First Special Sleepover with Anna and Grace

These girls have been waiting a long time to have a sleepover at my house.  I finally got a new guest room set up and have a great new daybed and trundle set up - perfect for a sleepover.  Anna was counting down the days.  We started the activities with a snack and then walked to my neighborhood

playground. 

Watching these cousins play and have so much fun together was wonderful.  Sadly our time playing was cut short by a rainstorm.  There was no rain in the forecast but the sky turned dark and then the drops began to fall.  We ended up walking quickly to get home before the showers really started.  I ordered pizza and the girls watched a movie, before heading to bed. 

Surprisingly, the girls went to sleep before 10:30pm and were still asleep when I woke up at 7:00am!  That was a miracle for sure.  The parents were coming to pick up the girls around noon, so we had a lot of playing to do!  It was a marvelous day, 70's and sunny, so we went outside after they did a bit of "work" at the table.  Anna had drawn a picture for us to all color together so we completed that. We all had to color one of the flowers and write our name.  This masterpiece is now hanging on my  fridge. 

  

We had bubbles and chalk and the girls spent a long time blowing lots of bubbles.  I think I had more fun the girls did.  

Later in the morning we went out front and decided it was time for a game of hopscotch.  It is always interesting seeing kids enjoy a game that I played for hours as a young girl.  I couldn't tell you how many games of hopscotch I played, back in the day.  Interestingly, I don't really remember Gwen playing much, so maybe it is one of those things that skips a generation.

The timing of this sleepover was good.  We planned it so that we could do our family remembrance of Ken after the pickup.  The only downside to this, was that both Anna and Grace were really tired and by the end of the day, they needed to be done! Watch for the next blog to see how our family time went.  But all in all, it was a great first sleepover.  

For Anna this was a very big event.  The rule in the Johnson household is that no sleepovers are allowed unless you are vaccinated.  Sadly, Anna and Zeke are not old enough to receive the COVID vaccine.  But because we have allowed our family to be together during the pandemic, Gwen and Tim allowed Anna to spend the night at my house.  Anna was very nervous.  So was Grace, since she had never spent the night with me at my house either.  COVID has really done a number on the kids.  Grace really doesn't have any memories before the shutdown happened when she was just 3.   We are just getting used to what is now our new normal.  

The timing of this sleepover was also very good for me.  I knew that this weekend, the one year anniversary of Ken's death, would be difficult.  I had been dreading the date approaching and, just is so often the case, the actual weekend actually passed quite well.   I am so thankful for the relationship that I have with each of my grandchildren.  It is so wonderful to see how they are growing in their gifts and talents.  This kind of one on one time (or actually two on one time) is so valuable.  Each time I get to be with the kids doing fun things, I try to just soak it in.  Time passes so quickly and the kids are growing up.  I don't want to miss a minute of it.  I love how Jesus has given me this time to spend with the kids.  In spite of Covid, in spite of Ken's death, my life has been filled with blessings.  Yes, a yearly time to reflect is a very good thing.  Making the effort to see the blessings, to embrace the time and to notice the little things is such a gift.  

 Jesus, thank you for the gift of children and grandchildren.  Holy Spirit, keep us aware of all of the blessings that surround us and help us to embrace each day.  Thank you for times to reflect and remember.   Keep our hearts open to your prompts every day.    Amen

Birthday Blessings and the last couple of weeks.

I had such a nice birthday.  My day actually fell on Labor Day this year so it was easy to plan a family time together.  I wanted to show off my new carpeting so we met at my house.  As the kids get older it is so funny to watch how they spend their time here.  My box of toys was hardly touched at all, thanks to good weather and the ability for the kids to be outside.  All of us spent some time enjoying my screen porch.  Doug and Susie brought the great smoked meat - Ham and Ribs.  It was so good!  

It was certainly a bit sad since I was remembering my last birthday.  Ken and I went out to dinner and it was really the last time that we ate in a restaurant.  He was pretty sick for the remaining couple of weeks of his life.  But everyone admired my new carpet and there was a lot of good family time.   I had a few projects that needed doing and Tim was able to accomplish them all in less than half an hour.  I am so incredibly thankful for both Tim and Doug and the ways that they keep up with all the stuff I need done around the house.  It is a reminder for me of just how blessed I am to have my family close by.  

I was not expecting September 11th to hit me so hard this year.  I don't know if it was the 20th anniversary of that event, or the fact that it just compounded my grief after losing Ken.  But it was really difficult for me. It's so hard to believe that every kid in school (even most college students) have no memory of that day.  It seems so close and so real, even though I had no direct connection to the events that day.  I am pretty sure that all of the talk about 9/11 just made my grief come to the surface a bit more. Which is not a bad thing at all.  I know that I have not always been honest about how difficult some things have been for me.  Just this past week I had to fill out a form and needed to check the box "widowed" instead of "married".  It felt really terrible.  I know that it will get easier, but it was just one of those small things that felt like a very big thing at the time.  

 One of the best things to counter all these deep feelings, is spending time with the kids.  I am so thankful for each day spent just being with these littles and getting hugs from them.  Last week, even though it was mid September, Anna, Zeke and Ellie and I spent a couple hours in their pool.  I love swimming so much and the pool is really my happy place.  Even though the air was cool and the sun was low and behind trees, the water felt great!  I just love seeing those kids swim like little fishes.  Anna can only just barely touch on her tip-toes in that pool, but she swims all over!  It was certainly a day brightener for me.

I have been able to spend some great days with Grace and James also, since Susie has returned to work.  On one of the more pleasant days, James sat outside with us as Grace and I played.  We amused him with bubbles and he loves to watch the trees blow in the (ever present) wind!   It is hard to believe that he is almost 4 months old already!  Last week he grabbed onto a ring on his playmat and he is very close to rolling from his back to his front.   They grow up so fast!

I have been so thankful for the Bible Study that I am doing with a great group.  It is a study of Psalm 40.  I have always called this my "slimy pit" Psalm and for sure, it is my favorite Psalm.  Over 30 years ago this Psalm spoke to me and gave me a hope for the future.  At a time when life seemed so chaotic and so stressful and when I felt like I was in the slimy pit of despair, Jesus spoke this to me.  With a lot of hard work  and with many, many hours of prayer and counseling and teaching, I was able to finally feel my feet planted solidly on THE Rock (Jesus).  I could not begin to tell you how many times I have quoted this Psalm to others when they have felt themselves stuck in hard places.  This is a Psalm that not only contains the good news that God will help us out of those hard places, it includes the promise that He will change us.  And then the best and biggest hope filled line is this..... "Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him".   I don't know about you, but for me, knowing that my story might help others have hope and trust in Jesus is the very best thing.  I don't think it is an accident that this is the study I am doing right now.  I needed the reminder that Jesus has much more ahead for me and He will not leave me in any down or stuck place.  Here are the first three verses of Psalm 40...

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire.  He set my feel on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.   He put a new song in my  mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.  

If you are feeling a bit shaky right now, or stuck in place you can't seem to get out of,  I encourage you to read and meditate on this Psalm.  And which one of us doesn't feel that way right now with Covid and mask mandates and vaccine drama?   Take a few minutes and just let those first three verses sink in and feel Jesus helping settle your spirit.  I know I am not the only one who needs this right now.  Start each day with these three short verses and watch God's faithfulness shine through.  Then, let me know how Jesus has spoken to you in this!  

Jesus, thank you for bringing exactly what we need, when we feel desperate.  Holy Spirit, remind us that  Jesus is the ROCK we can place our feet on for a firm and steady foundation.  Bring the right people into our path that will help us to know you better.  Thank you for loving us and listening to our cries for help.  Thank you for the new songs your are bringing to us.  Amen

Another sure sign that you are getting old!

I had an experience this week that marks a new phase of "getting old"!  I knew this was coming, and had anticipated that it would be some time before the reality of it would hit me.  On Monday, Gwen casually asked me if I wanted to go to Hobby Lobby with her.  Of course the correct answer is always yes to Hobby Lobby.  But then...... it happened!  Lia had the car keys in her hand!

 So I became a "back seat passenger" in (what used to be) my car, with Lia at the wheel.  Wait a minute... wasn't she just a teeny tiny baby?  How did this happen?  When did those years just fly by?  But seriously, Ken would have just loved to see this day.  One of the last bigger decisions that he made was to give this car to Lia for the not so distant time when she would be driving.  Ken actually picked this car and its very sporty version.  It is a coupe - something not so ordinary in today's world.  A two door car.  He drove it for about 3 years and when the time came for a new vehicle for us, it was decided that I would get rid of my (much older) car and drive this one.  The new car that Ken picked out at that time, is the car that I am now driving.  I am glad to have a bigger, larger more comfortable vehicle.  And, while it will be a long nine months until Lia actually gets her license, she is quite comfortable driving with her mom (or dad) by her side.  I am very proud of the confident young women she is.  But let me tell you, sitting in that back seat was just another time when I felt that "generational shift" happen.  Although I've been a grandma for over 15 years, I still don't FEEL like a grandma most days.  But there are these occasions when I feel that bump up that family tree more clearly.  

It has been a nostalgic couple of weeks for me.  I wasn't expecting to feel anything but relief and thankfulness, so I was surprised when this day arrived with some of those feelings.  The 43 year old carpet in my bedroom was finally replaced.  In fact ALL of the carpet in my upstairs is now brand new.  It was quite the effort with furniture moving and clearing out that preceded the actual installation.  This is actually a picture of the 43 year old, gold shag, builder grade carpet that has been in that room since the day Ken and I moved in.  I started thinking about all of those years and the life that happened in this house.  And I confess, I did get a bit teary. It sure didn't last long until the best change was made.

I am very thankful for the end result.  A wonderful home with new carpet, with much fewer allergens and dust to aggravate my nose, and a fresh new look. 

It is amazing how much difference it makes to have new carpeting.  It seems so quiet and feels so soft to walk on.  It does feel like I am walking into a new chapter in so many ways.  My grandchildren are growing up in what feels like record time.  My house has gotten a new makeover which has included a pretty massive clear out.  And I am working through this new stage of life, widowhood.  In just a few weeks our family will gather to remember Ken on the one year anniversary of his death.  It has been an eventful year, for sure.  Covid has complicated life in general.  Our family has walked through a number of "firsts" without Ken.  First Thanksgiving, first Christmas, lots of kids birthdays.  And we have added sweet baby James.  At each celebration or event, missing Ken is always there.  Even at the event of getting new carpet.  After almost a year, there are still those moments when I get surprised at the missing.

This week my Bible reading has had me mostly in Isaiah.  I have been using my "regular" Bible (actual written book) whenever I am at home.  Although I love the convenience of having my Bible always in my pocket (on my phone), there is something comforting about using the actual book.  My reading took me to Isaiah 43 and I immediately noticed the note I had written in the margin.... March 6, 1992 and the words, "Jesus Really Cares retreat".  There were lines drawn to verses 1-5.  It is funny how a couple of small written notes can bring you immediately back to a time and place almost 30 years ago!  The memory of just how powerfully those verses impacted me and gave me a new level of comfort and assurance that was very personal and real came flooding back to me.  After finishing my reading, I left my music playing on my phone and suddenly I was aware of this random song playing from the shuffle mode, I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe.  Needless to say, it was very emotional for me.  One of the lines reads.. "In the midst of deep sorrow, your light is breaking through".  You have to listen to the entire song and really hear the lyrics to understand.  I am so thankful for God's timing, bringing this song to me, just when I most needed it.  I especially love the transition in this song that ends like this... 

I am not alone, I am not alone

You will go before me, you will never leave me

You amaze me, Redeem me, you call me as your own

You're my strength, You're my defender

You're my refuge in the storm

Through the trials you've been faithful

You bring healing to my soul

It is so amazing when the words of a song capture exactly what you are feeling.  That is exactly what happened to me when this song played.  I needed the reminder that I am not alone.  I may be a widow now, living alone but I am NOT alone.  Jesus is with me.  I am constantly amazed by the faithfulness of Jesus and I am so thankful for the healing that he brings to my soul.  No matter where you are, what is happening in your life, how old or how young you are, be assured that you are not alone.  Jesus is with you and more than that, he calls each of us your own.  Yes, that is the story of God's faithfulness and the beginning of the healing for our souls.  

Jesus, thank you for these moments when you arrange the exact right song to play when we most need to hear the words.  Holy Spirit, help us stay open to these moments even when we are in the midst of difficult circumstances.  Remind us of the truth of scripture when we are being beaten up by the lies of the world.  Thank you Jesus for knowing us and meeting us all, exactly where and when we need it most.  Amen

Some fun Summer afternoon visits...

So you know how those Facebook ads can be so aggravating?  Well, I was actually quite happy to have seen a couple of interesting exhibits, both really close to my house.  The first was the Frida Kahlo art exhibit which featured original artwork and photos of Frida Kahlo.  I have only recently discovered Frida Kahlo (thanks to the Disney film "Coco"), but Ellie has read books about her and was fascinated with her handmade dresses (always the fashionista).  I offered a trip to see this exhibit to Gwen and all of the kids, but Ellie was the only taker.  We had a great "Grandma and Me Day".  

I love spending time with Ellie.  She is so articulate and really knows what she wants to do in the future.  She is a budding photographer and it made my heart so happy to watch her using Ken's "Walk around camera" to take photos on this trip.  Ken would be so glad that she is using this camera.

The second exhibit that I discovered through a Facebook ad was the Sistine Chapel exhibit.  I was really anxious to see how this digital presentation would look.  A trip to Italy seems unlikely, and even if I were to get there, seeing the Sistine Chapel artwork is done from a distance of 80 feet - looking up.  

The exhibit had some fairly mixed reviews, but I decided to go anyway.  I couldn't find anyone interested in going with me, so it was a solo adventure.  There were several video presentations that gave all the background information on the actual construction of the frescos.  Seeing these descriptions made the actual viewing of the panels up close all the more amazing.  The talent necessary to capture the realistic body shapes.  The Biblical interpretations are wonderful.  I could have spent hours just looking at each piece to take in the details.  One of the facts I learned from the videos is that Michelangelo was the first painter to ever show all of God the Father.  Before this, any artwork only shows a hand reaching from heaven or a golden cloud.  So these full body depictions of God are even more amazing.  Sadly I couldn't stand and look carefully at each panel because it was very crowded.  I did go back through more than one time and saw different things that I had missed on the first look.   I was very happy that I made the effort to see this.  

So, two very different exhibits.  One of a more modern artist, known for being a champion for women's rights and the LGBTQ community in Mexico.  And the other, a world renowned painter and sculptor from 1500's in Vatican City.  But there is much food for thought in both of these exhibits.  Walking through and taking in all the information about both artists helped bring an understanding and appreciation for their work.  Kahlo had a terrible accident in her teen years that caused a life time of pain and suffering.  Yet her work is not all gloom and doom.  She used vibrant colors and embraced her Mexican culture that was evident in all of her pieces.  And Michelangelo didn't even want to work on the ceiling frescos.  He was a sculptor first and that was his passion.  He was bribed into painting the frescos and wasn't happy doing them.  Yet God moved and these panels bring the pages of the Bible to life.  

There are great lessons to be learned from these two very different people separated by hundreds of years, many miles, and very different cultures.  Both of these artists had a Devine destiny - a plan and purpose for their life.  Both faced extreme hardships and ended up being recognized for something that wasn't even their "dream" or "passion".  Frida Kahlo loved her people and her culture.  She went against the social norms of her day and accomplished much more than you would expect from a crippled girl from Mexico.  One of her paintings is now in the Louvre in Paris - the first Mexican artist ever.  Michelangelo's sculptures are also amazing, but he brought us the Bible in art, with true inspiration from God.  Even if it took a bit of convincing for him to complete this project, it was done.  

I came away from these afternoon visits feeling very close to Jesus.  I could hear him whispering in my ear as I walked through the Frida Kahlo exhibit - "Love first".  There was so much love in her work.  She loved well and followed her heart.  So many of her clothes and paintings contained a rainbow of colors. And I was reminded to respond to all the rainbow flags just like Jesus would.... he would love first.  As I walked up close to each of the panels of the Sistine Chapel I could hear the reminder from Jesus that sometimes we need to let go of our "passion" to accomplish something so much greater than we could ever think or imagine.  And when we let go of our own plans, our own desires and the way we think things should go, THEN Jesus can do amazing things through us.   These were good lessons for me.  Loving first - even when we disagree.  Letting go - even when my plans seem so good and so right.  Jesus has got this.  He reigns and He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords!  He does amazing things!

Jesus, thank you for time to gain a new perspective through art.  Holy Spirit, continue to speak to us all as we go about our day to day tasks.  Give us gentle reminders of your direction - especially when we go off track in our own ways.  Jesus you always loved first.  You are love!  Thank you for teaching and leading and guiding us.  Amen

 

Spending time with Grace and James

James just gets bigger and cuter with each day.  I told Doug and Susie that I think he grows so much between my visits. When I look at this picture, he looks so much younger!  It was such a blessing to have time with Susie and the kids while she was off on maternity leave.   Grace and I got to have some sprinkler fun and of course, time at the nearby park.

There were a couple of rainy days, as usual, and Grace and I had fun playing inside also.  This set was actually Susie's when she was little.  This just goes to show that toys really don't change much and the kids still love them.  

Susie and I waited for one of the cooler days to take Grace and James to a nearby spray park.  Grace had never been to an outside spray park and she had a great time.  I had my swimming suit on and got sprayed and dumped on a couple of times.  James was good just sleeping away in his stroller.

 This summer has flown by and here it is, August and the kids are back in school.  We are still being cautious about Covid since Grace and James are not vaccinated, but it is good to finally have some more normal things happening.  Last week Susie returned to work and I will be watching Grace and James during the week.  So I know there is still plenty of time for outdoor fun.  Grace will be starting preschool 4's after Labor Day.  She will be in school three mornings a week and is excited for school to start.  She is a real social girl and has missed being with other kids.  She is so much fun!  Her imagination is wonderful.  We had days of playing "Olympics" which included many races and other "unusual" events that she made up.  She told me that Doug had won a gold medal in the Fishing competition for catching a BIG crappie.  The fish was so big that it bit his finger so Doug killed it and ate it!  Sounds about right, if you ask me!  Grace is a card playing champ.  She loves Uno and we usually play seven or eight hands at a time.  She is learning strategy and often holds on to those wild cards to play and win the game.  We play Zingo and CandyLand and several other board games.  She still loves puzzles and we often do "hard" puzzles that have 50 or more pieces.  Soon she will have outpaced this grandma in the game playing department!   

James has been a really happy baby.  He mostly sleeps, eats and needs diaper changes.  I have just started giving him a bottle when Susie is gone and the biggest problem is that he is always smiling!  The milk just runs out of his mouth with each smile!  I can't wait to see his personality shine!

I am so thankful for these times with the grandchildren.   Ken's death has made me more aware of the preciousness of time together.  Lucas is not far from my mind every time I am with the kids.   Our family has missing pieces and we are always aware of that. I think that I hold each of the grands a bit closer and hug a bit tighter, because of these loses.  I know that our family is not alone.  There are so many who have lost children.  So many who have lost parents at an early age.  So many young widows or widowers now faced with raising children on their own.  For sure, death is a part of life.  Somehow in our culture, we forget this.  It is a subject that people don't want to talk about.  And that is a sad fact.  Lately people have been asking me "how are you?" sort of expecting the answer "fine."   I can tell that many people are almost afraid to talk about Ken.   I have been working on telling people the truth when they ask questions.  The last couple of months have been harder than the previous months.  I don't know why and I can't even explain HOW they have been harder.  Knowing that almost a year has passed without Ken, seems unreal to me.  Some days it seems like much longer, and some days much shorter.   I don't know how people deal with death without Jesus in their life.  Knowing that Jesus is with me, that He is the comfort and peace that I need is what sustains me every day.  Praise and worship and prayer and scripture are what fills my heart.  Holding all of my family close is the icing on the cake. 

If your family, like mine, has some "pieces" missing, know that I am praying for you.   If you know someone who has experienced a loss, reach out to them.  Say that person's name.  Share a good memory with them.  Have an open heart to allow the Holy Spirit to work through you.   You never know when a smile or a hug might make a difference to someone.  

Jesus, thank you for your presence with us every day.  Holy Spirit, bring your peace and comfort to those who are grieving.  Remind us all to speak the names of those who have died.  Give us courage and boldness to reach out and bring you to those around us.  Thank you for summer heat, for refreshing water and the smiles and love of children.  Amen

Being an observer to something really good...

 

It was so good to be able to watch (and participate) in the yearly Vacation Bible School program that is called Bible Boot Camp at Gwen and Tim's church.  I got an extra bonus this year, when there was an opening to help with the preschool kids one day.  It was so much fun!  There is nothing I love more than watching all the kids have so much fun learning about Jesus. 

Gwen and I were talking about the very first time that I coordinated a VBS program.  I think it was in 1987.  I pretty  much made it up as I went along.  We had several dozen kids and it rained all week.  We were doing this program in a really small space and with very little help.  What I most remember about that week is the joy on the faces of the kids.  Although I had been leading the Sunday School program for a couple of years, there is something totally different about a summer program.  A few short years after that VBS, I began the most amazing times serving  the Lord in children's ministry.   

Time spent with children is never wasted.  As a matter of fact I just heard yesterday that the best way to de-stress and relax is to play with kids.  I know that this is certainly true for me.  Every single second that I spend with my grandchildren is life giving.  Whether it is playing cards or games or pretending alongside a 4 year old, it simply fills me and makes me smile.  Sharing God stories and the love of Jesus with children is so much more than just "helping out" or "babysitting.  Over and over the Bible shows the importance of children in Jesus ministry.  Jesus told his disciples that they needed to be like a little child to enter the kingdom of heaven.  In fact, the Bible is filled with stories about children and how God loves them.  Most of you know that God put children on my heart and gave me a passion to see more for the kids than just a couple of Bible stories.  Through Holy Spirit inspiration, I wrote and planned a station rotation Sunday School program that was way before this model became the norm in schools and churches.  There were after school programs, mid week programs, Bible studies, and worship times for even the youngest preschoolers.  I know that these little ones can and will be touched by the Holy Spirit if we just create the atmosphere and expectation for it to happen.  Leaving my time working with children was hard.  VERY hard.  But, I felt God calling me to move into a new areas.  Over the next few years, I began to understand that the message that was so big in my heart - the value of children experiencing a real relationship with Jesus - needed to be heard by the ADULTS.  Sadly, the entire time I was pouring my heart and soul into children's ministry, the leaders - the adults - didn't really see and/or understand what Jesus was doing in and for the children.  As a matter of fact, there were some that didn't want this for the children.  As the years passed, the heart of God for children never left me.  While Gwen had been a part of much of my ministry (mostly as a leader), she was pretty clear that her calling was with the youth.  However, when Jesus has a plan and a destiny, it will be accomplished.  Gwen is now the Next Gen Director at her church.  And this includes ALL the children - from birth - college age.  Watching her accomplish so much more than I could have ever dreamed of brings me to tears.  Even during 2020 and the COVID pandemic, she planned and carried out ministry that has touched and changed families.  Watching the church filled with children, seeing the youth serving and leading, filled me with joy.  I am so thankful that I get to be an observer to all that Jesus is doing.  And it is good!

Jesus, thank you so much for your plan and purpose and destiny for children.  Holy Spirit, help us to hear your plan for each of us.  Give us courage to walk out those plans, even when others don't understand. Thank you Jesus for your love and care for every child.  Continue to pour out creative ideas and give strength and stamina to all those who hear your heart for children.  Thank you for your love for us.  Amen

Family and fun the first part of July

James has been such a joy for our family.  I have been trying to soak in as many memories as I can with him.  Gwen was able to visit and get her own share of baby love.  Grace just love seeing "the cousins" and because of distance and busy schedules, the kids don't get much time together.  So fun is on the docket when we are together.

We took a walk to the park and I managed to snap this picture of the moms with their kids!  They all love being together so much and it is great to see their friendships grow.  Covid has been hard on everyone but you can sure see it in the youngest kids.  Everyone is so glad for these family times.  I snapped this photo on the way to the park..

Anna and Grace have such a sweet relationship.  Their interests are very similar and they just love being together.  I can see some wonderful times together in the future

I got to spend part of the 4th of July with Doug and Susie, going to a local parade.  Ken and I had been at this parade with them in 2018 and 2019.  Ken really loved parades and it was good to celebrate, once again after Covid, at this parade.  James slept through the entre parade and Gracie loved getting the candy!  She could barely carry her bag of loot on the way home.  

We took some pictures after the parade when we got back to their house.  I love these yearly photos so much!  They just reflect how much the kids have grown and also all the changes in our family.  

Our last 4th of July pictures in 2019 were Ken and I with Grace.  Now we have added James but lost Ken.  So thankful for these pictures that mark the passage of time.  

Just after the busy 4th weekend, Susie and I took Grace and James back to Blackberry Farms.  I took Grace there on the day that James was born.  She was so excited to show Mommy and James around the park.  

It was a nice day, cooler and cloudy.  We spent a really nice couple of hours, feeding the animals, riding the pony, taking a hayride and riding the train.  It was the first real "outing" like this with James and he slept the entire time.  

While I was looking at my photos for these upcoming blogs, I found this really wonderful picture of James.

There are so many things I love about this picture.  It was just a casual picture I took of James when he had first started smiling.  When I was looking at this picture I noticed the placemat behind me on the table.  This was not a posed picture at all and I never noticed the placemat. Until long after the picture was taken.  To me it looks like Lucas is looking out over James.  James will grow up knowing his big brother Lucas, just as Grace does.  There is no "right or wrong" way for a family to move on after the death of a baby.  Or for that matter, the death of the grandpa.  I am so thankful that Jesus has walked all of us through grief that comes when you least expect it.  One thing I have learned in this process, all of the people in our "family tree" have sown into our lives in some way.  No matter how far away from us they are, there were seeds planted that carry on through generations.  There are connections that are a part of us.  I am so thankful that generations ago, my family decided to follow Jesus.  And because of that Spiritual seed, the Holy Spirit stirred me into my own faith walk.  Through the highs and the lows, through sickness and health, through death and new life, Jesus is with me.  And I know that those ancestors that I never met, along with those that I knew including Lucas, are celebrating with Jesus right now.  What I love most about this picture is that James is reaching out.  You can see his hand in the foreground of the picture.  He is reaching out into the future.  With all of those Spiritual seeds in his generations, I can't wait to see where he goes!  

Jesus, thank you for your leading and guiding every day.  Holy Spirit, remind us that you have a plan and purpose for each of us that was our destiny before we were even in our mothers womb.  Give us all patience and peace when we feel lost, alone or hurting.  Thank you Jesus for the comfort of the Holy Spirit.  Thank you for family and fun times.  Give us wisdom as we walk every day toward that destination that you have promised us.  Amen