up years.  And I remember thinking that this was a very special time and I was blessed.

You know, there are many many things that I never talked to my mom and dad about.  And I regret the many missed opportunities to learn from them.  But I will continue to celebrate the memories and the fun.  I love that my dad continued to be close to his siblings for his entire life.   He made sure that I knew my aunts and uncles.  And he valued and treasured his family.  That is a great gift.

Jesus, thank you for helping me to remember and celebrate all that you have given me in my mom and dad.  Thank you for memories and pictures and connections to the past.   Holy Spirit, remind us all to treasure the little things from our pasts.  Help us to connect the dots from our past generations into the future.  Keep me on the path of celebrating and remembering!   Amen