Memories in the mail...

 On Monday I came home to a box on my porch.  This was a surprise since I knew that I had not ordered anything.  And what a surprise it was.  My niece Staci had sent me some precious items that were discovered while clearing my sister Julie's home after her death.  Sometimes when you give a gift you never know the impact that it might have.  This surprise box included a small gift I sent my sister for Christmas in 2007.  

I had no memory of sending Julie this little book.  At our family gathering after Julie's funeral, my niece mentioned remembering a small book that I had gifted to Julie one Christmas. This was a mystery to me because my sister and I did not exchange presents.   It was an important gift for Julie that year, and she was very emotional on receiving it.  Now, several weeks later, Staci discovered this book among Julie's treasures and wanted me to have it.  As soon as I saw the date, I realized why this book might have been so special to Julie.  Our sister Karen had suddenly passed away in April of 2007.  It was a shocking loss for all of us.  So this gift, from one sister to another, was extra special for sure.  Both of us were grieving and this had touched Julie in her grief.  I have no idea why I sent Julie this small book.  This is one of those times that I am so grateful that I followed the prompting of the Spirit to gift this book.  It is an example of getting a glimpse of the power of a small thing.  

The second thing that was contained in my "surprise" box was this family picture tree.  I actually made this for my mom.  The pictures on the first side of the frame were from my parents 25th wedding anniversary.  The pictures on the reverse side were from a family picture that Karen had arranged when we all gathered for my niece's wedding.  My mom loved this unique display and it was always displayed in her living room.  I am very thankful that Julie saved this item when she was helping to clear my mom's apartment when she died.  And now, it is back with me.  And I am grateful.  

This whole grief journey is just that..... a journey.  You just never know when you might have a sudden turn, a stopover or even a long delay.   I was certainly at a different point when my sister Karen died.  I had already lost my dad, and I had never really thought about my grief.  Because my mom was still alive when Karen died, I was very concerned about her and didn't work through my own grief around her death.  When my mom died in 2011, it was the beginning of my grief work.  During that time, I learned that I had buried many of my feelings about losing my dad.  Karen's sudden death had left me considering my own mortality in ways that I had never done.  And I felt the loss of my mom so deeply, even though she had lived a very long life (she was 95, almost 96 when she died).  I was getting older myself.  Losing my grandson Lucas in 2014 was devastating for our entire family. Jump ahead to where I am currently.  In the last 18 months, I have lost my husband (in September, 2020) and then in January, 2022, my last sister died.  And I am even older!  Today I am so much more able to acknowledge those moments of grief and have ways to work through them.  I am thankful to have many caring friends and my family around me. I have lots of people willing to listen and pray with me when I hit those rough spots.  Moreover, I have been able to find joy and peace.  Along with that, I am excited about the future.  Death is surely a part of life and I know I am not alone in dealing with losses.  Coming into the Easter season we can be filled with the assurance of Jesus' defeat of the grave! 

So today I am loving have these precious memories.  Additionally my nieces gifted me a memorial necklace that includes my sisters thumbprint.  I am feeling so blessed and so thankful.  I will be more aware of that prompt to send that card, buy that small gift, make that phone call.  You just never know that lasting impact of a small gesture.  Take my lead and do that small thing.  It just may come back to you as blessing in the future.

Jesus, thank you for your love and care, even when we are in times of grief and loss.  Holy Spirit, keep us aware of those promptings that might seem like such a small thing at the time.  Thank you for bringing memories back to me.  Jesus remind us all that you have defeated death for us.  Help all who grieve find support and guidance from those around them.  Thank you Jesus for your love.  Amen

Time for another birthday celebration... and a song that touches my soul

Ellie shares a birthday with Doug and this year our celebration got delayed a few days.  It didn't really matter that much to 13 year old Ellie that a few days passed between the actual day and our time together.

 Her gifts were a wonderful mix of things that bridged the time between childhood and young adult.  She has been sewing for many years and this year requested fabric, patterns, patches and threads, which I was happy to provide.  She loves American Girl dolls and asked for some special clothes for her dolls including a Girl Scout uniform and a Ballet costume- two things very near and dear to Ellie's heart.  

All of these gifts  represent well the things that Ellie loves.  She has said for years that she will be a fashion designer when she "grows up".  Dressing those American Girl dolls is certainly part of Ellie's expression of interest in fashion and design.  She has been a girl scout for several years and has embraced that yearly cookie sale.  I haven't asked her for a total number sold this year, but at one Saturday sale outside of grocery store, she told me she sold 300 boxes! I brought home way to many boxes myself!  It seems that if I blink, these grandchildren grow up in seconds.  Here is Ellie, a teenager!  I can't wait to watch her grow and change in the years ahead!

Even with the high price of gas, I've been doing a bit of driving lately.  After some of the covid restrictions have been lifted, I've had the urge to get out of the house.  I've also had the chance to connect with some friends that I have really been missing.  During one of those drives, I heard on song on the radio that really touched me.  It is a a song with a simple (and well known) message.  But when I heard it, I heard it with very different meaning.  The song, The Commission by Cain  brought me back to when I was about four years old.  Click the link and listen to the song, then I will tell you the story. 

Right around this time of year, in 1959, I had a dream that has shaped my life.  You know that there is a message in a dream when you just don't let go of it.  I have vivid memories of this dream - even now over 60 years later.  In the dream, I was walking down a path in the most beautiful garden I have ever seen and Jesus was walking with me.  He was holding my hand (a feeling I can not forget) and talking with me.  Jesus told me that the story of Good Friday and Easter was true.  He had died, but he was alive now.  And then he said, "Go and tell everyone what I have told you! Easter is not about candy and the Easter Bunny.  I died for you and I love you and I am with you always."  Needless to say, when I told my mom the dream (I was very excited) - she told me "We don't talk about these things."   So, because I was 4, I followed my mom's direction.  I never told anyone about the dream.  And I never told anyone about Jesus either.  For a very long time.  Like 25 years or so.  When I first heard the song "The Commission", it was as if I was back in that dream.  There is one line in the song that says... "you have a purpose and I have a plan".  That line took my breath away.  The words plan and purpose have been part of my life and have shaped my messages about Jesus.  In so many ways, it feels like this song was speaking directly to me.  What a great reminder for me - for all of us - that we have a message to share with the world.  It doesn't matter if you are 4 or 40 or even  67 or maybe 90 - we can tell the world about Jesus.  I hope that this song speaks to you today.  It has been an encouragement to me that I have a message worth sharing.  And so do you.... 

Jesus, thank you for loving children and trusting your messages to even the littlest ones.  Thank you for churches, for teachers and leaders, for pastors and parents that share the truth of the Bible with the world.  Give us courage and boldness to speak to others.  Give us wisdom and grace to know how and when to share.  Thank you for your plans and purposes for each of us.  Amen

Can't believe that Doug is 40 today....and a special photo

 It is so hard to imagine that Doug is 40.  It is always like this....people say that time has gone by so fast.  But I can assure you, it really feels that way to me.  That last two pictures above are really special for so many reasons.  I had an emergency C Section when Gwen was born in 1979 and that meant general anesthesia on the surgical floor of the hospital.  I did not get to see Gwen until almost 4 hours after she was born.  By 1982, things had changed drastically in the world of having babies.  Just days before Doug was born, the hospital opened a surgical suite on the OB floor and women could have epidurals for a C Section.  And, Dads could be in the delivery room.  This was a brand new practice and I was so thankful that I actually got to be awake and got to see Doug the minute he was born. It was shortly after this picture was taken, that the nurses realized that Doug was having trouble breathing and he was whisked away to the NICU. I was so thankful for these moments to spend with Doug.  It's been a great 40 years. 

Two weeks ago Doug drove me to Minnesota to attend my sister Julie's funeral.  I am so grateful for his willingness to drive, no matter the weather, so that I could support my family.  It was so good to see my brother and sister-in-law, Jerry and Thoralee, even under these bad circumstances.  We were able to visit and catch up on all of our "old people" problems. There was time spent with my sister's children and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren.  My nieces had made poster boards with pictures of Julie and family and I was surprised to find this picture on one of the boards...

This photo is from the Christmas as 1960.  I don't remember many pictures of just "us girls" - my sisters and my mom and I.  You can really appreciate the wide age spacing I had with my sisters, looking at this photo.  My oldest sister Karen was married (and actually pregnant with my niece Amy).  Julie was a teenager and looking very cool, while I was just starting Elementary school.  The most interesting thing about this photo is that I don't really remember ever seeing it!  I happen to have the "matching" photo of all the guys taken at the same time. 

Somehow these photos got separated and Julie got one and I ended up with the other!  I am so thankful to now have the set back together.  It is interesting how important a small black and white photo can be.  I wasn't "missing" this picture because I never knew it existed. But looking at it today, makes me so thankful for my dad's passion for photography to even take these photos.  I am also surprised that both of these pictures survived the cardboard box that all of the pictures were jammed into.  In the last years of my mom's life, Gwen and I went through that box and tried to get mom to tell us who was in the photos.  Many were not able to be identified.  I believe I actually got the "guy picture" from that box.  

Losing a sibling and then having your youngest child turn 40 is for sure a sobering thing.  My sister Karen has been gone since 2007, my dad passed away in 1985 and my mom died in 2011.  Jerry and I were talking about our "advancing years" - Jerry is 79 and Roy (my brother-in-law) is 89!  My brother Greg is 72.  So, yes, I have been lamenting getting old. Grief is such an odd thing.  I am feeling waves of just missing my sister.  We haven't lived close to each other since 1967!  Yet, we did stay in touch. So the desire to pick up the phone and call her, is certainly there.   There is just something about having someone who had the same experiences you did, when you were growing up.  One thing is certain, I am feeling the pull to keep on telling the stories of our ancestors.  I don't want all the  information about our family to be lost when my generation is gone.  I am the youngest of my siblings.  My mom and dad were both the youngest of their siblings.  I am the youngest of all of my cousins - on both sides of my family.  Sadly, I don't have any connection to my 17 first cousins on my mom's side.  I am connected to more of the 15 first cousins on my dad's side, mostly through Facebook.   I certainly don't have ALL of the stories, but I made it a point to listen carefully to my mom when I encouraged her to share.  For sure it seems like I have a new project on my hands.  

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday.  As I sat in the darkened church, surrounded by lanterns and candles, it felt like home.  One of my earliest memories was a Lenten service, sitting next to my mom.  I am so grateful for my faith, for the church, for the continuity of the church year.  Mostly, I am thankful that saving faith in Jesus is something that connects me to my ancestors and also to future generations.  This year, I sat by Gwen and Anna during that service.  It is a powerful thing to see your children and grandchildren loving and serving Jesus.  

Birthdays, funerals, photos, aging, grief, ancestors, cousins, and faith in Jesus. Quite a line up in one blog.  Yet this is exactly where I am right now.  A mix of emotions, thoughts, plans, and feelings. Now add to this, the world's issues with the conflict in the Ukraine right now and so many suffering great loss and hardship.   Honesty is one thing I always promised on this blog and there it is. Two on the songs at my sister's funeral have been on my mind today.  Both were used at the funerals of my dad and my mom.  Both are special to me also.  Certainly, both are peace giving and calming.  

How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder, consider all the works thy hand hath made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Refrain - Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee:  How great thou art, how great thou art.  Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee:  How great thou art, how great thou art.

When through the woods and forest glades I wander and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.  When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur, and hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze.

(Refrain)

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing.   Sent him to die, I scarce can take it in.  That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin.

(Refrain)

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fell my heart.  Then I shall bow in humble adoration, and there proclaim, my God, how great thou art! 

   What A Friend We Have In Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!  What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!  O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?  We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer.  Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?  Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?  Precious Savior still our refuge - take it to the Lord in prayer!  Do your friends despise, forsake you?  Take it to the Lord in prayer!  In his arms he'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.  

Jesus, thank you for bringing my emotions back to the central place today.  You are the peace, and the answers for us all.  Thank you for children and the blessings you bring to us.  Holy Spirit, remind us that we are all family in the body of Christ.  Give us courage and boldness to continue to walk out the plans and purposes you have for each of us.  Thank you Jesus.  Amen

So many celebrations...

 It is really amazing how many celebrations our family can cram into just a couple of weeks!  It used to be that January and February were not big months for us, but things changed with two birthday's just a couple of days apart.  Eight years ago Anna was born on January 30.  And then five years ago, Grace decided February 1 was a great day for a birthday.  We all know that the last couple of years have been anything but normal.  Grace, sadly, doesn't  remember ever having a real birthday party.  Anna has been waiting for a party at a family favorite gymnastic facility, since she has been to many sibling parties there.  To add to the celebrations this year, Lia's Confirmation was on Anna's birthday.  

There is something so amazing about seeing your grandchildren publicly proclaim their faith in Jesus. Lia has grown into a wonderful "Disciple that Makes Disciples" (the motto of their church).  She is a leader in her youth program, friend to so many, teacher to young children, and servant to her church.  On any given Sunday she might be found leading games for the kids in the Rock (Sunday School) during the Discipleship hour, having conversation in the coffee house during fellowship time and then sitting in the "booth" doing slides for the Sunday Morning worship. Lia has a heart for missions and I will not be surprised to see her continuing to serve others in the future.  

I am so proud of Gwen and Tim as I have watched them parent their kids.  Seeing Lia declare her own faith in Jesus, to confirm her Baptism, makes this grandma reflect on the generations of our family who have made this step of faith.  Yes, Lia is the continuation of a long spiritual legacy that goes back generations.  She is the descendent of many who faithfully served Jesus.  

I got to celebrate Anna as she turned eight years old.  While we didn't actually celebrate on her birthday, it was the day after.

While I got to be with Anna on that day,  her big (long awaited) gymnastics party was two weeks later due to scheduling issues.  I love getting to be with the kids one-on-one, especially on these special days.  Although it wasn't a "big party" that day, it was special sharing with Anna, my memories of the day she was born.  The next day, I got to do the same thing with five year old Grace.

I happened to be watching Grace and James on the actual day of Grace's birthday.  Her "cousin sleepover and BIG party" (as Grace called them) were the next weekend.  I brought her five small gifts and we celebrated her birthday all day!  It as especially memorable for me.  Again, this time alone with the kids is just the best.  Thankfully, the days past quickly till the sleepover and BIG party! 

Yes, Susie and Doug actually braved a cousin sleepover with Ellie, Zeke and Anna spending the night with Grace.  They had a great time and there was actually sleeping that night!  The next day was the BIG party!

She was so excited to have an Encanto party and the cake was just unbelievably decorated and tasted wonderful as well.  Susie's family came, including her brother Scott (who we have not seen since Covid) so it was really nice for our families to be together, 

I love that we always take these photos when the kids are together.  I have a great collection of photo's showing the kids growing up together.  And then I casually snapped this photo of Gwen and Doug with Doug's kids.

Grace was so excited for the candy from her Pinata!  The Pinata was one of the things that she was most looking forward to.  I love seeing my adult children together enjoying each others kids.   There is really nothing better!

FINALLY, it was time for Anna's gymnastics party.  She was so excited to FINALLY be the birthday kid for this party.  Honestly, they do such a good job at this location and the kids jump, swing, run, and have a blast on all the equipment for an hour and a half and then have cake.  It is so much better than having the wildness at your house and so much more fun for the kids.  

As I was writing this blog and looking through my photos, I realized that the celebrations actually started one day before Anna's birthday.  Susie, Grace and I were able to help celebrate a coming new baby, with my great niece Angela and her husband David.  Angela is my sister Julie's granddaughter.  

This shower was an outdoor, drive by kind of event, thanks to Covid.  This is totally understandable since the Covid numbers in our area have been really high.  Even so, we loved being able to help celebrate this new expected little girl.  We had a chance to talk about Angela's grandma Julie (my sister).  Sadly, Julie died the next day.   It really felt like this was another way that Jesus helped me represent Julie and be there for Angela. Family ties are just so important.  

I am preparing to travel to Minnesota for the funeral for my sister Julie.  Each of these events has my mind going with memories and thoughts.  Being together to celebrate Julie's life will be a time for me to connect with her children and grandchildren after many years.  I remember my mom saying that so often families only saw each other at weddings and funerals.  Sadly, this is still true today.   But I welcome this time to visit and support Julie's family.  I am going to also be able to visit with my brother Jerry and his wife Thoralee.  Again, we just don't see each other often. The ties that keep us bound together as family don't depend on physical closeness or even times that we can see each other.  I have been remembering that my family - my extended family - included immigrants in both my mom and dad's family.  They left all of their family in countries across oceans and begun new lives.  

Covid has taught us all that being together and celebrating are extremely important. All of these events- birthdays, confirmations, baby showers, funerals - help us to keep our eyes outside of ourselves.  Being isolated so much the last couple of years has certainly turned us inward.  Since Ken died I have had to be intentional about going out and looking outward.  Doing these blogs has helped me to remember that I have been successful!  I have been connecting and making memories IN SPITE of Covid.  

After Lia's Confirmation, Gwen and I were talking about our own Confirmation days. Pastor Dave did something at Lia's Confirmation that was so amazing.  Before the Confirmations, there was a Baptism and the Baptismal Font was at the front.  As Pastor Dave prayed for each of the youth being Confirmed, he took water from the Font and "Blessed" them.  What a powerful reminder of the purpose of Confirmation - a "Reaffirmation of Baptism".  Here is Lia at her Baptism.

And I will leave this blog with Lia's Confirmation verses, given to her by Pastor Dave.

        And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel 

of your salvation.  When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised

Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those 

who are God's possession - to the praise of His glory.       Ephesians 1:13-14

Jesus, thank you for celebrations with family and friends.  Holy Spirit, help us to keep our eyes off of ourselves.  Remind us of the Spiritual legacy that fills our families.  Most of all, let us see things from your perspective, Jesus.  Thank you for your love and care.  Amen

When God knows exactly what you need.....

I had one of those hind-sight experiences in the last couple of weeks that has me knowing that God knew exactly what I needed.  Two weeks ago, I got a call from my sister Julie.  I could tell that she was not doing well.  That day, she had gotten on a bus to start a four week tour in Florida.  By lunch time on the first day after leaving the Minneapolis/St.Paul area, midway through Wisconsin, Julie realized that she was not well.  The tour stopped the first night in the Chicago area.  So she was asking if I could pick her up and work with her kids to help her get home.  It was an easy thing for me to do.  By the next morning, arrangements had been made for her to get home. I got to spend several hours with Julie, helping her pack up her things and then drove her into Wisconsin to meet her daughter Staci and her husband Aaron.  I am so thankful for those hours that I got to spend with Julie.  It was clear that she wasn't well.  She was a bit confused and complained of blurry vision, a headache and just not feeling well.  In spite of that, we had a wonderful time talking our kids and grandchildren.  She was excited to be welcoming her 5th Great Grandchild in March.  Julie was so excited to have found a dress that her daughter Chrissy had worn and she gifted it to this new baby, who will be Chrissy's first grandchild.  She even talked about finding a picture of Chrissy wearing that dress.  Julie talked about all of her 19 grandchildren and her (soon to be) 5 great grandkids and about her 4 daughters.  It was so good to talk, face to face.  We had frequent phone conversations, but actually being in the same room, was so good.  Staci and Aaron brought Julie directly to the hospital, upon getting back to the Twin Cities.  Because of Covid, her kids couldn't be with her.  It was discovered that she had indeed had a serious stroke.  And the recently diagnosed liver cancer was progressing much quicker than expected.  Her girls made arrangement to bring her home.  Sadly, she was only home a few days before her death.  

I have been talking about going to Minnesota to visit her since Ken died.  However Covid was still very much around and our family was still being cautious about exposure.  By the fall of 2021, I was actually trying to plan a visit with Julie, but her schedule was full.  Also, she had not been feeling very well and I thought I would wait until we could really enjoy the visit.  I knew that she had several trips planned so thought we would just delay until this spring, when the weather was better.  But God knew that I really needed to have this last time with Julie.  

I searched my photos for the last time we got together (just the two of us) and it was May of 2019. She made a trip to Chicago to see her granddaughter Angela.  We had a couple hours to visit and I snapped this picture.  We did see each other in September of 2019 at a small family reunion that was held in Iowa.  There were many people there and we didn't get much time to visit.  

 

Pictures are so important to me, especially family photos.  If you could see around my home, you would know this!  I treasure each and every photo and I know the kids are pretty sick of me always taking pictures.  The next picture of Julie and I was taken in September off 1954.  Newborn photos were not taken at all.  Because I am the 5th child in the family, there were not many pictures taken at all.  So I am so thankful that my dad decided to take a series of pictures of me as a newborn on the front steps of our home.  There is one of my mom holding me, one of my sister Karen holding me and this precious picture of (soon to be) 8 year old Julie, holding me.

In the car on the way to Wisconsin, Julie was dozing and clearly just working at getting through the time until she could get home.  We were talking about how much we loved being with our grandchildren and then she dozed off to sleep.  She suddenly woke and announced "you know, I was really close to her".  I was startled and asked who she was talking about.  I wondered if she was talking about our mom.  She was always very close to her.  Julie seemed surprised that I didn't know what she was talking about, and answered, "Well, Aunt Anna, of course".    We had a brief conversation about Aunt Anna and Julie seemed surprised that I wasn't close to her.   Aunt Ann was my mom's aunt who raised her and her sisters after their mother died. She was certainly a "grandmother" to all of the children of those girls, that included me.  However, Aunt Anna died in 1956 when I was 2 years old.  Other than the stories of others, I really don't have many memories of her.    I am sure that Julie was thinking of all the loved ones that she was longing to see again.  And that moment, it was Aunt Anna.

Grandpa and Aunt Anna were taken care of by my Mom and Dad.  Julie grew up with them and it makes perfect sense that she would have been close to Aunt Anna.  I just had never thought about that!

This photo from 1956 is (left to right), my mom (Nona Johnson), Eunice Ries, Aunt Anna Toensing, Arnold Toensing (their father), Phyllis Turnquist, Beatrice Nelson.  

I just love how personal and real Jesus is when you have an experience like this.  It would have been much harder for me to lose Julie, without this unexpected visit.  I almost feel as if she got on that bus specifically to see me.  Those conversations, the things we talked about, will stay with me.  I didn't know just how much I needed to make this connection.  But Jesus did.  So now, I am at peace, knowing that Julie is not sick any more.  She was at home, surrounded by all those she held so close and loved so much,  when she died.  I am thankful for the peace that Jesus brings me, knowing that He holds the number of our days in His hands.  And for the hope and joy and comfort for all who grieve.   

Jesus, thank you for knowing exactly what I needed.  Holy Spirit, please bring your comfort and peace to Elise, Chrissy, Sara and Staci and all who grieve the lose of Julie.  Bring your assurance, hope and joy to help us remember your promises.  Give us all courage and boldness to reach out and support others who have lost loved ones.  Amen

(Watching) Dancing my way into the New Year.

Well, here we are in 2022.  And we are STILL in the midst of the Covid pandemic.  As a matter of fact, so many of the "normal" things that had finally come back in late 2021, are now on pause, once again.  Lia and Ellie have been practicing for months with their Dance Connection special performing group, Spotlight.  These girls (and boys) work long hours, doing extra classes and learn extra dances, just to perform.  The purpose of this group is USUALLY to entertain at nursing homes and care facilities for the surrounding communities.  Then Covid, again.  So the very creative and wonderful owner and teachers of this studio, decided to do a series of shows for the community - aimed at children under 10.  The dancers whirled and twirled to the familiar music of Frozen.  There was limited attendance, social distanced and everyone wore masks.  The air purifiers were humming and the windows were cracked to help keep everyone safe.  The dancers wore 2 masks! The studio even zoomed for anyone who was unable to attend.   Was it worth the effort?  You bet!  

During the last two years, so many of us have become depressed and lost hope.  It has felt like we would never again be truly happy and at ease.  Even going to the grocery store causes anxiety, and it's not just the prices that make us feel queasy. We have become fearful and nervous around others - even sometimes our families.   Not only do we not want to get sick ourselves, but we certainly don't want to get others sick. So many have "taken sides" against each other.  Logic and common sense seem to have fallen by the wayside.   Yes, these are tough times.  But just take a look at those sweet, young faces.  They probably have many of the same feelings that you and I do.  In fact, I think it is much harder for the children and youth to process growing up in a world wide pandemic.  But I see HOPE and JOY and LIFE when I look at these photos.  There is determination and perseverance and hours of hard work.  And behind every one of these dancers are their families.  The moms and dads (and sometimes grandmas) that drive them to and from dance classes, over and over.  Who most likely make monetary sacrifices to pay for these classes.  Is it worth it?  You bet.  I don't think these dancers were giving Covid a second thought as they performed the day I watched the production.  They were listening to the giggles and claps of the children in attendance.  They were feeling the joy of the accomplishment of a job well done.  They were part of something bigger than themselves.  A common goal.  

I wish that all of you could watch this performance.  More than that, I hope that all of you take away a bit of the lesson I learned that day.  We can not stop living.  We have to find a goal to shoot for.  Make plans for the months ahead.  We need to figure out how we might bring a spot of joy and hope and life to those around us.  Even knowing that it takes hard work and perseverance.  A life lived for Jesus is a life that walks confidently - no matter what is happening around us.  We need to begin each day, covered in the armor of God so that the fear and isolation and anger about the pandemic don't overwhelm our hearts. Over the past week since this dance show, I have had more than one aggravation pop into my life.  It certainly helped to close my eyes and remember the freedom and joy I saw on the faces of the dancers that day.  And then I began to sing... "Let it go!"

Jesus, thank you for using ordinary things in my life to remind me of your plans and purposes that don't stop for Covid.  Holy Spirit, keep this message fresh and close in my mind and heart as I walk through the next days.  Jesus, keep us mindful of your presence as we face conflicts and disagreements, no matter what the topic.  Guide us to the people and places that you have purposed for us. Thank you for loving us all.  Amen
 

My heart, as a grandma, for James...

 I can't believe that James will soon be 8 months old.  The time has just gone by so quickly.  I love that I have gotten to watch him grown and change each week.  His personality is just exploding as he begins to move around and explore everything.  He is curious, strong and very determined!  Now that he can sit up from his tummy, he is a much happier little boy.  More than once, he has pulled up to his knees and even one time to his feet!  So it won't be long till he is running after Grace.  

With each of my grandchildren, I have asked Jesus to show me how to pray for them - specifically - even before they were born.  From those prayers and pages of my journal, I have created a "Name Frame" that reflects the things that I have been and will be praying for them.  Recently, I blogged about Lia's frame.  Many times the words on each of the kids frames, come into my mind as a reminder for me to pray specific things.  I spent most of early January working on the frame for James.  In looking at my journals, the first things I wrote about Jimmy before he was born, were about food!  I saw him as a chef with lots of food items.  This didn't surprise me since Doug has been in the kitchen (or backyard) cooking since he was really small.  But then I remembered the Johnny Appleseed story.  I understood that Jesus was saying that James would spread the truth of God's word, which would be real food.  Just like Johnny Appleseed, I believe that James will make new paths and go in new directions, as he shares his life.  He will be blazing new trails that many others will follow.  He will make these new paths, walking in the footprints of so many of our ancestors.  The word "innovator" was in my journals, over and over.  Someone who introduces new ideas or new methods.  I truly believe that Jimmy is a world changer!  It seems like an enormous amount for a small baby.  But God's plans and purposes for each of us are just as big and far reaching.  It seems to me that we just don't ask for the big picture for ourselves, or our children or grandchildren.  So I am thankful that I have a big vision for each of my children and grandchildren.   It gives this grandma much to pray over, much to think about and much to be thankful for.  

Over the years many have asked me how I have decided what goes into these frames.  Simply, pray and ask.  I know that sounds almost to easy.  But that is how these frames came to be.  Its not to late to think about this for yourself, or your family.  Take sometime and listen (with a pen and journal) and you might be surprised at just how clearly you begin to see God's plans.  And because I suspect that some might wonder about my other grandchildren's frames.... here they are!

Jesus, thank you for loving us so much that you have a distinct plan and purpose for each of us.  Holy Spirit, remind us as we pray, of the exact things we need to pray.  Children are such a joy and blessing.  Help us to grasp the depth of your big picture.  Keep us out of the what ifs and whys.  Amen