Where do I go from here?

As promised, I am going to be sharing a couple of photos of my biological paternal line.  It has been so good to have photos - faces with names.  I would not have this except for the kindness and welcoming of Mike Hedlund, my first cousin.  Getting to know a bit about Mike and his family (now my family) has been such a joy.  I am fully aware that Jesus has opened this door for me.  So many others, who have unexpected DNA results, spend years (and often thousands of dollars) to get information on their ancestors.  My experience of having closure on this subject after only a couple of months, is unique.  I am so thankful for the open doors and the available internet that allowed me to connect and then receive so much information without waiting weeks for mail to arrive.

This picture is my biological dad Don Hedlund - seated in the chair.  Behind him is my half brother Tom on the left and then my half brother's son Scott on the right.  Both my father and half brother are now dead, and I don't have any contact information for my half nephew.  But, it is so good to actually have this three generation picture.  

These are my paternal grandparents David and Gladys Hedlund.  They lived in the Duluth, Minnesota area all of their lives.  I don't have many details about them, but again, so thankful for this picture.

This picture is my great grandparents, Anders and Lydia Hedlund.  They emigrated from Sweden and settled in the Duluth, Minnesota region.  

Without my contact with my cousin Mike, I would not have these photos.  I am so thankful.  The most interesting thing about this "unexpected plot twist" is that my genetic ethnicity is very close to what I had expected to find.   The fact that my biological dad was also Swedish and his mother was German made my genetic ethnicity so similar to my EXPECTED results.   Without the advancement of DNA science and the ability to sort maternal/paternal DNA, I might never have made this discovery.  

It has been a bit of a whirl since finding out this information.  But the great measure of peace that has flooded my soul and spirit has made this experience much less frightening and more exciting.  There are still so many unanswered questions, but I am okay with that.  The hardest part for me, right now, is that I have really not had much contact with my extended family.  I have so many cousins (now not my cousins) on my "dads" side, and I have not really had contact with them. My closest family (siblings) have said that this doesn't change anything for them.  But I wonder exactly what the extended family think.  I am the youngest of all the cousins on my "dad's side.  And most of the cousins really didn't know me at all, given the wide age spacing. But I am interested in their thoughts on this!  

So now, where do I go from here?  I firmly believe that Jesus has brought revelation of this information for a reason.  I have been writing a book about the Spiritual Heritage of my family, and this is really a key piece of the story.  I do not know (and never will) the actual events that resulted in my birth, but I know that Jesus has a plan and purpose for me, that includes the people shown above.  My book will now have a couple of extra chapters.  When I began my book, I was writing about my mother's parents.  So much of their story is unknown.  Based on that, the story that unfolded is "fiction based on fact".  I had thought that as I continued writing about my own parents, I would be telling a totally factual story.  However, with this discovery, even that portion will be "fiction based on fact."  I am confident that the words that I put on the page will be exactly what Jesus wants me to share.  And so, I continue to write.  

Jesus, thank you that what is revealed, can be healed.  Thank you for the gift of connection to Mike and his family.  Holy Spirit, help us to be sensitive to those around us who might be dealing with very big issues.  Give us courage to reach out and help others who are walking thought difficult revelations.  Thank you for your great love for us that brings peace even during hard times.  Amen   
 

A timeless instrument or two... a musical heritage

Yesterday I had one of those "moments" watching Grace sit at the organ, playing her own "song".  I just happened to glance up from my spot across the room, and suddenly I was remembering  pictures I have of that same instrument, from many years ago.

This picture is from 1976, just after Ken's dad purchased that organ.  I love that you can see a dulcimer hanging on the wall behind the organ in BOTH pictures!  Doug actually asked for the organ when Ken's dad was moving to Florida.  It has been in Doug and Susie's house, ever since. And the dulcimer hanging in Doug's house is one of the dulcimers that his Grandpa built.  

And then I was remembering this picture.  We actually have similar pictures over the years, of Doug sitting at that organ...

It is easy to see why that organ brings back so many memories for me.  Both of my kids looked forward to playing it when we visited Ken's mom and dad. 

Of course thinking about these pictures also took me down another thought path.  April is one of those months for me, that almost every day seems to hold a memory of the death of a special person.  My mom and dad and Ken's mom and dad, all died in April.  My sister died in April.  Two of my four grandparents died in April.  But today I was thinking about the wonderful heritage all of those people have sown into my family tree.  Ken's dad loved music and I know that he would be so pleased to see Grace enjoying his organ.  In his later years, he often told Ken and I how much he loved that both of our kids were involved in music.  My dad was also a musician and he would love that Gwen and Doug both play instruments and sing.  Some of my best memories of my dad are the (few) times that I witnessed him sitting at a piano playing and singing or playing some other instrument.  It is interesting that I am the only one of my siblings that did NOT ever play an instrument or sing in the choir.  I am very thankful that my kids from an early age, had musical talents.  I love that I am seeing that passed along with my grandkids.  Lia and Ellie are both playing the piano.  Zeke has expressed how much he wants to learn guitar (and drums).  Anna loves music and so does Grace.  Even though this "musical heritage" seemed to pass me by, I am thankful that it didn't stop with me!

For the rest of this month, I plan to find the wonderful heritage that each of these special people have left for me and for future generations.  I love that there is so much we can learn from our ancestors when we find their connections to our present life.  Sometimes you just have to stop and look for those ties that bring generations together. 

Suddenly April doesn't seem so dark and gloomy for me.  Even though it is the month of rain and more rain along with the reminder of lost loved ones.  I am going to use this time to find even more wonderful connections to my ancestors that will bring new revelations for our family..  I am very thankful that Grace decided she just had to play the organ.  I guess I needed that memory jog to start on this new adventure.  I can't wait to see what new things Jesus shows me as this month goes on. 

Jesus, thank you for opening my eyes to this connection between Grace, Doug and Ken's dad.  I love that Holy Spirit brings this reminders to us so that we can understand your plans for us that began with our ancestors.  Thank you for music and the joy and peace that settles our spirits as we play and listen and dance.   Amen

When DNA results don't tell your story.....

This picture from 1912 is my maternal grandfather with all of his siblings at the funeral of their father.  My grandfather, Arnold Toensing, is second from the left, back row, in this picture.  Aunt Anna (who was like a grandma to my family) is on the right in the front row.  My grandfather and Aunt Anna both died before I was three years old.  I have a couple very sketchy memories of them.  However I have very clear memories of Aunt Lydia, pictured on the far left.  We visited her several times after we moved to St. Paul when I was six years old.  It is interesting to look at a picture and see people that you have heard so much about, but never met and you KNOW that you are related to them.

Well, a few months ago I decided to do an Ancestry DNA test.  I thought I knew exactly what would show up on this test since I have clear family tree records.  I know that my dad was 100% Swedish (both his parents came to the US directly from Sweden) and I know that my mom's mother was 100% Norwegian and her dad (pictured above) was 100% German.  Therefore, my DNA should be 75% Scandinavian and 25% German.  Apparently, you really can't believe your DNA tests!

My results actually do not show any German at all!  What????  I have the most detailed information about the Toensing family, including photos of relatives that still live in family homes in Germany.  My mom knew all about the Toensing family since both her dad and Aunt Anna told many, many stories of their parents immigration to the United States along with four of their siblings!  Yes, four of those people pictured above were actually born in Germany.  So what gives???

Well, to start off, my sister Julie has also done this DNA test and believe it or not, we do not share enough DNA to be siblings.  We have several first cousins, out of our 34 first cousins, that have also done this test and at least one of these does NOT show up at all as a relative of my sister.  We have totally different results.  And strangely enough, she DOES have German included in her results. 

However, in spite of this DNA result, I know that my German ancestors sowed many Spiritual seeds into my life.  I am so thankful for the detailed written and photographic evidences I have of my true heritage.  The son of one of my mom's cousins actually has traced the entire Toensing family tree.  He has visited relatives in Germany and also in South Africa.  The photo above was given to me, along with many others, by this man.   More than that, I am blessed with the knowledge through oral history (stories told to my mother and then retold to me) of the faith journey of our family.  I love that I know the connection - one generation to the next - and the way that the faith journey of these past generations are influencing me today.  This has given me a renewed desire to write, to tell and retell all of the precious memories from the generations before me, so that they are not lost to my children and grandchildren.  Exactly what I wrote about in my last blog post. 

I actually decided to do the DNA test after Ken did his.  Since he is adopted, we were more curious about what the DNA would show.  There was nothing very exciting on his results and no close relatives were found.  After seeing my results I really don't put much stock on the results of these tests anyway. 

So now I have another reason to continue to do this blog.  These posts about my daily life and memories of the past are being done for the future.  I am hopeful that there will be a time when my grandchildren will be interested enough to look through these posts and find a connection to their long ago generations.  I am praying that they will see the fruitfulness and the faithfulness of Jesus in my life when they read these words!

Jesus, thank you so much for photos and stories from the past that keep us connected to our ancestors.  Holy Spirit, help us to remember the importance of oral story telling, as well as written and photographic memories.  Jesus, thank you for the spiritual heritage that is woven into my family.  Amen

Hope for today.....

This morning a dear friend gifted this statue to me.  She said that it reminded her of my blog about Lucas.  And I confess, it is so special. I love that hope is seen rising from the hand of a child.  As a matter of fact, it almost looks like the hope will actually pick him up and send him soaring.  I love this image.  It does remind me of Lucas.  And it reminds me that there is enough hope to help me rise above everything right now.

You know, I really needed this visual image of "hope" today.  I can talk about hope.  I can believe in hope.  But it is really hard to hang on to hope.  I love this image!  Because I need hope that is big enough to carry me right now.  I am so glad that this friend stepped out and took a chance on a special gift for me.  This will be a cherished reminder on my mantel for a long time.

Later in the day, I had an interesting phone call that was the culmination of a few weeks of internet searches.  I have blogged before about these people.... My four times great grandparents.

As a matter of fact, when I blogged about them, I found the book with the information that started my recent search.  You can read their story in my blog post from September 22, 2014.  I actually began looking for the cemetery where Lars Rockne may be buried.  Since he died in 1852 it was not an easy find.  I ended up at the McHenry County Historical Society.  They have volunteer researchers who dig through their records to try to find the information that you need.  I gave him all of the information that I had (all contained in the family record book of the Rockne family) and really hoped that we would find something.  There is a very old "Scandinavian Cemetery" that dates to around that era, but there was no record of Lars Rockne.  My conversation today, sadly confirmed my fears that there is no record of Lars in the township or county records.  Considering that there were only several hundred people in the area, and the records were not very well maintained, this is no surprise.  The Norwegian Lutheran Church where Lars was buried was gone in the early 1900's.  The cemetery that was near the church was "moved" to the Scandinavian Cemetery.  However, it is extremely possible that Lars grave was never marked or recorded.   And he died of Cholera during an epidemic.  So he may have been buried away from the actual cemetery.  I will be receiving some pictures and documents from the Historical Society that will show me the location of the old church. I will be visiting that location at some time in the future.  

This couple journeyed across an ocean, and half way across a continent in the HOPE of a new and better life for themselves and their children.  And even though he only lived 2 years in America and she only lived 7 years, their descendants fill a very large family tree.  They trusted that Jesus would take care of them and lead them.  They experienced much loss and hardship.  But they held on to hope.  I love that this reminder came today.  

Jesus, thank you for good friends that find the exact right way to touch our heart.  Your hope, Jesus, is what sustains us during this time of sadness and grief.  Thank you for hope that rises over us and lifts us out of heaviness and darkness.   Thank you for volunteers who help us make sense out of our history.  What an important reminder that our past generations moved forward with hope.  Holy Spirit, thank you for helping me hold on to hope.  Amen

Another part of my story.... Eternal Prayers!

 Johann Conrad Tonsing (1801-1869) and Anna Clara Welcher (1806-1876)

(My great-great grandparents)

 

Clara Marie (Weingartner) Toensing (1838-1889)  and Ernst Fredrich Toensing (1834-1912)

(my great grandparents)

 

Last night, one of the artists actually asked me to talk about something I had mentioned in passing in my talk.  It was about my great grandparents and my great-great grandparents.  I shared that one of the first times I really realized how connected I was to my ancestors was when I stepped off the airplane in Kenya, Africa.  The Lord brought me revelation that my Africa trip was a fulfillment of years and years of prayers that were prayed by my great grandparents and my great-great grandparents and it helped me to understand the plan and destiny that Jesus had for me!  Somewhere in the late 1860's, in Germany, my ancestors were preparing to bring Jesus into all the world.  Johann and Anna were sending two sons, with their wives and children, to the United States.  They were also sending one daughter and her husband to Africa, into the unknown.  Ernst, (my great grandfather) and his brother were their two sons.  My great grandfather, Ernst and his wife Clara had been married for about 8 years and they had 4 children (an infant, 3, 5 and 6 year old).  They traveled from Germany by boat and unfortunately, their infant died at some point during the trip.  My mom always talked about how tragic this must have been for her grandmother.   After settling in St. Paul, Minnesota, my great grandparents went on to have five more children including my grandfather, Henry Arnold Toensing.   Although my mom never knew Clara and Ernst, she was told often that they had prayed for their cousins in Africa.  And she was told that they also prayed that someone in their family would go to Africa - not just to VISIT those cousins, but to share Jesus.   For me, that "AH HA" moment was the understanding that PRAYERS ARE ETERNAL! What we pray about may not find fulfillment until long after our earthly life is over, but OUR PRAYERS EFFECT THE SPIRITUAL ATMOSPHERE  AND THOSE THAT COME AFTER US! 

 

I am so grateful that Johann and Anna knew, at some level, that their family - their future family, had a destiny to share Jesus in Africa.  And I am grateful that they were brave and courageous and sent their children all over the world.  Johann died in Germany.  Anna came to the United States and died on her grandson's farm near Atwater, Minnesota.  She is buried (as is  my great grandfather Ernst) in the church graveyard near Atwater.  Clara died in St. Paul and is buried in our family plot

 

So, after that really long and drawn out story (and thanks for staying with me), THAT is why those name frames for Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna are so important.  Because those words will not be lost or forgotten.  They will be prayed and talked about as the kids grow up.  I have been praying those words and I will continue to pray them - making the declaration into the Spiritual realms that are eternal.  I am convinced that one day.... who knows how long from now..... there will be a deeper understanding of the Prophet, Warrior, Priest and King expressed in those frames.  

 

Today, I encourage all of you to pray and seek understanding, not only of the present, but of the past.  You will be blessed as you begin to see a clearer picture of the destiny that Jesus has for your family.   Ask for revelation of the destiny for your future generations.   Pray and declare all that you receive.  It will effect those that come after you! 

 

Jesus, thank you for the faith and trust my ancestors had in you and the Gospel message.   Holy Spirit, thank you for the revelations that you have given me.  Help all of us to take in this message and meditate on all that you bring to us.   Thank you for reminding us that prayers DO change things!    Amen

 

PS -  Just a little added note.... when looking at these old pictures and confirming dates, I noticed that there are 66 Anna's on my Toensing family tree!  Yep, Anna is a family name for sure!  

Amazing surprise...........

Isn't it wonderful when you open your mailbox and find something totally unexpected.....and it's not a bill?  I had that great experience today!  After having a relaxing lunch with a dear old friend, I returned home to this surprise in my mailbox.  My brother-in-law, Roy, send me a package of memorabilia from my mother and father that had been in his possession.  He recently moved into a senior apartment and in clearing out his large home, he discovered these items.  I am assuming that my sister had gotten these items from my mother at some point.  I am sure that all of you will be seeing some of these items in the future.  But today I have to share this...........

This postcard was in my surprise package today.  This is my dad, Harry Johnson, in 1915 when he was two years old.  I had never seen this picture before today!  In fact, a picture I had shared on this blog earlier of my dad at about 6 or 7 years old, with his family, was what I thought was the first picture we had of him!  I was so surprised to see this picture.  I immediately began to compare it to a picture of me at 2 years old, as well as pictures of my kids and grandkids at 2!  I think my sister Julie gets the prize for looking the most like him.  But I can see the family resemblance down through my grandchildren.  If that wasn't enough, the back side of this postcard is written by my Grandmother.  And it is written in Swedish!  The postmark is August 18, 1915, just before my dad's 2nd birthday.  It has a 1 Cent stamp! 

Here is the postcard.  Addressed to Mrs. August Nilson from Mrs. Johnson.  Mailed in Ortonville to Ortonville, Minnesota.  If there is anyone out there who can read this Swedish message, I would love a translation! 

 

As I hold this card in my hand, and trace the writing on the back, I am picturing my Grandma.  By the way, it is written in pencil!  And I am thinking of the many other hands that touched this card.  And I wish that I knew how this card ended back up in the hands of our family!  It should have been in the Nilson family.  I am just speculating that because it was a photo, it was returned to my grandma.  At any rate, I am so thankful that it has found its way into my hands. 

 

And as I am writing this blog tonight, I am reflecting on what Jesus is saying to me in this.  I was beginning to wonder why I have been so focused on my ancestors, on old pictures, on my family history and stories.  This morning in my quiet time, I was asking Jesus to speak to me about this.  There is also the connection to this blog!  I am not understanding why so many of you are taking the time to stop and read my words, but you are!  And I am praying that you are being blessed and challenged and encouraged as you read.  When I opened this surprise package from my mailbox today, it was as if Jesus was answering my questions.  There is more that I have yet to discover!  There is more that the Holy Spirit has to speak to me (and to you) through this medium.  And I am being so stretched in this process.  This has been an interesting journey.  I can't wait to see what comes next!

 

Jesus, thank you for surprises.  Holy Spirit, I love that you answer us when we ask a very direct question.  Please show each person reading this blog, exactly what they need, right now.  Jesus, I am so grateful for this blog and the ability to speak to people all over the world.  Thank you for computers, the Internet, blogs, scans, and all things of modern technology.  Holy Spirit, help me to stay expectant for the next amazing revelation you have for me.  And Jesus, I would love the translation of this postcard!  Thank you!   Amen