What will you gain, when you lose?

There is a commercial on TV for Special K cereal that asks "What will you gain, when you lose?".  The ad is talking about weight loss, but the phrase has been stuck in my head.  There is a lot of truth in that statement.  Sometimes when we lose something, what we gain is so much more or so much better than what we lost.  In the process, the losing is sometimes not fun.  I have recently experienced gaining some things after losing weight.  I've gained things like more energy, better results on my yearly blood work, and simply feeling better.  Those are certainly important and very real physical things, but today I've been thinking about the emotional and spiritual things. 

Okay... I confess... I started writing this blog post last night, but just couldn't finish it.  And this morning, I know why.    Last night I had a dream about my mom.  In the dream, I was sitting at a dining room table, drinking coffee with my mom and her Aunt Ann.   We were just talking and laughing.  It was such a wonderful dream.  This morning as I was thinking about this dream, I realized that one of the most amazing things my mom "gained" after she "lost" her mother, was Aunt Ann. 

 

 

This picture is actually from my mom's "scrapbook" photo album.  You can see her handwriting on the picture.  My guess is that this was taken when my mom was about 18 years old.  I never got to sit around a table and talk and laugh with Aunt Ann.  I have only very sketchy memories of Aunt Ann.  She died when I was two.   But the story is about Yahweh's provision, in the most terrible circumstances.  It is about the blessing and joy that can come out of a very bad thing.

 

Aunt Anna Toensing was my grandfather's sister.  She was three years older than my grandfather and never married.  When my grandfather moved his family from North Dakota to St. Paul, Minnesota in 1916, they lived with Aunt Ann.  My grandmother (Nora Toensing) was very sick.  The doctor's really didn't know what was wrong with her.  My grandfather hoped that, in the city, the doctors could help his wife.  They had 4 small girls that needed their mother.  Sadly, there was nothing that the doctors could do to save Nora.  She died in April of 1917.  The listed cause of death was Tuberculosis.  However, the family knew that she did not have TB.  (In the 1970's my mother received a letter from one of her aunts that told the story of what actually happened to Nora.  She had hit her back during a fall down the stairs and most likely fractured a rib.  She developed a large lump at that site and gradually got sicker and sicker and then died.  We assume that she developed a perforated lung that got infected and led to sepsis. But no one knows for sure).  Because of the fear of TB the government required that anyone exposed to TB was to be quarantined - and children were taken to an orphanage.  My grandfather wanted none of this.  He was determined to keep his family together and made plans to leave St. Paul immediately.  So his sister, Aunt Ann, agreed to go with him to care for the children and the household.  My mother was not yet 2 years old.  Her sisters were 4, 6 and 8 years old.  Isn't it amazing how Yahweh provided for my mother?   She was able to grow up with her family.  Aunt Ann was an amazing cook and seamstress.  As a matter of fact, her job in St. Paul was at a furrier making beaver and mink coats.  While life wasn't always easy for this family, my mom recounted many happy childhood memories.  Can you imagine being a "single dad" in 1917???  This just didn't happen.  Most times the children were separated and placed with various family members.  It was all part of God's plan that Anna was willing and able to step in and fill the spot left by Nora's death.  It was Aunt Ann that helped my grandfather start churches in the various small communities in which they settled.  While on a mission trip, Gwen and I actually saw the church building started by my grandfather, in Bemidji, Minnesota.  Aunt Ann was always having the visiting missionaries and pastors over for Sunday dinner. My mom recalled many happy times during the yearly "camp meetings" held outdoors, when Aunt Ann provided much of the food.  Hearing these stories help me to see and understand the gift of hospitality and service that flowed from Aunt Ann.   So, in spite of the great loss of her mother, my mom gained a wonderful relationship with her Aunt Anna - and also was provided with a substitute mother and was able to remain with her dad and sisters.  

 

I have determined that looking back on my family has been such a blessing to me.  It is allowing me to really SEE and KNOW how Yahweh has been blessing my family over the years.  This has been such a growth thing for me.  I have gained so much from writing this blog.  Jesus has been speaking to me and explaining some deep spiritual truths in ways that make them so clear. 

 

Thank you Yahweh for your great plan, your destiny for me and my family.  Thank you Jesus that you have a plan and purpose for each individual that reads this message.  You desire to bless us and prosper us, even when we can't see it in the natural. Jesus, help us all to see the "gain" in periods of "loss".  Keep our eyes on You when things are hard.   You are in the process of putting spiritual blessings into our lives.  Thank you for reminding me of my roots and all the seeds that you have sown into my life.  Thank you for my children and grandchildren, who will continue to be blessed by these seeds sown in the past.  Amen.

 







Ignoring the issues..

Yesterday our printer simply quit working.  I really don't know when it actually "breathed it's last" since we don't use it very much.  I had a couple of Word documents that I wanted to print and when I hit print, nothing happened.  I fooled around with it for several minutes.  Tried to find the printer on my computer.  Tried several different programs. And then I used the "method of last resort".  I called on my husband.  He tried some of the same things I tried.  Announced that my computer could not see the printer.  Went and tried his computer and discovered the same thing on his laptop.  At that point he announced - "we need a new printer - this one has died". Now this is really not such a big deal since this printer was very old!  I have printed 100's, if not 1000's of pictures on that printer. The scanner has not been working very well either.  And I have had a few paper jams, here and there.  Yes, it has been time for a new printer for awhile.  We have talked about getting a new printer but since it was working - why replace it. 

Today I was thinking about this.  How many times do we sort of ignore problems until things get really bad?  Does it really make sense?  I know that you can argue that it makes more sense from a financial standpoint to "use up" everything that we have.  Or, as a last resort, we need to recycle! And there are some very interesting ways that people find to reuse or recycle things!

I noticed this message printed on my morning coffee cup, while I was watching the sunrise over the ocean.  I loved it!  The advice to use it to build a sandcastle was appropriate since we were at the beach!  I am proud to say that my morning coffee is normally in a travel coffee cup that is washed and used over and over again.  But, on the other hand, I have to confess that my water (lately) has come out of a plastic bottle that does get recycled! (I am now picturing that tv commercial about the water bottles used in the United States stretching around the world several times.).  So I guess that I am sort of even in regards to the reuse/recycle question.

But thinking about the "ignoring the problems" point.  I am thankful that Yahweh has been reminding me today of things that I have been "ignoring".  There are times when it is good to put things on the back burner and not make quick decisions.  But sometimes this is just an excuse for not dealing with situations or issues that need to be handled.   I know from personal experience that this does not do anyone, any favors.  Earlier in this blog, I talked about truth telling.  And today, I realized that I have not been telling the truth when I just ignore things. So I am committing to doing a better job of being intentional about following the Holy Spirit when I am confronted with problems or issues.  Rather than taking the easy way out I will seek to resolve things quickly.  And I am thankful that I don't have to do this in my own strength.  Jesus has everything I need in Him and He is in me! Isn't this an amazing part of Yahweh's master plan?  So, once again, (very appropriately with the picture above) I am going to be a coffee bean! 

A little more of my story...seeds were sown!

Part of the reason for doing this blog was to tell my story.  And I have found that I have a lot of story to tell!  Last night my husband and I went to a state park (Starved Rock) so that he could take photos of the sunset.  It was a glorious evening.  Not so hot that you were sweating without air conditioning and just a light breeze.  We scoped out a couple of potential photo shoot places and settled on a roadside pull off just outside the park.  We were about an hour ahead of sunset so we just sat in the car, with the windows down and sunroof open and enjoyed the peacefulness.  There were birds flying everywhere and fish jumping in the river and the cicadas were singing as the sun sunk into the west. 
In the peace, I started to think about what I wanted to share on this blog.  It wasn't long before the Lord reminded me of this..........





This picture, indeed represents a "God-moment" in my life.  This is the opening page of my childhood Bible that I received from my parents when I was in 2nd Grade.  That in itself is a story.  One that I have mentioned before.  We in the United States are so fortunate to have the written word available to us.  In many families, children are not given Bibles because there is some kind of fear of not treating the Holy Scriptures properly or it not being understood by children.  Once again, I am so thankful that my parents didn't think this way and purchased this Bible for me when I was 7 years old.  You see, Yahweh has used this page in amazing ways!  And this is just the inside cover of the incredible book.  I want to point out the red stamp on the lower right hand corner.  This is the story.  One day in Sunday school, a missionary visited our small church.  He spoke about his time in China. His message was about the many men, women and children who had come to know Jesus as he had lived and walked among them..  He told of a man that had come to know Jesus and how his whole life had changed.  This man had carved this "seal" with the missionaries name, out of a wooden block.  He was so filled with gratitude for all the missionary had done, by risking his life to come to his country.  The incredible thing is, the man had been born with no arms!  It was carved with his feet.  At the end of that talk, this missionary (and I am so sorry that I don't know his name) came around and stamped his seal in my Bible and said "Someday you will be a missionary!"   I went home that day and told my mom the story.  She shared with me, that day, the following story. I asked her to repeat this for me many times - even in the last years of her life. 

On that day, my mother told me that we have relatives that are missionaries to Africa.  She shared how my grandfather had wanted so badly to be a pastor. But it had not worked out.  The times were difficult and there was not much money.  Yet there was a connection to these distant cousins who had left Germany to serve Jesus.  My mother remembered praying for these cousins and then recounted the faith and trust in Jesus that had blanketed her life - in spite of tough circumstances. 
And the seed was sown into my heart and my spirit that God had a plan and a purpose for my life.

 

Here is a photo of my Great-Great Grandfather and Great-Great Grandmother

Johann Conrad Toensing and Anna Clara (Welcher) Toensing

(8/17/1801 – 8/23/1869) (5/10/1806 – 8/28/1876)

Married 9/5/1827

This couple had 7 children.  They sent two of their children to Africa as missionaries and two of their children came to the United States. (One of the children who came to the US was my Great-Grandfather)   Once again I am so thankful for photographs that put faces to names.  And I am thankful for their faith and trust in Yahweh shown in the lives of their children.

 

Thank you Yahweh, for leading me to this story for my blog.  Thank you for the seeds that you placed into me that brought me to this place today.  I am so thankful for my Spiritual heritage.  Thank you for blessing my mother and her generations with your presence and your peace.  Amen

In celebration of Lake Maud

You know how sometimes you get blindsided by something?  Something that you KNEW but you just hadn't really processed?  Well, I had one of those moments today. 

The picture above is one of my favorites.  I am actually the baby, sitting on my mom's lap (and sort of blocked by the salt and pepper shakers). This picture was taken in the summer of 1955.  I know the date because of my age!  I am not yet 1.   Left to right in the picture is my sister Karen, brother Jerry, then brother Greg, my mom and I and on the end, my sister Julie.  One of the reasons I love this picture SOOOOOO much is that it was taken "at the Lake" - Lake Maud, Minnesota.  The cabin you see in the background was built by my dad.  Every board, every nail was put there by him.  When my dad returned from serving in World War II, my parents began to think about having a place to vacation.  My mom often said that they knew they could not afford to go away for vacations, but having a cabin seemed like an option.  I  heard the story about my uncles (who lived in that area)  bringing my dad to the farmer who had decided to begin to sell lots on the lake on his property.  And how my dad walked through the woods to find just the perfect lot.  And it certainly was a choice lot on that lake.  My mom and dad purchased that lot in 1950 but it took them 3 years to pay off the lot so that they could begin building. The first part of the cabin was started in 1953 and completed in 1954.  The first picture of the cabin with the family standing by it, was taken in late August of 1954.  My mom is hiding in the very back of that picture because she didn't want to be "seen", as pregnant as she was! I was born on September 6th.  I know I have seen that picture, but I don't have it.  Since I was not "in" it, I am sure one of my siblings has that photo.  That explains why the above picture is so special to me.  I think it is the first photo of me at the Lake. 

That cabin was really my "home".  It was a constant in my life that included many moves.  The Lake - the cabin - was always there.  There were so many family gatherings, so many reunions, so much fun.  My dad loved being there.  There was always a project or two that needed fixing or something to be built.  I don't think I can recall a summer without a project until the very end of my dad's life.  And even then, when he was in a wheelchair, he had visions of what needed to be done.  Over the years there were rooms added.  And I remember when we got running water.  And then the next year HOT water in the kitchen sink! (So you didn't have to heat water to wash the dishes).  It wasn't until I was married that there was "indoor plumbing" - a bathroom.  Otherwise it was the outhouse.  This was a cabin. Not a lake home.  Small and crowded but wonderful.  I can still smell the aroma of wet tennis shoes drying out on a kerosene stove.  I remember the year that my dad put the knotty pine paneling in the living room. It was one of the hottest summers we had ever had.   My dad sweated his way through that project.  Yep, this was where so many of my family memories were made.  One of the last major projects on the house was a screened in porch.  That porch was amazing.  The hours that we sat out there, after dark and just talked.  And laughed. 

But life happens.  My siblings and I all grew up and had families and work and responsibilities. Many of us moved far away.  And the cabin sat empty for long stretches.  Even after my dad died, my mom continued to go to the Lake. Thanks to my brother Jerry, she went until the very end of her life.  Then my brothers continued to use the cabin for a couple of weeks each year.  Well today I found out that the cabin has been sold.  I am glad that my brothers are not worried about the maintenance and upkeep anymore.  But I admit I got a little chocked up hearing that it was no longer in our family.  And I felt a little blindsided by this news.  I don't know why.  I knew that my brothers were talking about selling and even my mom had been suggesting the sale before her death.  But I guess the reality just hit me.  So I felt a little blind-sided.

It has been good for me tonight to remember.  To think about and hold on to the memories of the cabin on Lake Maud.  And to celebrate my family. So once again, I am so thankful for pictures and treasured memories. I am especially grateful for the vision that my dad and mom had of the kind of place that the Lake became for us.  You know that God is in those kind of decisions.  For almost 60 years our family was blessed with this gathering place.  Yahweh, thank you for your destiny for my family that included Lake Maud.  I pray that the new owners of this wonderful little cabin find not only love, joy and peace there, but also you Yahweh.  Thank you for my family. 

What I learned in Vacation Bible School (today!)

It is HOT outside today -  I mean HOT -  like buckling the roads and melting the pavement hot.  I know that I don't usually focus on such mundane things like the weather, but today is just one of those days.  In spite of the heat, what is on my mind is something quite COOL!  (Okay - I know I am showing my age, but to me, something "cool" is well..... AMAZING! ) Today I went with my daughter Gwen and her children to their Vacation Bible School.  There is nothing better than a large group of kids singing, dancing, playing, crafting, just generally having fun while learning about Jesus.  I loved watching my grandchildren - oh how fast they grow up.  But the best part for me was watching my daughter, Gwen, lead the singing. It is wonderful watching someone fulfilling their destiny, right in front of your eyes.  She is talented and gifted in music, but her passion is sharing Jesus.   She loves children and she can relate to babies,  preschoolers, tweens, teens and adults. And they love her right back. What an amazing gift. 

All that aside,  here is a list of some of the things I learned today at Vacation Bible School........

1.  Don't worry..... just pray!
2.  Stand..........Strong!
3.  Spread the Love of Jesus to everyone!

Really - is there anything else that matters???  I need to take these lessons in and meditate on them.  Isn't it true that if we would stop all the fretting and just pray about things, we would all be better off?  It seems like such a basic principal, yet I know that there are far too many times that I worry more than I pray.  When I consider all the shaking and storms that seem to have been swirling around lately, the "Stand Strong"  message seems made for me.  When we are standing on Jesus, our rock, we ARE strong.  And it is our destiny to spread the love of Jesus to everyone.

Last night a dear friend was praying for me.  She saw me on the top of a Ferris wheel, at a carnival and there was colorful confetti just pouring out from me.  Today I pictured the love of Jesus as that confetti.  What an amazing picture.  Don't you think it would look wonderful if we could see the amazing colors of the love of Jesus pouring out of us as we walked through our day?  I am going to begin to think about the presence of Jesus that can change the atmosphere around me, as colorful confetti.  How beautiful would that be!

Yahweh, thank you for my amazing daughter.  Bless her and her family as she continues to walk in your plan and purposes for her life.  Thank you for those happy, dancing kids at VBS today.  Help them to hang on to all that they heard and saw today.  Water all the seeds that have been sown into their hearts.  And Yahweh, I want to thank you for the VBS programs Gwen attended and all the seeds that were sown into her life.  Thank you for what you are doing in my grandchildren.  Thank you for what you are teaching me.  And Jesus, thank you for helping us. 

 

 

Modern miracles....

So after my last post about my maternal grandmother and mom, I have been thinking about my dad.  My dad died in 1985 when I was only 31 years old.  I have missed having him around during most of my adult life.  I can't tell you how often, when I am with Doug or thinking about Doug, I think, "boy my dad would have loved him so much" or "Doug and my dad would have had so much in common". (I think this often about my son-in-law Tim also.  Doug and Tim are a lot alike!).  And, unfortunately, Doug has no memories of my dad.  Dad died when Doug was just 3 years old.  And thinking about my dad has me thinking about his growing up years. 

Here is a picture of my dad's family taken in 1919.  My dad is the little boy standing between his parents.



 

I love looking at the clothes and imagining the lifestyle at that time.  I love the fact that I can look at the older kids, standing in the back, and SEE my aunts and uncles.  I was blessed to actually get to know them.  But what ALWAYS goes through my mind, is my grandmother.  Both my grandmother and grandfather came to America from Sweden as "indentured servants".  They were young teenagers at the time and they left everything and everyone that they knew to come to a strange country.  I just can't imagine that.  And then they worked hard, as servants, for other people - as farm hands and maids, childcare workers and cooks. They met in Minnesota while working on neighboring farms. My grandfather served out the remaining time on my grandmother's indentured contract so that they could get married. Eventually, my grandfather purchased his own farm and they raised their children.   As you can see by the picture, there is a large age spacing between my dad and his oldest brother (standing behind his father).  Actually 20 years.  What tugs at my heart about this picture, is who is MISSING from this picture.  This family includes two more boys.  In the summer of 1913, Algot, who was 18 at the time, fell out of a hay loft onto a pitchfork and died of gangrene infection.  Also, Gustov, who was 6 years old, died of "sugar disease".  And then on August 20, 1913, my dad was born.  Can you imagine that?  Losing two of your children and then having a new baby - all in one summer?  And did I mention that my grandmother was 41 years old? 

 

 It has always been in my heart that neither of these boys -my two uncles - would have died if the same scenario played out in my lifetime.  We take for granted doctors and hospitals and antibiotics as well as other amazing medical advances like insulin.  But it was not that long ago that these "miracles" were not available.  I've been thinking about a video I saw on the internet the other day watch it here. It is a story about a 15 year old boy, Jack Andraka, that invented a way to detect pancreatic cancer for only 3 cents. Amazing. I can't help but think of all the other miraculous things, yet to be discovered, that Yahweh has gifted to people.

 

I am convinced that there are amazing, creative inventions and solutions on the horizon.  Yahweh's kingdom is ever increasing and His glory is being revealed through His people.  I am also convinced that my children and grandchildren will have a part in bringing about these miracles.   It gives me a hope and excitement for what is ahead.  And it gives me great joy.

 

Thank you Yahweh for helping me to see your hand in the many miracles we see today.  Thank you for my family and the way that you have gifted and used all the generations.  Yahweh, I pray special blessing on my entire extended family.  May they draw close to you and hear your voice.  Thank you for your great love and the gift of Jesus.   Amen

 

 

 

 

 



 











Life changing pictures....

Today I've been thinking about my "hobbies".  I have always been a reader and have said that books are my hobby.  But about 13 years ago my daughter got me started scrapbooking.  I LOVE SCRAPBOOKING!  There, I said it.  I am a true scrap lover  I find myself thinking about the scrapbook pages I will create as I am taking the pictures.  I now have a room in my house dedicated to this hobby.  And I can pretty much tell you where to purchase supplies for scrapbooking at the best price.  That is because I am a bargain shopper in all things - even this.  Currently I am more than a year behind in my "hobby".  There are pages for April of 2012 sitting on my table right now. But this is a "timeless" thing.  As a matter of fact, I am also working on a Heritage album of some very old family photos.   I love the fact that this hobby has given me a chance to fellowship with my daughter and my daughter-in-law as well as some other wonderful young gals in quarterly "scrapping weekends".  I have even been able to actually get a good friend of mine started in this addicting hobby. 

One interesting thing has been how much and how often Jesus has spoken to me through scrapbooking.  I have had times when I have chosen a specific picture for a page because there was a "hidden" meaning behind it.  And there have been times when I have "seen" a scrapbook page in a prophetic word.  I have never felt particularly gifted in the arts.  I am not a "crafty" person.  But there is something about creating these pages that speaks to me.

Pictures have always been extremely important to me.  I remember when I was very young, going through boxes of pictures.  I would quiz my mom over and over to tell me about the people and the events.  As child number 5 in the family there were fewer pictures of me than my siblings.  But I had a dad that also loved taking pictures. When I had my own kids I was determined to put all the pictures in albums - no boxes.  Unfortunately the 18 albums of pictures were "magnetic" pages that damage the pictures.  So now, my pictures have been taken out of albums and returned to boxes - acid free photo storage.  But boxes none the less.  Isn't it funny how sometimes the things we never want, actually end up being what we need? 

One of my favorite pictures is a very small, very old photo.  It was taken in the summer of 1916.  It is a black and white picture of a family sitting on the grass next to a  house.   Here it is...........

I will never forget when I found this picture - in the bottom of a box, actually stuck under one of the bottom flaps.  My mom was moving into a smaller apartment and we were helping her move.  It was in 2009 - and my mom was 94 years old.  I watched her face when I brought her this picture.  I will never forgot the emotion I saw there.  This is a picture of my mom as a 1 year old.  She is sitting in front of her dad.  Her mom (in the black dress) is looking at her.  The women with the other baby is my mom's Aunt Lydia and the other baby is her cousin Jeanette.  (My mom and Jeanette were really best friends as well as cousins).  The boy in the back, is Jeanette's brother Delwin.  The girls are my mothers sisters, Beatrice, Phyllis, and Eunice.  My mom did not remember this picture at all.  As a matter of fact, she said she had never even seen it.  You see, this is the ONLY picture anyone has of my mother with her mother.  My grandmother, Nora Toensing, died in April of 1917 - about 9 months after this picture and before my mom turned 2.  My mom had never seen herself with her mom.  I couldn't imagine that.  We actually only have a few pictures of my grandmother.  But this was a found picture that brought something amazing to my mom.  And to me.  We noticed that Nora is clearly looking at my mom - not the camera.  Her eyes are on her baby.  And my Grandpa seems so proud.  All my mom kept saying was "I can't wait to get to heaven to meet my mom".  For the next 2 years a restored enlargement of that photo sat where my mom looked at it everyday. 

I am so thankful for pictures.  And I am thankful for scrapbooking and photo storage and digital photos and scanned pictures that will preserve these for generations.   How wonderful that my grandchildren can hold on to these amazing bits of our heritage.  And I am so grateful that Yahweh planned for my mom to have and enjoy this picture at the end of her life.  It was not an accident that this picture was found.  It was part of God's amazing plan for me and my mom.  So I will go back into my scrapbook room and carry on.  Because there is importance and value to this hobby.

Thank you Yahweh for connecting us to our generations.  Your plan for us includes our family - past present and future.  Thank you for speaking to me through photos and for providing scrapbooking as a way to preserve pictures for my generations.  Thank you for this picture and for my wonderful mother.  What a blessing to know that she is celebrating with YOU right now.  Amen.