Wonderful start to springtime... and God surprises!

Friday was quite a great day!  Gwen and Doug came with the kids and we spent a few hours getting things a bit more organized in the camera room.  When we were all done, there were two large garbage bags of trash, 4 large garbage bags and lots of extra items to go to Goodwill and Doug and Gwen each took home a boxful of stuff.  There is also a very large pile of  treasures that needs to be sorted, organized and priced as we get ready to try to sell some of Ken's photography things.  The best part of the day was watching the kids have so much fun together.  Gwen found a paper bag with some gemstones that Ken had used for some photography and we let each of the kids choose a rock of their own.  Zeke got a couple of Ken's old hats, including this Cubs hat he is wearing in this picture!  It feels good to pass on Ken's things to the kids and the grandkids.  

I love the winter season seems to be ending and it also seems that the pandemic season is coming to an end as more people get vaccinated.  I am so thankful that going out to the store doesn't require hours of thought, deciding if it is really necessary to risk being in public.  In the last couple of weeks I have actually gone to many different stores, I met a friend at a restaurant for lunch,  I went to a forest preserve and walked a trail and I got to watch Grace while Doug and Susie actually WENT to work!

Grace and I had so much fun together.  I had really forgotten how much fun it was to just play with her all day.  It was pretty chilly on that day, but we still took a long walk around their neighborhood.  Since the last time I was there, houses have sprung up all around!  There is building going on right by their house and they will soon have new neighbors!  It was so much fun to see the cranes, backhoes, and other equipment and we got to watch some men building a fence.  Grace has grown up so much and I couldn't help but lament a bit about all the time I have missed with her, thanks to "the germs" (as Grace says!)  

I love this new magnetic pattern block set that Grace has.  She constructed this picture and then told me a big story to go with it!  If you are wondering, this is some boats floating on the water.  The yellow are some pirate ships and the orange squares are the rain.  There are red helicopters that are coming to the rescue.  Such a big imagination and so much fun.  I loved that I got to have breakfast, lunch and dinner with Gracie.  Even still, it was hard to leave at the end of the day.  

On Wednesday morning, I was casually scrolling through my emails and almost deleted an email from a name I did not recognize that had attachments.  But then I noticed the subject line said "Gratitude".  This picture was the first attachment!  One of the Operation Christmas Child boxes that I packed in November of 2019 was received by Sebastian, a little boy in Chili!  Because of the pandemic, these boxes were not distributed until just this month. I knew immediately that it was a 2019 box because of the picture I had included, as well as the destination of the box.  His mother was the sender of the email.  She is a single mom who brings Sebastian to a Bible school in her city.  Both of them have had COVID, but thankfully they recovered well.  

All of these things just bring to my mind how amazing God's timing is.  It was exactly the right time for Gwen and Doug to help me with the further clean out.  The weather is looking up and it's time for some spring cleaning.  There is still time for me to focus on being with Grace, before her new brother arrives!  And it was exactly the right time for Sebastian to receive that box.  It might have been over 16 months since it was assembled, but I am convinced that God knows the timing!

Over the last few months, I have been doing much thinking and praying about what is ahead for me. Even though it might seem to me that I have accomplished nothing for the Lord in the last few years, Jesus was sure to show me just how wrong that thought is.  Just by packing these small gifts, children are reached for Jesus, all over the world.  So I have certainly had a shift in my thinking.  Instead of looking at the "big" things that I should be doing, I am going to concentrate on whatever is right in front of me, one day at  a time.   I had several people who contacted me after my last blog, asking if I was really okay.  Apparently my words sounded concerning. But truthfully, I am really doing fine.  Certainly it was hard to navigate losing a spouse during a pandemic.  But there is so much thankfulness in my heart.  I am blessed to have a wonderful home, amazing family and many friends walking with me during this time.  Hopefully, the next months will be even more "open" and I can truly begin making some plans for the future.  

It is all about the small things.  Those days spent with family.  The fun times playing with the kids.  Those small things done, knowing it is up to Jesus to make them count.  It is a season of Hope.  We have been in Lent, the days of preparation for Easter.  I was thinking about one of my all time favorite songs,  Dance With Me by Paul Wilbur.  One line of the song says, "Winter has passed and Springtime has come."  This is a beautiful song about our relationship with Jesus.  Such a perfect song for today.  Take a couple of minutes and listen to this stirring song.  Yes, the winter has passed, so has the darkness, the fear, the sickness.... all because of Jesus.  Be blessed today by the "song of all songs."

Jesus, thank you for all of these amazing things.  For family, for friends, for seasons changing.  Holy Spirit, remind us all that winter has passed and we are moving into a new season.  Jesus, remind us that you are always with us, even when it seems dark and cold.  Give us renewed energy to look ahead and the courage to walk wherever you lead.  Amen

Thinking about Ken today while visiting one of his favorite spots!

The spring weather was calling out to me today so I decided to visit the Morton Arboretum for the first time since Ken died.  They are still doing timed entry only, but I was able to get a time for today.  Although it is about 55 degrees, the arboretum was eerily empty.     I only saw about 10 people during the entire two hours that I was there.  I drove the entire place, stopping at some of Ken's favorite areas.  Last March we had gone to the arboretum the week before everything shut down.  Ken loved to take photos of the daffodils.  Last year they were not even up yet.  Today I saw many green shoots without any flowers.  I did find these Snowdrops as I was walking on some trails.  

It was very odd to NOT see the "Trolls".  I knew that they had been removed, but as I was driving around, I found myself looking for them as I approached the spots where they had been.  

Ken and I brought Gwen and the kids to see the five large troll statues in 2018.  We thought that they were to be removed in early 2019, but it was decided that they would stay up longer.  Ken was sad that he didn't get out "one last time" to photograph them.  But COVID shut down the arboretum while they were being removed.  

I stopped and decided to walk a trail on Frost Hill in the Pine woods.  This first picture is one of Ken's favorite spots to stop.  There are some incredible sunset views from this spot.  

I walked this trail and the smell of the pines was just heavenly.  It was so good to be out getting some fresh air.  I was totally alone up on the hill.  I never saw another person during my half hour walk.  

I saw many areas where they had done "controlled burns" to refresh the undergrowth.  There were also many downed trees and I did see (in the distance) some of the workers clearing away some branches.  

The sky was so blue and the woods were so amazing.  It was the perfect day to be out in nature.  Again, I just couldn't understand how I had the place all to myself.  It seemed like a perfect gift, especially for me.  

On my way out of the arboretum, I saw a couple of snow piles.  And in that brief moment, I realized that we are still in the season of winter.  It is Chicago after all, and snow happens often in late March and even April.  

    

 I am so thankful that I had this wonderful, taste of spring day to get out and breathe some fresh air.  Most of all, I am so thankful for the chance to visit Ken's favorite spots.  We have been members of the Arboretum for over five years.  Ken was part of the MAPS group (Morton Arboretum Photography Society) and he spent so much time here, doing what he loved most - taking pictures.  

Going through this grief thing is really interesting.  I am surrounded by all the things that made up our life together for 46 years.  Ken's photos are displayed on the walls.  His camera room is still (mostly) exactly as he left it.  While I have made a couple of changes, these are small things.  Ken loved the Spring season so much.  He hated winter and waited for any sign that spring was ahead.  I think that is why he loved daffodils and tulips so much.  I can picture him now, in that place of constant beauty, no snow, no rain, no tears.  He is happy and smiling and there is a camera around his neck.   I can only imagine all the amazing things he is capturing through that lens.  Today, being at the Arboretum, was almost like walking behind him, as I had done for so many years.  Watching as he "sized up" the perfect shot.  Sometimes knowing what he saw, often not really seeing it until I actually saw the finished photo. Yes, I felt very close to Ken today, and very close to Jesus.  

On my walk, I was thinking of an old song that we often sang at Praise Services at my church.  It was based on this verse....

"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace, the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands"   Isaiah 55:12

My time in the Arboretum today was exactly like this verse.  I could almost hear the trees clapping their hands.. And I went out in joy, feeling great peace.

Jesus, thank you for speaking through creation.  Holy Spirit you bring comfort to us when we don't even realize that we need it.  Help us all to go outside and breathe in fresh air.  Keep our eyes trained on you and remind us to see joy in nature as spring comes.  Jesus help to quiet us so that we can be refreshed and filled just by being outdoors.  Thank you Jesus for loving us so well.  Amen

Starting March with Birthday fun and great weather

 

Here we go with another birthday!  Ellie turned 12!  That is so hard to imagine.  It seems that she was born just a short time ago.  She is pretty fond of "Hamilton" and you can see that in her gifts.  Her very excited expression reading her card is the promise it contained to see a "real" show as soon as Covid allows.  And we hope it can be Hamilton.  If not, it will be some other wonderful, on the stage presentation.  I took Lia when she was this age, and it is one of the best memories we have.  If not for Covid we would have already purchased tickets.  At least we have the HOPE of going soon.  

We actually had a family get together to sort of "celebrate" birthdays that we have missed.  It was so good to be together.  We all needed it.  

Grace came over to my house and played for a couple hours also last week.  It is soooo good to be getting somewhat back to normal.  I will be getting my second vaccine next week, as will Susie.  We have hope that Doug will be able to get his vaccines before the baby arrives in May.  Being able to resume some of our more "normal" activities has helped to make 2021 feel so much better than 2020.

It is such a blessing that the weather has changed and it seems that Spring has come.  Most of the snow has melted and we have had weather that you would have to call "balmy".  The birds are returning and I love listening to the bird songs early in the morning.  There is certainly a sense that times are changing.  I have been on a mission to start planning for the future.  Even though we still have so many restrictions in place, I am feeling the need to think about the places I want to visit.  I am quite anxious to have a "normal" scrapbooking weekend.  But sadly, most of our group are still feeling more comfortable being at home.  We are so hopeful that by the end of summer, we will be able to plan to be together.  

Ken's passing during this time of quarantine has made it very difficult for me to move into a new season.  Sometimes I try to imagine what these last 5 months would have looked like if I could have visited my friends, gone out for coffee, attended meetings and conferences and planned travel.  Truthfully, I feel like I am still stuck in 2020, for the most part.  I don't know about you, but I have been making myself go out, even when I don't have a real need to do so.  It is very easy to just get so used to being inside that you don't make the effort to even go out.  I am hopeful that the new, warmer weather will be an added incentive to leave the house.  

During the Lenten season I have been really seeking direction from the Lord that would help me look ahead and make plans.  The very frustrating thing for me was the lack of hearing anything at all.  I have certainly been in this place many times before, but it seemed so silly now.  In the past I have blamed busyness and activity as the reason that I just can't get quiet enough to really hear and get that sense of direction.  But if 2020 and 2021 have been one thing, it is QUIET!  Usually so, so quiet.  And then today, I saw this....  

   If God's voice seems silent, maybe he is whispering.  God whispers because he is so close to you!

Thinking about the closeness of God, and the comfort of that, sure puts things in perspective.  For now I will rest in the quiet.  And I will listen more carefully for that whisper of God.  If you are like me and longing to hear, wanting to have some clear direction, consider with me the closeness of God.  Train your ears to listen for that whisper.  One thing is certain, NOTHING can keep God from being close to us.  Not Covid, not an executive order, not fears, not whatever is happening around us.  Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.  Yes, he is close and he is whispering!

Jesus,  thank you for the reminder that you are close to me.  Holy Spirit, we so need that reminder that you are close to us and speaking to us.  Thank you for the changing of the seasons, the warmth of spring and the promise of new life.  Jesus help us to listen for your whispers.  Give us courage and boldness to continue to walk ahead.  Thank you Jesus.  Amen