An unexpected bump in the road of life....it is 2020 after all!

Well, here we go again!  Ken has been in the hospital twice in the last week.  Thankfully we arrived home earlier today and he is feeling much better.  I know, you are thinking right now, what happened?  Again? This is not an easy answer, but one that will take a bit of an explanation.

After he had septic shock in January and was so sick, there was an ongoing discussion about a spot on his liver.  I believe that I have written about this before.  One doctor thought it was an abscess and one doctor thought it was a tumor.  The radiologist didn't want to do anything to look at the spot until further tests were done.  So, it was agreed that we would do monthly CAT scans to follow up.  The first month there was a decrease in the size of the spot.  We were thrilled.  This indicated that it most likely was an infection and the antibiotics were working.  Each month after that, the spot remained unchanged.  So after the 4th CAT scan, the two doctors decided that a biopsy was the best way to finally "see" exactly what this was.  So, last Friday (just one week ago)  Ken had a biopsy of this area.  After the biopsy was done, he had significant bleeding from his liver.  So they had to do an Hepatic angiogram and embolisze the bleeding areas of the liver.    Because he had lost so much blood he needed 5 units of blood and spent a night in the hospital.    We had several days of waiting for the results of the biopsy. When we finally received the news, sadly, it is liver cancer.  

The good news is that it is a very slow growing cancer and since January, Ken had been CAT scanned and MRI'd from head to toe and they have not found any other site of cancer.  We see the Oncologist on Tuesday and should have a better idea of how things are going to proceed after our visit with her.

We were just adjusting to the news of the cancer, when Ken began to run a high fever and had a wicked cough.  Now being that this is 2020, we feared he might have COVID (since he had just been in the hospital).  But thankfully it was not COVID (two negative tests in one week) but rather he had aspirated during the biopsy/angio procedures and gotten pneumonia.  So a few days of IV antibiotics and some further testing to make sure that was all that was going on, and here we are!  So thankful to be home today.  

Our first big THANKFULNESS of these events, is that the hospital policy changed the day of Ken's procedure last week and 2 visitors are allowed for each inpatient!  This is the first that any visitors have been allowed in the hospital since March.  This would have been so much harder if I could not be with him.  

There were two interesting items that were viewed out the window of his room. The first is this statue which is in a closed courtyard area.  All I could think about when I looked at this was "They are not social distancing"!  It's amazing how quickly we get used to not being close to or touching others.  It was also interesting for me to wear a mask all day since it was required of all visitors.  Something I never thought I would be doing for sure.

  

The second thing were these windows on the opposite side of the hospital.   The window in the top center of the picture is the room that Ken spent three weeks in Intensive Care in January/February.  That entire floor has become the COVID unit, along with the floor below.  The windows are open because there are negative pressure fans that are blowing all the air out of the rooms.  According to one worker, the units are very large and very loud in each room.  

Seeing these signs of the effect of COVID on an area that we were just in, was very sobering.  We are so thankful that Ken's illness happened before COVID was on the scene.  Gwen, Doug and I can't imagine what it would have been like to not be present during that time.  It certainly made our time spent "sheltered in place" at home seem more necessary.   The good news is,  this hospital has a very small number of COVID patients right now and many available beds.  This is why our area is able to move into phase 4 as of today.  Again THANKFUL!

So, sitting here at home, recounting the last week, I can't imagine what is ahead.  I know that today has enough worry of its own and I don't need to worry about tomorrow.  Lately, I have had to remind myself of this often.  We sure were not expecting a cancer diagnosis, but when is it ever an expected diagnosis.  We are so thankful for the team of Doctors that have been with us for years, that know Ken very well and don't have to page through mountains of documents to figure out what is going on.  These very talented (and I am sure, tired) doctors have made it a point to keep us fully informed.  We could not ask for better care.  

So we will walk into next week, knowing that Ken is at the best place he can be right now.  And most of all, we know that Jesus is with us, surrounding us and keeping us during this time.  Until the appointment  we will celebrate that restaurants are beginning to open near us and we might be able to have a nice breakfast INSIDE in a few days.  We will enjoy Morton Arboretum which has been opened to timed entry for the last few weeks.  A drive through the quiet tree lined paths is just what the doctor ordered.  And we just might watch a few good old comedy movies.  For today, we are just thankful!

Jesus, thank you for your real presence with us during all of 2020.  You were not taken by surprise when COVID came around.  Thank you for the doctors, nurses and all of the hospital workers who have served our communities under really trying circumstances.  Holy Spirit, keep us all mindful that God numbers our days and no one knows what lies ahead.  Thank you Jesus, for your protection for our family and friends.    Amen

What is going on in the world?

Just when you think that 2020 can't get anymore unbelievable, this past weekend happens.  We were celebrating our "partial" return to freedom, since our area just moved into "phase 3" of COVID response.  This would mean that most retail stores were open.  We could actually think about getting a hair cut.  We could actually shop for a few things that we have been talking about getting.  We could begin to think about meeting up with a few friends - of course that would mean social distancing.  And, for Ken, the most important thing - some restaurants would be open with outside seating.  So on Saturday we actually went to a couple of stores.  But it was a nice day and we got yard work done instead of more shopping or eating out.  On Sunday morning we decided to take my car (which had been sitting - not driven - for at least 3 months) only to discover that the battery was dead.  So our first stop on Sunday was to purchase a battery.  Ken installed the new battery and we drove the car around for few quick trips.  Later on Sunday afternoon, we decided to return the battery core to the store (you bring in the old battery and get some money back).  Now we had not been watching any news and had no idea what was going on in our area.  We drove right into the heart of the area with major protests happening, only to find all of the stores closed and police activity everywhere.  Our area now has a curfew and the demonstrations have us once again, pretty much with a stay at home order.  Sigh.   Let me tell you a bit about my story and how it relates to issues today.

When I was an elementary school kid my family lived on the east side of St. Paul, Minnesota.  I went to schools that were not really "neighborhood" since our subdivision had to be bused to the nearest school.  The east side of St. Paul was an older neighborhood and there was a great diversity in the population.  When I was in 7th grade I attended a Junior High that was actually housed in the old Harding High School building.  It was closer to downtown St. Paul and the kids who attended reflected the diversity of the community.  I had several black teachers, an Asian teacher and a Hispanic teacher.  I remember my mom being so surprised at the first conference she attended when she discovered that I had several black teachers.  I had never mentioned it and in fact,, I really didn't even notice it.  In the summer after my 7th grade year, we moved to the Chicago area.  I remember thinking that my school would probably be a lot like my old school, since I knew that Chicago had many black people.  I was very sadly mistaken.   My first day of 8th grade rolled around and by the end of the day, I was puzzled!  I couldn't understand why the entire school and in fact our entire town was only white people.  I remember asking my mom and dad about this and I was shocked to learn that our suburb was "White Only".  This was in 1967.   Sometime in the next couple of years, that law was changed and the first Black family to move into our town, lived just three houses away from us.  I remember some of my parents friends being really upset and talking about this.  My dad's perfect response was, "if they can afford to live here, why not!  As a matter of fact, they probably make much more money than I do."   I felt sorry for their daughter, who had to attend school as the only Black kid.  It must have been very hard for her.    The reason I am sharing this is because Ken and I made a very clear decision to find a home in a school district that would be more diverse.  In fact our neighborhood is a true melting pot and has remained so for the more than 40 years we have lived here.  Our kids had Black friends and Hispanic friends.  We had neighbors from Russia that napped their newborn outside in a "pram" when it was below zero!   Yes, it is a diverse neighborhood.

Now to the real story of the blog.  I love this picture for so many reasons.  I love the smile that is so big on Gwen's face.  I love her "red juice mustache"  and her not so straight mom-cut bangs.  Most of all, I love that Cabbage Patch Kid doll - "Kristie Christina" - that Gwen picked out by herself.  This was the era of the Cabbage Patch craze and they were impossible to come by.  The Christmas before this picture was taken I had not been able to find one for her.  In January, I entered a lottery drawing for a ticket to come to the store and pick out a doll when they became available.  It was around Valentine's day when I received the tickets in the mail and we went to the store.  Needless to say, Gwen was so excited to be able to decide which one she would "adopt".  They had the boxes lining the aisles of the store and she took a very long time to decide which baby would be hers.  She grabbed this box and declared loudly, "This is the one!"  I was just as excited as she was.  She carried the box lovingly to the check out counter and all was right with the world until we put the box down on the counter.  The clerk tried to insist that she put this black baby back and pick a more suitable one from  the other aisle.  I remember being so upset when I saw the hurt and pain on Gwen's face.  She wanted this doll and not any other.  I insisted that this was the perfect one and told the clerk to check it out immediately.  But a small piece of the joy of the moment was lost because of this women's own prejudices  I was stunned by the reaction and realize now that this was one of the first times I had ever experienced something like this.  This was a well loved doll for many years.

I know that there are so many sides to this issue of all the protests happening and the additional violence and property damage.  And I also know that, given my age and race, I really can't understand the feelings behind this.  I do know that every parent wants to do better with their kids and give them every chance to change the world for the better.  I really believe that  Ken and I were making choices with Gwen and Doug that would help them have an impact on their generation.  It makes me very sad to think that so little has changed in our world in my life time.  But I am encouraged by the determination I hear from Gwen and Tim and Doug and Susie to make sure that their kids help to make this world a better place, free from divisions and racial conflict. They do not shy away from talking about these hard issues with their kids and are always looking for ways to be part of the solution to this complex issue.

Most of all, I am so thankful that Jesus died for ALL!  His wonderful saving grace is for everyone.  I am thankful that the good news is for everyone and there is no difference what color your skin is.  It is always at times like these, that I am so grateful that God is in control of the entire situation.  It is a relief to know that I don't have to try to solve everything and/or try to fix it in my own strength.  In spite of the tensions right now, we can rest in His Word....

"You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."      1 John 4:4

Jesus has not forgotten us or left us and Jesus will give us wisdom to understand and grace and courage to love even when we don't have answers.  If there is one thing I am sure of, church and Jesus are essential for all!

Jesus thank you that you knew about 2020 before the foundation of the world.  Thank you for bringing your peace into our hearts and minds Holy Spirit.  Give us continued wisdom to walk out these days with quarantines and continued violence and anger and fear all around us. Holy Spirit put your loving embrace around all those who have been hurt during these recent events.  Comfort those who have lost loved ones in the pandemic.  Give us courage to search our own hearts for any ways that are not of you Jesus.    Thank you for your forgiveness, your love and your salvation.  Amen