Certainly at my weakest......

Yes, this showed up in my email.  I can tell you that there is no question, I AM AT MY WEAKEST.  As a matter of fact, I can't think of any time when I have felt more empty and lost.  I know that I blogged about the hope that I have in Jesus.  And that hasn't changed.  But here's the thing.  Honestly, where I am right now is so hard to explain.  One minute I think that things are okay.  And then the next minute I feel as if the bottom has dropped out of my life.   I have never known more clearly that I can not "do" my life right now on my own.  If it were not for Jesus and HIS strength, I know that I would be simply flattened.  

The thing about grief is that it comes in waves.  You just never know when you will be hit by a big one.  I love the ocean.  As a matter of fact, the ocean is really my special place.  So thinking about these feelings being waves, is a bit hard.  

But the truth is, that it does feel like waves washing over you.  There are times that you can feel the sand start to shift under your feet and you know that there is a wave coming.  You can prepare a bit for that grief to hit you.  But just as likely to happen are the waves that take you by surprise.  You might have your back turned slightly.  Or you are looking at the sky.  And suddenly you over bowled over by the power and strength of that wave.  Sometimes it is like that when a wave of overwhelming sadness and sorrow just strike.  I am so glad that Jesus is collecting my tears in a bottle.  And I am equally as glad that the bottle does not have a finite size.  Anytime I get hit by one of those waves, I remind myself that Susie and Doug are facing much bigger waves.  And that allows me to stop and ask Jesus to be with them. To surround them with his love and peace and strength.  

Yes, this is an impossible situation.  There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make the situation any different or better.  It just IS.  The good news is that when those waves come, it is good to have a lot of friends and family standing around you who will help you withstand those waves.  I am so thankful for friends who have been calling and listening to me share and cry.  And I am so grateful for their prayers.  I am so thankful for our family that drew up close together.  It was encircled in those loving arms that we each had the ability to walk through these days.  Lucas will be with us always.  And so we will remember and honor him.  And we will grieve and cry.  But we will also celebrate his place in our family.  There is no correct way to walk this road.  There are ups and downs and twists and turns. There are lots of waves and lots of tears.  But we are walking forward with hope not in our own strength, but in the strength of Jesus.  

So today I am thankful that when I am weak, He is strong.  And that is enough for today.  

Jesus, thank you for being gentle and kind to us as we are navigating this unfamiliar road.  Thank you for all who are pressing in to our family to be that support when those waves hit.  Help us all to be kind to each other and understanding when others don't know what to say or do.   Give us more of your strength since we are all at our weakest.  Thank you for reminding me today that your strength is enough.  Amen

From joy to sorrow to hope.....

Lucas Jacob Rowley   

November 1, 2014 - November 11, 2014

This morning I re-read my last blog post.  Looking at it this morning, I couldn't believe how Jesus was preparing me for the week ahead.  Little Lucas went to heaven on November 11, 2014.  Our family had been basking in joy and wonder of this new little sweetheart, and our hearts were broken by his unexplained passing.  There are no words to say.  There is no way to understand or believe that this happened.  He was perfect..... he IS perfect.  Perfect in the arms of Jesus.  

I had blogged about time and eternity.  Lucas' destiny WAS eternity.  The wonderful peaceful presence of Jesus.  Yes, as I had blogged, Lucas means light.  And now he is sharing his light with the light of Jesus.  But we are empty and wondering how we had so little time with him.  As a mom, my heart breaks for my son and daughter-in-law.  I would rather have this pain myself than to see my children experience it.   Our family was stunned by the outpouring of love and support that has been shown to us.  There were more people at the funeral than we ever imagined.  So many people came to stand with us as we walked through this awful time.  In ten short days, this little boy impacted hundreds of people.  And even as you read this blog, you will also be touched by his life.  

Let me tell you a bit about the funeral service.   Pastor Damian McCrink is an amazing man.  He took this horrible situation and spoke hope into us all.  Pastor Damian married Doug and Susie three years ago and had really gotten to know them.  His presence at the hospital and through out this experience certainly brought me comfort and peace.  Susie had chosen Psalm 56:8 for the service...

"You have seen me tossing and turning through the night.  You have collected all my tears and preserved them in a bottle!  You have recorded every one in your book."  

Pastor Damian reminded us all that Jesus is with us in our sorrow.  As he said, "Jesus will need a really big bottle after this event".  And he also reminded us that Jesus has not only collected and saved the tears, he has recorded every one in His book. God is not the author of this terrible event.  Death entered the world through the fall in the garden of Eden.   And he reminded us over and over again that, those that believe in Jesus, will see Lucas again.  We will be with him one day.  And in that, there is hope.   Lucas had a life filled with love and hugs and joy, held in the arms of family and friends.  He was secure in the warm embrace of his mommy and daddy.  He was wanted and loved.  

Many people reminded me that when Lucas arrived in heaven, my mom - Great Grandma Nona - was there to welcome him.  And he is now resting in her arms.  She loved those little babies so much!  Yes, there were many, many in our "great cloud of witnesses" there to greet Lucas.  Most of all, Jesus took him on his lap and blessed him.  Yes, there is great hope in that.

The earthly body of Lucas was laid to rest in a small, country cemetery.  It is on a quiet winding road not far from Doug and Susie's house.  There are tall old trees and lovely open views of the sky.  It is peaceful and beautiful.  It will be a place to pause and remember and honor Lucas.  

On the day after Lucas died, I told Ken that this was a good time to stop blogging.  It seemed....well just too much to consider having to tell this story.  And then an amazing thing happened.  In the last week my blog has had more hits than I have ever seen. Not just from people who may have heard of the passing of Lucas.  But from all over the world.  There were people in China and Turkey, and Ukraine, France, Malaysia and many others.  In fact over 3,000 times people read my blogs.  I am just speechless. There is no reason why all of a sudden, this happened.  Usually when I miss a day or two of blogging, the number of people reading it drops to the single digits. The only explanation is that the Holy Spirit is at work in this. There is a plan for this blog. So I will continue to write. 

For those of us who loved Lucas so much, he will always be in our hearts and in our thoughts.  I am convinced that every life is precious to Jesus.  The length of the life doesn't matter.  Ten days is just not enough.  Not enough for this grandma.   So, as I look at the picture above of that perfect baby, I go from joy to sorrow and then hope.  And I am so grateful that all of those emotions are okay with Jesus.  He gets it - he understands.  And for today, that is enough.  

Jesus thank you for being there, for making your presence so real in the last few days.  Please be with Doug and Susie and give them peace that passes understanding.   Help us all to spend more time in the hope that you give to us and less in the sorrow that seems so dark and looming.  Soften hearts to your wonderful message of love and peace and forgiveness through the death and resurrection of Jesus.  And Jesus, please give Lucas a hug and a kiss from Grandma Lyn.  Amen

A few odds and ends from today.....

First of all, here is a sweet picture of our little Lucas!  Isn't he just the cutest!  I know that I am the grandma and that skews my judgement, but he is really a cute little pumpkin!  I picked out this little outfit right after Lucas was born.  I just loved the little penguin and the bib that went with this says "My family loves me"!  Yep, we sure do!  Again, thanks for all the prayers for him.  When you have any kind of issues in your own family, you really appreciate all of the people who stand with you and cover you in prayer.  

As I said in my last blog, we finally decided that Ken would create the numbers and letter that we needed since we couldn't find them anywhere.  So yesterday Ken cut them out and today he finished them up.  This was more than a couple of hours of work!  Each of these had to be sanded before they were ready to be installed. Of course this also required more than one trip to the hardware store.  Does anyone ever finish a project without multiple trips to the store?  That never happens in our house.

So here is our finished - finally - house!  With all of the trim installed and the address clearly shown.  I feel like we can finally breathe out that this project is done.  Now we have to move on to all of the interior work that needs doing!  Sigh..... all in good time.

Time.... that brings me to tonight.  And another little bit that is swirling around in my head after an incredible worship time at a meeting tonight.  Here are the words I wrote down from the worship...

Your destiny is eternity.  Don't be afraid to step into eternity.

It's a new thing...your can't avoid or escape it, its all around you. 

Move with the lamb into the realm of eternity.

You were created for the realm of eternity...step into eternity

Finally home.  You are my eternity.

Looking into your eyes Jesus...  eternity is in your eyes.

Looking into your eyes.  You and me, me and you.

Eternity

Could it really be this close?  Inside of me?  

Eternity. We can touch eternity.  

Wow.  That puts time into another place.  Doesn't it make you just stop and think?  I have to admit that I got stuck on that first line.  Here I've been in a big struggle, trying to figure out what my destiny is, when all along it is so simple.  My destiny is ETERNITY!  It is all about my relationship with Jesus.  Being with Him and seeing from his perspective.  Just moving into the realm of eternity. And then stopping and thinking about the fact that we have been CREATED for the realm of eternity.  Doesn't that make good sense.  If we are made in the image of God, then we HAVE to be created for eternity.  He IS ETERNITY!

Yes, I will be thinking about this and spending time looking into the eyes of Jesus. So that is the few odds and ends that have been on my heart and mind today.  I am so thankful today!  Thankful for a big house project complete!  Thankful for a sweet baby joining our family!  And thankful for the revelation that our destiny is eternity.  Yep, quite a good day!

Jesus, thank you for working so many things out for me today.  Holy Spirit, thank you for the reminder that you bring eternity into me!  What an amazing gift!  Thank you for showing me how to let go of deadlines, calendars and schedules so that I can focus on eternity.  Help us all to grow in understanding of our true destiny.   Amen

Putting some finishing touches on our house..... and today's revelation!

I've blogged many times about scrapbooking.  Yes, it is my passion.  I love this hobby.  This amazing device above is my trusty Cricut machine.  It is a die cutting wonder that I don't think I could get by without!  Tonight I actually used it for a very different purpose.  I cut numbers and a letter for our house numbers.

Now I know that sounds just silly.  But here's the thing.  We have been looking and looking for house numbers and we just can not find them.  EVEN ON LINE!  You see, in our county, the address also includes LETTERS with numbers.  And there are no stores around here that carry letters.  Isn't that just nuts?  I mean, wouldn't you think that someone would figure this out and corner the market on house numbers with letters that match?  So Ken decided that he would cut out the numbers and letters himself from a piece of black plastic.  So I cut out the perfect templates for him.... on my Cricut machine!  Picture will follow, after the job is actually completed.  We are still waiting for the trim pieces to be installed above the door (which is where the numbering will go), so it will be a while!

I was thinking about this "unusual" use of my machine.  And that led me to think about the many times that I have used objects in ways that they might not have been designed.  I don't think I am the only cook that has used large wooden spoons as "turkey lifters".  And I've been known to use paper clips to hold up a hem that has come down.  Or even taken a stapler to that same hem.  Here is an amazing thing in the Kingdom of God.  Each one of us can be one of those used in "unusual" ways!

Most people are pretty aware of the various ways that Jesus has gifted his people.  Some are pastors, evangelists, prophets, teachers, apostles.  And some have wisdom, faith, or discernment. Some have a knack for hospitality, serving, or giving or leading.   No matter what your "primary" place of service may be in the body of Christ, Jesus can use ALL of us in ANY of these ways.  I know that this has been something that I have to always think about.  We tend to think that only some people can tell others about Jesus.  You know, those "evangelist" types, or the pastors.  I honestly once thought that only pastors could really pray for people.  It is amazing and wonderful when we learn that Jesus doesn't care at all about titles or labels.   He will use anyone who is available to accomplish His plans and purposes.  Isn't it funny how we want to limit the ability of the Holy Spirit to use us?  We get so stuck in our own little boxes that we miss what Jesus is doing.  I am not downplaying the very real "call" that we may have to one specific area or type of ministry.  This is very real.  But I have learned that most people are used in many different ways at different times and in different places.

I think I have shared this tonight because I needed to be reminded. We all have times when we feel that little nudge of the Holy Spirit to talk to a stranger, to reach out to a neighbor, or to call someone we haven't spoken to in a long time.  Or maybe we are prompted to send a donation to a cause that has shown up on our facebook feed.  Or we have seen on TV or on the news.  Or when a friend is sick or in some crisis we just KNOW that we should pray, but we are afraid to step out and just do it!  And then we convince ourselves that it is not "our calling"or "our gifting", so we miss the opportunity.
Imagine for a minute, how many more people would hear about Jesus if we all knew we might be the one to tell them.  Or how many more people may get healed if we all saw ourselves as people who CAN pray and let Jesus do that healing.  This list could go on and on.

So I will be more available in the days ahead, as I remember this lesson about "unusual" ways we might be used by Jesus!

Jesus, thank you so much for this reminder today.  Forgive me for all the times I discounted MYSELF and did not follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.   Thank you for all those who DO follow your prompt and walk "outside of the box", doing your work in unusual ways.  Help us all to grow in confidence that when you call us to a task, you will empower us to complete it!  Amen

PS.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS FOR LUCAS!  His jaundice is resolving and his weight is going up!

Staying in the LIGHT of the SON!

This is sweet Lucas, who looks like he is waving hello!  He is also "catching some rays" - that is laying on a "Bili Blanket"!  This is an amazing newer invention (which has been around for at least 8 years since Lia had one of these) that allows you to be at home with your baby that needs photo therapy for an elevated Bilirubin level that causes jaundice in newborns.

And here is Doug (daddy of Lucas) also catching some rays.....in an incubator in the NICU.  Yes, this was 32 years ago and things were a bit different then.  When I took the picture of Lucas this morning, Doug and I were just laughing at his pose.  We have a "professional" picture of Doug in that exact pose!  It was his official hospital picture (which they do not even do any more).  And it was taken on the day that he finally went home from the hospital.  So he was NOT newborn, but several weeks old.  And we always laughed at that picture, wondering why the photographer left his arm like that.  Well, just try and get little Lucas to put his arm down!  As quickly as we moved it down, he put it right back up like that. Isn't it interesting how many different little things we actually inherit from our parents?  Apparently this is a very comfortable position!

Yes, Lucas has jaundice.  All of my children and grandchildren have had this.  It is not that uncommon.  But it is still no fun, when you are the mommy and daddy (or grandma).  You worry about your little one.  And the bad news is that this jaundice makes these babies sleepy and the lights just add to that.  So they don't want to eat very well.  So life with these newborns can be very challenging.  Doug and Susie are doing well with this.  As did Gwen and Tim.  It is so amazing to see your children really "all grown up" as parents themselves.

I stopped over to visit Lucas (and Doug and Susie) this morning after my Women's small group.  I had asked my friends to pray for Lucas (and his mommy and daddy) for this jaundice issue.  It was so good to get a report later today, that his level had actually dropped slightly, and most importantly had not gone UP!  As they were praying I kept thinking about his name - Lucas.   Lucas means illumination or light!  Yes, he is a child of THE light! I love that today, as he is getting some extra light from that blanket, he was also getting covered by the light of Jesus through those prayers.  Jesus is THE light and I know that Jesus will take care of that Jaundice.   Just as Jesus is taking care of Lucas.  There is nothing better to a Grandma than knowing that Jesus is in charge!

Once again, I just need to add that there is really something amazing about gathering together with a small group of people to just worship and pray.  In just a short time, my little group has seen some amazing answers to prayers.  There have been jobs found, healings, other "suddenlys" that have surprised us all.  We have been able to encourage and support one another through some very difficult situations.  There have been weddings, births, sickness and even deaths, but in it all, Jesus has been there. I can't think of anything that is more important to me than this group of people.

So my encouragement to you today, is to find your group if you do not have one now!  It is so worth the time commitment to join this kind of a group.   I will be praying for each person reading this blog to find a place (or start a group yourself!),   You will be blessed!

Jesus, thank you for reminding me that you are taking care of Lucas.   Thank you for my friends who stand with me in difficult situations and celebrate with me in joyful times.   Holy Spirit, help us all to draw closer to our brothers and sisters in Christ, so that we can be built up and support each other.   Thank you for my children and grandchildren.   Jesus, you are the Light of the World!  Thank you for your light!   Amen

Assurance that my weekend was important!

 I was so surprised when I saw this come on my email today!  It just made me chuckle!

This is what I have been doing for the last couple of days!  I have been dog sitting for Doug and Susie, who are occupied at the hospital with their brand new baby!  So yes, I have been noticing the joy that Sammy and Kylie have on a walk, outside playing with a ball, or just running around the yard.  Given that we have a wonderful new baby (who looks very much like his daddy!), and then these two sweet doggies, there has been lots of joy!

Yesterday when I was visiting with new baby Lucas, I took his blanket and hat home with me.  I presented these "gifts" to Sammy and Kylie so they could get acquainted with the new baby "smell".  Kylie took the hat and would not let it go.  Sammy was quite happy to claim the blanket, which he added to his bed.  Later in the evening the dogs switched places (which they often do) and Sammy moved the hat onto his favorite blue blanket that he had rolled into a bed.  When I woke up this morning both dogs had their baby objects with them.  Doug and Susie are bringing little Lucas home tonight, and I am praying that Sammy and Kylie have been calm and welcoming on their arrival!

All day today this email from the morning just kept coming to mind.  It is sure worth a chuckle or two.  I felt as if Jesus was speaking right into my exact situation through this!  I just love it when this happens.  How can you not know the wonder of Jesus' care and concern when something like this comes up that exactly meets the situation that you are in!   I was so happy to be able to watch Sammy and Kylie for Doug and Susie. So it was my pleasure and joy to be able to relieve their worry about the dogs during this happy time.  Yes, it was a busy, happy weekend.  But right now, I am so thankful to be home, in my own bed.  And I am thankful for the safe, healthy delivery of baby Lucas.  While I was snuggling little Lucas this afternoon, Doug and Susie and I were talking about the upcoming holidays.  It was so much fun to anticipate Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations with 5 kids!  Last year we only had 3 kids (Anna was born in January)!  Yes, there will be much fun and lots of noise this year!  Lets face it, 6 adults, 5 kids and 3 dogs is quite a bunch! But we are a big happy bunch!  And just as suggested in the email above, we will be "letting our wild spirit run free and not be stuck in a rut!"   

Jesus, thank you so much for the reminder of what is really important.  Thank you so much for children and animals that show us the pure joy and wonder you want for us.  Thank you for your creation that stops us in our tracks! 

Thank you for this amazing sunset from Doug and Susie's backyard.  I would have missed seeing this if I had not been outside with Sammy and Kylie!  What an amazing gift!   Help us all stop to see the amazing things that are right under our noses!    Amen

Adding to the family circle......

This picture is Ken with Gwen and Doug, just after Doug came home from the hospital.  I couldn't help but think of this picture today, after I took this photo!  

This is Ken with Doug and his new son, Lucas Jacob Rowley!  He was born on November 1, 2014, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5".   Susie and Lucas are both happy and healthy!

What a wonderful day this has been!  I was pretty sure that Doug and Susie were having a boy, but they had not found out the gender of the baby before he was born.  I have to say it is a bit funny to think of "Lucas Rowley" since that was our boys name when I was pregnant with Gwen!  A few weeks before Doug was born, Ken suddenly announced that he did not like the name Lucas!  So there was a mad rush to come up with a boys name that he would agree to.  Needless to say, we ended up with Douglas and I have always been happy with that name.  But hearing Lucas Rowley, just brought back that memory.  It is really interesting to see Doug as a dad.  I just can't wait to get to know Lucas.

Just yesterday I saw a post about the increasing awareness of our destiny.     I loved this post!  I believe that in the days ahead I will be seeing a bit more of the destiny for this new little one!

Awaken to Destiny! by Veronica Kilrain

You’ve heard the voice of the Lord calling you into destiny. Dreams placed in your heart have laid dormant becoming a distant memory of the past. Destiny seems delayed and you’ve near on given up believing those dreams.

Hope is here! Holy Spirit says, “I am re-kindling and re-firing the hopes and dreams of your past! Are you prepared to trust Me and walk with Me like a child? I have great plans for you, plans to prosper you and to work through you in ways to date you’ve not yet seen! I am breaking off disappointment as the Word goes forth from my prophetic voices in this hour! My Holy Spirit of fire is burning away thoughts of old which have hindered the revealing of My Glory in your life. Heaven’s heart beat will be heard in yours as you wait upon Me with expectation!”

I saw the number 60 which represents completion of the flesh. You’re at the end of yourself -it’s a beautiful place to be. Surrender is key! Refreshment and hope are yours as you open your heart again and dare to dream big!

God dreams are always big dreams! They need to be in order for him to fulfill them in you. He’s the God of more than enough and he’s ever increasing! Dormant for decades- the dust is being blown off dreams!  Now is the time for re-fire! He is refueling and rekindling dreams in you.

Deep calls unto deep!  God is calling you into his presence in greater intimacy.  Wholly focused and yearning for him. No longer satisfied with a little taste. Hungry for a feast! Filled to overflowing with Holy Spirit power! He’s calling you into a deep encounter with His presence. In his presence is the fullness of joy and at his right hand pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11) As you wait and rest there will be a supernatural strengthening. The Holy Spirit will breathe life on those past dreams as you pick them up in your hand and give them back to Him.

There is a fresh awakening of past mantles to be picked up in this hour. Those of 100 years ago. Inquire of him what he has for you to operate in this fresh season.

Esther’s are coming forth in this hour! Women and children who are sold out to Jesus and not afraid to say so! They will release freedom with holy ghost power in this hour. The goodness and kindness of God will be demonstrated and the true nature of God’s heart will be revealed in this hour. Millions of hearts will be radically saved as their eyes are opened and they receive the gift of Salvation. Jesus will be revealed in all His majesty and all His splendor and there will be a great awakening as the global harvest is pulled in by faithful hearts. Multi -faceted colors will shine off the people of God revealing Christ as the light of the world. The transforming power of the  love of God will be a splendid display of the Glory of God.

There’s a great invitation to feast at the table of God. To be wined and dined with him. From this intimacy you will release the sound of Heaven that will awaken millions of lives to destiny!

What a great thing that we can be awakened to our destiny!  I am praying that each of you reading this will take a minute to think about the post above.   I plan to meditate on this, and then see what the Holy Spirit brings to me for Lucas!  

Jesus, thank you for your care and presence during the birth of Lucas.  Thank you for blessing Doug and Susie with this new precious boy.  Holy Spirit, I know that there is a destiny and plan already in place for Lucas.  Thank you for helping us all grow in understanding of our own destiny.  Thank you for joy and hope that comes with a new baby!  Amen