What happens in 2020 to a dance recital....

 I never thought I would get to see these sweet girls perform their dance recital for 2020.  But thanks to a wonderful studio, Grayslake Dance Connection, I got to experience something truly wonderful.  

The recital was held outdoors, and boy did a lot of people pray for the weather.  It was a cool, cloudy couple of days - something not expected for August 1st.  There was appropriate social distancing, and everyone wore masks - even outside.  But it was so worth it.  

First up was Anna.  She had both a tap dance and a jazz dance.  

It was amazing to watch these young kids, who had only had Zoom classes since March, get up there and dance their hearts out - even wearing masks.  You would never have guessed that they only had one short in person practice before this event.  I was so proud of Anna.

Next Ellie had two dances - a lyrical and a ballet.  Zoom classes have been extra challenging for Ellie but you would never have known it watching her dance.  She has worked so hard and it showed as she came to life with her groups.  

This was Lia's eleventh dance recital.  When you see the pictures below you will understand just how much time and effort Lia puts into dance.  She loves it and you can tell with every routine that she does.  In addition to her "regular" classes (jazz, tap, ballet, lyrical) she is in a special group called Spotlight (tap and jazz) and she also is a student teacher and the student teachers did a jazz dance.  I honestly don't know how she learns and remembers all of these dances.   

Yes, those are Lego bricks!  The Spotlight Performance was all from the Lego Movie.  I was so impressed by all the dancers.  You would never have imagined that the studio could pull off such a great performance during a global pandemic.  There is so much love in that studio.  The teachers, the owner, the student teachers, the dancers and all the families that sacrifice to get their kids involved in dance.  I was thinking back to the very first time I actually came to this dance studio.   I brought Lia to a class when she was three years old.  On that first day I heard a phrase that I have heard over and over.  "Miss Bridget says, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit!"   

Well, Miss Bridget (the owner of the dance studio) certainly followed her own advice.  She took a terrible situation of a pandemic with total shut down and somehow managed to continue to teach kids complicated dances.  She has a talented group of teachers who followed her lead and reached out to all of the kids, encouraging them to keep practicing.  And then she managed to pull off an amazing show to allow the families of these dancers to see all that had been accomplished - in spite of 2020.   She rose to the occasion and showed us all that what we got was an incredible show.  Thank you Miss Bridget!  

Grayslake Dance Connection if you want to learn more about this studio, just click the link!

Jesus, thank you for people who love our kids as much as we do.  Thank you for your presence with us all that helps us to weather these trying times during situations that we could never have imagined.  Holy Spirit, continue to give all teachers creative ideas to keep our kids engaged and involved, in spite of social distancing.  Pour out your blessings on Dance Connection, Miss Bridget, and all the teachers as well as all the children and families.  Thank you for good weather and a great event.  Amen

Preserving memories - in a very different way!

Yesterday Ken and I hung this metal ring around the large initial "R" that we have had hanging on our wall for a long time.  Both of us were very surprised to see that it was exactly the right size and the spacing was exactly right with the other items on that wall.  This metal ring has special significance to us. I looked for an early picture of this ring (in its original form) and this was the best I could find.  Its from a late spring snowstorm in 1993.  You can see that the tree planted there is pretty little which means we most likely planted it in 1990 or 1991.  Take a look at the barrel the tree is planted in.  That metal ring on our wall is that very ring.

After this tree got way too large for this spot, we tried to move it to that spot in our back yard.  Sadly, this tree did not survive the move (which was somewhere around 2002).  So, we left the container and got another pine tree to plant in the wooden tub.  This is what that tree looked like before it was removed yesterday.  It was listing seriously to one side and had damage caused by the neighboring maple tree.  We were thankful to have it removed by our homeowners association at no cost to us.  

But if you look carefully, you can see that barrel at the base of the tree.

When they removed that tree, the barrel fell apart and they gave us the rings.  Thinking about the last 30 years that we have looked at that barrel, in one place or another, we decided that we really needed to keep it.  And it seemed to be a great idea when it fit so perfectly surround our R.  I am sure some people will think that this is taking this "preserving" thing a bit far, but I love it.  Isn't it funny how the smallest things can hold so many memories?

When I sit and look over at that ring, I am remembering all of the first day of school photos we took in front of this ring.  I can see Halloween pictures and graduation pictures and all kinds of other family pictures near that barrel.  I am so thankful that this ring survived the clearing of this tree.  

I've been thinking a great deal about what "memories" I will have to scrapbook when I finally catch up and scrap the year 2020.  I cringe when I look at my photos and realize just how few pictures I will have for this year.  We have had no family get togethers.  We did not celebrate Easter together.  We have missed birthdays and anniversaries and so many other events. And Ken has spent way too much time in the hospital during this year.   COVID has made for a very very small 2020 scrapbook.  I just haven't been able to even blog during these unending months of stay at home.  So my blog book for 2020 will also be extremely small.   I guess this is not such a bad thing, since who really wants to remember this year?

I love how this ring is surrounding our R.  As I was reading what I had just written, I was struck by the truth this ring represents.  Our entire family has been surrounded and protected during this year.  During all of Ken's illnesses and hospital stays, during the Pandemic and now during this time after his diagnosis.  Our protection is so much more than a metal ring.  It is the circle of God's presence with us and his powerful and loving care and concern for us that will not be shaken.  COVID can't change that.  Sickness can't take us out of his care.  Even being apart from each other for a time can't take us away from Him.  Jesus has been with us through these months of uncertainty and He will continue to walk with us into the future.   I love the reminder from Psalm 23 that we are walking THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death.  The key here is to just keep walking.

So, even as the COVID cases continue to rise in our area and things remain unsure, I will keep on walking forward.  That ring is a reminder for me and our family that we are not walking ahead alone.  It is a reminder for everyone that Jesus loves us and cares about our struggles and our worries.  He is right there to hold our hand and help us take another step forward.  Make a decision today to just take one more step.  For sure, you are not alone.

Jesus, thank you for the reminder that your love surrounds and guards us even when things seem so shaky and uncertain in the natural.  Holy Spirit, remind us of your loving presence when we are feeling fearful,  Restore our hope for the things that are ahead.  Give us courage to take that one more step today.  Thank you Jesus for family, friends and neighbors.  Amen

An unexpected bump in the road of life....it is 2020 after all!

Well, here we go again!  Ken has been in the hospital twice in the last week.  Thankfully we arrived home earlier today and he is feeling much better.  I know, you are thinking right now, what happened?  Again? This is not an easy answer, but one that will take a bit of an explanation.

After he had septic shock in January and was so sick, there was an ongoing discussion about a spot on his liver.  I believe that I have written about this before.  One doctor thought it was an abscess and one doctor thought it was a tumor.  The radiologist didn't want to do anything to look at the spot until further tests were done.  So, it was agreed that we would do monthly CAT scans to follow up.  The first month there was a decrease in the size of the spot.  We were thrilled.  This indicated that it most likely was an infection and the antibiotics were working.  Each month after that, the spot remained unchanged.  So after the 4th CAT scan, the two doctors decided that a biopsy was the best way to finally "see" exactly what this was.  So, last Friday (just one week ago)  Ken had a biopsy of this area.  After the biopsy was done, he had significant bleeding from his liver.  So they had to do an Hepatic angiogram and embolisze the bleeding areas of the liver.    Because he had lost so much blood he needed 5 units of blood and spent a night in the hospital.    We had several days of waiting for the results of the biopsy. When we finally received the news, sadly, it is liver cancer.  

The good news is that it is a very slow growing cancer and since January, Ken had been CAT scanned and MRI'd from head to toe and they have not found any other site of cancer.  We see the Oncologist on Tuesday and should have a better idea of how things are going to proceed after our visit with her.

We were just adjusting to the news of the cancer, when Ken began to run a high fever and had a wicked cough.  Now being that this is 2020, we feared he might have COVID (since he had just been in the hospital).  But thankfully it was not COVID (two negative tests in one week) but rather he had aspirated during the biopsy/angio procedures and gotten pneumonia.  So a few days of IV antibiotics and some further testing to make sure that was all that was going on, and here we are!  So thankful to be home today.  

Our first big THANKFULNESS of these events, is that the hospital policy changed the day of Ken's procedure last week and 2 visitors are allowed for each inpatient!  This is the first that any visitors have been allowed in the hospital since March.  This would have been so much harder if I could not be with him.  

There were two interesting items that were viewed out the window of his room. The first is this statue which is in a closed courtyard area.  All I could think about when I looked at this was "They are not social distancing"!  It's amazing how quickly we get used to not being close to or touching others.  It was also interesting for me to wear a mask all day since it was required of all visitors.  Something I never thought I would be doing for sure.

  

The second thing were these windows on the opposite side of the hospital.   The window in the top center of the picture is the room that Ken spent three weeks in Intensive Care in January/February.  That entire floor has become the COVID unit, along with the floor below.  The windows are open because there are negative pressure fans that are blowing all the air out of the rooms.  According to one worker, the units are very large and very loud in each room.  

Seeing these signs of the effect of COVID on an area that we were just in, was very sobering.  We are so thankful that Ken's illness happened before COVID was on the scene.  Gwen, Doug and I can't imagine what it would have been like to not be present during that time.  It certainly made our time spent "sheltered in place" at home seem more necessary.   The good news is,  this hospital has a very small number of COVID patients right now and many available beds.  This is why our area is able to move into phase 4 as of today.  Again THANKFUL!

So, sitting here at home, recounting the last week, I can't imagine what is ahead.  I know that today has enough worry of its own and I don't need to worry about tomorrow.  Lately, I have had to remind myself of this often.  We sure were not expecting a cancer diagnosis, but when is it ever an expected diagnosis.  We are so thankful for the team of Doctors that have been with us for years, that know Ken very well and don't have to page through mountains of documents to figure out what is going on.  These very talented (and I am sure, tired) doctors have made it a point to keep us fully informed.  We could not ask for better care.  

So we will walk into next week, knowing that Ken is at the best place he can be right now.  And most of all, we know that Jesus is with us, surrounding us and keeping us during this time.  Until the appointment  we will celebrate that restaurants are beginning to open near us and we might be able to have a nice breakfast INSIDE in a few days.  We will enjoy Morton Arboretum which has been opened to timed entry for the last few weeks.  A drive through the quiet tree lined paths is just what the doctor ordered.  And we just might watch a few good old comedy movies.  For today, we are just thankful!

Jesus, thank you for your real presence with us during all of 2020.  You were not taken by surprise when COVID came around.  Thank you for the doctors, nurses and all of the hospital workers who have served our communities under really trying circumstances.  Holy Spirit, keep us all mindful that God numbers our days and no one knows what lies ahead.  Thank you Jesus, for your protection for our family and friends.    Amen

What is going on in the world?

Just when you think that 2020 can't get anymore unbelievable, this past weekend happens.  We were celebrating our "partial" return to freedom, since our area just moved into "phase 3" of COVID response.  This would mean that most retail stores were open.  We could actually think about getting a hair cut.  We could actually shop for a few things that we have been talking about getting.  We could begin to think about meeting up with a few friends - of course that would mean social distancing.  And, for Ken, the most important thing - some restaurants would be open with outside seating.  So on Saturday we actually went to a couple of stores.  But it was a nice day and we got yard work done instead of more shopping or eating out.  On Sunday morning we decided to take my car (which had been sitting - not driven - for at least 3 months) only to discover that the battery was dead.  So our first stop on Sunday was to purchase a battery.  Ken installed the new battery and we drove the car around for few quick trips.  Later on Sunday afternoon, we decided to return the battery core to the store (you bring in the old battery and get some money back).  Now we had not been watching any news and had no idea what was going on in our area.  We drove right into the heart of the area with major protests happening, only to find all of the stores closed and police activity everywhere.  Our area now has a curfew and the demonstrations have us once again, pretty much with a stay at home order.  Sigh.   Let me tell you a bit about my story and how it relates to issues today.

When I was an elementary school kid my family lived on the east side of St. Paul, Minnesota.  I went to schools that were not really "neighborhood" since our subdivision had to be bused to the nearest school.  The east side of St. Paul was an older neighborhood and there was a great diversity in the population.  When I was in 7th grade I attended a Junior High that was actually housed in the old Harding High School building.  It was closer to downtown St. Paul and the kids who attended reflected the diversity of the community.  I had several black teachers, an Asian teacher and a Hispanic teacher.  I remember my mom being so surprised at the first conference she attended when she discovered that I had several black teachers.  I had never mentioned it and in fact,, I really didn't even notice it.  In the summer after my 7th grade year, we moved to the Chicago area.  I remember thinking that my school would probably be a lot like my old school, since I knew that Chicago had many black people.  I was very sadly mistaken.   My first day of 8th grade rolled around and by the end of the day, I was puzzled!  I couldn't understand why the entire school and in fact our entire town was only white people.  I remember asking my mom and dad about this and I was shocked to learn that our suburb was "White Only".  This was in 1967.   Sometime in the next couple of years, that law was changed and the first Black family to move into our town, lived just three houses away from us.  I remember some of my parents friends being really upset and talking about this.  My dad's perfect response was, "if they can afford to live here, why not!  As a matter of fact, they probably make much more money than I do."   I felt sorry for their daughter, who had to attend school as the only Black kid.  It must have been very hard for her.    The reason I am sharing this is because Ken and I made a very clear decision to find a home in a school district that would be more diverse.  In fact our neighborhood is a true melting pot and has remained so for the more than 40 years we have lived here.  Our kids had Black friends and Hispanic friends.  We had neighbors from Russia that napped their newborn outside in a "pram" when it was below zero!   Yes, it is a diverse neighborhood.

Now to the real story of the blog.  I love this picture for so many reasons.  I love the smile that is so big on Gwen's face.  I love her "red juice mustache"  and her not so straight mom-cut bangs.  Most of all, I love that Cabbage Patch Kid doll - "Kristie Christina" - that Gwen picked out by herself.  This was the era of the Cabbage Patch craze and they were impossible to come by.  The Christmas before this picture was taken I had not been able to find one for her.  In January, I entered a lottery drawing for a ticket to come to the store and pick out a doll when they became available.  It was around Valentine's day when I received the tickets in the mail and we went to the store.  Needless to say, Gwen was so excited to be able to decide which one she would "adopt".  They had the boxes lining the aisles of the store and she took a very long time to decide which baby would be hers.  She grabbed this box and declared loudly, "This is the one!"  I was just as excited as she was.  She carried the box lovingly to the check out counter and all was right with the world until we put the box down on the counter.  The clerk tried to insist that she put this black baby back and pick a more suitable one from  the other aisle.  I remember being so upset when I saw the hurt and pain on Gwen's face.  She wanted this doll and not any other.  I insisted that this was the perfect one and told the clerk to check it out immediately.  But a small piece of the joy of the moment was lost because of this women's own prejudices  I was stunned by the reaction and realize now that this was one of the first times I had ever experienced something like this.  This was a well loved doll for many years.

I know that there are so many sides to this issue of all the protests happening and the additional violence and property damage.  And I also know that, given my age and race, I really can't understand the feelings behind this.  I do know that every parent wants to do better with their kids and give them every chance to change the world for the better.  I really believe that  Ken and I were making choices with Gwen and Doug that would help them have an impact on their generation.  It makes me very sad to think that so little has changed in our world in my life time.  But I am encouraged by the determination I hear from Gwen and Tim and Doug and Susie to make sure that their kids help to make this world a better place, free from divisions and racial conflict. They do not shy away from talking about these hard issues with their kids and are always looking for ways to be part of the solution to this complex issue.

Most of all, I am so thankful that Jesus died for ALL!  His wonderful saving grace is for everyone.  I am thankful that the good news is for everyone and there is no difference what color your skin is.  It is always at times like these, that I am so grateful that God is in control of the entire situation.  It is a relief to know that I don't have to try to solve everything and/or try to fix it in my own strength.  In spite of the tensions right now, we can rest in His Word....

"You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."      1 John 4:4

Jesus has not forgotten us or left us and Jesus will give us wisdom to understand and grace and courage to love even when we don't have answers.  If there is one thing I am sure of, church and Jesus are essential for all!

Jesus thank you that you knew about 2020 before the foundation of the world.  Thank you for bringing your peace into our hearts and minds Holy Spirit.  Give us continued wisdom to walk out these days with quarantines and continued violence and anger and fear all around us. Holy Spirit put your loving embrace around all those who have been hurt during these recent events.  Comfort those who have lost loved ones in the pandemic.  Give us courage to search our own hearts for any ways that are not of you Jesus.    Thank you for your forgiveness, your love and your salvation.  Amen

Can't seem to blog when I have TOO MUCH TIME.....

I just realized that I haven't blogged for over a month.  And that just doesn't seem possible.  But in total truth telling, I have just plain not felt much like blogging or really doing much of anything.  This "stay at home" stuff has really done a number on my emotions and I know that I have been seriously depressed.  We have been in a "quarantine" situation since mid March.  At first, I completely understood and was willing to go along with this.  But then suddenly we were locked in place until April 30.  That was a hard pill to swallow.  The time had just been dragging by.  And then we learned that we were "sheltered in place" until at least May 30.  Both Ken and I lost it at this point.  We had not seen our kids for months.  We had not celebrated Easter with them.  And we had pretty much been in the house since January with Ken's illness.  We were simply done.  Our calls and Zoom meetings did not help at all.  In fact, it made me want to see and hug my dear ones even more.  To make things even harder during this time, Ken was struggling with serious anemia.  The doctors were pretty sure it was due to the effects of the Liver abscess that had caused his crisis in January/February.   After multiple blood transfusions and so many different blood tests, it was decided that he needed an iron infusion.  The hardest part of all of this was not actually SEEING the doctors.  Just talking to them on the phone really doesn't give you much confidence in their treatment plans (or lack of plans).  Everything is pretty much on hold if you don't have COVID-19.  I feel so terrible for other people who happen to have serious illness' during this time.  You can't really feel cared for or even heard, for that matter.  Thankfully, the iron infusion worked for Ken and his last blood test this week, his numbers were back to much closer to normal.  Which was a huge relief.  He has a repeat CAT scan coming up and we have a follow up with the liver specialist next week and we are praying that he will finally be done with this!  

I am thankful that Gwen and Tim and Doug and Susie sensed that we were just about to go over the edge, and they agreed that seeing the kids was just as important as "social distancing" and "staying at home" since our mental health was in jeopardy.  

We brought the kids their Easter Baskets and also got to tour Gwen and Tim's new house.  Yes, during the pandemic they bought a new house!  And they will be fully moving in a couple of weeks.  I told Gwen that after this visit, I felt like the knots that were my stomach had finally unraveled and I felt more normal for the first time in months.  

The next day we brought Grace her Easter Basket and we got to spend time with Doug and Susie and Grace.  Again, I was finally able to breathe out a bit.  I truly worry for so many people who have been isolated for these months and can't express just how this has effected them.  If we had waited much longer to see the kids, I feel like I might have just fallen into that very deep pit of despair that I might not have been able to climb out of.  

We finally got some nicer weather although last Sunday on Mother's day, May 9th, it snowed.  Yes real snow.  It just goes along with the all the other craziness about 2020.  Anyway, it was nice for a few days and Ken and I managed to clean up our yard and set up our outdoor screen house.  

We are grateful for a space to sit and enjoy the large park behind our house, without the worry of flies and bees and wasps.   We have some squirrels and chipmunks that live under our neighbors deck that provide hours of watching pleasure.  This year we also have a pair of bunnies that really like the space under our pine tree.  We often see them nibbling on the grass and watching us very carefully. 

This week we heard that our "shelter in place" will most likely be extended AGAIN until June 30.   We have been doing the very limited trips to the store, using grocery pick up, ordering food delivered, but we are just so ready to be able to go into a store and shop.  To go out for breakfast and sit and enjoy a great meal, served to us.  I need a haircut, badly!  I have taken the scissors to my hair several times, but it looks terrible.  To go to my small group meeting and actually SEE my dear friends. I miss gathering with my church and singing together.  Really, enough is enough.

 Nothing seems normal, nothing seem right.   

As I have been crying out to the Lord, seeking to be in His grace and peace during this time, it feels like there is so much shaking that all you can do is hold on for dear life.  It does not feel peaceful at all.  I have so appreciated Gwen's determination to hold our Bible Study on Zoom.  It has helped me to stay focused when everything around seems fuzzy.  This week I noticed a really amazing bright orange bird in our back yard.  I didn't manage to get a picture of him before he flew away.  I did a bit of research and discovered that it was most likely an Oriole of some kind.  I don't recall ever seeing a bird like this at our house in the 40 plus years we have lived here.  Over the next several days, I saw similar birds actually sitting on our Hummingbird feeders.  

And I witnessed them actually drinking out of them.  I finally captured this photo.  And I found out, that yes, Orioles actually DO drink the hummingbird syrup and there is actually a special feeder for them.  Sometime next week, an oriole feeder will be joining our hummingbird feeders!  The interesting thing about this was the word I heard from the Lord about this.  It was very clear that just as "unusual" as that oriole on that hummingbird feeder, so our "new normal" would be in the months ahead.  We might feel "out of place" and just like that big bird on that small perch, we might be shaky and uncertain.  But Jesus has been in all of this time of confusion and isolation and depression.  Jesus has been setting things in motion, bring things to light and clearing the way for everything that is ahead.  That big bird managed to get a drink out of that very small area. It was better than no food at all. Soon a more stable, better solution for him would be there.   And during this time, I have managed to get just enough contact with my "people" to keep me going.  Soon, very soon, this time would be over and things would become better.  Soon.

So for now, I am moving forward, day by day.  Some days better than others.  I am encouraged and hopeful for that SOON.  I will take a nice cup of coffee, out to my protected patio, and watch for more signs that Jesus has everything under control.  

Jesus, thank you for nature and spring that has brought a measure of hope and peace to us all.  Thank you that you are in charge, even when we can't see it in the natural.  Thank you for your presence with us even when we don't feel it.  Thank you for knowing that we would need encouragement and signs to help us stay the course when things were hard and shaky.  Holy Spirit, reach out to those that are isolated and alone.  Give them your peace and assurance of your love.  Amen 

When you are just not "fine'....

How often do we ask each other, "How are you?"  And just as often don't really listen to the answer that is given?  Most people just sort of respond, like a recording, "fine."  If there is one thing about this pandemic, this shelter in place, it is that not many people are FINE right now.  I don't know a single person who could honestly say that they are fine.  And I suppose, this should help somehow.  But knowing that everyone is not fine, doesn't erase your own very not fine.  Even my most well grounded in the Lord friends are feeling shaken during this time.  It seems that no one is really sleeping well.  Either from lack of  activity or from anxiety and fear and concern for others.  This time feels unending.  Every day just blurs into the next one.  In my area, we have at least three more weeks of these lonely, uneasy days. And the hardest part of all of this - the loss of community.

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This was my devotion today.  Doesn't it look like it was written for exactly where we are right now?

It is a cry for community.  If I have learned one thing in the last months, it is that I really need community.  All of my community.  My family - my kids and my grand kids, my friends, my small groups and Bible study friends, neighbors,  even the servers at the restaurants that Ken and I visit often, yes these are my community and the ones I am missing so terribly right now.  Although I have stayed connected via phone, Facebook live, Facetime, and zoom, it is just not the same.  I suddenly crave human contact.   Not "social distant" contact but all of those hugs and touches that we all took for granted just a few months ago.  I can only assume that the writer of this blog was on to something.  When she wrote this book (in 2017), people did not realize exactly how important community really is.  She needed to remind her readers not to take community for granted.  Not to forget the treasure that family and friends are and how they help by sharing our good times and our hard times.  It is also a reminder that we are all called to BE community for those around us.  In fact, we are called to be community to "fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).  Yes, a pretty heavy devotion for right now.

During a recent Zoom Bible study, I mentioned that I have gotten kind of irritated at the numerous messages and calls and posts I have gotten inquiring how Ken and I are doing during this time.  I sort of got tired of saying "FINE" when really, neither of us are fine.  This devotional has brought a new slant to these messages.  Most of these inquires were from people just being community and doing their best to fulfill the law of Christ.  It is much easier to be "fine" when you are not really being seen by the person doing the asking.  Admitting that you are not fine is really the biggest challenge of this pandemic. 

So, here is the reality of our current situation.  Ken is not fine.  He is suffering with some really low blood levels that have required numerous blood transfusions.  With the current "shelter at home" and COVID-19, our hospitals are on lock down.  And the doctors that Ken needs to see right now, are the ones busiest with very sick patients.  It has been scary and frustrating to say the least.  Even trying to get the doctors a message is difficult.  So I have been not very fine either.  Every lab test and procedure is done without me.  It is difficult to figure out what the doctors are thinking.   And so, we sit at home, wondering what is ahead for Ken's health.  He has a number of appointments next week so hopefully we will have a plan going forward.  The only places we have gone in the last month are the lab and the hospital and the clinic. 

On a personal level, in addition to being frustrated and worried and scared about Ken, I have been feeling lonely and depressed and sad.  Usually Lent and Holy Week and Easter are amazing wonderful spiritual times for me.  Honestly, this year has been a struggle for me.  Losing the connection to my community has not helped. This pandemic can not stop Easter.  Jesus is alive, He is risen and we will celebrate!  The pandemic can not stop spring from bursting forth.  Our tree is just about ready to be clothed in white blossoms.  The flowers are up and yellow, white, and purple blooms are everywhere.  Last week we had several days with temperatures over 60 and sunny.  So, in spite of how I am feeling right now, I know that this will pass.  We will be able to leave our homes.  Stores will be open and restaurants will have wait times for tables.  The parks will reopen and the paths and walkways will be filled with people.  But I pray that things do not go "back to the way things were."  I pray that people stay in touch - not just via message.  I pray that doorbells get rung and hugs get given.  Hopefully we will not lose the appreciation for "essential workers" that is evident everywhere right now.  Even if sports resume, I pray that they don't replace worship of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  And I pray that families will not forget just how good it was to spend so much time together, even doing nothing at all.  May there be less driving around to activities and more laughter at the family dinner table.  And I pray that we will all make time to visit those places of worship that we watched on Facebook live.  Most of all, I pray that families will come together and be happy just being together.  And grandmas will get lots of hugs and kisses and there will be a lot giggles and fun.  That is the picture that keeps this grandma going during these dreary days alone. 

Last night I had one of those really strange things happen.  I was watching a video on my phone and "accidentally" my thumb must have hit one of the videos in the lineup below the one I was watching.   This is what started playing, Dallas Holm, Rise Again.  I haven't heard this song for so many years.  In the 80's this was one of my favorite songs.  I so needed to hear this during this time.   If you need a huge dose of hope and a reminder that Easter follows Good Friday, stop and listen to that song.  It is worth the few minutes to let this touch your soul.   Even in the darkest time of Good Friday, Easter morning is coming. 

Jesus, thank you that we do not "social distance" from you.  You are with us always and never leave us.  Thank you for fulfilling your destiny to bring us back to your Father through your sacrifice on the cross.  Holy Spirit remind us that darkness is not forever.  Give us courage to continue to walk on through the hard times.  Thank you for music that touches our soul.  And Jesus, thank you for cell phones, the internet, Facebook and Zoom that keep us in community.  Amen

Knowing what is really important during this pandemic

I got up this morning, took a shower and got dressed - in pajamas - for another day, at home.  It is April 1st.  I had no idea I would be STILL doing this routine in the month of April.  And there is now a pretty good chance that it could be just like this on May 1st also.  As usual, the coffee pot was calling me.  I keep a few Kcups close to the pot, but have my big box stashed in the cupboard.  I took out the last Kcup and went to the cupboard to refill by the pot.  My heart sank as I opened the door to the secret stash of goodness, when I realized IT WAS EMPTY!  I am now totally out of coffee.  While there are many other much worse problems in the world right now.... I AM OUT OF COFFEE!   Any other year, I would just hop in the car and run out to the store for all of the items that we are running low on.  But not this year.  Not with Covid-19.  Not with the shelter in place order. 

This has been a wild few weeks for most everyone.  Kids home from school, parents not working, trying to not lose our minds having to stay inside. Fear and worry.  Anxiety.  Concerns for finances.  All for an unseen tiny virus.   For Ken and I, well we have sort have been on this lock down since January 1st!  And, quite frankly, Ken is still dealing with health issues.  Those came to a head this week. 

Both Ken and I had "health emergencies" in the last week.  Ken had been losing energy and strength over the last few weeks.  I became concerned and we had a telephone visit with his doctors.  We decided that it was necessary that we go to the outpatient lab so Ken could have blood work done.We had been avoiding anything medical at all costs!  So, we ventured out for that, trying to stay away from everyone.  He had his blood taken, and then we waited to hear back from the doctor.  Just to make things interesting, out of the blue I got a serious nose bleed.  Think the worst bleed you could imagine.  After over an hour trying to control it, Ken called 911.  The paramedics came and thankfully, we got the bleed stopped after about an hour.  I seemed to be fine for a couple of days when I had another bleed that I could not stop.  So I decided that I had to go the ER.  Not what I wanted to do.  So Ken drove me to the ER and he stayed in the car.  They were able to stop the bleeding and determined that I had a serious sinus infection.  They applied medication high in my sinuses, packed my nose and gave me strong antibiotics.  Needless to say, Ken and I did not need this!  Then the very scary results of Ken's blood work came in and he needed to be admitted to the hospital for blood transfusions.  Because of the Covid-19, I was not allowed to see him during his stay.  It was a tense few days.  Ken got the blood he needed as well as numerous tests to rule out anything other than the liver infection that we know he has, as the cause of his low blood levels.  

As I was waiting for the call saying Ken was released from the hospital, I saw this robin right outside of our door.  I know that the bird saw me, but he/she was not the least concerned.  There must have been some tasty bugs or worm under those dry leaves, because that bird dug and dug for several minutes.  Robins are a sure sign that springtime is here and I surely needed that sign yesterday.  It has been a long, trying winter - not just for the Rowley household but for everyone.  

Then, as we were walking in the door, I noticed that our flowering crab apple tree has started to bud.  I was stopped in my tracks, looking at those little bursts of new life.  We all need a burst of new life.  

This pandemic thing is not over yet.  As a matter of fact, I am not so sure we are 1/2 through it.  But the most amazing thing is happening.  Spring has come and more than that, Jesus has risen!  

It will be sure be a Holy Week and Easter that we can not forget.  We will not be together with family and friends on Palm Sunday to wave branches and shout Hosanna!  We will not be gathering together around the table to celebrate the Last Supper.  Our Good Friday celebrations will be solo remembering of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  And our Easter will not include shouting together, "He is Risen" and "He is Risen Indeed"!    I was talking with Lia today about our family celebration that would not be happening on April 12.  It will happen, just on some date in the future.  I reminded Lia that Easter has not changed.  Jesus is alive and we will still be celebrating that on the 12th.  But we are much more in a position like the disciples on that first Easter.  They were locked in their rooms, fearing being called out as friends of Jesus.  That is until Mary arrived with the amazing news that Jesus had risen!  Then they all ran out to see for themselves.  

I am convinced that Jesus is using this time to prepare us.  He wants us to be ready to run out and tell the world that He has risen!  I am imagining what it will look like when all of these "shelter in place" orders are lifted.  I know that stores, the restaurants, the parks and the playgrounds will be filled with people.  It will certainly be a joy-filled time.  Families will be together and there will be hugs and kisses and so much food. Every crisis seems to bring out the best in people, and this pandemic is no different.  Neighbors are sharing food, strangers are helping each other.  So much good is happening amidst the danger. We need to hang on to this sharing and caring when this crisis ends. 

 We will need to be intentional, to remind ourselves that sharing is caring.  To think about our neighbors and not lose all that we have gained during this time.  It will take effort, but I know that we can accomplish this.  Beyond that, my prayer is that we not miss the chance to run out and share the Good News with the world that Jesus is the answer. Jesus is bigger and more powerful than the Corona virus.  He is the Savior.  He is the all in all.  This is the foundation of everything and the most important focus during this pandemic.  

So I will concentrate on keeping my focus on Jesus while "social distancing" and "sheltering in place".  I will remember that my neighbors are also suffering during this time and find ways to help.  And I will worship and praise and pray, remembering that although I may be alone in my home, I am joining a great cloud of witnesses.  I will celebrate, Jesus is risen!  He is risen indeed!

Jesus, thank you for loving us so much that you came and rescued us.  You are our comfort when we are scared.  You are the peace that still the storms around us.  Holy Spirit, grow us all during this time.  Bring us to new levels of your love.  Give us wisdom to stay safe and courage and boldness when we are released.  Thank you for springtime.  For all the signs of new life.  Amen