A Plot Twist I never saw coming......

 These are the earliest pictures I have of me and my family that include my dad.  I am sure that I have shared them on this blog at some point.  Just for background -  I am the youngest in these pictures.  The top picture is from Christmas of 1955 (I was about 16 months old) and the bottom picture is from the summer of 1957.  As you can see by the bottom picture, my dad was the photographer, and seeing that I am child number five, that might explain why these are the only two pictures I have that include my dad. 

Let me tell you a little story.  In total truth telling that I promised from the time I began this blog, a story that I never knew I would need to share.  

As most of you know, Ken was adopted as an infant.  When Doug was having so many health issues, I began to ask questions about his genetic health.  Ken himself had a very "unique" set of health issues as a baby/toddler that were never explained.  So I asked about getting any information about his birth family.  \He and I were told several different stories about the reasons for his surrender as a newborn.   Ken was just not interested in spending any time finding out about his birth family.  Some years later (2009) I convinced Ken to do an Ancestry DNA test to see if there were any obvious connections.  After some months of prodding, he finally agreed to the test - as long as I did a test as well.  So I did.

When the results were received, Ken had a couple of lst cousin matches.  We contacted them, but saddly, they were also looking for information since they were adopted!  Ken just laughed this off and said - well I guess I am not supposed to know!   

My DNA was also not remarkable.  I could pretty much identify all of my "close" relatives, who were on my mom's side of the family.   I did think it was somewhat odd that I didn't have any close matches to my MANY cousins on my dad's side of the family.  However at this point, DNA was really new.  And there was a cost to getting this done.  So I didn't really think much about it.  The only surprise in my "Heritage" was that I was very little German and my mom was 1/2 German and 1/2 Norwegian!  Otherwise I was Swedish and Norwegian - which I expected!   In 2015 my sister Julie did a test.  I actually hadn't been looking at my Ancestry account very much, and had missed that she had matched to me.    In looking at our results, it seemed really odd that our match was not higher than it was.  As a matter of fact, Ancestry just called us "close relatives".  Julie and I kind of joked about this, and pretty much forgot about it.  As the years went by and the DNA science improved, there were constant changes to the Ancestry site.  They added a percentage of match number to each DNA match on your account.  Julie and I only shared 17% DNA.  

Here is where the plot twist begins.  In my mind, I questioned if Julie may have had another biological father.  She was born exactly nine months after dad returned from WWII.  Plus, she had a very unusual genetic health condition that none of the rest of our siblings had.  I never discussed this with Julie at all and, she passed away in 2022.  After her death I discovered that she had also done a 23 and Me DNA test and had matched to my sister Karen's children.  Apparently this was not the right time for me to fully understand what this all would mean for me.  

Around the this time, I also made contact with a distant cousin on my dad's side of the family who I had not known much about.  He actually lives very close to me, and was willing to share an updated and very complete family tree for my dad and his family.   He had inherited pictures, letters and documents from Sweden that included many family photos from my dad's family.  It was so fun to find out about our connection and to talk about my dad's family.  The story of my dad's parents coming to the United States as Indentured Servants had always fascinated me.  Dave and his wife Carolyn had visited Sweden.  

Somewhere around this time (think 2020 Covid isolation), I decided to complete a more detailed family tree on Ancestry.  Off an on after that time, I would sign on to Ancestry to see if there was anything new happening.  Ancestry began to mark your matches to assign them to either maternal or paternal DNA.  It is truly amazing that they can now tell by your DNA how you are related to someone else.  Initally they were asking you if you knew the person you matched with, and also whether it was a maternal side or paternal side match.    At first I really didn't notice anything unusual with the designations - except for my sister Julie.  I would mark that we were related on BOTH sides and they would send me a notice to correct this error.  They would change it to maternal match.  

Then, in late April, I actually received a phone call from Ancestry DNA.  This very kind women asked me about my match to Julene Anderson.  I told her it was my sister!  She very calmly then told me that there was a question on my family tree (which I had made public so it was accessible by anyone).  I had a very detailed family tree going back 5 generations for Harry Alfred Johnson on my DNA.  However, I had 18,515 PATERNAL DNA matches and NONE of them matched to my paternal family tree.  

Yep - there is the plot twist.  My dad is not my biological father.  

This was a shock on so many levels.  How I wished I was not 68 years old and the bulk of my relatives who I could talk to about this were already dead!   I was sad for Gwen and Doug who had only thought they knew 50% of their heritage, now only knew 25%!  I was extremely close to my mom and spent so much time with her in the last years of her life.  How could I make sense of this?  And what should I do about this now?

There was a pretty evenly divided response when I told close relatives this news.  One response was - "So what?  It's really not that big of deal".  The second response was "What are you going to do to find your biological father and family."   The first camp of people felt that I had a family that had raised me and I grew up knowing - so why should this change anything.  The second group of people understood that I might need to know the truth of my heritage - especially who my father was.    It took a while for the dust to settle and my mind to clear.  Within a short time, I knew that I would have to do my best to figure out who my biological father was and what relatives might be out there.  I also came to the stark realization that I might never know.  And I knew that I would then have to just accept the not knowing.  

This is my story, and I am allowed to tell this story.  Some people might question why I am telling this story so openly.  There are repercussions for sure.  There are all of my extended family (some of whom are reading these words here) who will be shocked at this news.  I also face having another family who might very well NOT want to know that I even exist.  Shortly after my conversation with Ancestry, I messaged all of my close paternal relatives and asked them to contact me.   I did a bit of looking on Social Media to see if I could find them and located one 2nd cousin on Facebook.  I messaged her and we had a brief exchange that ended when I asked if she had any relatives that had lived in South Dakota in the early 1950's.  Her answer was "possibly".  And then she blocked me.  

It has been a long couple of months. I will tell you that I have discovered who my father was and I do have a paternal  1/2 sibling.  Again, because I am almost 69 years old, most are already deceased.  I have reached out again to various relatives through the DNA sites, but as of now,  I have had no response.   The interesting thing, part of the reason I didn't detect this at an earlier stage, is that my biological dad's heritage is Swedish and a tiny bit Danish.  So nothing looked amiss on my initial results.  

Where do I go from here?  That is a very good question.  In total truth telling - I really don't know.  What I have found is that there is an VERY LARGE online group of people who received shocking news after a DNA test.  Some found children they didn't know about.  Some found that their parents or grandparents were not DNA related.  Many found 1/2 siblings they didn't know about.  It is a very big crowd and the numbers are growing daily.  As DNA science is advancing and getting even more exact, I am sure that there will be more.  

I have been in the process of writing a book about my mother's family and the Spiritual Heritage from that line.  I know that this revelation has come for a reason at this time.  For many years I have used the phrase "what is revealed, can be healed" and it applies to this situation for sure!  Jesus has wanted me to have this information so that I can process it.  The truth is always better than a lie.  As always, I have made a commitment to share the truth on this blog, and I will continue to do that.  Watch for updates as this new chapter in my life unfolds! 

I am very aware that I will never know the "whole story" of my birth.  But I also know that God had a plan and purpose for my life that began before I was born.  I was created for a specific purpose and given the exact gifts and talents that I would need to fulfill that destiny.  I know that Jesus has always loved me and cares for me, in all circumstances.   Even this "plot twist".  

Jesus, thank you for your presence that has allowed me to weather the storm of revelation that has come my way.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding me that I am loved and cared for.   Thank you for providing the wisdom and knowledge that are needed to walk through this situation.  Jesus, keep the many others in a similar place in your love and care.  Help them to know your destiny for them that has never changed.  Thank you for giving wisdom and knowledge to advance science in this day.  Amen

When you get exactly what you need from a little boy....

"Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy.  

Music is the soil in which the Spirit lives,thinks and invents." 

 Ludwig van Beethoven

I was treated to a long "concert" on Tuesday when Zeke sat at the piano and "played" and sang for me for over 30 minutes.  He even used the pedals (which he is quite fascinated with).  He sang some brand new, never heard songs and he sang some songs that he knows from school and learned at home.  It was the most healing and freeing 30 minutes for me.  When I saw the quote above, I realized the truth it contained.  In the last couple of weeks, I have been searching for revelation.  And anyone who has SEARCHED for revelation will tell you, when you search, you do not find.   Revelation COMES to you.  And on Tuesday, it came to me as Zeke sat at that piano and sang.  

This search for direction, an almost frantic feeling thing, had taken on a life of its own.  Sitting on the couch and listening to Zeke sing words of life, well, it just set something free in my spirit.  All of the wondering and concern and uncertainty seemed to go.  Suddenly I felt light and free.

Today during my small group prayer time, I saw a tunnel.  But it was not a scary, dark place.  It felt safe and calm.  I knew that I could not get off track - I could not go right or left - I could only go forward.  All of the thoughts I had been entertaining about being in the wrong place, just vanished.  I saw that the tunnel was taking me through the mountain.  And It was clear that this was a much easier path than climbing up and over that high, looming peak.  I was going through the mountain in a tunnel of protection and safety, with a predetermined destination.  Not one that I had chosen, but one that was certainly my destiny.  How peaceful and calm I felt at that moment.  And it started while listening to Zeke, sing "Jesus Loves Me". 

It is really funny, when looking back at the last few weeks, I can see that it was getting harder and harder to put words on a page - harder to write this blog.  It was harder to tell myself the truth.  I felt as if I was never going to figure out why I wasn't finding what I was seeking!  And then the truth blasted into my spirit through a 3 year old, singing "Jesus loves me, this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to him belong, they are weak, but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so."  Nothing else mattered.  Jesus loves me and that is simply enough.  And then the revelation comes after I simply rest in the TRUTH that JESUS LOVES ME! 

Today is Ash Wednesday.  That very holy day of remembering the sacrifice of Jesus for us.  As we took Communion together in my small group, I felt the freshness and power of the Spirit just rolling over me.  For the first time in many weeks, I knew that I was on the right track, heading toward the destiny that is mine alone.   There is something so powerful about being in a small group of friends and drawing near to Jesus.  It is indeed flowing into Jesus' life.  Again, a reminder of the power of the PRESENCE!  

On Tuesday morning I captured this shot of Anna and Zeke enjoying a snack together.  Anna is just mastering the snack cup.  I  loved that they wanted to sit together and share those goldfish and animal crackers.  I was thinking about this scene today during my communion time.  Yes, it is good to share with those closest to us.  I am so thankful for my small group.  These women hold me accountable.  They pray for me and with me.  The remind me of the truth when I forget.  And they celebrate the breakthroughs when they come.  

I am walking into the Lenten Season in a much different place. For me it will be a time of moving on, in that tunnel, with assurance and most of all, HOPE.  Yes, the return of HOPE!  And, even now, I am walking in new revelation and a new level of joy and peace.  Expect to hear much more of the revelations I am receiving!  More than that, expect to hear and see more of Jesus for yourself.  Take in those words of that simple song, Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so!  If you don't have a small group, I encourage you to find one!  Ask at your church.  Call a friend or two.  There is power and HOPE in being together and sharing Jesus.  Lent is a great time to consider this.  For some reading this blog, you may feel alone.  Jesus loves you, this I know!  For the Bible tells me so!

Jesus, thank you for your great care and love for us.  Thank you for revelations that bring us into places of peace and calm.  Thank you for children who know and share the truth with us, even in simple songs.  Holy Spirit, thank you for leading us and bringing us exactly what we need.  Jesus, thank you for Communion and the power of the PRESENCE that we receive.  Draw us together in you, Jesus.  Amen

Looking back.....to help me look ahead

I spent some time in the last couple of days, looking at my journals and working to assemble all of the words that I have journaled for 2015.  One of the most interesting things that I found was the paper that is in the front in the picture above.  I am really glad that this paper is actually dated (5/13/07).  It was yet another "rainbow" word.  Yes, there have been many, many rainbows showing up for us.  This revelation has all "R" words that describe the colors of the rainbow...

RED -   Redeemer  (also had PINK - Romance)
ORANGE - Radiance
YELLOW - Reflection
GREEN - Restoration
BLUE - Reward
PURPLE - Royalty

I also saw a particular gifting associated with each color's "R" description.

Redeemer ....Evangelism
Radiance .....Hospitality
Reflection....Prophecy
Restoration...Healing
Reward........Serving
Royalty....... Giving

Most of these make really good sense, on lots of levels.  Red, another symbol for blood, is also often used for Jesus, our redeemer.  And Jesus is the heart of all evangelism.  I love that green is restoration and usually you think of eternal life.  And healing is certainly a big part of the restoration that happens for each of us as we grow in our relationship with Jesus.  I think you can go through each of these "R" words and see the connection to the color and then also understand the tie to the gifting.  I remember that this came to me very suddenly, at night, and I grabbed whatever was on my nightstand to jot these down.  I am so surprised that I didn't rewrite these into a journal.  Or if I DID rewrite this, I am surprised that I kept this paper!  I know that this "Rainbow" word will be on my heart and in my spirit a lot in the next months.  And there is much, much more that I have to share about what is ahead in 2015.  Watch for future blogs!

Today I did a very normal thing....I took down the Christmas decorations.  I had not put up very much so the putting away was really simple.  I have to admit, usually this is one of my least favorite activities.  I love the holidays (usually) and I hate to see the time end.  This year, not so much.  All I can say is that our family walked through this season.  We counted off the days.  There were some really sad times, but there were also some very joyful times.  Today I sighed a big sigh of relief when I moved the last box to the garage.  I am looking forward to moving ahead into January.

Another interesting thing happened today.  I actually got a one day a week nanny job that begins in January!  So it will be good for me to be back in the work force, as well as some extra income.  It was such a blessing that I have been off of work in the last months.  I know that it would have been very difficult for me to keep up with a work schedule.  But I am now looking forward to getting back into a work routine.  And I am so thankful for three days off each week.  Yes, this is a blessing.

Jesus, thank you for revelation.  Mostly, thank you for revelation about rainbows!  Holy Spirit, I love how you work in all things.  Thank you for provision of work and income.  Thank you for helping our family walk through the holidays.  Continue to give us grace and courage to walk on into 2015.  Amen

Gifts from the heart..........

I am sure that every Grandma (and every mom) has gotten some of these special "gifts from the heart" for various special occasions.  Yesterday, I received these very special, just for me, gifts from Lia and Ellie.  Lia made me that special bracelet and ring on her Rainbow Loom and Ellie created that picture frame for me.  She painted and decorated it by herself.  We had a wonderful day, just being together.  It was a really good way to celebrate my birthday.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been having some really interesting dreams.  Usually I know on waking up, that the dream has some meaning beyond what seemed obvious in the dream.  I have felt a bit like I've been seeing "previews" of "coming attractions".  It's been a bit frustrating since I would really like to start my new year with a new word!  What I have pieced together from these little glimpses is 1. This is a real time of a new beginning.  I am not quite sure WHAT is starting, or exactly WHEN, but all signs are pointing to this season being a time of new starts.  2.  Everything that I have thought I was walking towards, has faded away before I could actually reach it.  This is not a problem, however, since these things were not what I was supposed to reach for anyway!  3. This is the time when all of those words, dreams and visions will begin to manifest. (In this little dream sequence I was actually in the story of Joseph and his brothers. At first I woke up thinking that this might be a time of famine coming.  But then I realized that the tone of the dream was about the provision that Joseph had, as well as the fulfillment of his dream).

And then today, I saw a short little video on Facebook.  The title was "when it is just not your time to go".  I tried to link it to the blog, but was not successful.  This 50 second video shows a small plane doing some stunts (like you might see in an airshow).  About 35 seconds in, the plane loses its right wing!  It continues to circle and then comes in toward the ground and flops around and finally comes to rest, upright with no crash!  The pilot gets out of the plane.  Yes, after watching this video, you understand the title.  It was just not that pilots time to go!  That little short video reminded me of all those dreams I've been having.  Short.  Kind of scary.  Surprising endings.

So I don't really have a clear word right now.  But I am feeling very excited about what the next year has in store.  Even though these little dreams have seemed kind of fuzzy, they have gotten me interested and expectant for what is ahead.  I don't know about you, but the news I see is downright depressing right now.  It seems that fear, terror, war, unrest, are the only thing being talked about.  So I am so glad that I have something else to think about.  

I really think that my two special gifts are part of the revelation for me.  The bracelet reminds me of an old message about a rubber band.  If you just hold a rubber band and then drop it, it doesn't go very far.  But if you stretch it over your finger and then let go, it will go a long way!  All of the stretching helps us to reach those far off goals.  I'm feeling better about this seeming tough period of stretching!  And that heart......well how good of a reminder is that frame of the amazing love of Jesus for us?  I can't help but smile when I look at that frame.  I love the random placement of the decorations.  I love all of the LOVE that I see in that frame.  It just makes me smile.

Jesus, thank you for speaking to me in my dreams.  I would love a bit more revelation, please.  Thank you for the reminder of your love even when we feel like we are in the midst of the shaking and the stretching.  Help us all to hang on to your plan and destiny, even when things seem so dark. Holy Spirit, bless us all with dreams and visions that will guide us in the year ahead.  Give us eyes to see and ears to hear your word of direction.    Thank you for your gift of children and grandchildren.   Amen

More about Sunday night....and Charlie Shamp

I lifted this picture of Charlie Shamp and his wife from their web page.   I talked a bit about my Sunday night at HUB ministries and the way that I experienced some personal revelation during the worship time.  And it became a rather long post.  After looking at the post, I realized that I didn't say anything about the main speaker!  If you have gone to his web site off  from the link on yesterday's blog, you will see some amazing testimony about Sunday's meeting.  Among other things, a man's eye was healed, several people experienced healing of their backs, someone's elbow was healed, and several people experienced supernatural weight loss!   I sure wish I had been blessed with that weight loss, but alas, it was not a part of the plan for me. 

While trying to decide exactly what to write about the meeting, I decided that I would just do some bullet points that have really stuck with me.

1.  The first most important point is that this was not a "typical" healing service (if there is any healing service that is typical!).  I told someone today that Charlie said over and over that this whole thing was not about him.  That when the glory came into a room, that glory was God.  And God was the one performing the miracles.  I had never thought about glory in quite this way before.  Many of the healings just happened as people were sitting in their seat.  While Charlie did pray for some people, the feeling in the room was electric.  It was clear that anything could happen!

2.  There was one point when Charlie was talking about the atom.  And the smallest part of any atom was LIGHT.  He talked about creation.  First there was God and then he created.  And the waters covered the earth.  Charlie said, "think about this, the Spirit of God hovered over those waters and then he said "Let US make man in our IMAGE!"  Charlie said...imagine God saw his own reflection in that water, and then he created.  Isn't that a simply powerful message?  I know that I will be meditating on this for some time, and I am sure that there is much I will learn.

3.  Charlie spoke a great deal about the glory cloud (see number 1).  He spook about natural precipitation and the clouds being full of water.  yet it doesn't rain until there is pressure on the cloud. Charlie said that Jesus hovers just like those clouds, waiting for our action.  Charlie said that our praise and desire for the glory is the pressure that causes that glory to rain down on you when.  He also said that one person in the room can get that glory rain, or the entire room can be rained on.  Let me tell you that it was raining in that room on Sunday night!  Isn't it interesting to compare the natural rain to spiritual rain?  I loved this.  I know that every time I am in the rain, I will think about this.

4.  There was gold dust everywhere.   I have experienced this a couple of times before.   It was on my hands and arms and on my face.  People on the other side of the room seemed to be more covered than the side I was on.  But I felt the silky smoothness of that gold dust on my face, even when I was on my way home.   I don't have much more to say about this, except it was amazing.  And I can tell you, my skin still feels really soft.  

Okay............. enough for one blog.  There is still more.   So, once again, I encourage you to come back and hear some more about this wonderful time with Jesus! 

Jesus, thank you for revealing yourself in such amazing ways to us when we gather and seek your face.   How amazing it is to know that you love us so much that you bless us with these amazing evidences of your presence.  Continue to speak revelation to each of us.  Bless Charlie Shamp, his family and his ministry.  Pour out your provision and your favor on them.   Thank you again, for HUB and Nancy.  Amen

Stay with me today.  Last night I had a very odd dream.   A strange dream.  And I have spent the entire day trying to figure out exactly what was going on....what was the real meaning of this dream.  Now I didn't have much time to ponder today.  It was a very busy day at work.  Lots of kids, rain (so no outside) and then to add to the "normal busy" we are getting 3 new kids on Monday and it was the beginning of the month.  The new kids mean making new name tags, cubby markers, file folders, etc. And with the beginning of a new month all of the cubbies get new name tags, the calendar has to be changed and bulletin boards need to be changed.  So it was while I was on my way home from work, that things started to "click" about this dream.  And, I am showing my age, I doubt that most of you will remember the crazy show that was the story line of this dream...

I very clearly remember watching this cartoon in the morning, before school.   I was a "latch key" kid and I was responsible for getting myself out the door to the bus stop and this show was my "alarm".  When it was over, I had to leave the house.  I looked it up on the internet and found out that it began airing in 1960.  There were 59 episodes and I found it very interesting that each episode was created in 6, 5 minute blocks.  It was intended to run one segment each day and then rerun on Saturday as a full 30 minute show. And that last 5 minutes held the solution to the problem.  So you had to watch on Saturday to find out what happened.  Clutch (the white haired guy) was quite the adventurer.  He was part 007 and part explorer.  The little boy, Spinner, and his dog Paddlefoot always went with him on his adventures.  Swampy provided the "information" that was needed to complete the mission, but always in some odd way.  This show had TERRIBLE animation.  Anyone who saw this show today would wonder why we had even watched it.  However, there was a real educational component to this show.  Every episode took you somewhere around the world.  And there were great things learned through every show.   Anyway....here is my dream, and what I think I am supposed to take away from this dream.

 

I was on a Clutch Cargo adventure.  I don't know exactly where we were headed, but we were in that amazing plane that he always had (just a note, that plane was one of the best things about this show). The interesting thing was that Paddlefoot was talking to me!  And the only thing he said was "your mission is to go to the nations".  Okay, I understand this message, but why Clutch Cargo? And why Paddlefoot?  Here is my first thoughts on this dream.   I believe that I need to hang on to the earliest message that I received from Jesus.  (Get it??? CLUTCH - hang on to CARGO - the message, the word).Especially important in this is that my first very clear encounter with Jesus happened around the time that this show began to air.  And the message I received was that Jesus was real, I had walked with him in a beautiful garden, and I needed to tell everyone about this.  And I believe that the reason it was the dog that spoke to me in the dream, was to remind me that messages come in very different ways ...... expect the unexpected.   

 

I'm not sure if this is the entire word behind this dream.  But tonight I am feeling a bit nostalgic for Clutch Cargo.   But more than that, I am so thankful for that early dream I had and the way the Holy Spirit has continued to use this dream to speak to me.  And I am very grateful that I have plenty of time to ponder this dream.

 

Jesus, thank you so much for using everything - even a silly old television show - to get our attention.  Holy Spirit, thank you for speaking to us in sometimes hidden ways.  Help us to ponder these things and go deeper, rather than just dismissing them.   Thank you for your message to all of us to go to the nations.  And keep us expecting the unexpected.   Amen



Finding Balance in all things.........

I just love this picture of my three little sweeties.  This was a wonderful trip to the park on Easter Sunday.   Lia's stance is the perfect picture of balance.  This is not an easy task for Lia.  She is doing a great job, even though, it is work!  I woke up this morning thinking about balance.  It was a surprise to me, since this has not been a particularly busy or crazy weekend.   As I was standing in the shower, I was wondering why this word was so on my mind.  I felt the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit saying, "Just Wait!".  Interesting.  There must be something on the horizon that will require a "balancing act" on my part. 

I've been so thankful that I've been able to do a bit of balancing this year, as I have only been working 4 days a week so that I can spend 1 day helping Gwen with the kids.  The work/family balancing is really something.  It is actually very hard for me to NOT work full time.   Some of it is the financial aspect of it, but it just feels odd to not be always working.   I am so thankful that the job change I had in October paved the way for this.  It's one more way that I love to see the hand of Jesus on ALL THINGS!  Even those really hard things like a job change.  Now, to know that this ability to BALANCE was all part of the plan, makes it mean so much more. 

Then this evening I felt a bit of that balancing act coming into play.  I was ready to go out to a Sunday night meeting, but it was doing a bit of storming.  So, I wasn't ready to run out the door.  Even though I got a phone call from a friend who was actually AT the event I was intending to get to, I still just couldn't quite get out the door.   I felt the need to balance my desire to attend that event and this feeling that I should stay home.   Thankfully, the RAIN made it easier.    Then my phone rang.  It was another good friend that I had not spoken to for some time.  We needed to catch up!  Just as that call came to an end, another friend called me.  Once again, it was a call that I needed to have.   And at the end of that conversation, Gwen called me.   I needed to be home tonight to take those calls.

While I still have the feeling that there might well be a much bigger, more difficult balance coming my way, I am not very worried right now.   As a matter of fact, I just LOVE the picture.  The kids were so happy and having so much fun!  There was so much JOY!  I will remember that joy and be thankful tomorrow when I balance my way to Gwen's!  I can't wait for those hugs and kisses that are sure to welcome me in the morning. And I will seek to remember that joy, no matter what comes up that requires a balancing act that seems out of my ability.  Because, of course, it will NOT be too much for Jesus!  I'll let Him do the balancing!   

Jesus, thank you for your love and your care.  I am so grateful for my job and the freedom that I have to spend time with my kids and grandkids.  Holy Spirit, thank you for revelation and putting a thought into my heart.  Continue to speak and give me wisdom and grace to balance!  Amen

And here is a bonus picture of the adults and Anna (and dogs) also enjoying the park on Easter! (Hey, I'm balancing a picture of the kids with a picture of the adults!)

Passover Celebration with friends....

Tonight I had the great honor of attending a Passover Seder.  It was a simply wonderful time.  I love seeing this important celebration from a Christian perspective.   I was thinking of those pictures that are "optical illusions" when there are really two very different pictures, and once you see one, you can't NOT see it.  Like this.....

This Passover celebration is like those pictures!  Once you see Jesus and how much he is represented in this Seder, it's hard to NOT see Him.   And when you add the New Testament celebration of Communion into the picture, it is simply amazing.   All through out the meal I was remembering my dream of a few weeks ago and the revelation I had last Sunday night.   I was imagining all of those chosen people of God, sitting down at tables all over the earth, saying the same words.   I am praying that the veils will be removed from their eyes and they would see their Messiah.   At the end of the meal, my friends and I were just talking and laughing and singing some spontaneous praise songs.  And I felt led to share the dream and the words I had from last Sunday.   My friend leading the Seder had a thoughtful look on his face.  And then he said, "well that sounds a lot like Isaiah 25:6-9.  

 

On the mountain the Lord Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine- the best of meats and the finest of wines.  On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all people, the sheet that covers all nations.  He will swallow up death forever.  The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces.  He will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth.   The Lord has spoken.   In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us.  This is the Lord, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."

 

Isn't that amazing?   It does sound a bit like my dream.  And from that verse, we prayed for all those people celebrating Seders around the world.  It was an awesome way to end this celebration.   You know, I almost didn't go to this dinner.   But late yesterday I knew that I needed to be there.   I am so thankful for that prompting of the Holy Spirit that nudged me to exactly where I needed to be today.  

 

This will be a wonderful Holy Week and Easter.  Even though there is SNOW in the forecast for tomorrow and tomorrow night! (Can you believe it???)  Jesus,  I am so thankful for the path that you have me on during this season.   Thank you, for Spring and new life and resurrection power.  Thank you for friends and for ancient celebrations that connect us to past generations and  help us look to the future.   Holy Spirit, bring that Passover miracle!  Amen



Celebrating Lia!

Yesterday I ended up in the "Orange" room..... filled with all the "after school" kids.  These are the first through fifth graders who join the pre-K and Kindergarten kids in the afternoons.  YIKES!  There were 31 of them!   Thankfully, it was very warm outside and we were able to go outside to the playground area.   So, there I stood with these kids that I don't know very well.  One boy seemed drawn to me and stood talking a mile a minute (as everyone else was running around playing tag).  We were talking about rock climbing and I told him my adult son has done rock climbing. This little chatterbox boy, stopped, looked up at me and said, "I knew you had adult children cuz you are old - I can tell by your neck"!  Okay, what is the appropriate response to that????  Thank you???  Sorry????   I don't think I actually said anything!  Sigh. 

I can't escape the fact that, yes, I am old.  I am a grandma!  Gwen was telling me that Lia recently had a "light bulb" moment when she realized that her beloved great grandma Nona (my mom), was her mom's GRANDMA!   She had just connected the fact that her mom's grandma had died.  And she began to think about her own grandma (think ME!) and wondering if she would lose me.  Thankfully, Gwen was able to put her fears to rest with a discussion that included the fact that no one knows how long their life will be (and also, thankfully, that I am younger than my mom was when Gwen was 8 years old). 

 

I certainly love my Lia.   She is so much like Gwen in so many ways, but she is most assuredly her own person.  I love how she is a deep thinker!  There are times when you can almost see the wheels turning in her head.  She has a depth of understanding about faith and Jesus that is amazing.   She just KNOWS that she KNOWS!   And she is not afraid to tell you just what she thinks! She loves to dance and sing and comes alive on a stage.  I can't help but reflect on the strong prophetic word given Lia when she was just born   She is a prophet of the Lord.  She will speak God's word, proclaim the truth and lead the people.  She is a "little bird with a big voice"!    I can't wait to watch as Lia grows to see all that Jesus will do in and through her.   Yes, I am blessed to be a Grandma!  

 

What a gift it is to be able to see our children and grandchildren not just with "worldly eyes" but with an eternal perspective.  I would encourage you all, to pray and seek revelation of the plan and destiny for your family.   The Holy Spirit will reveal so much if we just stop and ask.  It is amazing how much easier it is pray when you have a picture to pray into! 

 

Jesus, thank you for children and their forthright honesty.   Thank you especially for Lia and the special relationship that I have with her.   Thank you for Gwen and Tim and their reliance on your wisdom, Jesus, as they parent all of their children. Holy Spirit, continue to work in Lia as she becomes the woman you have planned her to be.  Jesus, speak clearly to all of us who ask for revelation.  Thank you for family, for grandchildren.  And thank you for the warm weather!   Amen



The end of a "sugary" day.... good food, good work, good friends!

This is going to be just a really quick post about my very long day........ It was the kid's Christmas Party today at my work.  So we had a room full of over excited, over stimulated, over junk-fooded, crazy kids!  Yes, it was a busy, busy day that sure had some "moments"!  Here is a shot of the "snacks" at the party!  Yep, cookies, donuts, chips, more cookies, cheese and crackers and yes fruit.

Most of the kids only ate a cookie or two and some of the fruit, but there were several that cleaned their plates!  It was most certainly a "sugar overload".  (And most of the kids hardly touched their lunch either).  But hey, Christmas only comes one time a year, right?

Okay, I have been working on "expecting the unexpected" and I sure had some more "unexpected" things happen today. 

1.  I started the morning by dropping a container of white finger paint onto a tile floor.  The lid popped off and I had GLOBS of thick white paint all over me!  Down my pants leg and covering the front of my fleece and the right sleeve.  And did I mention that I was wearing BLACK corduroy pants and a BLACK fleece?  And I was "dressed up" for the parents who would be attending the party that started at 9:30.  The unexpected part of this story is that with lots of water and paper towels, the white finger paint vanished from my clothes.  I mean totally gone!  Now THAT is really unexpected!

2.  I received so many wonderful cards and gifts from the children today..... I was totally overwhelmed.  I have only been working at this job since mid-October and was not expecting this at all.  I am not the "teacher" in the room, just the assistant.  This was an unexpected thing that makes me so thankful for this job!

3.  It is very hard not to get excited and happy about Christmas when you are surrounded by 15 or 16 little faces, all filled with joy and happiness over a simple little party.  Yes, I was not expecting to feel so HAPPY today.  It was a surprise.  A very pleasant surprise, I might add.

4.  Tonight I got to spend the evening with some very dear friends.  You know that feeling that you are so tired and you don't want to go anywhere or do anything?  Well, I had that feeling earlier tonight.  But I pressed through, went out to meet with my friends and I was so blessed!  The unexpected part of this is that, on the way home I had several very clear revelations and answers to prayers that I have been seeking for weeks.  This was an unexpected ending to this day.  (I am sure I'll be sharing more about this in the days ahead!)

Jesus, thank you for the "miracle" of finger paint that dissolves away with water.  Thank you for the kindness and generosity of the families I work with every day.  Thank you for joy, for wonderful sugary snacks, for Christmas time and for children.  Thank you for good friends, amazing prayers, and wonderful revelations.   Amen

Amazing surprise...........

Isn't it wonderful when you open your mailbox and find something totally unexpected.....and it's not a bill?  I had that great experience today!  After having a relaxing lunch with a dear old friend, I returned home to this surprise in my mailbox.  My brother-in-law, Roy, send me a package of memorabilia from my mother and father that had been in his possession.  He recently moved into a senior apartment and in clearing out his large home, he discovered these items.  I am assuming that my sister had gotten these items from my mother at some point.  I am sure that all of you will be seeing some of these items in the future.  But today I have to share this...........

This postcard was in my surprise package today.  This is my dad, Harry Johnson, in 1915 when he was two years old.  I had never seen this picture before today!  In fact, a picture I had shared on this blog earlier of my dad at about 6 or 7 years old, with his family, was what I thought was the first picture we had of him!  I was so surprised to see this picture.  I immediately began to compare it to a picture of me at 2 years old, as well as pictures of my kids and grandkids at 2!  I think my sister Julie gets the prize for looking the most like him.  But I can see the family resemblance down through my grandchildren.  If that wasn't enough, the back side of this postcard is written by my Grandmother.  And it is written in Swedish!  The postmark is August 18, 1915, just before my dad's 2nd birthday.  It has a 1 Cent stamp! 

Here is the postcard.  Addressed to Mrs. August Nilson from Mrs. Johnson.  Mailed in Ortonville to Ortonville, Minnesota.  If there is anyone out there who can read this Swedish message, I would love a translation! 

 

As I hold this card in my hand, and trace the writing on the back, I am picturing my Grandma.  By the way, it is written in pencil!  And I am thinking of the many other hands that touched this card.  And I wish that I knew how this card ended back up in the hands of our family!  It should have been in the Nilson family.  I am just speculating that because it was a photo, it was returned to my grandma.  At any rate, I am so thankful that it has found its way into my hands. 

 

And as I am writing this blog tonight, I am reflecting on what Jesus is saying to me in this.  I was beginning to wonder why I have been so focused on my ancestors, on old pictures, on my family history and stories.  This morning in my quiet time, I was asking Jesus to speak to me about this.  There is also the connection to this blog!  I am not understanding why so many of you are taking the time to stop and read my words, but you are!  And I am praying that you are being blessed and challenged and encouraged as you read.  When I opened this surprise package from my mailbox today, it was as if Jesus was answering my questions.  There is more that I have yet to discover!  There is more that the Holy Spirit has to speak to me (and to you) through this medium.  And I am being so stretched in this process.  This has been an interesting journey.  I can't wait to see what comes next!

 

Jesus, thank you for surprises.  Holy Spirit, I love that you answer us when we ask a very direct question.  Please show each person reading this blog, exactly what they need, right now.  Jesus, I am so grateful for this blog and the ability to speak to people all over the world.  Thank you for computers, the Internet, blogs, scans, and all things of modern technology.  Holy Spirit, help me to stay expectant for the next amazing revelation you have for me.  And Jesus, I would love the translation of this postcard!  Thank you!   Amen 



Flavors and Colors - Again!

Last night I had another amazing night of worship and a wonderful teaching.  I just love the little "zingers" that are sometimes, better than the entire evening!  Last night was this.............

Did you know that everyone has a unique "Voice Print" that is just as individual as your fingerprints? It's true. Even when people "impersonate" someone else, it is never an exact duplicate of the voice.  Imagine that - a voice print!  And what that means is that God is listening for our exact voice when we worship.  There is a spot in the father's heart that can only be filled by YOUR voice!  It doesn't matter how your worship sounds to you.  The important thing is how it fits into the heart of God.  If one person doesn't "sing", the choir is missing a voice.  Your very distinct voice is identifiable to the Father, to Jesus and to the Holy Spirit.  Based on this revelation, there is no excuse for ANYONE sitting and not worshipping.  No matter WHAT your voice sounds like to you, remember that God is waiting for your exact voice to fill that spot in his heart.  I will be singing more loudly from now on. 

And if that was not enough to "chew on", then the speaker, Eva Dooley, began to teach.  She is a marvelous Greek woman who speaks with clarity.  She was teaching on how we need to be changed in order for us to be world changers.  After looking at familiar scriptures -  Matthew 5:13-16 - paraphrased we are the salt and the light of the world, she dropped this bomb into my spirit.  When looking at different translations and the Greek for these passages, what it says to us is this.
WE ARE THE FLAVOR OF GOD AND THE COLORS OF GOD TO THE WORLD! I was just stunned.  Remember my blog about last Sunday - Taste the Rainbow?  Yep, the flavor and the colors of God.  There was much more that Eva shared.  I listened and took notes, but part of me was stuck back at this point. Do I think that Jesus is really trying to say something to me about this?  YES!  Do I really understand the depth of what he is saying? NO!  But, I am beginning to understand that the concept of affecting my environment is much, much more than I had imagined.  Think about this.  Every believer carries the flavor and the colors of God.  That means that even in the darkest and coldest places in the world, when one person is there who knows Jesus and is filled with the Holy Spirit, the atmosphere is changed.  The very taste and flavor of Jesus is there.  And all the colors of who he is, are being poured out.  Nothing can stay the same when a believer is present.  You know, the idea of being a world changer sounds much more possible when you begin to get this concept into your spirit. 

What can I say? I will be taking some more time to really let this settle into my spirit.  But I am celebrating that Jesus is speaking something very important - not only to me but to each one of you also.  First of all SING OUT!  He loves you and he loves to hear your voice!  Remember - that voice that no one else in the world has.  Secondly, just think about that salt and light. Read those verses and meditate on them.  See what Jesus and the Holy Spirit speak to you about these verses.  I know that there is much, much more and we have just scratched the surface.

You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.  You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
                                             Matthew 5:13-16

Jesus, thank you so much for your revelations.  Holy Spirit, thank you for drawing me to these meetings that have been such a blessing.  Jesus, continue to bring more clarity to us as we meditate on your words about this.   Father, thank you for your great plan that included us being your flavor and your colors to the world.  You are an amazing and wonderful God!   Amen

A door opens and the way becomes clearer.....

You know how sometimes you just can't predict what a day holds? Well, today was supposed to be just a normal Saturday and we didn't really have any big plans.  So we went to breakfast, which is our usual on a Saturday morning.  We did a small amount of shopping and errands and we even drove into Chicago for a special sale.  After getting home and eating a quick lunch, I worked on some stuff for my second job.  I had a couple of phone calls and some text messages.  After dinner, my husband and I decided to take a quick drive to a local forest preserve to see a sunset. It was a beautiful end to this day. This sounds like a pretty normal but boring day doesn't it? 

Here's the best part of this day.  I have had an issue - a problem - that didn't seem to have any solution.  It is something that I have been thinking and praying about for a long time.  Like over a year.  Today, in the midst of the "normal" day, I felt as if a door was opened and suddenly, there seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel of this situation.  In the midst of the other things in my day, the Holy Spirit began to speak into my spirit some answers to the problem.  Just yesterday I felt as if I had a blank sheet of paper on this and today, there is a list of possible solutions.  I  realized that this is really a miracle!  This is one of those things that sometimes, we just miss the great things that God does for us.  When I was least expecting an answer to this, when I wasn't looking for the treasure map to get through the mine fields of this issue, that is when Jesus spoke into my spirit. The issue isn't gone, but now I feel as if the path is clearer.   

Today I want to give hope and encouragement to anyone who might have something that seems so deep and dark and impossible that you feel that it will not be resolved. Jesus is listening to your cry and he will answer. Nothing is impossible with God.  I think that part of my answer was in the "normal".  I refused to let the problem become so great that it covered over the normal things that are in my life.  And I trusted that there would be a solution or a direction that I needed to go.   

I love the way the answers to prayers come in the everyday things.  I love that we are surprised when there is a "suddenly" provided by the Holy Spirit.  I have personally received some pretty amazing answers to prayer that came "immediately" - including a dramatic healing of asthma.  But today, I am celebrating the miracle of an answer when I did not expect it. And I am celebrating in the process of the answer.   

Thank you , thank you Jesus.  You are simply wonderful.  I am so grateful tonight for the way that you bring wisdom and revelation and direction to get to solutions to problems that seem impossible.  Yahweh, bring your hope and encouragement to those who are in the midst of seemingly impossible situations.  Jesus it is your faith that we need!  Thank you for the light at the end of the tunnel.  Jesus, you are the light of the world.  Thank you for giving us your life and your light.  Amen

Jubilation........ so much more than just Joy!

I woke up this morning with the word "Jubilation" in my mind.  I did not have a lot of time to think about this since I was going to spend some time with my grandchildren.  I left the house early and during the hour long drive, I got to thinking about that word.  Jubilation.  I just kept hearing it over and over.  I wondered about the meaning of the word, but more than that, I was wondering about what Yahweh was saying to me. 

So, the first thing I did was look up the word (thanks online Websters dictionary)...... Jubilation means - Elation, Delight and Triumph.  Okay -  all good, but what was I missing?  I couldn't figure out exactly what was going on.  I had a wonderful day playing with Lia, Ellie and Zeke.  We played outside.  We laughed and there were lots of hugs and kisses.  I am so blessed by these sweet children.  

I didn't think about this Jubilation word much, until my drive home.  I was turning the meaning over and over in my head..... elation, delight, triumph..... and then I realized that this goes so far beyond just JOY!  Jubilation is a step higher.  And then, just as I was starting to think I was understanding this, so clearly it came into my spirit......JUBILATION OF YAHWEH!   JOY!  There it is.  Joy is the elation, the delight, the triumph of Yahweh.  That is what true joy is! 

Doesn't it change this bible verse to think about JOY in this way....."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the JOY ( Jubilation - elation, delight and triumph of Yahweh) set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."   Hebrews 12:2

It was for the triumph of Yahweh that Jesus went to the cross for us.  It was for the delight of Yahweh that Jesus went to the cross.  Yahweh was delighted that his eternal plan and destiny was being done. I have such a deeper understanding of  this Biblical joy, just from this one word.  Jubilation. 

So I will have a totally different and much deeper revelation of the word JOY.  It helps so much in seeing the difference between HAPPY and JOY.  When I think back over the times when I have felt joy, I can see that difference clearly.   There is a real and deep purpose in joy.  Joy seems to show up when there is more going on than just feelings and emotions.  In that Hebrews verse, Jesus had the feeling and emotions OF the Father.  That joy was the joy OF the father.  In those times of joy, I was experiencing the Jubilation of Yahweh. 

Oh Jesus, thank you for deeper revelation.  Thank you for continuing to speak to us today.  I just love that the word JOY means so much more to me tonight than it did this morning.  You are an amazing God that cares so much for us.  Yahweh, you are to be celebrated with Jubilation!  Help us to remember the deeper meaning behind joy and bring us all into the experience of true joy.  Amen