Social Distancing - what I have been doing!

Most of you know that I am a scrapbooker.  During this time of "forced" staying home, I am thankful to have a hobby that is ready and waiting for my action.  Yesterday I spent a very long time re-learning my Cricut cutting machine.  They had changed to a new platform that I have never used and it took me a long time to figure it out.  I was successful and managed to make these embellishments for the group of pages I am currently working on.  As a disclaimer, I must tell you that I am really, really far behind on my efforts to scrapbook my photos.  Like years behind!  The photos I am working on right now are from June of 2017 - almost 3 years ago.  Here is a sample of what I have completed...

These pictures are actually from a time that I watched Gwen and Tim's kids while they went on a mission trip.  The kids look so young, which of course they were!  Three years younger!  

But I am committed to finishing these books and to finally "catch up" to more current pictures.  It seems like a daunting task, but one that is so valuable that I will press on!

I often tell people that I can talk for hours about why I think the activity of making these scrapbooks is so important.  There is something that is lost by having a bunch of digital pictures that are "somewhere out in the cloud".  While I very much appreciate that my photos ARE preserved out there, I also know that it is not the same as being able to pick up a book and actually see the photos.  I am convinced that one day, my grandchildren and even my great grandchildren will be thankful that I took the time to preserve these memories.  

For one thing, the dates of these pictures will be clearly recorded.  No one will ever have to guess at the date the picture was taken.  Because it is in a clearly marked book there will never be a question.  Also the people in the pictures are identified by the written messages on the pages.  All of the baby pictures will be clearly from each child.  There will be no mystery photos.  And the pictures will not be just jumbled together in a box.  I do have many photos (about 6 boxes worth) but they are all separated by year and in protective boxes that will preserve them.  Most have notations on the back to identify the people or event.  Again, not perfect but far better than what my mom did.  As child number 5, I know that I certainly got the least photos taken of me.  I am thankful for the photos I do have, but really wish there were more.  

When Ken's mother died and his dad moved to Florida, we became the owners of a couple of very old photo scrapbooks.  One of these belonged to Ken's great grandmother Kelly.  Unfortunately, nobody has any idea who the people are in these pictures.  I really hate the idea of these photos being lost, but on the other hand, I have no idea who might cherish them.  There was also an album from Ken's grandma Baker.  We were able to sort out a few of these photos and are very thankful to have them.  But again, so many were not identified.   These things make me more committed to spending the time to keep these memories recorded and preserved.  

Besides this scrap time, I have been really intentional about my Bible time.  This has really helped me to keep focused on the TRUTH - Jesus and off of the so bad, terrible news all over.  I am convinced that we can make a difference in this.  By heading the advice and/or commands of our government.  By staying home and only going out for necessary purposes.  I think that this is easier for Ken and I in some ways, because of his recent serious illness.  Before his hospital stay in January, I would not have thought about all of the different workers in the hospital who are dealing with this very scary virus right now.  In addition to the doctors and nurses there are the respiratory therapists, the transport people, the food service people and the housekeeping people.  Also, there are the patient techs (who do a lot of the basic care for people), the desk clerks, the information helpers, the security people and the valet drivers.   Each one of these jobs has hardworking and dedicated people who are going into potentially the most dangerous confined areas, to continue to serve all of us.  And they need our prayers.  We are so thankful for all of the people, doing these jobs, who helped get us through Ken's illness.  So right now, we can support them through our prayers and by doing our best to stay OUT of the hospital.  And then there are all the others who must continue to work (all of our Government workers from the President, senators, congressmen, governors, local authorities, police, fire, ambulance, garbage pickup, utility workers, grocery store workers, gas station workers and truck drivers).  They need our support and prayers also.  And then there are those who would LIKE to be able to stay home, but for various reasons they must continue to work.  It is shocking to me how many business owners have decided to remain open when this is a real crisis.  And so many people can not afford to sit home and NOT get paid. Yes, so many to pray for!  

I began this week with a phone call from my next door neighbor.  She called to make sure Ken and I were okay, and to ask if she could go grocery shopping for us.  This was such a wonderful and kind offer that really brought me to tears.  We are so blessed with our kids living close by that we know we would always have a way to get the items we need.  But I think that Jesus knew just how much this call would mean for me.  It was evidence that people are looking out for each other.  They are looking for ways to help and support those who might need it most.  Although all the schools are closed, provisions have been made for school buses to deliver lunches to the bus stops so all of the kids can be assured of food.  Gwen's church has handed out food bags - no questions asked - this week and many families came for food.  I am sure that as the weeks go on, more and more people will need to accept help from others.  People are seeming kinder and more willing to look out for each other.  There is less complaining and more people are looking for ways to encourage and help one another.  I have decided that I kind of like this time, much more than I thought I would.  

So I will follow all of the recommendations.

I will keep my distance from others.

We are washing our hands often.

We are checking in with others to make sure they are okay.

I will keep on scrapping.

I will keep on Bible reading and praying.

And I will keep on blogging.

;Jesus, you are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  You are not surprised by this virus.  You have promised us peace and love.  Holy Spirit, help us to stay out of fear and worry.  Give us reminders of all of your promises so that we can walk through this time with boldness and courage.  Thank you for the kindness of strangers, for the help of loved ones and for the care and concern of our government.  Cover our families with your blood that guards us and protects us.  Draw the hurting and scared into your loving embrace.  Thank you for being with us all.  Amen  

Sad family news... and response to Corona Virus

This week we learned that Ken's brother-in-law, Wayne Purvis, died on March 8, 2020.  I had conversations with Ken's sister Sue while Ken was in the hospital.  Sadly, Wayne had been dealing with brain cancer for the last two years and had not been doing well.  It is one of those situations that you really don't want to think about.  What will we do if Wayne passes away while Ken is in the hospital.  While that did not happen, we are now looking at the recent travel issues with the Corona Virus.  Florida suddenly seems a very long way off and air travel does not seem like a good idea considering Ken is still recovering from a major infection.  While we want to be with family during this time, it just may not be possible.

Ken has so many memories of Wayne since he was a part of the family since Ken was a teenager.  By the time I met Sue and Wayne, their daughter Tracie was already born.  Wayne's job had them moving around often, but for one short season when their kids were both little, they lived in our area.   One of my favorite memories of Wayne is just how much he hated the winters in Chicago!  During that time we had one of our coldest winters and their house seemed to have frozen pipes all the time.  Ken and I both remember Wayne wearing multiple sweaters and long underwear in that house!  And many hours were spent trying to fix those pipes.  We were not surprised that shortly after that winter, they moved to warmer locations.  They did end up moving back to our area when their kids were in high school.  It was nice for Gwen and Doug to be able to get to know their cousins a bit better and we often spent Christmas at their house. When Wayne's dad could no longer live alone, he moved in with them and they had a three generation household.  They cared for him until his death. After their kids were married, Sue and Wayne moved to Florida.  That warm weather and golfing year around suited Wayne. He had a motorcycle that he loved to ride, and often took trips with his friends.  Ken and I enjoyed many visits with Wayne and Sue after Ken's dad moved to Florida in 2009 to live with them.

They took care of Ken's dad for many years, watching over him until his death.  Our last visits with Wayne were in 2019.  He was making a valiant fight against the cancer, but it was sure taking its toll.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to Susan, Tracie, Michael, Wayne's sister Gina and all their families.  Although we can't be with you physically, we are remembering and celebrating Wayne's life.  

This has certainly been a time of reflection for Ken and I.  We are getting older and when a health crisis hits, all you can think about is a return to health.  Losing a loved one - a family member or friend - makes you so aware that everyone's length of life is unknown.  It sure makes you think!  And it makes it clear that you should make sure that you tell people how much they mean to you.  The world is experiencing an unknown epidemic, just declared a pandemic.  There is fear and dread and anxiety all around us.  But in the midst of this, is the overwhelming peace that passes understanding.  Gwen recently shared this with me....

When Martin Luther was dealing with the Black Death plague, he wrote these wise words that can help inform the way we approach things happening in our world right now..

"I shall ask God mercifully to protect us.  Then I shall fumigate, help purify the air, administer medicine and take it.  I shall avoid places and persons where my presence is not needed in order not to become contaminated and thus perchance inflict and pollute others and so cause their death as a result of my negligence.  If God should wish to take me, he will surely find me and I have done what he has expected of me and so I am not responsible for either my own death or the death of others.  If my neighbor needs me however, I shall not avoid place or person but will go freely as stated above.  See this is such a God-fearing faith because it is neither brash or foolhardy and does not tempt God."

                                                              Martin Luther

When I heard these words, they just felt right to me.  We can answer worry and anxiety with prayers and worship that brings peace.  We can go and do as we are called to.  We can make wise choices with our movements and also with our own persons.  But, in it all, we have to know that God is in control.  When our government issues policies and procedures, we need to honor them as long as they do not go against God's word.  Yet we can not take our eyes off of God's commands to us to love our neighbors and to go and make disciples.  Now more than ever, we need to look out for others around us.  For the widows, for the orphans, for the homeless for the distressed. 

I am so thankful that I know a loving, caring God that takes care of me and my family.  In life, in sickness and even in death.  So I will be careful to keep that distance from others.  I will wash my hands and (try) to keep my hands away from my face.  But I will not enter the ciaos of hoarding toilet paper and water bottles.  Lent is a good time for this.  A time for seeking the Lord and drawing closer to Him, even if it is not our choice.  God works all things for His good and this is no different.  Take a moment and re-read that Martin Luther quote.  There is much wisdom in those words.  Breathe in and be at peace.  Jesus has got this!  

Thank you Jesus, Wayne and his life well lived.  Be with Sue, Tracie and Mike, Gina and their entire family.  Keep them close to you during this difficult time.  Holy Spirit remind us that Jesus is bigger than the Corona Virus.  Give us all the reassurance that we need when fear and anxiety threaten to overwhelm us.  Keep all who are reading this blog safe from harm.  Draw us all close to you during this time of crisis in our world.  Thank you Jesus that nothing takes you by surprise.  You are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  Amen  

Can't believe it is already March...

Thursday we went to Gwen's house to celebrate Ellie's 11th birthday!  I really can't believe this sweet girl is 11 years old.  As you can probably see from this picture, Ken is doing extremely well.  We are, for the most part, back to our usual routines.  I haven't resumed watching Gracie yet since Ken still has multiple doctor appointments that I don't want to miss.  But hopefully within the next few weeks, we will be totally back to normal.  It was a special time today to just be with the kids and also - we got to pick up our Girl Scout Cookies!

We brought Ellie her Birthday presents and I was very happy to see her take the time to look through one of the books I had chosen for her....

I found these on the internet and they are extremely cool.  One is a book that has 26 famous and very successful people who had or have dyslexia.  The second book was 26 famous fashion designers.  Both important issues for Ellie.  Dyslexia has made it so difficult for Ellie to read, but with her hard work and hours of practice she is now a capable reader.  It is great that she can see reminders that this disability will not determine her success in life.  Ellie has certainly already shown that to our family.  I am pretty sure that she sold the most boxes of Girl Scout Cookies in her troop.  If she sets her mind to something, she is unstoppable!  She has the biggest heart and is always looking out for that person in need.  She has come up with a plan to make bags (she has already learned how to sew and owns her own sewing machine) that will be filled and given to families that are helped by Firm Base

(her dad's not for profit). Her recent birthday party included friends from church, dance, co-op, and family friends.  I have seen Ellie as a warrior, praying and caring for people since the day she was born.  It is amazing to watch those exact characteristics blossom and grow.  I can't wait to see exactly how far this young lady goes in the years ahead.  

Friday is also Doug's birthday.  Just as I wonder how it is already March, I am wondering where the last 38 years have gone since Doug was born!  This photo was taken shortly after Doug got home from the hospital at around 3 weeks old.    

I love this picture of Gwen, Ken and Doug.  Grace was at our house yesterday since Doug came over to help fix our washer and help us "cut the cable"!  Yes, we finally made the move away from cable TV after almost 40 years.  The kids have been telling us we should do this, but it was always on the bottom of the have to do list.  While Doug and Ken were busy with washer repair duty, Grace and I were looking through my files of photos of Gwen and Doug when they were little.  Every picture of Gwen that came out of the box, Grace declared that it was Anna!  Guess that is pretty good evidence that Anna looks a lot like Gwen.  

It is good to accomplish tasks that have been hanging around for a long time.  When Ken was recovering from his hospitalization, we talked about all the things that we wanted to get done once he was feeling better.  And we have managed to keep shortening the list.  One of the many follow up medical tests that Ken needed to have, was a CT scan of his liver.   That test was to determine if there was a liver abscess or if there was a potential cancerous tumor on his liver.  We are so thankful that the CT scan showed that the spot on his liver had shrunk considerably which proves it is a liver abscess.  While there are still further tests that need to be done and weeks more of antibiotics, both Ken and I could breathe a little easier after that good news.  We still need continued prayers for Ken's immune system to recover after the septic shock.  His blood counts are low which is concerning but expected.  So prayers for all blood numbers to increase would be appreciated.

I feel like I have had sort of an extended "lent" this year.  Most years during Lent, I make very intentional decisions to do a specific devotional, or fast from something specific.  Generally I have used the 40 days of lent as a personal time of reflection and prayer.  Because of Ken's illness, it feels like that set aside time started in January for me.  I have found it hard to focus and pray and very difficult to do my Bible studies. Yet for me, it as been a time of such dependence on Jesus every minute of the day and night.  On Ash Wednesday, I was lamenting that I didn't have any "program" planned for lent this year.  I realized that the entire 2020 was a drawing closer to Jesus.  When you are going through a difficult time, you have to rely on the ever presence of Jesus.  As I sat in the waiting room, walked the halls of the hospital, sat in the ICU, talked to doctors and nurses, argued with insurance people, tended to Ken's needs, relayed information to the kids, signed tons of paperwork, made so many decisions, - every day - every hour - every minute, I knew that Jesus was there with me.  And Jesus has been with Ken every second of this "adventure".  More than once I found the words of Psalm 23 going through my head....

"Even though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil, for you are with me."

This time has sure enough been in the valley of the shadow of death.  Being in ICU, death was all around us.  And Ken's condition was that serious.  But I loved that I had the reminder that I was walking THROUGH the valley, and not camped out or living in that valley.  And mostly that Jesus was there with me.  I don't think there is anything more comforting than that.  I am so thankful for the Bible and these verses hidden in my memory for the Holy Spirit to bring to life when I most need them.  I strongly encourage you to choose some scriptures that speak to you, and set them to memory.  You just never know when you will most need them.  Lent is a good time to begin to memorize scripture.  Why not start today?

Jesus, thank you for your promises which are always true.  You are always with us, in good times and in the challenges.  Holy Spirit, thank you for bringing into my thoughts you Scriptures when I most needed them.  Remind us all of your steadfast love and care, even when we seem to have forgotten you.  Thank you Jesus for doctors, hospitals, medicines but also thank you that YOU are the healer.  Amen

Progress - walking out of a difficult time

I really can't believe that it is the 21st of February.  I have lost most of January and most of February with Ken's health crisis.  But the very good news is that we are walking out of the crisis and back into our more normal routines. 

Ken actually drove over the last few days.  It felt really good to be a passenger once again!  I am not used to being the sole driver of the family.  And it was good for Ken to know that he was okay behind the wheel.  We thought that his IV antibiotics would be continued until at least the end of February.  So it was a (pleasant) surprise when the doctor's office called and summoned Ken back to the treatment center to have his IV removed.

The doctor transitioned Ken to oral antibiotics that are kinder on his system.  He will need to stay on these for a month, but it is progress!  This morning Ken stood in the shower for about half an hour.  That first shower after 6 weeks is pure heaven.  This morning Gwen and Doug both came over and all the grand kids had a a chance to play together.  It was a wonderful time to celebrate how well Ken is doing.  

During this blur of hospitals and doctors and IV's and worry, I have been so blessed by my wonderful friends.  This week a dear friend stopped by with homemade Chicken soup and crackers, which came with this adorable card..

I can't tell you what a  treat it was to have something delicious prepared for dinner, that I know also came with  many prayers.  Both Ken and I feel the power of the prayers of so many that have miraculously advanced his recovery so quickly.  

If there is one thing that I have had the time for in the last 6 weeks, it has been looking at magazines in waiting rooms through out the hospital.  I have scanned through some publications that I would never consider purchasing (or even looking at) if the situation was any different.  However, I picked up this magazine for the first time and was so impressed!

I confess that I am an HGTV fan and over the last weeks, that channel was playing often in Ken's room.  I love Chip and Joanna Gaines.  Of all the home improvement shows on that network, theirs is by far the best.  Their family focus and God focus come through in so many ways.  And this magazine was amazing.  I plan to get a subscription - something I never thought I would do.  There was so much more than decorating tips.  The interviews, the articles and even the ads are things that I want to spent my time thinking about, looking at and remembering.  I took a photo of one page that I just didn't want to lose.  

These are monthly prompts for journaling that will help to keep your focus where it needs to be.  While she doesn't talk about this from a Christian perspective, it is clear from each prompt that all the ideas reflect principles that are Biblical.  I love that through this "secular" publication, Joanna is reaching so many people in ways that will allow the Holy Spirit to touch them.  What an amazing gift.  I loved this family before I read this magazine, and more so now.  Finding this magazine was certainly a "God moment" for me.  Just one of many small things that kept my focus exactly where it needed to be.  

When you are doing the ordinary routines of life, it is easy to miss the ways that Jesus is watching out for you and your family.  But when you are in the midst of a crisis, those touches from the Lord become flashing beacons in the darkness around you.  From that first night and the Bible verse that was so perfect (see my last blog) to finding this magazine on a waiting room table, there have been countless, wonderful glimpses of the protecting, caring hand of God on Ken and our entire family.  I know that it is miraculous that Doug, Gwen and I did NOT get sick ourselves during this time.  We used tons of hand washing and sanitizer but still - the hospital was filled with so much flu and so many nasty viruses.  I know it was supernatural protection.  And none of the grand kids got sick either.  There were so many times I found parking spots right in front of the door to the hospital.  I could go on and on.  I found myself often reciting (silently) Psalm 23 - along with the reminder that we are WALKING THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death.  I am so thankful for all of the scriptures and songs that I have memorized that truly came into my mind (by the power of the Holy Spirit) at just the right moment.  Yes, God is so good.  I am very thankful.

Jesus, thank you for knowing exactly what we need and when we need it.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding us even when we don't ask.  Thank you for prompting the prayers of others for us when we can't even pray ourselves.  Jesus, thank you for friends who meet us just where we most need them.  And thank you for Chip and Joanna Gaines and their family.  Bless their business to reach many for your glory.   Amen  

Where have I been for the last month....

Saturday, January 18, 2020 started off not unlike many Saturday mornings around our house.  Ken had not been feeling well for a couple of days, but we attributed this to a new medicine he was taking.  It had been leaving him feeling so drowsy and dizzy that he didn't feel like doing much of anything.  We had attempted to send a message to the doctor who had prescribed the medicine, but found out that he left the practice on January 1st.  We were trying to make a decision about these drugs, when things took an unexpected turn.  I left Ken resting in bed to attend a dance event for Lia.

Lia's Spotlight group tours around to local nursing homes and presents shows for the residents.  Gwen had suggested that I attend this particular day since there was plenty of room to view the performance.  I loved seeing Lia dance and also got to spend some time with Ellie and Anna and Gwen.  The weather was kind of nasty the night before and we had several inches of snow, followed by sleet/rain that hardened into a thick coating.  By the time I got home at 4:00pm, Ken was very sick.  After trying to convince him that it WAS necessary to go to the ER, I managed to get his car cleared off, him into the car and drive to the ER.  It was not a fun time.  Men can be very stubborn and put up quite a fight.  By the time we arrived at the (very crowded - overflowing) ER, Ken was not doing well.  They rushed us back for immediate help.  I am so thankful for the ER doctor who made decisions that I am sure, saved Ken's life.  The prompt response, the correct tests and rapid follow through, certainly made a difference.  The next several hours are somewhat of a blur..  Ken had Septic Shock and by midnight was on multiple antibiotics, had a breathing tube, multiple IV lines and was sedated in ICU.   Every story you have heard or read about the speed that septic shock can take over, is absolutely true.  It was discovered that he had a blood infection, from some unknown source.  His recovery was not without some hiccups, but by day number 13 he was finally released from the hospital to a rehab center.  He was still very weak (hardly walking) and on many new medicines - including an IV antibiotic that he will need to be on till the middle of March. He spent 5 days in rehab, not really getting any rehab, but getting stronger and able to do more walking.  It was a very happy day when I drove into our driveway, with Ken in the passenger seat. 

We are making every other day, trips back to the hospital for IV medication.  It is a simple procedure for the nurses to replace the bag of medicine in the pump case, which takes about 15 minutes. I would like to thank personally the inventor of this cool little pump that Ken carries around with him.  It silently delivers his drugs into his PIC line, every 8 hours.  This allows us to be at home during this long course of antibiotics.  What a blessing.  

I don't know how I would have made it through this event without my kids.  Doug and Gwen were at the hospital as soon as I called.  They left their families and put their jobs on the back burner to sit with me and listen to the many, many doctors and nurses giving us so much information that sometimes my head was spinning.  I couldn't be more grateful for their love and support and their concern for me, as well as Ken.  They made sure that I ate, brought snacks and drinks for me, reminded me when it was time for me to go home and sleep. And they laughed with me.  Something that I so needed during this time. Their presence made me sure - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that I need to stay living close to my kids.  Susie and Tim held down the home fronts with all of the kids.  The hospital had a strict "no one under 18 can visit" policy because of this years flu epidemic. By the time Ken was in rehab everyone could visit.  And it was a wonderful time celebrating Ken's recovery along with Anna's 6th birthday and Grace's 3rd birthday.  

And I am so thankful for all of the family and friends who prayed and stood with us during this time.  I could honestly feel your prayers and love even from distant places.  I tried to keep everyone updated on social media and the comments and texts and calls helped to keep me focused and supported.  My small groups sent messages of encouragement that kept my anxiety to a minimum.   

On that night of Ken's admission to the hospital, I was sitting alone in the ICU waiting room at one in the morning.  I was trying to process everything that had happened in the last 6 or 7 hours while still holding myself together emotionally.  All I could think to do was pick up my phone and open up my Bible app.  I resisted having my Bible on my phone for a long time, but I was so thankful that it was there at the push of a few buttons.  I opened up to the place I had left off reading.... Psalm 121.  

I lift up my eyes to the mountains -  where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; 

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber not sleep.

The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.  

A sense of peace and calm filled that waiting room (even though the television was blaring some children's show in Spanish and I couldn't find any way to turn it off).   It was one of those times when I had such a strong assurance that Jesus had the entire situation under control.  And it made it possible to just keep on walking through whatever came, day by day. 

 Last night I drove Ken to his monthly photography meeting at the Morton Arboretum.  I marveled at Ken, sitting with his "people" listening to a speaker talk about cell phone photography after all that he has been through in the last three weeks.  Today Ken and I went grocery shopping.  Can I tell you just how wonderful it is to do something so ordinary?   Even with the prospect of further therapy, more doctor visits, more trips to the IV center, ordinary feels so good.  I'm not sure what Jesus has in store for Ken and I in the next weeks/months ahead.  But I am sure that He is watching over us!

Jesus, thank you.  Thank you for who you are.  For your Word that meets us when we most need it.  Thank you Holy Spirit for connecting us to family and friends for support and prayers - even when we can't pray ourselves.  Thank you for medical advancements and doctors, nurses and other hospital workers who dedicate themselves to helping others.  Thank you Jesus, for ordinary moments.  Amen

Surprising responses...

This "Blog Book" arrived in the mail today.  I have ordered one every year since I started this blog in 2013.  Twenty nineteen is the seventh book on the shelf.  This last year has been a very tough year of blogging for me.  I paged  through this book and was quite amazed at some of the blogs.  I really thought that I hadn't written very much.  Yet, here it is, in book format, proof that I have continued to write.  I spent several days in the first week of 2020 thinking that I would just stop blogging.  That reflection was started by the process of ordering this book.  And then came that "muddy puddle" experience with Gracie that brought forth my first blog of 2020.

I don't think that there has been another blog in the last year, that has gotten the response that this blog generated.  I had posts, messages, private DM's, emails all saying the same thing!  People affirming the words I wrote about 2020.  That feeling of being so "done" and not really knowing what was ahead, were common to so many people.  I had someone from an "unknown region" send an email to my blog connected account, saying how much they appreciated knowing that they were not alone.  It was a surprise for sure.  Sitting in my little room, all alone and putting words on a screen can sometimes feel very lonely.  I always wonder "why am I doing this?"  I often think, "does anyone even read this?"  It is certainly hard to share when you have no ability to gauge the response of the listener.  I confess that part of the reason that I have continued to blog is for my own benefit.  These blogs represent a piece of our family history.  The stories and photos that are included may, one day, be important to my children and grandchildren.  That is why I have taken the time and spent the money to have the blogs put into paper format in these books.   But then the Lord reminds me that there is so much more going on through this blog.

At the end of the year, I went back and reviewed the statistics of my blog.  I looked at the "audience" by country.  I also looked at which posts were viewed most often.  It was so interesting.  I have a couple of older blogs that continue to be read over and over.   The top countries to read my blog in 2019 (besides the United States) were Russia, Kenya, Germany, France, Ukraine, Portugal, Sweden, United Kingdom,Indonesia and "unknown regions".  That unknown region category is new in the last couple of years.  I am not really sure if this represents China or Middle Eastern countries that might have restrictions on internet viewing.  But almost every one of my blogs is read by people in that place.  At one time I had a list of all of the countries that had appeared on my blog, but sadly, I lost that list.  I remember that there many, many countries - some I had to look up to find out where they were. Since 2018 my readership went from the thousands on each blog to less than a hundred.  This happened when Google stopped auto sharing Blogger blog posts.  I know that many people who had been reading just couldn't find my blog any longer.  I considered stopping my blog at that point.  But every time that thought crosses my mind, I seem to have a blog that touches so many people. 

One of those very old posts that is viewed over and over is called "Disciples who make Disciples" from July of 2016.  It was a post about the Bible Boot Camp at Gwen's church which is their vacation Bible school.  That year the kids learned about refugees in various countries.  I noticed that Turkey shows up when this blog is read.  One of my most read blogs ever is titled "What I learned at Vacation Bible School - Today" from July of 2013.  Over and over, this shows up as a blog being read now.  Clearly, the subject of Vacation Bible School is popular.  Among my most read posts is the blog I wrote after the death of my 10 day old grandson Lucas in 2014.  I don't remember writing that post, I know it was a struggle.  But I am so thankful that I pressed on and shared in the post titled "From Joy to Sorrow to Hope".  So many people have told me just how much that blog spoke to them. 

It has taken me a while to remember that Jesus is bringing the exact right people to my blog, at the exact right time for them. My job - my concern - is only that I continue to share what the Holy Spirit puts on my heart to share.  I just need to continue to pray that those people will see Jesus through my writing.  So, thank you to all who take the time to read these words.  I am so grateful for the comments and the responses that let me know you are out there.  It makes this writing thing so much less lonely.  As always, I am praying that you will be blessed by the words on the page.  Now, on to another posting....

Jesus, thank you so much for your continued encouragement to share these words.  Holy Spirit help us all to feel your presence with us, no matter what our circumstances are.  Give me courage and boldness to continue to share on this platform.  Thank you Jesus, for your great love for us.  Amen

Words for 2020... and beyond

So last week we had more weird Chicago weather.  First it was quite cold.  Then it warmed up and it rained.  By warmed up, I mean that it was in the 40's.  When you have an almost three year old, cooped up in the house for what seems like days on end, you take advantage of a break in the weather to go outside!  Grace has become quite fascinated by Peppa Pig videos.  She noticed the puddles and asked to wear her rain boots so that she could "jump in muddy puddles!"  This is something that happens in almost every Peppa episode.  So, with winter coat, hat and gloves AND rain boots, we went for a walk in her neighborhood.  She was delighted to find a couple of puddles (not really muddy) to jump in.  She was so excited.  It sort of made me stop and think about my inner feelings about the new year, the new decade and quite frankly - my age!

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to always find such joy in the middle of  a storm?  This picture is just another reminder why Jesus told us all we need to be like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Kids seem to find the fun and the good no matter what.  The desire to run and play and explore trumps how bad the circumstances are.  I want  to be able to harness that desire in 2020 and the next decade.  I have waited to post this blog until I had actually arrived at a "word" for 2020.  But here it is, twelve days into the new year and I have not settled on a word that feels right to me.  I mentioned last week that I have actually been doing more looking back rather than looking ahead in this year.  That looking back has not been about chronicling all the GOOD from the past, rather it has been more about the regrets.  Somewhere in this musing about the new year, I was reminded of the song Gods Not Done by Tauren Wells.  Towards the end of the song there is a bridge that says...

He's got a plan, this is part of it.  He's going to finish what he started.

He's not done,  God's not done writing your story.  

No, he's not done, God's not done with you.

It was one of those moments where I stopped and said, "Okay God, I'm listening".  It took a few weeks, but I got the message.  The thing is, I suspect there are many more people out there who are feeling the same way that I was.  I don't know if it is my age, the idea of a new decade, or what.  But all I felt looking at the new year, was DONE!  And then this song came back - loudly into my thoughts.  Being reminded that God wasn't done with me was a gift, even when all I felt was a bit tired and not really looking forward much,  It was more than just a reminder, it was the kick in the pants moment for me to stop all the bad inner dialogue I had been having.  You know what I mean, don't you?  Those thoughts that run through your head that you know are not Godly.  The thoughts that age really does matter and you missed your chance, you are too old now.  That is all rubbish.  

The truth is in that song.  God is not done with any of us.  God knew us before we were born and He knows our story.  It is His plan to finish that story in His timing.  

My word for 2020 and for the entire decade is EXPECTANT!  I can't wait to find out what is in my story in the years ahead.  Having an expectant heart means that I will look for the "muddy puddles" in the midst of the rainstorm.  When I find them, I will jump for joy.  I will celebrate the goodness of God in bringing forth the rain that created those puddles.  It also will be an encouragement to remember that God is the bringer of all good things.  The sunshine on the warm summer days, when things are going well.  As well as the light in those dark times.   

I don't know exactly what the year ahead will be like.  But today for today, I am much lighter and much more peaceful, knowing that God's got a plan for me and I don't have to figure it out.  

Jesus, thank you so much for being with us all, everyday as we walk through our day to day life.  Thank you Holy Spirit, for the reminders you bring to us through songs, through stories and through other people.  Keep us all aware of the childlike faith that keeps us close to you.  Give us eyes to see the joy in the midst of the storm.  Thank you for loving us..  Amen