Making a choice.........

When I saw this picture above on Facebook, I couldn't help but stop and chuckle a bit.  I admit that I have been on quite a few of those roads.  Lately, I have been in that long and sometimes dark tunnel.  But WOW!  What a picture of perspective!  Sometimes all you have to do is look out the other window to get a totally different view of things.

Right now I am at one of my very favorite "happy places".  I am scrapbooking at a hotel with my favorite scrapper friends.  There is nothing that makes me breathe out more than sitting at a table with all of my "junk" spread out around me.  I am one of the fortunate ones that has a dedicated space at home to pursue this passion of paper.  But in some ways it is WORSE to have a room all set up because the packing up and getting ready to take your stuff somewhere else is a lot of work!  Some of my friends never really "unpack" their stuff at home so it is more of a grab and go for them.  Alas, it is one of those perspective things!  As I was lugging all of my stuff down the stairs this morning, one of my containers fell and burst open spreading everything all down the stairs.

I remembered seeing the picture about perspective and making a choice, so standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at this mess, I decided that it was a good time to clean and organize that container!  It was surprising how easy the clean up was with a little perspective change.  

Today I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Chasing Rainbows.  This blog post is "Winter of My Discontent" and boy could I ever relate to her words.  She has been grieving the loss of her special needs son, who died very unexpectedly.  I actually began reading her blog right around the time her son died.  I never imagined that her words would have so much impact in my own life.  That is until our family experienced an unimaginable loss.  I have to agree with Kate, the author of this blog.  It has been a winter of discontent for me.  Things have seemed difficult and at times, I have lost patience with myself. I have been sort of "slogging" through the grief of losing Lucas, as well as also trying to support and stand with my children as they deal with all that surrounds the death of a child.  It is comforting to know and be reminded that my path, our families path is just fine.  Even if it doesn't fit into someone else's ideas of what it should look like.  I am so thankful for the love of Jesus that surrounds me each day.  The very real presence of the Holy Spirit that fills me and comforts me.  I don't think I really understood what Jesus was saying when he said  "Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted" until now.  It is a very real thing, this comfort.  It comes in all different ways.  Sometimes it is voice on the phone when you most need it.  Or it might be a song or a verse that just reaches into a deep place in your heart.  Sometimes it is a blog post by someone you have never met..... or a picture on Facebook.  But one thing is certain.  Jesus is very aware of me.  He is very aware of you and knows exactly what you need.  

I will be making a choice today to look out the window and see the sun shine and notice that the snow is melting away (even though more snow is predicted for next week).  I will listen to the birds chirping in the trees and let the breeze blow into my face.  Today, I will smile.  And I will do lots of scrapbooking.  And I will laugh with friends and I most likely will shed a few tears.  But it is well with my soul.  

Jesus, thank you for being with me everyday and in every thought.  Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit who brings peace and comfort when it doesn't make any sense.  Thank you for Kate Leong and her blog that reaches so many.  Bless her and her family as they continue on their own path of grief.  Thank you for the many who have stood with our family during this time of sorrow.  Jesus, help us to turn our eyes forward... to look to you and to make a choice to see out of the other window!  Amen

going forward....through Thanksgiving

So here it is, the evening of "Black Friday".  And what I am feeling right now is an odd mixture of tired, glad that the holiday is over, with a bit of thankfulness thrown in.  This was a very different and extremely tough holiday for our family.  It was not one of those unexpected "waves" that I've been talking about.  No, it was an EXPECTED hard event that could not be avoided or just forgotten.  As a family, we did what we have been doing..... we put one foot in front of the other and walked through Thanksgiving.  As difficult as it was for me, I really can't imagine what Susie and Doug were experiencing.  For the last few years, Gwen and Tim and the kids have been staying overnight at our house a couple of nights.   Gwen and Tim have run a 5K race early on Thanksgiving morning a couple of years now, so it has worked out that we can watch the kids while they run the race.  Gwen and I have been "Black Friday" shopping together for at least 13 years (we aren't sure exactly when my mom stopped visiting us at Thanksgiving, which is when Gwen started shopping with me).  For Gwen's family this yearly shopping trip is an important money saving event.  The purchases always include birthday gifts for each of the kids for the next year, as well as a supply of "random birthday gifts" for all of those invitations that arrive home from school for friend's birthdays.  There really are many great money saving deals on this day.  So we proceeded with our "normal" plans.  The kids really look forward to having a "sleepover" at Grandma Lyn and Grandpa's house.  And I admit it is a very special time for me also.  In spite of the bitter cold (like single digits!) Gwen and Tim ran the 5K.  And the kids and I stayed in the nice warm house and did this....

Really, is there anything better than Play Do Therapy?  We had a great time.  I even let the kids mix the colors!  Who cares when you have 8 cans of stuff that only cost $2.00?  (Thanks 5 Below).  When Gwen and Tim got home from the race, the planning began for our big shopping trip.

Don't you just love that Anna was giving her mommy and daddy some help reading the ads?  Gwen is calling out the items to put on the list, and Tim is dutifully typing them into the computer.  Yes, we are VERY organized.  We take this shopping event seriously.  I know that there is a LOT of controversy about shopping on Thanksgiving, but for Gwen and I, it is really a Godsend.  It is so much easier to leave the house at 3:30 in the afternoon, hit 5 or 6 stores and be home by 9:30pm.  That way we can easily get up at 5:30am to begin "Black Friday" shopping at the remaining 3 or 4 stores.  Let me tell you that going out at 11:30pm when the stores opened at Midnight was HARD!  And even worse was getting up at 3:30am or 4:00am  when the stores were opening in the middle of the night.  The current set up is just so much better.  Thankfully, Gwen and I made good choices on the order of the stores and we were able to purchase almost all of the items on her list.  We made the choice to stand in a line (outside, in the cold and it was snowing!) at Toys R Us for about an hour before they opened.  But this strategy allowed us to be in the first group of shoppers in the door.  We got EVERYTHING on Gwen's long list, and were checked out and in the car heading to our next stop in 15 minutes.  Yes... 15 minutes!  For the most part, people were friendly, helpful and kind. This morning, at our first stop we actually stayed in the car until the doors were open.  And we STILL got everything on our lists.  The only negative to this stop was the lack of a shopping cart!  It is really amazing how much stuff you can carry if you have to!   We were home by 9:30 this morning with our shopping complete.

To complete our "normal" Thanksgiving, we all went to Doug and Susie's house for our turkey dinner.  Usually Doug and Susie do the bulk of the cooking with Doug smoking the turkey.  This year, Doug still wanted to make the turkey (inside) but we brought the rest of the meal.  I am sure this was still quite difficult for Doug and Susie, but as I said, we are all moving forward.  It was good to sit around their table and share this wonderful meal.  I think we all needed this time together.  It was important to all of us to pray together our family mealtime grace....

"Come Lord Jesus, be our guest, and let these gifts to us be blessed, Amen"

If there was ever a time that we all needed Jesus to be there with us, it was today as we were so missing precious Lucas.  We also needed to express - out loud - that we have been given so many gifts that are a blessing to us.  Usually we talk about all that we are thankful for during this meal.  But this year it was enough that we were sitting together, in a warm house, eating good food.  I know that Jesus was sitting with us at that table.  I could feel His presence so clearly.  After we finished eating, we all went back to the family room to let our food settle a bit before desert.  Anna had been fussy all day and had not slept well at all.  Gwen discovered the reason.....her first tooth had popped through! Susie picked up Anna and to distract her, gave her a set of keys that were on the table.  Anna just relaxed in Susie's arms and laid back to look up at Doug, who was sitting next to Susie.  Within a few moments, Anna was peacefully sleeping.  Anna rarely will sleep in someone's arms.  She just doesn't do this.  I was sitting next to Susie on the couch and realized that I was holding my breath.  Only Jesus could have arranged this sequence of events.  I can't imagine who difficult this was for Susie and Doug.  But Anna is their niece, and they love her dearly. And in that moment, I felt the peace of the presence of Jesus again so clearly.  This time was a gift.  And we were so blessed.

Jesus, thank you for your presence with us that is so healing.  Thank you for helping us walk on through difficult times. Thank you for guidance and direction in all things, even shopping.  Holy Spirit, help us all to welcome Jesus into every part of our daily life.  Thank you for pouring out your blessings on us.  Please continue to comfort Susie and Doug, and help us all to know your presence
with us. Thank you for your great love.  Amen

It is NOT about me!

In my last post I purposed to see all of the Jesus moments on my scrapbooking weekend.  So, here is my list of some of the moments...

1.  The hotel is one of the best we have ever used for our scrapbook events.  The room was fully prepared, even including extras like coffee, water and cookies!  I really see this as a Jesus moment when sometimes things are not so smooth.  As a matter of fact, our last event we had no tables.  This is a very important part of scrapbooking - we need tables to work on!  Since I coordinated this event, I had prayed for a smooth set up.  The staff were all wonderful.  Thank you Jesus!

2.  Once again, I am so blessed by this group of gals.  We have had so much great conversation, lots of laughs, so many stories and memories.  And we get to see everyone 's pictures.  Thank you Jesus!

3.  IT WAS SO QUIET!  Last night was so quiet in our rooms that we all slept well.  Sleep seems like something that should not be a "Jesus moment" but for most of this group of people, sleep is a very precious thing.  So a night of quiet and peaceful sleep, really is a God thing.  Again, Thank you Jesus!

4.  FIREWORKS!  Who would think that we would be treated to an amazing fireworks display on BOTH nights?  And it is AUGUST - (not the 4th of July)! And the Jesus moment of this is that several of us had not seem any fireworks this year on the 4th.  This is, again, a way that Jesus knows exactly what we need - even when we don't know that we need it.  The fireworks were so beautiful and went on and on.  And really did take our breath away.  It was so a Jesus thing.

5.  FACETIME!  What an amazing gift to be able to not only talk with my precious little grandchildren, but to SEE their faces.  Oh, how precious it was to hear "Hi Grandma!" and to see those faces pressed up close to the screen.  Thank you Jesus for the gift of live video chat.

Now for a very personal Jesus moment....  I am so thankful for the time to just be outside of my normal routine.  I know that my normal is not so busy or crazy that I should really need this, but I have been aware of just how "cluttered" my day to day really is.  I think you can only see that when you step away from normal for a few seconds and then look carefully at what you are feeling in that moment.

I have done a lot of "speaking to myself" this weekend.  And I know that Jesus is the one doing the talking.  As I have offered some words of comfort and understanding to others, I have been given comfort and understanding.  One of the biggest things I have learned this weekend from Yahweh is that everything going on around me is simply not ALL about ME -  "IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!" You know what I'm talking about here, don't you?  Those times when everything around you is in an uproar or when you begin to feel like the entire world is against you?  Well, in those times, it is more than likely NOT about you.  That big crisis or that gossip-filled office or all that Mella-drama in a family are more about the OTHER people in the situation, and not about you.  But satan just wants us to keep on thinking that it is all about us.  When we live in that place of condemnation and turmoil, it becomes so difficult to even think about seeing or hearing Jesus.  That is the exact place that satan wants to keep us.  Cut off from the presence of Yahweh.  So, in the next days, I am going to be doing a lot of reciting to myself......"IT IS NOT ABOUT ME!"

Thank you Yahweh, for this refreshing and life-filled time away.  Thank you Jesus for reminding me that in the ordinary times you are here with us and you are speaking through us and to us.  I pray a special blessing on my scrapbooking friends.  Bless their families (all the husbands who stayed at home, especially the ones taking care of all the children) and the homes.  Please remind me, Holy Spirit, that every situation is not about me.  You are at work around me, protecting me and blessing me.   Thank you!   Amen