This past Sunday was really an awful weather day... it was only in the low 30's and there were 45 mile per hour winds. The real feel temperature was 12 degrees. COLD! But it was also Lucas' 6th birthday. Each year on his day, we gather as a family to remember and celebrate his life. This year was very different, for many reasons. I made the wooden heart above to leave at his grave. Ken so missed Lucas and this year, they are together again. Very different, yet comforting to know that Lucas and Ken are reunited. And the weather.....so, so cold. And then add to that, COVID! Because of Covid and the ever increasing numbers in our counties, we decided it would be best to just meet at the cemetery, outside, social distanced and wearing masks. Gwen and Tim decided to stay home for safety sake and will visit the cemetery at some point in the coming weeks. The kids made a really cute birdfeeder.
It will be added to all of the memories near Lucas. We took a few pictures, Grace collected some fallen leaves and then we retreated to our warm cars
It was not our usual family time to remember and celebrate the short time we had with Lucas. But, for our family, nothing in 2020 has been "normal". Ken's illnesses and death coupled with COVID have really been stressful for all of us.
The kids have been so much help to me and have spent much of their free time helping me sort and organize. It is really amazing how much "stuff" one person can have, even in a small house like ours! Doug and Gwen have made countless trips to my house and everyone has left with cars loaded. There have been trips to Goodwill and other donation places. Being able to hug those grand kids has really help keep me going each day.
One of the biggest jobs that has happened is that Doug cleared out the garage. For the first time in over 42 years, I am able to park my car in the garage! This is a much appreciated thing with those awful Chicago winters quickly approaching. Doug is still in the process of sorting and going through all of Ken's tools and all the miscellaneous "junk" that Ken had stored in the garage. Thankfully for me, it is all now in Doug's garage and also some in Gwen and Tim's garage too! And now, my car is the biggest thing in the garage!
Each day for me, continues to be filled with things to take care of. There is just so much stuff that has to happen when someone dies. I don't think you ever can be really prepared. I thought that we had everything mostly handled, but boy was I mistaken. Wise people have told me that it will truly be months before everything is settled. One thing is certain, you really find out just how "old" you are when you realize that you have never had a utility bill in your own name. While this was just the way thing were 40 or so years ago, now smart people realize that both names should be used, or better yet, putting some things in one name and some in the other. What this meant was that I needed to make a "deposit" to get the electric bill in my name! Who would have ever thought this would be a problem?
Honestly, I am kind of glad that I have so many personal things on my plate right now. It has kept my mind off of the political and social issues that are looming. I have been doing my best to remember to keep my eyes on the one who is truly in control of all things, Jesus. I am thankful for all of my praying friends who have helped to keep me grounded during these days. I recently heard a song called Truth Be Told by Matthew West. This blog has always been about total truth telling. As a matter of fact, that was the main direction when I began this blog over 7 years ago. This is actually the 801st blog post. When I actually looked at those statistics, I was kind of shocked. The post about Ken's death was my 800th post. Biblically, 8 is the number of new beginnings. This could not be more true for me. Just like in the song, I am trying to remember it is okay to tell someone that I am NOT okay. To be open and real about the struggle with adjusting to a new way of life alone after being with someone else for 48 years. And also to know that I am not walking this alone.
I am very thankful for each one of you who actually read these blogs. Thankful for the people that I never hear from, but who have benefited in some way from this truth telling. Yes, I am thankful today for a new beginning. I don't know what exactly I am starting, but I know that God is not finished with me and there is much more ahead. And I know that is true for each of you also. Finish reading this blog by going back and listening to that song. Take it to heart. Today is a new day, and tomorrow will surely come. Walk on....
Thank you Jesus for all that you have been showing me in the last weeks. Thank you Holy Spirit for your comfort and your peace. Help us to keep our eyes on the truth that all the things we see on social media or the news media may not be the truth. Give us courage and boldness to be real in our day to day meetings with others. Thank you Jesus for family and friends. Thank you for your assurance that we will be with you eternally! Amen
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