Birthday Blessings and the last couple of weeks.

I had such a nice birthday.  My day actually fell on Labor Day this year so it was easy to plan a family time together.  I wanted to show off my new carpeting so we met at my house.  As the kids get older it is so funny to watch how they spend their time here.  My box of toys was hardly touched at all, thanks to good weather and the ability for the kids to be outside.  All of us spent some time enjoying my screen porch.  Doug and Susie brought the great smoked meat - Ham and Ribs.  It was so good!  

It was certainly a bit sad since I was remembering my last birthday.  Ken and I went out to dinner and it was really the last time that we ate in a restaurant.  He was pretty sick for the remaining couple of weeks of his life.  But everyone admired my new carpet and there was a lot of good family time.   I had a few projects that needed doing and Tim was able to accomplish them all in less than half an hour.  I am so incredibly thankful for both Tim and Doug and the ways that they keep up with all the stuff I need done around the house.  It is a reminder for me of just how blessed I am to have my family close by.  

I was not expecting September 11th to hit me so hard this year.  I don't know if it was the 20th anniversary of that event, or the fact that it just compounded my grief after losing Ken.  But it was really difficult for me. It's so hard to believe that every kid in school (even most college students) have no memory of that day.  It seems so close and so real, even though I had no direct connection to the events that day.  I am pretty sure that all of the talk about 9/11 just made my grief come to the surface a bit more. Which is not a bad thing at all.  I know that I have not always been honest about how difficult some things have been for me.  Just this past week I had to fill out a form and needed to check the box "widowed" instead of "married".  It felt really terrible.  I know that it will get easier, but it was just one of those small things that felt like a very big thing at the time.  

 One of the best things to counter all these deep feelings, is spending time with the kids.  I am so thankful for each day spent just being with these littles and getting hugs from them.  Last week, even though it was mid September, Anna, Zeke and Ellie and I spent a couple hours in their pool.  I love swimming so much and the pool is really my happy place.  Even though the air was cool and the sun was low and behind trees, the water felt great!  I just love seeing those kids swim like little fishes.  Anna can only just barely touch on her tip-toes in that pool, but she swims all over!  It was certainly a day brightener for me.

I have been able to spend some great days with Grace and James also, since Susie has returned to work.  On one of the more pleasant days, James sat outside with us as Grace and I played.  We amused him with bubbles and he loves to watch the trees blow in the (ever present) wind!   It is hard to believe that he is almost 4 months old already!  Last week he grabbed onto a ring on his playmat and he is very close to rolling from his back to his front.   They grow up so fast!

I have been so thankful for the Bible Study that I am doing with a great group.  It is a study of Psalm 40.  I have always called this my "slimy pit" Psalm and for sure, it is my favorite Psalm.  Over 30 years ago this Psalm spoke to me and gave me a hope for the future.  At a time when life seemed so chaotic and so stressful and when I felt like I was in the slimy pit of despair, Jesus spoke this to me.  With a lot of hard work  and with many, many hours of prayer and counseling and teaching, I was able to finally feel my feet planted solidly on THE Rock (Jesus).  I could not begin to tell you how many times I have quoted this Psalm to others when they have felt themselves stuck in hard places.  This is a Psalm that not only contains the good news that God will help us out of those hard places, it includes the promise that He will change us.  And then the best and biggest hope filled line is this..... "Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him".   I don't know about you, but for me, knowing that my story might help others have hope and trust in Jesus is the very best thing.  I don't think it is an accident that this is the study I am doing right now.  I needed the reminder that Jesus has much more ahead for me and He will not leave me in any down or stuck place.  Here are the first three verses of Psalm 40...

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire.  He set my feel on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.   He put a new song in my  mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.  

If you are feeling a bit shaky right now, or stuck in place you can't seem to get out of,  I encourage you to read and meditate on this Psalm.  And which one of us doesn't feel that way right now with Covid and mask mandates and vaccine drama?   Take a few minutes and just let those first three verses sink in and feel Jesus helping settle your spirit.  I know I am not the only one who needs this right now.  Start each day with these three short verses and watch God's faithfulness shine through.  Then, let me know how Jesus has spoken to you in this!  

Jesus, thank you for bringing exactly what we need, when we feel desperate.  Holy Spirit, remind us that  Jesus is the ROCK we can place our feet on for a firm and steady foundation.  Bring the right people into our path that will help us to know you better.  Thank you for loving us and listening to our cries for help.  Thank you for the new songs your are bringing to us.  Amen