Not quite the December I expected....

I am sure that I am not the only one reflecting on the last few weeks and saying, "This is NOT what I was expecting!"   This has been an unusual lead up to Christmas for me this year.  As a matter of fact, here it is December 29th and my living room is still filled with unopened presents under my tree. 

 Our family celebration has been delayed until January 1st, because of illness.  I know that we are not the only family experiencing the re-scheduling nightmare of trying to find a time that works for everyone.  Thankfully, as of this moment, everyone is healthy and it looks like our celebration will actually happen next Monday.  All of the grandkids have had great Christmas celebrations with their immediate families.  Grace and Jimmy actually got to celebrate with Susie's family also.  Gwen and Tim and kids will celebrate with Tim's family tomorrow.  So, not what we were expecting, but thankful all of the sickness seems to have ended.

The hardest, unexpected thing of the last few weeks was the death of an old friend.  While we had not been close the last few years, there were years that I spent hours and hours every week with her.  Kay Fick and her husband Rich Fick had a ministry, Cyrus Ministries International, that I was a part of from 1991-2014.  During those years, we worshiped and prayed together, laughed together, cried together, learned together and supported each other.  In 2004, I had the privilege of traveling to Kenya and Uganda with Rich and Kay.  In the later years, when the ministry moved to Big Rock, IL, I would often be called on to lead the meetings when Rich and Kay traveled out of the country.  I accompanied Kay many times, when she was called to speak and lead at Women's retreats. Many, many people came to Big Rock for prayer and ministry.  There were many nights of worship, led by Kay on her guitar.  I am sure that I spent more time with Kay during those years than anyone except my family.  Our kids are the same ages and they spent time together as teenagers.  Yes, we had a very close relationship.  Rich passed away very suddenly in 2019, a loss that I think I am still processing.  Kay's rather quick illness and death will be something that again, takes me a long time to fully work through.  

I found these pictures taken during our Africa trip. The first picture of  me, Rich and Kay was taken in a home in western Kenya.  Kay and I often laughed about this picture.  We had both had a really difficult time sitting for this photo.  The pastor who owned this home, insisted that we sit for this picture.  What you can NOT tell from the photo is that way it smelled in this house!  They had just coated the walls, inside and out with cow dung to help waterproof the walls and roof.  It was  a very, very pungent aroma to be sure!  

The next photo is Kay and I with the Women's board of Cyrus Ministries Kenya.  These women were so kind to us and although we couldn't speak their language and they didn't speak English, they understood prayer!  Kay was a prayer warrior and intercessor like none other.  When you had a need, she was in prayer for you.  With certainty, I can say that the presence of Jesus flowed through Kay wherever she was and whatever the circumstance.  

This next photo was taken in Uganda. I was thankful to have Kay by my side on this trip.  It was a life changing experience for me, for sure.  

 The service to celebrate her life was wonderful and her kids shared her life and testimony with poise and grace.  The service ended with Silent Night which was Kay's favorite Christmas Carol.  It also included verses, including this one, that were special to Kay....

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.   Romans 13:15 

I am truly sorry that I didn't get a chance to actually tell her how much she meant to me.  I understand that this is something that is often said, but let me assure you, it is true!   If there is someone that has touched your life in some way, someone that has made an impact on you, TELL THEM NOW!  Don't wait until tomorrow.  Write a note, send a text or email, send a card.  Whatever.  Just don't let time and busyness get in the way. You will never be sorry that you did this.  Let's all make this happen before 2024 begins.  We will all be blessed in this.

Jesus, thank you for the hope that we have in you.  Thank you for restoring health to all who are sick this season.  Give us grace and peace when our plans change.  Holy Spirit, bring to mind those people that we need to acknowledge in the days ahead.  Give us courage and boldness to step out and share our feelings, even when it is difficult.  Thank you Jesus for the joy that fills this season remembering your birth on earth.  Keep us in that joy, even in difficult seasons.  Amen 

When God knows exactly what you need.....

I had one of those hind-sight experiences in the last couple of weeks that has me knowing that God knew exactly what I needed.  Two weeks ago, I got a call from my sister Julie.  I could tell that she was not doing well.  That day, she had gotten on a bus to start a four week tour in Florida.  By lunch time on the first day after leaving the Minneapolis/St.Paul area, midway through Wisconsin, Julie realized that she was not well.  The tour stopped the first night in the Chicago area.  So she was asking if I could pick her up and work with her kids to help her get home.  It was an easy thing for me to do.  By the next morning, arrangements had been made for her to get home. I got to spend several hours with Julie, helping her pack up her things and then drove her into Wisconsin to meet her daughter Staci and her husband Aaron.  I am so thankful for those hours that I got to spend with Julie.  It was clear that she wasn't well.  She was a bit confused and complained of blurry vision, a headache and just not feeling well.  In spite of that, we had a wonderful time talking our kids and grandchildren.  She was excited to be welcoming her 5th Great Grandchild in March.  Julie was so excited to have found a dress that her daughter Chrissy had worn and she gifted it to this new baby, who will be Chrissy's first grandchild.  She even talked about finding a picture of Chrissy wearing that dress.  Julie talked about all of her 19 grandchildren and her (soon to be) 5 great grandkids and about her 4 daughters.  It was so good to talk, face to face.  We had frequent phone conversations, but actually being in the same room, was so good.  Staci and Aaron brought Julie directly to the hospital, upon getting back to the Twin Cities.  Because of Covid, her kids couldn't be with her.  It was discovered that she had indeed had a serious stroke.  And the recently diagnosed liver cancer was progressing much quicker than expected.  Her girls made arrangement to bring her home.  Sadly, she was only home a few days before her death.  

I have been talking about going to Minnesota to visit her since Ken died.  However Covid was still very much around and our family was still being cautious about exposure.  By the fall of 2021, I was actually trying to plan a visit with Julie, but her schedule was full.  Also, she had not been feeling very well and I thought I would wait until we could really enjoy the visit.  I knew that she had several trips planned so thought we would just delay until this spring, when the weather was better.  But God knew that I really needed to have this last time with Julie.  

I searched my photos for the last time we got together (just the two of us) and it was May of 2019. She made a trip to Chicago to see her granddaughter Angela.  We had a couple hours to visit and I snapped this picture.  We did see each other in September of 2019 at a small family reunion that was held in Iowa.  There were many people there and we didn't get much time to visit.  

 

Pictures are so important to me, especially family photos.  If you could see around my home, you would know this!  I treasure each and every photo and I know the kids are pretty sick of me always taking pictures.  The next picture of Julie and I was taken in September off 1954.  Newborn photos were not taken at all.  Because I am the 5th child in the family, there were not many pictures taken at all.  So I am so thankful that my dad decided to take a series of pictures of me as a newborn on the front steps of our home.  There is one of my mom holding me, one of my sister Karen holding me and this precious picture of (soon to be) 8 year old Julie, holding me.

In the car on the way to Wisconsin, Julie was dozing and clearly just working at getting through the time until she could get home.  We were talking about how much we loved being with our grandchildren and then she dozed off to sleep.  She suddenly woke and announced "you know, I was really close to her".  I was startled and asked who she was talking about.  I wondered if she was talking about our mom.  She was always very close to her.  Julie seemed surprised that I didn't know what she was talking about, and answered, "Well, Aunt Anna, of course".    We had a brief conversation about Aunt Anna and Julie seemed surprised that I wasn't close to her.   Aunt Ann was my mom's aunt who raised her and her sisters after their mother died. She was certainly a "grandmother" to all of the children of those girls, that included me.  However, Aunt Anna died in 1956 when I was 2 years old.  Other than the stories of others, I really don't have many memories of her.    I am sure that Julie was thinking of all the loved ones that she was longing to see again.  And that moment, it was Aunt Anna.

Grandpa and Aunt Anna were taken care of by my Mom and Dad.  Julie grew up with them and it makes perfect sense that she would have been close to Aunt Anna.  I just had never thought about that!

This photo from 1956 is (left to right), my mom (Nona Johnson), Eunice Ries, Aunt Anna Toensing, Arnold Toensing (their father), Phyllis Turnquist, Beatrice Nelson.  

I just love how personal and real Jesus is when you have an experience like this.  It would have been much harder for me to lose Julie, without this unexpected visit.  I almost feel as if she got on that bus specifically to see me.  Those conversations, the things we talked about, will stay with me.  I didn't know just how much I needed to make this connection.  But Jesus did.  So now, I am at peace, knowing that Julie is not sick any more.  She was at home, surrounded by all those she held so close and loved so much,  when she died.  I am thankful for the peace that Jesus brings me, knowing that He holds the number of our days in His hands.  And for the hope and joy and comfort for all who grieve.   

Jesus, thank you for knowing exactly what I needed.  Holy Spirit, please bring your comfort and peace to Elise, Chrissy, Sara and Staci and all who grieve the lose of Julie.  Bring your assurance, hope and joy to help us remember your promises.  Give us all courage and boldness to reach out and support others who have lost loved ones.  Amen

The hardest transition I will ever face...

 It is very surreal to me that Ken has been gone for two and a half weeks.  In some ways it seems like a very long time, but then I will forget that he isn't in the next room.  I am so grateful for the kind and loving messages that all of our family has received.  We have felt surrounded and upheld by the cards, letters, messages and texts.   Mostly we have drawn together to walk through this transition. Gwen and Doug and Susie and Tim have been my rocks during this time. Over and over we heard..."Wow, that was so quick".  But in reality, it was a long process that, with hind sight, we can say was a two year decline.  Ken's last days were spent in our home, surrounded by family and friends, spending time outdoors, and looking at his prized photos hanging on the walls.  It was exactly what he wanted - no hospital, no tubes, not alone.  Gwen, Doug and I walked along side of him as he transitioned into eternity.  And now, I face the hardest transition I will ever face. After being together for 48 years, (married 46), it does feel a bit like losing part of myself.  

There are so many parts and pieces to the transition.  I have been incredibly busy in the these two and half weeks.  There are so many calls to be made.  So many things to organize.  So much clearing out.   I am so thankful that I have had the kids and grandkids around me to make things easier.  

Gwen and Susie brought the kids over and we began to go through some of Ken's things.  We all needed to take a walk outside in the beautiful fall weather and Gwen snapped this picture of the kids and I on the bridge over the creek in our backyard.  Being with the kids has certainly helped make this time better. I got to watch Grace at her house for a couple of hours.  It felt so normal.

Then last weekend, I got to spend time with Zeke and Anna while Gwen and Tim hosted, at their home, their fall retreat for the youth from their church.  It was extra fun because it was Doug and Susie's 9th Wedding Anniversary so the cousins got to spend some time together while Doug and Susie had an evening out. 

The remainder of the weekend Zeke, Anna and I spent lots of time enjoying the glorious Indian Summer weather at various parks.  We walked by the Fox River, we walked by the very big windmill and we played on lots of playgrounds.  The best part for the "sleepover" at my house.  

To finish out the weekend, I got to watch Grace on Monday because her school was closed for the holiday.  We had so much fun and it was very much a reminder of all the days I spent watching her.  She insisted on us having "circle time" where she was the teacher and she "read" a book to me.  Such a great way to spend time together.

So here I am, in the middle of this transition.  I have no idea how long this will be, whether or not the path will be straight or instead the road full of pot holes and twists and turns.  But I am sure of one thing -  Jesus is walking with me, right along side of me, through these changes. As I was writing this blog I was reminded of a song that Ken picked to be sung at our wedding.  It was not familiar to me at the time, but through the years, I have seen how Jesus has spoken to me through it.   Here are the lyrics to " You Will Never Walk Alone by Gerry the Pacemakers.

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark.

At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain.  Though your dreams be tossed and broken.

Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone.

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone.

I don't think Ken had any idea just how fitting this song was.  And what a great comfort it is to me now.  It is hope that carries me through.  Hope in Jesus and the knowing what is ahead in eternity.  Hope knowing that even through Ken is gone, Jesus is still beside me and walking with me.  Hope.  Hope in the transition.  

Jesus, thank you for every time that you have shown up and reminded me that I am not alone.  Thank you for family and friends and love that surrounds us all in times of loss and grief.   Holy Spirit, give us all peace during unsettled times.  Help us keep our eyes on you, Jesus.  Thank you for the hope in my heart.  Amen

Sad family news... and response to Corona Virus

This week we learned that Ken's brother-in-law, Wayne Purvis, died on March 8, 2020.  I had conversations with Ken's sister Sue while Ken was in the hospital.  Sadly, Wayne had been dealing with brain cancer for the last two years and had not been doing well.  It is one of those situations that you really don't want to think about.  What will we do if Wayne passes away while Ken is in the hospital.  While that did not happen, we are now looking at the recent travel issues with the Corona Virus.  Florida suddenly seems a very long way off and air travel does not seem like a good idea considering Ken is still recovering from a major infection.  While we want to be with family during this time, it just may not be possible.

Ken has so many memories of Wayne since he was a part of the family since Ken was a teenager.  By the time I met Sue and Wayne, their daughter Tracie was already born.  Wayne's job had them moving around often, but for one short season when their kids were both little, they lived in our area.   One of my favorite memories of Wayne is just how much he hated the winters in Chicago!  During that time we had one of our coldest winters and their house seemed to have frozen pipes all the time.  Ken and I both remember Wayne wearing multiple sweaters and long underwear in that house!  And many hours were spent trying to fix those pipes.  We were not surprised that shortly after that winter, they moved to warmer locations.  They did end up moving back to our area when their kids were in high school.  It was nice for Gwen and Doug to be able to get to know their cousins a bit better and we often spent Christmas at their house. When Wayne's dad could no longer live alone, he moved in with them and they had a three generation household.  They cared for him until his death. After their kids were married, Sue and Wayne moved to Florida.  That warm weather and golfing year around suited Wayne. He had a motorcycle that he loved to ride, and often took trips with his friends.  Ken and I enjoyed many visits with Wayne and Sue after Ken's dad moved to Florida in 2009 to live with them.

They took care of Ken's dad for many years, watching over him until his death.  Our last visits with Wayne were in 2019.  He was making a valiant fight against the cancer, but it was sure taking its toll.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to Susan, Tracie, Michael, Wayne's sister Gina and all their families.  Although we can't be with you physically, we are remembering and celebrating Wayne's life.  

This has certainly been a time of reflection for Ken and I.  We are getting older and when a health crisis hits, all you can think about is a return to health.  Losing a loved one - a family member or friend - makes you so aware that everyone's length of life is unknown.  It sure makes you think!  And it makes it clear that you should make sure that you tell people how much they mean to you.  The world is experiencing an unknown epidemic, just declared a pandemic.  There is fear and dread and anxiety all around us.  But in the midst of this, is the overwhelming peace that passes understanding.  Gwen recently shared this with me....

When Martin Luther was dealing with the Black Death plague, he wrote these wise words that can help inform the way we approach things happening in our world right now..

"I shall ask God mercifully to protect us.  Then I shall fumigate, help purify the air, administer medicine and take it.  I shall avoid places and persons where my presence is not needed in order not to become contaminated and thus perchance inflict and pollute others and so cause their death as a result of my negligence.  If God should wish to take me, he will surely find me and I have done what he has expected of me and so I am not responsible for either my own death or the death of others.  If my neighbor needs me however, I shall not avoid place or person but will go freely as stated above.  See this is such a God-fearing faith because it is neither brash or foolhardy and does not tempt God."

                                                              Martin Luther

When I heard these words, they just felt right to me.  We can answer worry and anxiety with prayers and worship that brings peace.  We can go and do as we are called to.  We can make wise choices with our movements and also with our own persons.  But, in it all, we have to know that God is in control.  When our government issues policies and procedures, we need to honor them as long as they do not go against God's word.  Yet we can not take our eyes off of God's commands to us to love our neighbors and to go and make disciples.  Now more than ever, we need to look out for others around us.  For the widows, for the orphans, for the homeless for the distressed. 

I am so thankful that I know a loving, caring God that takes care of me and my family.  In life, in sickness and even in death.  So I will be careful to keep that distance from others.  I will wash my hands and (try) to keep my hands away from my face.  But I will not enter the ciaos of hoarding toilet paper and water bottles.  Lent is a good time for this.  A time for seeking the Lord and drawing closer to Him, even if it is not our choice.  God works all things for His good and this is no different.  Take a moment and re-read that Martin Luther quote.  There is much wisdom in those words.  Breathe in and be at peace.  Jesus has got this!  

Thank you Jesus, Wayne and his life well lived.  Be with Sue, Tracie and Mike, Gina and their entire family.  Keep them close to you during this difficult time.  Holy Spirit remind us that Jesus is bigger than the Corona Virus.  Give us all the reassurance that we need when fear and anxiety threaten to overwhelm us.  Keep all who are reading this blog safe from harm.  Draw us all close to you during this time of crisis in our world.  Thank you Jesus that nothing takes you by surprise.  You are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  Amen  

Doesn't seem possible that it was 34 years ago.....

I can tell you exactly where I was 34 years ago today, and exactly what I was doing.  It was one of my first days back at my full time job and as a manager, I was meeting with all of my workers to catch up on all the new developments around the office.  I had missed VERY MUCH work over the previous 6 months - spending most of my time away from work in the hospital with Doug.  Just before his third birthday he had a kidney removed (February 15) and then both Gwen and Doug had gotten Chicken Pox.   Ken and I had used up most of our vacation time.  Thankfully, both of our employers had been gracious about the amount of time off we had needed to use.  The 19th was a Thursday that year and I had been off the beginning of the week to travel to Minnesota to see my Dad, who had been very sick for many months.  I remember getting off of the phone with my mom the week before, and she had simply said, "you need to come now to see Dad".  So I took off  MORE time from work.  I am so thankful that I did. I had a chance to see my dad and say good bye.  I got to hug my mom and see my siblings. It was necessary.  Three days later,  on this day, during that meeting, I got a phone call from my mom telling me that my dad had just died.  While it was not unexpected, nothing can really prepare you for that news.  I remember that I just immediately went into the mode of trying to figure out all the logistics to get my family to Minnesota to be with my mom. 

This picture was taken at the funeral home on the evening of the visitation.  Doug was just 3 years old and Gwen was just shy of 6 years old.  I was only 30.  At the time, I did not understand just how much I would miss my dad. My dad had a special relationship with Ken and I know that Ken also felt the loss of my dad.  Sadly, neither Gwen or Doug has many memories of my dad.  Our life was so caught up in Doug's health issues and my dad had so many health issues during those same years.  It was not uncommon for my mom and I to have phone conversations from one hospital in Illinois to another hospital in Minnesota.  So we really didn't see them enough to make memories with the kids.  

I am not sure whether it was Doug's illness or my dad's illness and death that was the trigger.  But I am so thankful that these events stirred in me a desire to draw closer to Jesus.  It was shortly after this  that I began going to a Prayer Group offered at my church.  And then I joined a Sunday morning Bible Study.   Because of those groups, my entire outlook changed and all of the Sunday school lessons and sermons I had heard, suddenly became real to me.  Jesus became real to me.  Within a few years, I found a way to only work during school hours so that I could spend more time with my kids.  I left a career that was cut-throat and actually stressful, and even got fired from the last position I had in the field, BECAUSE I was a Christian! (There is a long story with this that will need to be told in another future blog).  Following that, I became a church secretary.  Something I did for the next 19 years!  So it is safe to say, my dad's death had a profound effect on my life.  

It is fitting that today is Good Friday.  It is a day that is marked with the separation of God the Father from Jesus his Son.  And because of that sacrifice - that time of darkness, we all are no longer kept away from God.  What a great gift we were given at the cross.  We all can come to God because of what Jesus did on the cross for us.  Even when we so far away in our sins, Jesus died for us.  Because of Good Friday, I can celebrate knowing that I will see my dad again one day in heaven.  

It is so easy to tell people to realize the importance of family and making memories together.  But on a day like today, I can't help but urge you again to put aside anything that might be causing conflict in your family.  Life is so short!  Time is so valuable.  Don't miss out on today, because tomorrow is not promised to any one of us.   Make this Easter season a time of reconciliation.  A time of forgiveness and joy.  Hug someone close to you and tell them how important they are to you.  And celebrate that Jesus is alive!

Thank you Jesus for your great sacrifice on the cross for us.  Holy Spirit, come near to those who have doubts that God cares for them.  Bring the message of Easter alive to those who might be hearing it for the first time.  Give us all ears to hear you speaking to us Jesus.  And give us courage and boldness to break down the walls that might be keeping us from family and friends.  Thank you for being with us in times of illness, death and grief.  Amen

A tribute.....

I was just sitting here, thinking about the last week.  It has been a time of shock, contemplation, memories, as well as a time to look ahead with confidence and hope.  Last Sunday morning, Rich Fick, one of those "giants of the faith"  who have such a huge influence on your life, stepped out of this earthly life and into eternal life.   It was a total shock to everyone.  He had not been sick.  In fact, he was getting ready to go to church and preach a sermon, when Jesus called him home.   If someone were to ask me to name people that had a direct effect on my spiritual growth, Rich would be on the top of the list.  For over 25 years, the teaching, prayer and ministry of Rich and his wife Kay helped build a strong foundation in my life and truly shaped who I am today. .  Rich and Kay's children and my own kids were good friends.  Gwen and Doug both spent many sleepovers at the Fick household and their kids spent time at our house also.  So this was a shock for them as well.   The funeral service yesterday was filled with so many memories, so much laughter, and many tears.  Dan (Rich and Kay's son) preached an amazing sermon.  As Gwen later remarked,Rich would have been so pleased with Dan's words.  Katherine and Tim (Rich and Kay's other children) also shared about their dad. And there were other tributes as well. 

As I considered the tribute that would be shared in this blog, I remembered this....

Oh so many years ago, I created this "scrapbook" frame for Rich and Kay and their ministry, Cyrus Ministries International.    For me, this represents a snapshot of the heart of Rich's mission to follow Jesus.   It may be hard to see in this picture, but the words around the outside of this frame are the foundation of Rich's teachings.   Rich was called into full time ministry after hearing the words, "feed My sheep".  With that charge from Jesus, Rich set out towards that purpose -to share Jesus.  First, speaking the Word.  Everything was bathed in the Bible.  Next, declaring the cross.  Jesus was the main thing.  After these two "biggies" - everything else followed.  There was freedom and broken chains from so many different things that can keep us from experiencing everything we have through Jesus. Seeing Jesus, hearing His voice and staying connected with Jesus through the work of the Holy Spirit, were part of this path to freedom.  The kingdom glory of heaven is to be brought to earth - exactly as we pray in the Lord's prayer.  And as that glory fills us and the atmosphere, healing (physical, emotional, spiritual) naturally follow.  Included in bringing heaven to earth is Communion.  The very real presence of Jesus, left as a gift to renew, recharge and empower us.  Finally, go to the nations.  Every one of us is called to share the Gospel message and Rich did exactly that. His international travels touched so many people around the world.   

The single line "Serving God as He unites heaven and earth in Christ" sort of sums up Rich's life. He loved Jesus and expected to live and serve for many, many more years.  But Jesus had other plans.  Now Rich is sitting with all of the famous Bible folks, seeing Jesus face to face after hearing "Well done, good and faithful servant."

In all of the pain and sorrow of this loss, there is hope.  Hope because of Jesus.  Knowing that those who believe in Him will be with Him eternally.    What a comfort that is through the Holy Spirit! 
After this last week, I can't help but remember to be thankful for each day.  To treasure those closest to me and to make each day count.  There is a plan and purpose and destiny for each one of us and we all need to be taking steps towards that destination every day.  Especially now, with technology everywhere, we need to put down our phones and see each other.  Talk to that neighbor.  Call that old friend you haven't spoken to in months. Make a difference for Jesus.  Speak what is on your heart - even if it is hard or uncomfortable.  Above all else, love people with the love of Jesus.  Even the people that are hard to love!  Death is so often a wake up call, isn't it?  And it is not just for us "old" people.  None of us knows the day or hour of our last breath.  It is in God's hand.  Lets all become seed planters, sowing seeds everywhere we go.  And those that water dry ground, pouring out the Holy Spirit all around us. 

Jesus, thank you for all that Rich brought to me as he fulfilled his destiny.  Help me to share with others, to plant seeds and to water them.    Help us all to keep walking towards our destiny.  Fills us with your words so that we can scatter them abroad.  Fill our belly's with the living water of the Holy Spirit.   Keep Rich's entire family close in this time of great loss for them.  Surround them with your love, your comfort and your peace.  Amen

From joy to sorrow to hope.....

Lucas Jacob Rowley   

November 1, 2014 - November 11, 2014

This morning I re-read my last blog post.  Looking at it this morning, I couldn't believe how Jesus was preparing me for the week ahead.  Little Lucas went to heaven on November 11, 2014.  Our family had been basking in joy and wonder of this new little sweetheart, and our hearts were broken by his unexplained passing.  There are no words to say.  There is no way to understand or believe that this happened.  He was perfect..... he IS perfect.  Perfect in the arms of Jesus.  

I had blogged about time and eternity.  Lucas' destiny WAS eternity.  The wonderful peaceful presence of Jesus.  Yes, as I had blogged, Lucas means light.  And now he is sharing his light with the light of Jesus.  But we are empty and wondering how we had so little time with him.  As a mom, my heart breaks for my son and daughter-in-law.  I would rather have this pain myself than to see my children experience it.   Our family was stunned by the outpouring of love and support that has been shown to us.  There were more people at the funeral than we ever imagined.  So many people came to stand with us as we walked through this awful time.  In ten short days, this little boy impacted hundreds of people.  And even as you read this blog, you will also be touched by his life.  

Let me tell you a bit about the funeral service.   Pastor Damian McCrink is an amazing man.  He took this horrible situation and spoke hope into us all.  Pastor Damian married Doug and Susie three years ago and had really gotten to know them.  His presence at the hospital and through out this experience certainly brought me comfort and peace.  Susie had chosen Psalm 56:8 for the service...

"You have seen me tossing and turning through the night.  You have collected all my tears and preserved them in a bottle!  You have recorded every one in your book."  

Pastor Damian reminded us all that Jesus is with us in our sorrow.  As he said, "Jesus will need a really big bottle after this event".  And he also reminded us that Jesus has not only collected and saved the tears, he has recorded every one in His book. God is not the author of this terrible event.  Death entered the world through the fall in the garden of Eden.   And he reminded us over and over again that, those that believe in Jesus, will see Lucas again.  We will be with him one day.  And in that, there is hope.   Lucas had a life filled with love and hugs and joy, held in the arms of family and friends.  He was secure in the warm embrace of his mommy and daddy.  He was wanted and loved.  

Many people reminded me that when Lucas arrived in heaven, my mom - Great Grandma Nona - was there to welcome him.  And he is now resting in her arms.  She loved those little babies so much!  Yes, there were many, many in our "great cloud of witnesses" there to greet Lucas.  Most of all, Jesus took him on his lap and blessed him.  Yes, there is great hope in that.

The earthly body of Lucas was laid to rest in a small, country cemetery.  It is on a quiet winding road not far from Doug and Susie's house.  There are tall old trees and lovely open views of the sky.  It is peaceful and beautiful.  It will be a place to pause and remember and honor Lucas.  

On the day after Lucas died, I told Ken that this was a good time to stop blogging.  It seemed....well just too much to consider having to tell this story.  And then an amazing thing happened.  In the last week my blog has had more hits than I have ever seen. Not just from people who may have heard of the passing of Lucas.  But from all over the world.  There were people in China and Turkey, and Ukraine, France, Malaysia and many others.  In fact over 3,000 times people read my blogs.  I am just speechless. There is no reason why all of a sudden, this happened.  Usually when I miss a day or two of blogging, the number of people reading it drops to the single digits. The only explanation is that the Holy Spirit is at work in this. There is a plan for this blog. So I will continue to write. 

For those of us who loved Lucas so much, he will always be in our hearts and in our thoughts.  I am convinced that every life is precious to Jesus.  The length of the life doesn't matter.  Ten days is just not enough.  Not enough for this grandma.   So, as I look at the picture above of that perfect baby, I go from joy to sorrow and then hope.  And I am so grateful that all of those emotions are okay with Jesus.  He gets it - he understands.  And for today, that is enough.  

Jesus thank you for being there, for making your presence so real in the last few days.  Please be with Doug and Susie and give them peace that passes understanding.   Help us all to spend more time in the hope that you give to us and less in the sorrow that seems so dark and looming.  Soften hearts to your wonderful message of love and peace and forgiveness through the death and resurrection of Jesus.  And Jesus, please give Lucas a hug and a kiss from Grandma Lyn.  Amen