When you are just not "fine'....

How often do we ask each other, "How are you?"  And just as often don't really listen to the answer that is given?  Most people just sort of respond, like a recording, "fine."  If there is one thing about this pandemic, this shelter in place, it is that not many people are FINE right now.  I don't know a single person who could honestly say that they are fine.  And I suppose, this should help somehow.  But knowing that everyone is not fine, doesn't erase your own very not fine.  Even my most well grounded in the Lord friends are feeling shaken during this time.  It seems that no one is really sleeping well.  Either from lack of  activity or from anxiety and fear and concern for others.  This time feels unending.  Every day just blurs into the next one.  In my area, we have at least three more weeks of these lonely, uneasy days. And the hardest part of all of this - the loss of community.

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This was my devotion today.  Doesn't it look like it was written for exactly where we are right now?

It is a cry for community.  If I have learned one thing in the last months, it is that I really need community.  All of my community.  My family - my kids and my grand kids, my friends, my small groups and Bible study friends, neighbors,  even the servers at the restaurants that Ken and I visit often, yes these are my community and the ones I am missing so terribly right now.  Although I have stayed connected via phone, Facebook live, Facetime, and zoom, it is just not the same.  I suddenly crave human contact.   Not "social distant" contact but all of those hugs and touches that we all took for granted just a few months ago.  I can only assume that the writer of this blog was on to something.  When she wrote this book (in 2017), people did not realize exactly how important community really is.  She needed to remind her readers not to take community for granted.  Not to forget the treasure that family and friends are and how they help by sharing our good times and our hard times.  It is also a reminder that we are all called to BE community for those around us.  In fact, we are called to be community to "fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).  Yes, a pretty heavy devotion for right now.

During a recent Zoom Bible study, I mentioned that I have gotten kind of irritated at the numerous messages and calls and posts I have gotten inquiring how Ken and I are doing during this time.  I sort of got tired of saying "FINE" when really, neither of us are fine.  This devotional has brought a new slant to these messages.  Most of these inquires were from people just being community and doing their best to fulfill the law of Christ.  It is much easier to be "fine" when you are not really being seen by the person doing the asking.  Admitting that you are not fine is really the biggest challenge of this pandemic. 

So, here is the reality of our current situation.  Ken is not fine.  He is suffering with some really low blood levels that have required numerous blood transfusions.  With the current "shelter at home" and COVID-19, our hospitals are on lock down.  And the doctors that Ken needs to see right now, are the ones busiest with very sick patients.  It has been scary and frustrating to say the least.  Even trying to get the doctors a message is difficult.  So I have been not very fine either.  Every lab test and procedure is done without me.  It is difficult to figure out what the doctors are thinking.   And so, we sit at home, wondering what is ahead for Ken's health.  He has a number of appointments next week so hopefully we will have a plan going forward.  The only places we have gone in the last month are the lab and the hospital and the clinic. 

On a personal level, in addition to being frustrated and worried and scared about Ken, I have been feeling lonely and depressed and sad.  Usually Lent and Holy Week and Easter are amazing wonderful spiritual times for me.  Honestly, this year has been a struggle for me.  Losing the connection to my community has not helped. This pandemic can not stop Easter.  Jesus is alive, He is risen and we will celebrate!  The pandemic can not stop spring from bursting forth.  Our tree is just about ready to be clothed in white blossoms.  The flowers are up and yellow, white, and purple blooms are everywhere.  Last week we had several days with temperatures over 60 and sunny.  So, in spite of how I am feeling right now, I know that this will pass.  We will be able to leave our homes.  Stores will be open and restaurants will have wait times for tables.  The parks will reopen and the paths and walkways will be filled with people.  But I pray that things do not go "back to the way things were."  I pray that people stay in touch - not just via message.  I pray that doorbells get rung and hugs get given.  Hopefully we will not lose the appreciation for "essential workers" that is evident everywhere right now.  Even if sports resume, I pray that they don't replace worship of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  And I pray that families will not forget just how good it was to spend so much time together, even doing nothing at all.  May there be less driving around to activities and more laughter at the family dinner table.  And I pray that we will all make time to visit those places of worship that we watched on Facebook live.  Most of all, I pray that families will come together and be happy just being together.  And grandmas will get lots of hugs and kisses and there will be a lot giggles and fun.  That is the picture that keeps this grandma going during these dreary days alone. 

Last night I had one of those really strange things happen.  I was watching a video on my phone and "accidentally" my thumb must have hit one of the videos in the lineup below the one I was watching.   This is what started playing, Dallas Holm, Rise Again.  I haven't heard this song for so many years.  In the 80's this was one of my favorite songs.  I so needed to hear this during this time.   If you need a huge dose of hope and a reminder that Easter follows Good Friday, stop and listen to that song.  It is worth the few minutes to let this touch your soul.   Even in the darkest time of Good Friday, Easter morning is coming. 

Jesus, thank you that we do not "social distance" from you.  You are with us always and never leave us.  Thank you for fulfilling your destiny to bring us back to your Father through your sacrifice on the cross.  Holy Spirit remind us that darkness is not forever.  Give us courage to continue to walk on through the hard times.  Thank you for music that touches our soul.  And Jesus, thank you for cell phones, the internet, Facebook and Zoom that keep us in community.  Amen

Knowing what is really important during this pandemic

I got up this morning, took a shower and got dressed - in pajamas - for another day, at home.  It is April 1st.  I had no idea I would be STILL doing this routine in the month of April.  And there is now a pretty good chance that it could be just like this on May 1st also.  As usual, the coffee pot was calling me.  I keep a few Kcups close to the pot, but have my big box stashed in the cupboard.  I took out the last Kcup and went to the cupboard to refill by the pot.  My heart sank as I opened the door to the secret stash of goodness, when I realized IT WAS EMPTY!  I am now totally out of coffee.  While there are many other much worse problems in the world right now.... I AM OUT OF COFFEE!   Any other year, I would just hop in the car and run out to the store for all of the items that we are running low on.  But not this year.  Not with Covid-19.  Not with the shelter in place order. 

This has been a wild few weeks for most everyone.  Kids home from school, parents not working, trying to not lose our minds having to stay inside. Fear and worry.  Anxiety.  Concerns for finances.  All for an unseen tiny virus.   For Ken and I, well we have sort have been on this lock down since January 1st!  And, quite frankly, Ken is still dealing with health issues.  Those came to a head this week. 

Both Ken and I had "health emergencies" in the last week.  Ken had been losing energy and strength over the last few weeks.  I became concerned and we had a telephone visit with his doctors.  We decided that it was necessary that we go to the outpatient lab so Ken could have blood work done.We had been avoiding anything medical at all costs!  So, we ventured out for that, trying to stay away from everyone.  He had his blood taken, and then we waited to hear back from the doctor.  Just to make things interesting, out of the blue I got a serious nose bleed.  Think the worst bleed you could imagine.  After over an hour trying to control it, Ken called 911.  The paramedics came and thankfully, we got the bleed stopped after about an hour.  I seemed to be fine for a couple of days when I had another bleed that I could not stop.  So I decided that I had to go the ER.  Not what I wanted to do.  So Ken drove me to the ER and he stayed in the car.  They were able to stop the bleeding and determined that I had a serious sinus infection.  They applied medication high in my sinuses, packed my nose and gave me strong antibiotics.  Needless to say, Ken and I did not need this!  Then the very scary results of Ken's blood work came in and he needed to be admitted to the hospital for blood transfusions.  Because of the Covid-19, I was not allowed to see him during his stay.  It was a tense few days.  Ken got the blood he needed as well as numerous tests to rule out anything other than the liver infection that we know he has, as the cause of his low blood levels.  

As I was waiting for the call saying Ken was released from the hospital, I saw this robin right outside of our door.  I know that the bird saw me, but he/she was not the least concerned.  There must have been some tasty bugs or worm under those dry leaves, because that bird dug and dug for several minutes.  Robins are a sure sign that springtime is here and I surely needed that sign yesterday.  It has been a long, trying winter - not just for the Rowley household but for everyone.  

Then, as we were walking in the door, I noticed that our flowering crab apple tree has started to bud.  I was stopped in my tracks, looking at those little bursts of new life.  We all need a burst of new life.  

This pandemic thing is not over yet.  As a matter of fact, I am not so sure we are 1/2 through it.  But the most amazing thing is happening.  Spring has come and more than that, Jesus has risen!  

It will be sure be a Holy Week and Easter that we can not forget.  We will not be together with family and friends on Palm Sunday to wave branches and shout Hosanna!  We will not be gathering together around the table to celebrate the Last Supper.  Our Good Friday celebrations will be solo remembering of Jesus' sacrifice for us.  And our Easter will not include shouting together, "He is Risen" and "He is Risen Indeed"!    I was talking with Lia today about our family celebration that would not be happening on April 12.  It will happen, just on some date in the future.  I reminded Lia that Easter has not changed.  Jesus is alive and we will still be celebrating that on the 12th.  But we are much more in a position like the disciples on that first Easter.  They were locked in their rooms, fearing being called out as friends of Jesus.  That is until Mary arrived with the amazing news that Jesus had risen!  Then they all ran out to see for themselves.  

I am convinced that Jesus is using this time to prepare us.  He wants us to be ready to run out and tell the world that He has risen!  I am imagining what it will look like when all of these "shelter in place" orders are lifted.  I know that stores, the restaurants, the parks and the playgrounds will be filled with people.  It will certainly be a joy-filled time.  Families will be together and there will be hugs and kisses and so much food. Every crisis seems to bring out the best in people, and this pandemic is no different.  Neighbors are sharing food, strangers are helping each other.  So much good is happening amidst the danger. We need to hang on to this sharing and caring when this crisis ends. 

 We will need to be intentional, to remind ourselves that sharing is caring.  To think about our neighbors and not lose all that we have gained during this time.  It will take effort, but I know that we can accomplish this.  Beyond that, my prayer is that we not miss the chance to run out and share the Good News with the world that Jesus is the answer. Jesus is bigger and more powerful than the Corona virus.  He is the Savior.  He is the all in all.  This is the foundation of everything and the most important focus during this pandemic.  

So I will concentrate on keeping my focus on Jesus while "social distancing" and "sheltering in place".  I will remember that my neighbors are also suffering during this time and find ways to help.  And I will worship and praise and pray, remembering that although I may be alone in my home, I am joining a great cloud of witnesses.  I will celebrate, Jesus is risen!  He is risen indeed!

Jesus, thank you for loving us so much that you came and rescued us.  You are our comfort when we are scared.  You are the peace that still the storms around us.  Holy Spirit, grow us all during this time.  Bring us to new levels of your love.  Give us wisdom to stay safe and courage and boldness when we are released.  Thank you for springtime.  For all the signs of new life.  Amen

Social Distancing - what I have been doing!

Most of you know that I am a scrapbooker.  During this time of "forced" staying home, I am thankful to have a hobby that is ready and waiting for my action.  Yesterday I spent a very long time re-learning my Cricut cutting machine.  They had changed to a new platform that I have never used and it took me a long time to figure it out.  I was successful and managed to make these embellishments for the group of pages I am currently working on.  As a disclaimer, I must tell you that I am really, really far behind on my efforts to scrapbook my photos.  Like years behind!  The photos I am working on right now are from June of 2017 - almost 3 years ago.  Here is a sample of what I have completed...

These pictures are actually from a time that I watched Gwen and Tim's kids while they went on a mission trip.  The kids look so young, which of course they were!  Three years younger!  

But I am committed to finishing these books and to finally "catch up" to more current pictures.  It seems like a daunting task, but one that is so valuable that I will press on!

I often tell people that I can talk for hours about why I think the activity of making these scrapbooks is so important.  There is something that is lost by having a bunch of digital pictures that are "somewhere out in the cloud".  While I very much appreciate that my photos ARE preserved out there, I also know that it is not the same as being able to pick up a book and actually see the photos.  I am convinced that one day, my grandchildren and even my great grandchildren will be thankful that I took the time to preserve these memories.  

For one thing, the dates of these pictures will be clearly recorded.  No one will ever have to guess at the date the picture was taken.  Because it is in a clearly marked book there will never be a question.  Also the people in the pictures are identified by the written messages on the pages.  All of the baby pictures will be clearly from each child.  There will be no mystery photos.  And the pictures will not be just jumbled together in a box.  I do have many photos (about 6 boxes worth) but they are all separated by year and in protective boxes that will preserve them.  Most have notations on the back to identify the people or event.  Again, not perfect but far better than what my mom did.  As child number 5, I know that I certainly got the least photos taken of me.  I am thankful for the photos I do have, but really wish there were more.  

When Ken's mother died and his dad moved to Florida, we became the owners of a couple of very old photo scrapbooks.  One of these belonged to Ken's great grandmother Kelly.  Unfortunately, nobody has any idea who the people are in these pictures.  I really hate the idea of these photos being lost, but on the other hand, I have no idea who might cherish them.  There was also an album from Ken's grandma Baker.  We were able to sort out a few of these photos and are very thankful to have them.  But again, so many were not identified.   These things make me more committed to spending the time to keep these memories recorded and preserved.  

Besides this scrap time, I have been really intentional about my Bible time.  This has really helped me to keep focused on the TRUTH - Jesus and off of the so bad, terrible news all over.  I am convinced that we can make a difference in this.  By heading the advice and/or commands of our government.  By staying home and only going out for necessary purposes.  I think that this is easier for Ken and I in some ways, because of his recent serious illness.  Before his hospital stay in January, I would not have thought about all of the different workers in the hospital who are dealing with this very scary virus right now.  In addition to the doctors and nurses there are the respiratory therapists, the transport people, the food service people and the housekeeping people.  Also, there are the patient techs (who do a lot of the basic care for people), the desk clerks, the information helpers, the security people and the valet drivers.   Each one of these jobs has hardworking and dedicated people who are going into potentially the most dangerous confined areas, to continue to serve all of us.  And they need our prayers.  We are so thankful for all of the people, doing these jobs, who helped get us through Ken's illness.  So right now, we can support them through our prayers and by doing our best to stay OUT of the hospital.  And then there are all the others who must continue to work (all of our Government workers from the President, senators, congressmen, governors, local authorities, police, fire, ambulance, garbage pickup, utility workers, grocery store workers, gas station workers and truck drivers).  They need our support and prayers also.  And then there are those who would LIKE to be able to stay home, but for various reasons they must continue to work.  It is shocking to me how many business owners have decided to remain open when this is a real crisis.  And so many people can not afford to sit home and NOT get paid. Yes, so many to pray for!  

I began this week with a phone call from my next door neighbor.  She called to make sure Ken and I were okay, and to ask if she could go grocery shopping for us.  This was such a wonderful and kind offer that really brought me to tears.  We are so blessed with our kids living close by that we know we would always have a way to get the items we need.  But I think that Jesus knew just how much this call would mean for me.  It was evidence that people are looking out for each other.  They are looking for ways to help and support those who might need it most.  Although all the schools are closed, provisions have been made for school buses to deliver lunches to the bus stops so all of the kids can be assured of food.  Gwen's church has handed out food bags - no questions asked - this week and many families came for food.  I am sure that as the weeks go on, more and more people will need to accept help from others.  People are seeming kinder and more willing to look out for each other.  There is less complaining and more people are looking for ways to encourage and help one another.  I have decided that I kind of like this time, much more than I thought I would.  

So I will follow all of the recommendations.

I will keep my distance from others.

We are washing our hands often.

We are checking in with others to make sure they are okay.

I will keep on scrapping.

I will keep on Bible reading and praying.

And I will keep on blogging.

;Jesus, you are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  You are not surprised by this virus.  You have promised us peace and love.  Holy Spirit, help us to stay out of fear and worry.  Give us reminders of all of your promises so that we can walk through this time with boldness and courage.  Thank you for the kindness of strangers, for the help of loved ones and for the care and concern of our government.  Cover our families with your blood that guards us and protects us.  Draw the hurting and scared into your loving embrace.  Thank you for being with us all.  Amen  

Sad family news... and response to Corona Virus

This week we learned that Ken's brother-in-law, Wayne Purvis, died on March 8, 2020.  I had conversations with Ken's sister Sue while Ken was in the hospital.  Sadly, Wayne had been dealing with brain cancer for the last two years and had not been doing well.  It is one of those situations that you really don't want to think about.  What will we do if Wayne passes away while Ken is in the hospital.  While that did not happen, we are now looking at the recent travel issues with the Corona Virus.  Florida suddenly seems a very long way off and air travel does not seem like a good idea considering Ken is still recovering from a major infection.  While we want to be with family during this time, it just may not be possible.

Ken has so many memories of Wayne since he was a part of the family since Ken was a teenager.  By the time I met Sue and Wayne, their daughter Tracie was already born.  Wayne's job had them moving around often, but for one short season when their kids were both little, they lived in our area.   One of my favorite memories of Wayne is just how much he hated the winters in Chicago!  During that time we had one of our coldest winters and their house seemed to have frozen pipes all the time.  Ken and I both remember Wayne wearing multiple sweaters and long underwear in that house!  And many hours were spent trying to fix those pipes.  We were not surprised that shortly after that winter, they moved to warmer locations.  They did end up moving back to our area when their kids were in high school.  It was nice for Gwen and Doug to be able to get to know their cousins a bit better and we often spent Christmas at their house. When Wayne's dad could no longer live alone, he moved in with them and they had a three generation household.  They cared for him until his death. After their kids were married, Sue and Wayne moved to Florida.  That warm weather and golfing year around suited Wayne. He had a motorcycle that he loved to ride, and often took trips with his friends.  Ken and I enjoyed many visits with Wayne and Sue after Ken's dad moved to Florida in 2009 to live with them.

They took care of Ken's dad for many years, watching over him until his death.  Our last visits with Wayne were in 2019.  He was making a valiant fight against the cancer, but it was sure taking its toll.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to Susan, Tracie, Michael, Wayne's sister Gina and all their families.  Although we can't be with you physically, we are remembering and celebrating Wayne's life.  

This has certainly been a time of reflection for Ken and I.  We are getting older and when a health crisis hits, all you can think about is a return to health.  Losing a loved one - a family member or friend - makes you so aware that everyone's length of life is unknown.  It sure makes you think!  And it makes it clear that you should make sure that you tell people how much they mean to you.  The world is experiencing an unknown epidemic, just declared a pandemic.  There is fear and dread and anxiety all around us.  But in the midst of this, is the overwhelming peace that passes understanding.  Gwen recently shared this with me....

When Martin Luther was dealing with the Black Death plague, he wrote these wise words that can help inform the way we approach things happening in our world right now..

"I shall ask God mercifully to protect us.  Then I shall fumigate, help purify the air, administer medicine and take it.  I shall avoid places and persons where my presence is not needed in order not to become contaminated and thus perchance inflict and pollute others and so cause their death as a result of my negligence.  If God should wish to take me, he will surely find me and I have done what he has expected of me and so I am not responsible for either my own death or the death of others.  If my neighbor needs me however, I shall not avoid place or person but will go freely as stated above.  See this is such a God-fearing faith because it is neither brash or foolhardy and does not tempt God."

                                                              Martin Luther

When I heard these words, they just felt right to me.  We can answer worry and anxiety with prayers and worship that brings peace.  We can go and do as we are called to.  We can make wise choices with our movements and also with our own persons.  But, in it all, we have to know that God is in control.  When our government issues policies and procedures, we need to honor them as long as they do not go against God's word.  Yet we can not take our eyes off of God's commands to us to love our neighbors and to go and make disciples.  Now more than ever, we need to look out for others around us.  For the widows, for the orphans, for the homeless for the distressed. 

I am so thankful that I know a loving, caring God that takes care of me and my family.  In life, in sickness and even in death.  So I will be careful to keep that distance from others.  I will wash my hands and (try) to keep my hands away from my face.  But I will not enter the ciaos of hoarding toilet paper and water bottles.  Lent is a good time for this.  A time for seeking the Lord and drawing closer to Him, even if it is not our choice.  God works all things for His good and this is no different.  Take a moment and re-read that Martin Luther quote.  There is much wisdom in those words.  Breathe in and be at peace.  Jesus has got this!  

Thank you Jesus, Wayne and his life well lived.  Be with Sue, Tracie and Mike, Gina and their entire family.  Keep them close to you during this difficult time.  Holy Spirit remind us that Jesus is bigger than the Corona Virus.  Give us all the reassurance that we need when fear and anxiety threaten to overwhelm us.  Keep all who are reading this blog safe from harm.  Draw us all close to you during this time of crisis in our world.  Thank you Jesus that nothing takes you by surprise.  You are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  Amen  

Can't believe it is already March...

Thursday we went to Gwen's house to celebrate Ellie's 11th birthday!  I really can't believe this sweet girl is 11 years old.  As you can probably see from this picture, Ken is doing extremely well.  We are, for the most part, back to our usual routines.  I haven't resumed watching Gracie yet since Ken still has multiple doctor appointments that I don't want to miss.  But hopefully within the next few weeks, we will be totally back to normal.  It was a special time today to just be with the kids and also - we got to pick up our Girl Scout Cookies!

We brought Ellie her Birthday presents and I was very happy to see her take the time to look through one of the books I had chosen for her....

I found these on the internet and they are extremely cool.  One is a book that has 26 famous and very successful people who had or have dyslexia.  The second book was 26 famous fashion designers.  Both important issues for Ellie.  Dyslexia has made it so difficult for Ellie to read, but with her hard work and hours of practice she is now a capable reader.  It is great that she can see reminders that this disability will not determine her success in life.  Ellie has certainly already shown that to our family.  I am pretty sure that she sold the most boxes of Girl Scout Cookies in her troop.  If she sets her mind to something, she is unstoppable!  She has the biggest heart and is always looking out for that person in need.  She has come up with a plan to make bags (she has already learned how to sew and owns her own sewing machine) that will be filled and given to families that are helped by Firm Base

(her dad's not for profit). Her recent birthday party included friends from church, dance, co-op, and family friends.  I have seen Ellie as a warrior, praying and caring for people since the day she was born.  It is amazing to watch those exact characteristics blossom and grow.  I can't wait to see exactly how far this young lady goes in the years ahead.  

Friday is also Doug's birthday.  Just as I wonder how it is already March, I am wondering where the last 38 years have gone since Doug was born!  This photo was taken shortly after Doug got home from the hospital at around 3 weeks old.    

I love this picture of Gwen, Ken and Doug.  Grace was at our house yesterday since Doug came over to help fix our washer and help us "cut the cable"!  Yes, we finally made the move away from cable TV after almost 40 years.  The kids have been telling us we should do this, but it was always on the bottom of the have to do list.  While Doug and Ken were busy with washer repair duty, Grace and I were looking through my files of photos of Gwen and Doug when they were little.  Every picture of Gwen that came out of the box, Grace declared that it was Anna!  Guess that is pretty good evidence that Anna looks a lot like Gwen.  

It is good to accomplish tasks that have been hanging around for a long time.  When Ken was recovering from his hospitalization, we talked about all the things that we wanted to get done once he was feeling better.  And we have managed to keep shortening the list.  One of the many follow up medical tests that Ken needed to have, was a CT scan of his liver.   That test was to determine if there was a liver abscess or if there was a potential cancerous tumor on his liver.  We are so thankful that the CT scan showed that the spot on his liver had shrunk considerably which proves it is a liver abscess.  While there are still further tests that need to be done and weeks more of antibiotics, both Ken and I could breathe a little easier after that good news.  We still need continued prayers for Ken's immune system to recover after the septic shock.  His blood counts are low which is concerning but expected.  So prayers for all blood numbers to increase would be appreciated.

I feel like I have had sort of an extended "lent" this year.  Most years during Lent, I make very intentional decisions to do a specific devotional, or fast from something specific.  Generally I have used the 40 days of lent as a personal time of reflection and prayer.  Because of Ken's illness, it feels like that set aside time started in January for me.  I have found it hard to focus and pray and very difficult to do my Bible studies. Yet for me, it as been a time of such dependence on Jesus every minute of the day and night.  On Ash Wednesday, I was lamenting that I didn't have any "program" planned for lent this year.  I realized that the entire 2020 was a drawing closer to Jesus.  When you are going through a difficult time, you have to rely on the ever presence of Jesus.  As I sat in the waiting room, walked the halls of the hospital, sat in the ICU, talked to doctors and nurses, argued with insurance people, tended to Ken's needs, relayed information to the kids, signed tons of paperwork, made so many decisions, - every day - every hour - every minute, I knew that Jesus was there with me.  And Jesus has been with Ken every second of this "adventure".  More than once I found the words of Psalm 23 going through my head....

"Even though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil, for you are with me."

This time has sure enough been in the valley of the shadow of death.  Being in ICU, death was all around us.  And Ken's condition was that serious.  But I loved that I had the reminder that I was walking THROUGH the valley, and not camped out or living in that valley.  And mostly that Jesus was there with me.  I don't think there is anything more comforting than that.  I am so thankful for the Bible and these verses hidden in my memory for the Holy Spirit to bring to life when I most need them.  I strongly encourage you to choose some scriptures that speak to you, and set them to memory.  You just never know when you will most need them.  Lent is a good time to begin to memorize scripture.  Why not start today?

Jesus, thank you for your promises which are always true.  You are always with us, in good times and in the challenges.  Holy Spirit, thank you for bringing into my thoughts you Scriptures when I most needed them.  Remind us all of your steadfast love and care, even when we seem to have forgotten you.  Thank you Jesus for doctors, hospitals, medicines but also thank you that YOU are the healer.  Amen

Progress - walking out of a difficult time

I really can't believe that it is the 21st of February.  I have lost most of January and most of February with Ken's health crisis.  But the very good news is that we are walking out of the crisis and back into our more normal routines. 

Ken actually drove over the last few days.  It felt really good to be a passenger once again!  I am not used to being the sole driver of the family.  And it was good for Ken to know that he was okay behind the wheel.  We thought that his IV antibiotics would be continued until at least the end of February.  So it was a (pleasant) surprise when the doctor's office called and summoned Ken back to the treatment center to have his IV removed.

The doctor transitioned Ken to oral antibiotics that are kinder on his system.  He will need to stay on these for a month, but it is progress!  This morning Ken stood in the shower for about half an hour.  That first shower after 6 weeks is pure heaven.  This morning Gwen and Doug both came over and all the grand kids had a a chance to play together.  It was a wonderful time to celebrate how well Ken is doing.  

During this blur of hospitals and doctors and IV's and worry, I have been so blessed by my wonderful friends.  This week a dear friend stopped by with homemade Chicken soup and crackers, which came with this adorable card..

I can't tell you what a  treat it was to have something delicious prepared for dinner, that I know also came with  many prayers.  Both Ken and I feel the power of the prayers of so many that have miraculously advanced his recovery so quickly.  

If there is one thing that I have had the time for in the last 6 weeks, it has been looking at magazines in waiting rooms through out the hospital.  I have scanned through some publications that I would never consider purchasing (or even looking at) if the situation was any different.  However, I picked up this magazine for the first time and was so impressed!

I confess that I am an HGTV fan and over the last weeks, that channel was playing often in Ken's room.  I love Chip and Joanna Gaines.  Of all the home improvement shows on that network, theirs is by far the best.  Their family focus and God focus come through in so many ways.  And this magazine was amazing.  I plan to get a subscription - something I never thought I would do.  There was so much more than decorating tips.  The interviews, the articles and even the ads are things that I want to spent my time thinking about, looking at and remembering.  I took a photo of one page that I just didn't want to lose.  

These are monthly prompts for journaling that will help to keep your focus where it needs to be.  While she doesn't talk about this from a Christian perspective, it is clear from each prompt that all the ideas reflect principles that are Biblical.  I love that through this "secular" publication, Joanna is reaching so many people in ways that will allow the Holy Spirit to touch them.  What an amazing gift.  I loved this family before I read this magazine, and more so now.  Finding this magazine was certainly a "God moment" for me.  Just one of many small things that kept my focus exactly where it needed to be.  

When you are doing the ordinary routines of life, it is easy to miss the ways that Jesus is watching out for you and your family.  But when you are in the midst of a crisis, those touches from the Lord become flashing beacons in the darkness around you.  From that first night and the Bible verse that was so perfect (see my last blog) to finding this magazine on a waiting room table, there have been countless, wonderful glimpses of the protecting, caring hand of God on Ken and our entire family.  I know that it is miraculous that Doug, Gwen and I did NOT get sick ourselves during this time.  We used tons of hand washing and sanitizer but still - the hospital was filled with so much flu and so many nasty viruses.  I know it was supernatural protection.  And none of the grand kids got sick either.  There were so many times I found parking spots right in front of the door to the hospital.  I could go on and on.  I found myself often reciting (silently) Psalm 23 - along with the reminder that we are WALKING THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death.  I am so thankful for all of the scriptures and songs that I have memorized that truly came into my mind (by the power of the Holy Spirit) at just the right moment.  Yes, God is so good.  I am very thankful.

Jesus, thank you for knowing exactly what we need and when we need it.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding us even when we don't ask.  Thank you for prompting the prayers of others for us when we can't even pray ourselves.  Jesus, thank you for friends who meet us just where we most need them.  And thank you for Chip and Joanna Gaines and their family.  Bless their business to reach many for your glory.   Amen  

Where have I been for the last month....

Saturday, January 18, 2020 started off not unlike many Saturday mornings around our house.  Ken had not been feeling well for a couple of days, but we attributed this to a new medicine he was taking.  It had been leaving him feeling so drowsy and dizzy that he didn't feel like doing much of anything.  We had attempted to send a message to the doctor who had prescribed the medicine, but found out that he left the practice on January 1st.  We were trying to make a decision about these drugs, when things took an unexpected turn.  I left Ken resting in bed to attend a dance event for Lia.

Lia's Spotlight group tours around to local nursing homes and presents shows for the residents.  Gwen had suggested that I attend this particular day since there was plenty of room to view the performance.  I loved seeing Lia dance and also got to spend some time with Ellie and Anna and Gwen.  The weather was kind of nasty the night before and we had several inches of snow, followed by sleet/rain that hardened into a thick coating.  By the time I got home at 4:00pm, Ken was very sick.  After trying to convince him that it WAS necessary to go to the ER, I managed to get his car cleared off, him into the car and drive to the ER.  It was not a fun time.  Men can be very stubborn and put up quite a fight.  By the time we arrived at the (very crowded - overflowing) ER, Ken was not doing well.  They rushed us back for immediate help.  I am so thankful for the ER doctor who made decisions that I am sure, saved Ken's life.  The prompt response, the correct tests and rapid follow through, certainly made a difference.  The next several hours are somewhat of a blur..  Ken had Septic Shock and by midnight was on multiple antibiotics, had a breathing tube, multiple IV lines and was sedated in ICU.   Every story you have heard or read about the speed that septic shock can take over, is absolutely true.  It was discovered that he had a blood infection, from some unknown source.  His recovery was not without some hiccups, but by day number 13 he was finally released from the hospital to a rehab center.  He was still very weak (hardly walking) and on many new medicines - including an IV antibiotic that he will need to be on till the middle of March. He spent 5 days in rehab, not really getting any rehab, but getting stronger and able to do more walking.  It was a very happy day when I drove into our driveway, with Ken in the passenger seat. 

We are making every other day, trips back to the hospital for IV medication.  It is a simple procedure for the nurses to replace the bag of medicine in the pump case, which takes about 15 minutes. I would like to thank personally the inventor of this cool little pump that Ken carries around with him.  It silently delivers his drugs into his PIC line, every 8 hours.  This allows us to be at home during this long course of antibiotics.  What a blessing.  

I don't know how I would have made it through this event without my kids.  Doug and Gwen were at the hospital as soon as I called.  They left their families and put their jobs on the back burner to sit with me and listen to the many, many doctors and nurses giving us so much information that sometimes my head was spinning.  I couldn't be more grateful for their love and support and their concern for me, as well as Ken.  They made sure that I ate, brought snacks and drinks for me, reminded me when it was time for me to go home and sleep. And they laughed with me.  Something that I so needed during this time. Their presence made me sure - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that I need to stay living close to my kids.  Susie and Tim held down the home fronts with all of the kids.  The hospital had a strict "no one under 18 can visit" policy because of this years flu epidemic. By the time Ken was in rehab everyone could visit.  And it was a wonderful time celebrating Ken's recovery along with Anna's 6th birthday and Grace's 3rd birthday.  

And I am so thankful for all of the family and friends who prayed and stood with us during this time.  I could honestly feel your prayers and love even from distant places.  I tried to keep everyone updated on social media and the comments and texts and calls helped to keep me focused and supported.  My small groups sent messages of encouragement that kept my anxiety to a minimum.   

On that night of Ken's admission to the hospital, I was sitting alone in the ICU waiting room at one in the morning.  I was trying to process everything that had happened in the last 6 or 7 hours while still holding myself together emotionally.  All I could think to do was pick up my phone and open up my Bible app.  I resisted having my Bible on my phone for a long time, but I was so thankful that it was there at the push of a few buttons.  I opened up to the place I had left off reading.... Psalm 121.  

I lift up my eyes to the mountains -  where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; 

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber not sleep.

The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - He will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.  

A sense of peace and calm filled that waiting room (even though the television was blaring some children's show in Spanish and I couldn't find any way to turn it off).   It was one of those times when I had such a strong assurance that Jesus had the entire situation under control.  And it made it possible to just keep on walking through whatever came, day by day. 

 Last night I drove Ken to his monthly photography meeting at the Morton Arboretum.  I marveled at Ken, sitting with his "people" listening to a speaker talk about cell phone photography after all that he has been through in the last three weeks.  Today Ken and I went grocery shopping.  Can I tell you just how wonderful it is to do something so ordinary?   Even with the prospect of further therapy, more doctor visits, more trips to the IV center, ordinary feels so good.  I'm not sure what Jesus has in store for Ken and I in the next weeks/months ahead.  But I am sure that He is watching over us!

Jesus, thank you.  Thank you for who you are.  For your Word that meets us when we most need it.  Thank you Holy Spirit for connecting us to family and friends for support and prayers - even when we can't pray ourselves.  Thank you for medical advancements and doctors, nurses and other hospital workers who dedicate themselves to helping others.  Thank you Jesus, for ordinary moments.  Amen