My response to a comment on this blog.........

Today I got the following comment on one of my blog posts......

"You are amazing, the way you figure out the good side of things from bad things. Did you ever get mad at God? Did you ever blame God for Lucas' death?"

I have been thinking about this all day.  At first I was just going to put a sentence or two reply comment on the blog, but then realized that this is really a BIG QUESTION that deserves a more complete answer.  Remember that I promised to be honest on this blog.... totally honest.  And through the last 8 months I have been honest.  There have been many, many very down times for me.  Times when there have been more tears than I even imagined that I could cry.  But there have also been many times when I have felt that hope just rise in my soul.  And I have felt the joy and wonder of all that Jesus is doing right now.  But I want to be clear about this...... yes I have been angry about this whole situation. There have been times that, like David in the Psalms, I have been mad at God.  David didn't understand his circumstances, or the events surrounding him.  He was angry at God, but at the same time, he also always remembered exactly who God was.  So many of the Psalms begin in that place of sadness and anger but then they move on to the wonder and greatness of God. Yes, there has even been times I have shaken my fist at God.

Not because He caused Lucas to die.  But just because I was so angry that Lucas died.  Sin and death are in this world because of US..... not because of God.  His plan was for us to live with Him in the Garden of Eden and never know pain or sickness or death. God knows that we are hurt and angry.  And he is big enough to handle our anger.  We were not "made" to experience grief.  It is a part of our world because of sin.  Sometimes people joke about the shortest verse in the Bible..... "Jesus wept" John 11:35.  But this has become a very important verse to me.  Jesus understands.  He gets it.  He was experiencing grief in this world.  His friend had just died.  And he cried.  I have looked at that verse more than once in these last months. And when I go to Jesus in my grief, He fills me with the peace that passes all understanding.  

So, no, I never blamed God for Lucas' death.  And I know that the only reason that I can see the good side of things is because of Jesus.  Staying in touch with Jesus.  Keeping my focus on who He is and the knowing that His promise is to work good for those of us that love Him.  

"And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes."  Romans 8:28

I appreciate this comment on my blog from a friend.  It has given me another chance to remember how thankful I am for the presence of Jesus in my life.  This life is not easy.  Our world is difficult and at times so terribly hard.  There are so many things that we just don't understand.  But no matter what emotion we are feeling, whether it is happy, sad, scared, - whatever, Jesus understands and He cares.  

Thank you so much, Jesus, for this reminder that you care about our feelings.  Holy Spirit, encourage us to always be honest with Jesus about how we are feeling.  Thank you for bringing that wonderful peace when it is most needed.  And thank you for all of the people that read this blog and share their thoughts and comments.   Bless anyone who is struggling with anger.  Reach them and bring your love and your joy.  Thank you for being so present with me in my grief.  Amen

Early Christmas Gift.....to myself!

Today I was thrilled to open my mailbox and find this group of books.  I have posted and quoted from these amazing books....and now I own them all.  These are The Passion Translation by Brian Simmons.   There was a Christmas special for the entire set and then one day they actually had 20% off of that price.  So now I have them all at my fingertips.  I have been pouring over them.  Just picking them up and going from favorite verse to favorite verse.  And seeing new and different revelation on every page.  Isn't it funny how something like this can just change your whole attitude?

I was reading my very favorite Psalm.... Psalm 40.... I call it my Slimy Pit Psalm.  In the Passion Translation is reads like this....
"I waited and waited and waited some more; patiently knowing God would come through for me. Then at last, He bent down and listened to my cry.  He stooped down to lift me out of danger from the desolate pit I was in, out of the muddy mess I had fallen into. Now he has lifted me up into a secure place, and steadied me while I walk along his ascending path. A new song for a new day rises up in me because of all the great things He has done. Ecstatic praise pours out of me until everyone hears how God has set me free.  They will see His miracles and stand in awe of God and fall in love with Him!"

Needless to say, this translation has a "desolate pit" rather than a "slimy pit" but the idea is still the same.  The thing I love about this particular Psalm is the ending of this passage!  Because of my reaction to whatever the desolate pit is that I have been freed from, OTHER PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND JUST HOW AMAZING AND WONDERFUL MY JESUS IS!  Doesn't this just put a different spin on the terrible things going on in our life?  Just knowing that in some way, some how, Jesus will use these things to His glory.   And I love that there is also a new song that rises up in us.  Don't we all need a new song from time to time?  I am waiting for my new song to rise up in me right now.

Today I spent part of my day with Doug and Susie.  It is so good to be together.  There is something that just feels better being with people who understand exactly where you are at.  For me, it is good to be reassured that we are all holding on.  There are ups and downs.  There are waves of grief that sometimes just pour over us. We are calling out to Jesus and He has lifted us up.  And we are walking on.  It does seem to be an uphill path (an ascending path).  But we are not walking alone.   Jesus is with us.

I am very thankful for the assurance that Jesus is with us all.  I am so grateful for the way that the Holy Spirit brings exactly what we need, at exactly the right time.  Just like these books.  Yes, these books are a special, special gift.  One that will bless me greatly in the months ahead.

Jesus, thank you for new revelation from you Word.  Holy Spirit, thank you for knowing how to break into our day with your wisdom and direction.  Please help us all to stay on that ascending path.  Steady our steps as we take small steps on the way.  Remind us that you will be glorified through our praise.  Thank you for that new song!   Amen