I am sure you are thinking, "what does this have to do with a busy month and a dead computer?" Here's the thing! I think this is the best ever picture of my July! First, a bit of a background on this photo. I found this little pine tree growing in my front yard. I have no idea where it came from. When I pulled it out, the entire root ball came with it. So I planted it alongside my flowers and have watched it take root and grow. My July has been filled with our family loving on James and so thankful for the new life that has sprouted from our family tree. I have "transplanted" my working space from an old (very slow) tablet to a new, very speedy laptop!
Most of the month, I have been focused on preparing my entire upstairs for new carpeting. This has been quite an experience for me. When I tell you that the carpet in the master bedroom has been there for 43 years, you might understand what I mean! Yes, it is original, builder grade gold shag carpet that has never been replaced. This "getting ready" part has explained partially why we have never replaced this carpet! It is a lot of work to clear out and get ready to MOVE everything from all of the rooms when you live in a very small space. While I thought I had cleared out much of the "junk", I have discovered even more during this process. I even went through my scraproom and really cleared out things I know I will never use. I have managed to empty 7 shelves that will find a new home at Gwen and Tim's house. Three trips to Goodwill and to many bags of garbage to count, and I am closer to that new carpet! As of right now, the end is in sight and by the first of September, I should have a whole new upstairs! I can't wait!
Looking at that persistent little tree caused me to reflect on the last three quarters of a year in my life. In some ways I feel a bit like that tree. It was kind of out of place, there in the dirt by my front deck. Suddenly being alone after 48 years of "togetherness" with someone sure does feel out of place. I have come to identify this feeling more quickly now, 10 months after losing Ken. It happens so suddenly and without warning like when I find myself referring to "our" house. Or "our" kids. Changing those thoughts to "my" has brought on that out of place feeling. It is just a little thing, but one more reminder of loss. While clearing out the bedroom closet, I came upon these two framed posters...
I have resisted throwing these out because of the sentimental value they have for me. On my 18th birthday (September 1972), Ken gave me these two posters. I thumb tacked them to my bedroom wall. It was a total surprise when I received these. Ken and I had only been dating for a few weeks and the thought behind these posters was deep and meaningful. A year and a half later, Ken had these framed and gave them to me as a wedding present. This was written on the back...
These hung on the walls of our home or many years. They have faded and the frames have gotten damaged. When the bedroom was painted a few years ago, they were moved to the closet. Now they are preserved in photos, this blog and future scrapbooks. I have been moved into a new season, a new beginning. Transplanted in a way, into a new and different life, going from "our" to "my". Although these pictures are no longer here, the thought - the meaning- the words are still with me. The 48 years Ken and I were together had lots of ups and downs, many struggles, many tears and much laughter. My heart is full knowing that it was Ken's desire for our life together to be joyous and wonderful.
I can't wait to see how this little tree grows. I am anxious to move ahead into all that Jesus has for me in this new season of my life. I am so thankful, so blessed, so hopeful and excited for this next chapter.
Jesus, thank you for the times you speak to us through nature. Holy Spirit, help us to see through your eyes at times we are shaken and unsettled. Help us to take root in the new places and the new seasons you bring us to. Fill us with your power and love, Jesus, to carry us through times of transition and changes. Thank you Jesus for your constant, unchanging love for us. Amen
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