When you are just not "fine'....

How often do we ask each other, "How are you?"  And just as often don't really listen to the answer that is given?  Most people just sort of respond, like a recording, "fine."  If there is one thing about this pandemic, this shelter in place, it is that not many people are FINE right now.  I don't know a single person who could honestly say that they are fine.  And I suppose, this should help somehow.  But knowing that everyone is not fine, doesn't erase your own very not fine.  Even my most well grounded in the Lord friends are feeling shaken during this time.  It seems that no one is really sleeping well.  Either from lack of  activity or from anxiety and fear and concern for others.  This time feels unending.  Every day just blurs into the next one.  In my area, we have at least three more weeks of these lonely, uneasy days. And the hardest part of all of this - the loss of community.

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This was my devotion today.  Doesn't it look like it was written for exactly where we are right now?

It is a cry for community.  If I have learned one thing in the last months, it is that I really need community.  All of my community.  My family - my kids and my grand kids, my friends, my small groups and Bible study friends, neighbors,  even the servers at the restaurants that Ken and I visit often, yes these are my community and the ones I am missing so terribly right now.  Although I have stayed connected via phone, Facebook live, Facetime, and zoom, it is just not the same.  I suddenly crave human contact.   Not "social distant" contact but all of those hugs and touches that we all took for granted just a few months ago.  I can only assume that the writer of this blog was on to something.  When she wrote this book (in 2017), people did not realize exactly how important community really is.  She needed to remind her readers not to take community for granted.  Not to forget the treasure that family and friends are and how they help by sharing our good times and our hard times.  It is also a reminder that we are all called to BE community for those around us.  In fact, we are called to be community to "fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).  Yes, a pretty heavy devotion for right now.

During a recent Zoom Bible study, I mentioned that I have gotten kind of irritated at the numerous messages and calls and posts I have gotten inquiring how Ken and I are doing during this time.  I sort of got tired of saying "FINE" when really, neither of us are fine.  This devotional has brought a new slant to these messages.  Most of these inquires were from people just being community and doing their best to fulfill the law of Christ.  It is much easier to be "fine" when you are not really being seen by the person doing the asking.  Admitting that you are not fine is really the biggest challenge of this pandemic. 

So, here is the reality of our current situation.  Ken is not fine.  He is suffering with some really low blood levels that have required numerous blood transfusions.  With the current "shelter at home" and COVID-19, our hospitals are on lock down.  And the doctors that Ken needs to see right now, are the ones busiest with very sick patients.  It has been scary and frustrating to say the least.  Even trying to get the doctors a message is difficult.  So I have been not very fine either.  Every lab test and procedure is done without me.  It is difficult to figure out what the doctors are thinking.   And so, we sit at home, wondering what is ahead for Ken's health.  He has a number of appointments next week so hopefully we will have a plan going forward.  The only places we have gone in the last month are the lab and the hospital and the clinic. 

On a personal level, in addition to being frustrated and worried and scared about Ken, I have been feeling lonely and depressed and sad.  Usually Lent and Holy Week and Easter are amazing wonderful spiritual times for me.  Honestly, this year has been a struggle for me.  Losing the connection to my community has not helped. This pandemic can not stop Easter.  Jesus is alive, He is risen and we will celebrate!  The pandemic can not stop spring from bursting forth.  Our tree is just about ready to be clothed in white blossoms.  The flowers are up and yellow, white, and purple blooms are everywhere.  Last week we had several days with temperatures over 60 and sunny.  So, in spite of how I am feeling right now, I know that this will pass.  We will be able to leave our homes.  Stores will be open and restaurants will have wait times for tables.  The parks will reopen and the paths and walkways will be filled with people.  But I pray that things do not go "back to the way things were."  I pray that people stay in touch - not just via message.  I pray that doorbells get rung and hugs get given.  Hopefully we will not lose the appreciation for "essential workers" that is evident everywhere right now.  Even if sports resume, I pray that they don't replace worship of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  And I pray that families will not forget just how good it was to spend so much time together, even doing nothing at all.  May there be less driving around to activities and more laughter at the family dinner table.  And I pray that we will all make time to visit those places of worship that we watched on Facebook live.  Most of all, I pray that families will come together and be happy just being together.  And grandmas will get lots of hugs and kisses and there will be a lot giggles and fun.  That is the picture that keeps this grandma going during these dreary days alone. 

Last night I had one of those really strange things happen.  I was watching a video on my phone and "accidentally" my thumb must have hit one of the videos in the lineup below the one I was watching.   This is what started playing, Dallas Holm, Rise Again.  I haven't heard this song for so many years.  In the 80's this was one of my favorite songs.  I so needed to hear this during this time.   If you need a huge dose of hope and a reminder that Easter follows Good Friday, stop and listen to that song.  It is worth the few minutes to let this touch your soul.   Even in the darkest time of Good Friday, Easter morning is coming. 

Jesus, thank you that we do not "social distance" from you.  You are with us always and never leave us.  Thank you for fulfilling your destiny to bring us back to your Father through your sacrifice on the cross.  Holy Spirit remind us that darkness is not forever.  Give us courage to continue to walk on through the hard times.  Thank you for music that touches our soul.  And Jesus, thank you for cell phones, the internet, Facebook and Zoom that keep us in community.  Amen