To honor Lucas......

Yesterday marked one year since our family was hit with the devastating blow of the death of Lucas.  It was such a shock coming off of the wonder and joy of his birth and being sent onto this path that we had never thought we would walk.  As November was approaching, Gwen and I talked about finding a meaningful way to honor Lucas' memory - something that the kids could participate in and understand.  We hit upon the idea of filling shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child.  This program lets you select a boy or girl and an age range and then fill a shoe box with toys and gifts as well as health items (soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, band aids, etc) and school supplies.  We decided that this would be a good way to share the love of Jesus in honor of Lucas.

I decided to fill 4 boxes for the youngest boys - ages 2-4.  It was good to purchase the small gifts and fill those boxes yesterday, even while feeling the sadness of missing Lucas so much.  It felt so right to be passing on hope and love for a child somewhere around the world.  

When my four boxes were filled (and I mean filled - I stuffed those boxes as full as I could get them) I was so happy to find out that you can actually track where your boxes go!  I was able to print a bar coded label that will send information to my email address, and I will know when and where my boxes are delivered.  I included a short note, some prayers and Bible verses, as well as a picture of our family.  Gwen's family also spent the day doing these boxes.  Six of them.  It will be interesting to see if we ever get any response to our notes that included our address.  

Yes, yesterday was a day of remembering and missing.  In the morning I went to my small group meeting.  I have said it over and over on this blog, but one more time.....I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THIS GROUP OF WOMEN!  Their prayers, their love, their support have been the glue that has helped me hold it together over this year.  They have listened and laughed with me and cried with me.  And they presented me with these......

Aren't they just beautiful?   When I look at these wonderful blooms, I see the faces of my friends.  Each of us growing closer to Jesus, each of us surrounded by the others.  Yes, we make a beautiful bouquet of fragrant prayers!  

So this year has passed and we have gotten through it.  It has not been easy, but we have done it.  Our family will always be missing Lucas.  There will always be that wondering what it would have been like.  But this is not something that is changeable.  It just is.  Yesterday I was reading another blog and I just resonated with it so much, that I decided to share it here....An Inch of Gray - Grateful.  

The writer lost her 12 year old son in a flash flood and she blogs often about grief.  I especially liked this blog, because I also feel grateful... in the midst of this last year.  It is another one of those things that just can't be explained.  

Next week I will deliver my shoe boxes to the drop off site and I will continue to pray for the little boys who will someday open those boxes.  I will pray for all those that handle these boxes along the way, and for the many other people who are putting together there own little boxes of hope.  If you want to be encouraged and lifted up today, take a couple of minutes to watch some of the videos on that Operation Christmas Child site.  They have story after story, of children who were impacted by the boxes they received.  It does make a difference and it is an easy way to send love to a child in need.  And it is a fitting way to honor our sweet little Lucas.  

Jesus, thank you for helping us to find a meaningful way to honor Lucas.  Bless all who are involved in Operation Christmas Child.  Continue to stir hearts to help and touch many through this project.  Thank you for flowers, for friends and for other blogs that bring your love and peace to us.  Thank you for your love and care surrounding our family during this year.  Amen

Feeling a tug back to Africa......

I mentioned in my last blog that a couple of opportunities have come up for me to connect with ministries in Africa.  I have to admit that I have been praying for direction and wondering just how I might get connected in the right place.  Then, as so often happens, it has all apparently been arranged for me!  So over the last few days, I have been remembering my time in 2004 in Kenya and Uganda.   And I was thinking about this sweet girl.

I remember that we saw her walking along the road as we were driving to the church (I use that term very loosely since it was just a small mud hut).  She was holding the smallest child in her arms and had that slightly bigger child strapped to her back in that scarf you see wrapped around her.  When she finally showed up at the meeting (after we had been there about an hour), she told the translator that she had come because she heard that we might have pencils.  She badly needed a pencil to go to school.  This little nine year old girl had walked a LONG, LONG way to come to this meeting, in the hopes of getting a pencil.  The hope of a pencil was enough for her to carry her younger siblings, over dusty, dirty roads and through rough fields, a far distance, on a very hot day.   As you can see in the picture, she got her pencil!  

So much about this trip changed my life.  In some ways it was reaching that destination.... finally getting to that promised place from my young childhood when a missionary had stamped my bible and declared "someday you will be a missionary".  In reality, it was just the beginning.  I began that trip believing that I had a message to share with the children (which I had) but I ended that trip knowing that my heart and deep desire was to speak that same message to the ADULTS so that they would understand the heart of Jesus for the CHILDREN!  Over the next few years, that desire to impact the children by reaching the adults, grew and deepened.  But I never really had a platform to share what was so firmly planted into my spirit.  Years went by, and I began to lose hope and to doubt that this was even something I was supposed to do!  The dreams continued to come.  That feeling that there was more ahead, well, it never left me.  I had left a part of my heart in Africa.  And Jesus was not letting me forget it!

When I returned from Africa I realized that my "eye sight" had changed.  I had a totally different view of my world.  I saw the wealth of our country in a new light.  The amount of resources that were available around every corner.  The quality of our educational system.  The opportunities our children have.  How much water we have and how much water we waste.  How good our internet access is and how good our cell phone service is.  But I also had a very different view of the church in America.  I couldn't imagine children walking miles to hear a speaker from another country.  I couldn't imagine the adults sitting in the dirt for hours listening to unknown people sharing about Jesus.  I had seen so much generosity and sharing from people who had so very little.  But whatever they had, they were willing to give.  Yes, I learned many, many lessons on that trip.

Yes, I am feeling a tug back to Africa.  I can't forgot those faces and the warm hugs I received.  I can't forget the joy.  Mostly, I know that Jesus is calling me to share the message he has given me and it seems that it needs to be shared in Africa.  I would be quite happy to share this message right here at home, but it doesn't seem that any doors are opening for that.  So for now, I will just be taking a few steps towards that new connection and will see where that leads.

I want to remind everyone reading this blog, that there is a destiny and plan for all of you that was set in place, even before you were born!  It is an exciting and wonderful path that is there, just for you.  And along the way there might be ups and downs and turns.  There might even be what looks like dead ends.  But you can count on Jesus to direct you and to turn you exactly where you need to be.   This is also a reminder to not give up on your dreams.  You just never know where those dreams will take you!

Jesus, thank you so much for giving me a new shot of hope in the past week.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding me of all of the ways I was touched by my trip to Africa.  Help us all to remember and hold on to the call and destiny for our lives.  Give us courage and boldness to walk out the path that opens up for us.  Help us to dream and think outside of the confines of our small world.  Thank you for the new things you are bringing into my life.  Amen

 

A glimpse of the path ahead..........

This was one of those really rare, first week of Novembers.  It was WARM (like close to 70) and sunny and just a wonderful late Indian Summer days- that is, until today.  True November weather showed up today in lower 50's and windy and cloudy.  But I really enjoyed this week outside.

During my day with the twins we went on a long walk (while their mom spent the entire day collecting piles and piles of leaves from their many, many, many oak trees.)  Their street is amazing on any day of the year, but on this fall day it was lovely.

Their street dead ends into a forest preserve and when I reached the end of the road, I first saw a coyote cross the road, several feet in front of me.  Once the coyote crossed over into the trees, I walked a bit further.

And just as I got to this spot, a very large deer jumped out of the woods and ran across the road.  It seems really amazing that we live in a very crowded suburban neighborhood, yet so close to home you can step into nature.  Or have "nature" simply cross your path.  

Then, to continue my outdoor adventures, Gwen and I took the kids to a small, nearby animal farm.  When Gwen and Doug were little we often visited this wonderful park that includes an old railroad caboose.  It is small enough that the little ones can easily walk the entire park and they have lots of farm animals to see up close.  They have two coyotes and they don't look nearly as shaggy or scaring when they are in a pen! There was also a deer standing right next to the fence!  Not as surprising as seeing a deer leap across your path, but still very neat. 

Anna was interested in all of the animals and we had fun looking at the chickens! (Anna was a chicken on Halloween!)  She was a bit obsessed with the cow and several times took off running to get back to that pen.  It was just a great way to spend several hours outside in November.  I am very aware of how blessed I am to be able to spend my days like this. It is a wonderful gift.

Over the last couple of months, I have been really seeking direction and guidance from the Lord.  This week there has been so much encouragement to not forget the destiny that has been spoken for you.  So I have been revisiting the things that directed me in the past.  But there has also been a strong reminder that Jesus doesn't want us to just camp in one place.  Everything about our Christian life is a WALK.  Over and over we are reminded that you have to step out and go.   And through out the Bible, people ended up in situations that were not what they expected.  So this is a great time to keep walking and while remembering what we THOUGHT we were supposed to do, we should also be expectant for the very new thing that Jesus is doing.  

In the last two days I have received two very interesting emails.  The first email concerns a ministry to children in Kenya and the second email concerns a ministry to children and families in Uganda.  Hummm. After a trip to Kenya and Uganda in 2004, I have often said that I left a piece of my heart in those countries.  Each of these emails represents the potential to connect and move in ways that I had never expected.  Even if neither of these opportunities work out, it is still a huge encouragement to me.  

I am doubly grateful today.  Grateful for the amazing week outside, walking on those leaf covered roads and paths.  And I am so grateful for the reminder that Jesus is guiding me along the path into the next destination along the way.   And I am so thankful that Jesus knows my heart and is preparing that spot to answer the desires of my heart.  

Jesus, thank you for the wonderful weather of the last week.  Thank you for time to spend with my family.  Holy Spirit, keep us all expectant for the new things and the new paths that may be ahead for us.  Remind us of all that you have shown us, but help us to be able to imagine a change for the future.  Thank you Jesus, for your love and care.  Amen

Remembering.....with love

Today our family gathered to remember Lucas on his first birthday.  We spent time together just talking and then we visited the cemetery.

Doug and Susie had just had the stone placed for Lucas.  It was a beautiful day to be together.  The sky was blue and the trees were losing their leaves.  The stone is really pretty.  There are shades of blue and green and flecks of crystal.  The footprints are so sweet.  Gwen and Tim had the kids make their hand prints to leave for Lucas.  I made the wooden heart that says "Always in our heart".   We had time to reflect and just stand together.  It was so peaceful and so meaningful.  I was remembering last year when Doug and Susie had to select this spot.  It was one of those unimaginable experiences to be with your children as they select a grave for their baby son.  But even in all of the emotions and the horror of that day, I knew that this was exactly the right choice.  As I was standing there today, I was remembering the last line of my blog from last night.... Lucas is in that glorious presence with Jesus, forever.  

When we got back to Doug and Susie's house, we took pictures of Lucas bear with the kids with a picture of Lucas.  This will be a good tradition and a way to honor Lucas in the years ahead.

I have had many people say "how did you get through that?"  Looking back, I know that the only way I got through was because of the powerful presence and peace of Jesus through the Holy Spirit, and the prayers of so many faithful friends and family.  Let me tell you, in times like these, this is a very real thing.  And then you can put one foot in front of the other, get out of bed each day, and go on......day by day.  Watching your son and daughter-in-law go through this....is heartbreaking.  I fell to my knees over and over, pleading for Jesus to help them - to help all of us.  I found myself begging for hope and faith.  Jesus was there to pour out exactly what was needed each day.  A very wise person once told me that you never have the "supernatural faith" until you need it.  It is the faith that comes in those times of great need.  It was that faith that has carried us during this last year and will carry us into the future.

Lucas will always have his place in our family and in our hearts.  He will be remembered and honored always.  One day we will be reunited with him, in that glorious presence of Jesus, forever.  

Jesus, thank you for your great sacrifice for us on the cross.  Thank you for the blue sky today and the warm sunshine and the love of family.  Thank you for hearing my desperate cries of the last year and pouring out your love on our family.  Please watch over Doug and Susie and all of us in the next weeks as we go through this time of remembering.  Give us all more grace for those around us who are walking through grief.  Keep us sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit every day.  Amen

Couldn't believe what we saw tonight.........

So today Ken and I ran a bunch of errands.  We were very successful, for the most part.  We even fit in looking at some new cars (both of us are considering a new vehicle - so there is a lot of information to gather!).  I stopped and picked up some stickers for my upcoming scrapbooking weekend, and yes, that included some Christmas stickers.  I will be working on the end of 2013 and that includes Christmas!  The store was totally decked out for Christmas.  Trees, lights, wreaths, ornaments and even wrapping paper.  REALLY????? Who would need wrapping paper for Christmas on Halloween?  I was thankful to get these Christmas stickers for 50% off.   But then on our drive home, on a winding road near our house, there was a house with a fully lit up Christmas tree in the front window.  We could not believe it, but there it was.  Sigh.  I am really not ready for Christmas.

Doesn't it seem like we are just in a rush for well, everything? I for one, would like to slow down a bit.  Tonight we turn our clocks back one hour, and gain an hour of sleep.  I am thankful for that extra bit of time.  Not everyone in my family is happy to see this clock changing.  We agreed tonight that it would just be better if we left the time in one position.  Ken would opt for "double daylight savings time" if he could!  I just wish for one standard time that we would stick with.

When I was with the grandkids this past week, I listened to Ellie working on her Bible memory verses....Psalm 23.  So I have been "parking" on that Psalm this week.  Tonight I realized just how right on that was....

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul,

He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Your rod and your staff they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord, forever.  

This is in the New International Version. Then I looked at my current "favorite" - The Passion Translation....

I confess that I spent a lot of time focused on verse 4 in this translation.  This past year has felt a lot like the valley of deepest darkness for me and my family.  Even in that, I have felt so close to Jesus.  He has been leading me through it.  And that is the most important thing of all.  Jesus does not leave us in that place of darkness.  He helps us ALL THE WAY!  The next couple of weeks will be a time when we really need to know and feel the presence of Jesus with us as we face both the remembrance of Lucas' birth as well as the anniversary of his death.  I especially love the end of this Psalm in the Passion Translation.... when my life is through, I'll return to Your glorious presence to be forever with You!   So with that wonderful reminder of the incredible place where Lucas is, it will be a bit easier to get through these weeks.

Even though I might want to rush through these weeks, I don't think I will.,  I will just walk through, knowing that Jesus is close to me!

Jesus, thank you so much for all that you are showing me.  Even when that is Christmas on Halloween.  Help us all to stay focused on the truth that you are leading us so that we don't get overcome with fear and doubt and worry.  Thank you for your great love for us.  Amen

Back to my routine........

We got back from vacation and spent the weekend catching up.  You know... unpacking, laundry, shopping, etc.  Yesterday I spent the day with Gwen and the kids.  Even though it was a short vacation, I really missed them.  Today I was back at work with my little twins.  They spent a great deal of time today watching it "rain" leaves from the many, many oak trees in their yard and also watching it actually rain!  Like always, it is good to go away but it is also good to be back to the normal routine.

I have been in a bit of a "funk" over the last few days.  At least as far as this blog goes.  I passed by some dates that would have usually inspired blogs, especially my mom and dad's wedding anniversary.  They got married 79 years ago on October 25, 1936.  Today as I sat watching my little buddies longingly looking out that window, I was remembering a long ago dream I had.

Many years ago I remember thinking that most of my life, I was just looking through a window at a big party taking place inside.  And I was not invited.  There were lots of reasons that I felt this way, and it is not necessary to go into that today.  I am sure most of you can relate.  Don't we all have times and situations that leave us feeling like an "outsider"?  It was a dark, dreary time for me.  But then I had this dream..... I was in that familiar place outside of what looked like an amazing party. Suddenly Jesus was standing there with me and he asked me why I was so sad.  I remember trying to explain how I was feeling.  At that moment Jesus spoke a life-changing lesson to me.  It was so simple and short.  "BE CONTENT WITH ME"!  Of course it didn't take me long to realize that Jesus was OUTSIDE of that party and standing there with me.   The party didn't seem quite as wonderful when I put that information into the mix.  The grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence. That feeling of not fitting in and/or not belonging is not from Jesus or the Holy Spirit.  It is just another way that satan works on our emotions to bring us down.

It is interesting how quickly I could forget this message.  Rather than thinking about all of the positive and wonderful things in my life, I was choosing to focus on what is missing.  Being away for a short time does make the routine seem a bit dull when you return.  So I am going to shake off this funk and make a choice to share some of the wonders from my time away....

*Jesus reminded me because we have the Holy Spirit, we can depend on "warning flags" to keep us out of dangerous situations!  (This was in response to those Red Flagged/Purple flagged days on the beach).  Wow....this is such a great reminder. And I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit!

*As I was sitting in the very chilly early morning pre-dawn, waiting for the sunrise, I was reminded that the sun rises every day....  and when the sun rises... it does warm up!  And I am thankful for that.

*It was very windy..... but boy, the Holy Spirit is often seen as blowing in and or over us!

*Listening to the waves crashing on the shore, all I could think about was the immense power of God.  It was his idea and the spoken word, empowered by the Holy Spirit that everything came into being.

Yes, it is much easier to be content when you  take a minute to run through some wonderful things.  In addition to the wonderful things, remembering that Jesus is standing right here with me is really all I need.

If you have felt a bit down lately, take it from me,  if you have Jesus next to you, you are in the right place.  Don't let the thought of what is outside that window distract you from the truth.  The truth is, with Jesus everything is really okay.  With Jesus and the Holy Spirit you are in exactly the right place.

Jesus thank you for another reminder of this great lesson.  Thank you for vacations and also routines at home.  Holy Spirit, thank you that we can count on you to warn us about hidden dangers.  Help us all keep our thoughts on the wonders all around us.  Amen

On the homeward stretch.......

My blogs over the last week or so have been about our vacation.  We have started the homeward stretch of the trip with our final stop Memphis.  We spent a really enjoyable day in New Orleans yesterday.  We stayed right downtown on the Mississippi River.  We walked the French Quarter, visited some amazing food places and even took a ferry ride on the river! We decided to try to eat "local" foods on this vacation and for the most part, we have succeeded!  We ate shrimp and fish during our entire stay on the gulf coast.  In New Orleans we even tried this.....

Alligator and Fried Catfish!  I thought the alligator had a very odd texture and really didn't care for it.  Ken ate it all!  I loved the catfish.  It was crispy and mild!

 

We had been told not to miss Cafe Du Monde so it was one of our first stops.  These pastries are simply decadent!  There must have been a pound of powdered sugar on our plate!  We both loved these!  It was a great day in New Orleans.  This morning we drove to Memphis, heading north towards home.  We are actually staying here tomorrow also, so we will have more time to look around.  Today we walked around and saw a bit of the "downtown" area.....

On our way to have "Real Memphis Barbecue".  We walked on Beahl St. and heard lots of blues music and jazz.  And then we ate.....

at a local barbecue joint recommended by the bell hop at our hotel.  It was really good food.  

Its been interesting to eat local.  You really get to see the regular people rather than just the tourists.  I think you also have the chance to pick up on the true "vibe" of a place when you do this.  We have been really surprised by the economy in Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana.  There are lots of people living way below the poverty level.  In all three areas we could still see signs of hurricane damage and ongoing repairs - even though it has been years since Hurricane Katrina.  The local people have for the most part, been friendly and helpful.  One thing that I noticed was far fewer churches than we are used to seeing.  In spite of that, I have sensed the presence of the Lord very strongly in these places.  New Orleans is very dark spiritually.  There is a lot of occult activity and I felt that as we walked the streets.  But even then, the presence of Jesus was clearly walking with us. There has been peace and calm as we have walked among the people.  There is a very real divide between the poor people and the wealthy.  We saw it yesterday as we walked through an "upscale" shopping area on the river just a block from a park filled with homeless people.  Today was a similar situation with our very nice hotel just blocks from the "real" downtown Memphis where there are bullet holes in the signs on the streets.  This has given me a lot to think about.  As we were driving through Mississippi today, I looked up some facts about the state (isn't it amazing that we have all this knowledge available at our fingertips on our phones?  Today especially I was aware of how blessed I truly am to have this).  Ken and I couldn't believe what I read.  The average income in the state is around $36,000 and many of the families are below the poverty level.  Let that sink in a minute.  WOW.  All I could think about is all of the children who don't have enough to eat or don't have proper clothes to wear.  It is good to help people in foreign countries, but then you hear a statistic like that and it makes you think!   Yes, it is good to see your country for yourself. It is good to walk the streets and meet the people and really LOOK at their homes and see into their spirits.   

Ken accomplished something else on this trip.....he crossed another state off of his list of states to visit.  He had never been in Louisiana.  Our list of states to visit is shrinking!  Ken has only 6 states left to visit (Alaska, Hawaii, Maine, Nevada, Montana and Wyoming) while I have 11 (Alaska, Hawaii, Maine, Nevada, Oregon, Arizona, Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, Vermont and New Hampshire).   We will be planning more vacations and taking time to really see these states.  It is really eye opening.   It sure gives you a better idea how to pray!  

In just a couple of days we will be home.  It is always good to be away and even better to be back home.  This has been a trip of many stops and seeing many different things in all new places for Ken and I.  It has been a trip for us of going "outside of our comfort zone".  And that is good.  

Jesus, thank you for encouraging us to go into new places and see new things.  Thank you for opening my eyes to the poverty of the south.  Holy Spirit give me wisdom and opportunities to make a difference for these people.  Thank you Jesus for your presence with us and your protection over us.  Thank you for new food and new sights.  Amen