My response to a comment on this blog.........

Today I got the following comment on one of my blog posts......

"You are amazing, the way you figure out the good side of things from bad things. Did you ever get mad at God? Did you ever blame God for Lucas' death?"

I have been thinking about this all day.  At first I was just going to put a sentence or two reply comment on the blog, but then realized that this is really a BIG QUESTION that deserves a more complete answer.  Remember that I promised to be honest on this blog.... totally honest.  And through the last 8 months I have been honest.  There have been many, many very down times for me.  Times when there have been more tears than I even imagined that I could cry.  But there have also been many times when I have felt that hope just rise in my soul.  And I have felt the joy and wonder of all that Jesus is doing right now.  But I want to be clear about this...... yes I have been angry about this whole situation. There have been times that, like David in the Psalms, I have been mad at God.  David didn't understand his circumstances, or the events surrounding him.  He was angry at God, but at the same time, he also always remembered exactly who God was.  So many of the Psalms begin in that place of sadness and anger but then they move on to the wonder and greatness of God. Yes, there has even been times I have shaken my fist at God.

Not because He caused Lucas to die.  But just because I was so angry that Lucas died.  Sin and death are in this world because of US..... not because of God.  His plan was for us to live with Him in the Garden of Eden and never know pain or sickness or death. God knows that we are hurt and angry.  And he is big enough to handle our anger.  We were not "made" to experience grief.  It is a part of our world because of sin.  Sometimes people joke about the shortest verse in the Bible..... "Jesus wept" John 11:35.  But this has become a very important verse to me.  Jesus understands.  He gets it.  He was experiencing grief in this world.  His friend had just died.  And he cried.  I have looked at that verse more than once in these last months. And when I go to Jesus in my grief, He fills me with the peace that passes all understanding.  

So, no, I never blamed God for Lucas' death.  And I know that the only reason that I can see the good side of things is because of Jesus.  Staying in touch with Jesus.  Keeping my focus on who He is and the knowing that His promise is to work good for those of us that love Him.  

"And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes."  Romans 8:28

I appreciate this comment on my blog from a friend.  It has given me another chance to remember how thankful I am for the presence of Jesus in my life.  This life is not easy.  Our world is difficult and at times so terribly hard.  There are so many things that we just don't understand.  But no matter what emotion we are feeling, whether it is happy, sad, scared, - whatever, Jesus understands and He cares.  

Thank you so much, Jesus, for this reminder that you care about our feelings.  Holy Spirit, encourage us to always be honest with Jesus about how we are feeling.  Thank you for bringing that wonderful peace when it is most needed.  And thank you for all of the people that read this blog and share their thoughts and comments.   Bless anyone who is struggling with anger.  Reach them and bring your love and your joy.  Thank you for being so present with me in my grief.  Amen

A present that really lasts.......and anger turned into peace

When I saw this bag sitting on the kitchen table tonight, the first thing I thought was "I need to call my mom!".   Now this is silly on so many levels.... since my mom has been gone since 2011.  But here's the reason.... it was one of those "Black Friday" shopping trips, oh so long ago.  I really don't think that my mom had any idea that this bag that she got for Doug would still be in use 25 years later!  Gwen got a pink bag and Doug got an orange bag.  I can't remember exactly what store we purchased these at (wish I knew, I'd be tempted to go back and buy something there!).  Even the zipper still works on this bag.  It isn't like these never got used.  For a long time these bags were the only suitcases that Gwen and Doug owned.  They went on camp outs, sleepovers, mission trips, and vacations. They flew with us to California and Florida and went back and forth to Minnesota more times than I can count.  Yes, these were a first rate Christmas presents that were given in love by my mother.  Yes, tonight I was missing my mom!

The bag is on my kitchen table because we are "doggy sitting" for Sammy and Kylie.

Doug and Susie are getting away for a few days.  They really need this time away and alone.  It is so good to be able to DO something that makes a difference for them.  We love these doggies!  They are very at home in our house.  And they are not much trouble.  Mostly they sleep in their beds.  And I must admit, I was quite thankful this evening when I took them for a walk and it was pleasantly WARM outside (I think it is in the upper 30's).   I don't know if I would have been so willing to let them leisurely sniff around if it had been 20 degrees colder.  But, tonight we had a nice walk.  

While I was letting the dogs just investigate our neighborhood, I had a chance to look up and appreciate the night sky.  And I took some great deep breaths of cool air.  And it was a great time to talk to Jesus.  Sometimes doing something different really lets you break out of the routine prayers and just have a great conversation.  Tonight was like that for me.  I was surprised that I was really angry today. Angry that I can't call my mom.  Just angry that Lucas is not here.  Angry that our family is so upset.  Angry that Doug and Susie are going through this.  And the thing is, it was okay that I was so angry.  I felt so much love and peace from Jesus that it really almost took my breath away.  Even though I expressed all these bad feelings.  In spite of the anger, Jesus knows and he loves me anyway.  Isn't that amazing? And not only does he cover me with his love, he brings me another measure of peace.  So that walk did more for me than it did for Sammy and Kylie.  And in that I am so thankful.

Jesus, thank you for letting it be totally okay for me to be angry!  Thank you for reminding me that your love is so much bigger than my feelings.   Holy Spirit, thank you for showing me that no matter where my feelings go, I can express them to Jesus.  Jesus, bless Doug and Susie and give them rest, peace and love during this time away.  Thank you for your care and protection for my entire family.  Amen