Missing my mom......

My mom died six years ago today.  I never have to stop and figure out how many years it has been, since Zeke was born just a month after Mom died - actually on her birthday.  And since Zeke will soon be six years old - well, it must have been six years.  I was so blessed to have my mom for a long, long time.  She was almost 96 years old.  But I can tell you, it really doesn't matter HOW long - it is never long enough.   These last six years have had so many moments when I would have loved to talk to her.  To get her opinion.  Or to just laugh with her.  Our moms hold a special, special place in our hearts that is not easily filled by anyone else.  I actually took a picture of this photo which is in a scrapbook that I made for my mom.  This very "impromptu" picture was taken by my dad, as my mom and I were working on a holiday dinner in December of 1971.  My mom never liked our kitchen in this house.  It did not have much counter space and we were always trying to work in a very cramped little space.  In thinking back to that lack of working room, it may be why I am so comfortable in my own very small kitchen that doesn't have much counter space! I got used to it when working with my mom!   I love this very genuine smile on both our faces.  

I was searching through our scanned photos for a picture of me with my kids when they were teenagers.  I settled on this picture which was taken on Easter in 1999,  An interesting fact I have discovered -  I am not in very many pictures.  That is because I was usually the one TAKING the pictures at the events!  So it is hard to find pictures that include me with the kids.  Looking back at that picture of my mom and I, I realized just how important it is to keep taking pictures with our kids! I am so thankful that I have that picture of Mom and I and I am grateful to have this photo with both Gwen and Doug!  

Today at my small group, I mentioned that these weeks in April are a bit difficult for me.  During these weeks, my mother, father, sister, mother-in-law, and father-in-law all died.  And even when I KNOW that these dates are just days on a calendar, I still feel that melancholy heaviness trying to get me down during this time.  I am so thankful for the prayers of my friends today, that lifted that heaviness off of my heart.   I was thinking of just how fitting it is that Easter falls during these weeks this year.   It is a time when it is easy to fall into that sad/mourning time as we remember the events of Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.  I have always tried to imagine just how distraught the disciples must have been on that Saturday.  When their friend was gone and they could not begin to come up with a plan to go forward.  They had believed their teacher, but it was dark and cold and empty with his death.  But then Sunday morning came!!!  What an amazing, wondrous time that was. For us, even with the heaviness of Holy Week - we know that Sunday is on the way!  Jesus has risen! He is alive!

The best part of this is the reminder for me that Mom is in that amazing place right now, praising Jesus.   And she is with her mom - something that she longed for her entire life.  (Her mom died when she was only two years old)  And the happy news is that one day, I will see her again.  And that makes this day of missing her so much easier.    I know that I have blogged before about the song "In Christ Alone".   My mom loved this song after she heard it.  She said it told the whole story.  So once again, here is In Christ Alone in honor of my mom.  And it does really tell the entire story of Jesus.  

I just love this last stanza of this song. there is a message there for all of us. 

No guilt in life, no fear in death - this is the power of Christ in me.

From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns, or calls me home, here in the power of Christ, I'll Stand!

Jesus, thank you for powerful songs that tell us your story and help us share that story with others.  Thank you for the comfort you bring to all of us who are missing loved ones who have died.  Give us all the reminder of the hope we have in you, Jesus.  Amen

He is Risen! He is Risen, Indeed!

 We had a great Easter with our family.   I especially love that the kids personalities come through in this picture!  It reminded me of another Easter...... so here are a couple of throwback pictures of a long ago Easter in 1990!

Back to the present time which was much less "Nautical"!  We all went to church together.....Doug and Susie, Gwen and Tim and the kids and Ken and I.  We crowded into one row of chairs with the kids sharing our laps and the space between the chairs!  It was a wonderful service and we sang one of my favorite songs.  It does bring tears to my eyes, along with memories of my mom, but I still love it.  The song, "In Christ Alone" is a special one for Gwen and me, and my mom loved this song.  Here are the lyrics....

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

'Til on that cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Every time I hear this song I am transported back to the very first time I ever heard this song.  My mom and I always attended a conference held near her house, during my August visits.  There was one year that Gwen came to the opening worship service with my mom and I.  The conference was held in a large church that held several thousand people.  The place was filled to overflowing that night.  And this song was sung.  At the third verse........ 

                                                     There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

something happened that was just incredible.  At the line "up from the grave He rose again" there was a growing swell of people just shouting and clapping.  It filled the entire room!  The worship just stopped until the shouting and clapping had begun to quiet.  Finally, the song was finished and the worship continued.  But it was one of those holy, holy moments when you just know that something has happened.  The next day, Gwen was talking about this song....remembering that it was actually a modern hymn that told the entire Gospel message. She wanted to find a CD with song on it so that she could listen to it again and again.  We went to the Christian book store and began to look for this song.....and we did not know the name of the song!  My mom thought it was an impossible search without the title or the artist.  But Gwen found the song and we bought the CD!  It may seem like a little thing, but to my mom, Gwen finding that CD was a miracle.  She loved this song and as it became more popular, she would often tell me each time she heard it on the radio or when it was sung in her church.   I selected this song for my mom's memorial service and honoring my mom's wishes, Gwen sang it!  Gwen was pregnant with Zeke when my mom died.  But it seems so fitting that Zeke's first cry came on my mom's birthday, just a few weeks after her last breath.  Her legacy lives on.  

Yes, this song is an Easter song!  It has the message and the hope and joy that IS Easter, all in one song.  There is no guilt in life....and there is no fear in death.  Jesus commands our destiny!  What joyful, life giving words. I have a feeling that this "modern hymn" will be around for long, long time. 

We had a wonderful day being together.  There was the traditional egg hunt and lots of candy all around.  I loved seeing all 10 of us gathered around the table, eating together.  It reminded me of that great big banqueting table in heaven, and I was picturing all of those "saints that have gone on" around that table, feasting with Jesus.  It was a great ending to a glorious day.  He is risen! He is risen, indeed!  Alleluia!