Reflections from the last couple of weeks...

I am working on my 2020 scrapbook right now.  It has been somewhat challenging for more than one reason.  I mean, we all know what 2020 was like - in general.  Covid, isolation, masks, and so much more.  But in our family, 2020 was also a year filled with hospital stays, illness, cancer diagnosis, and so much more.  This week marked three years since Ken's death. I came across this photo while printing for scrapbooking.  This day - July 17, 2020 - was the last time that Ken wanted to take photos.  As you can see, he was not able to stand so we had a chair with us.  I remember that day  actually happened because I knew just how depressed Ken was about not being able to take photos.  I drove to a not- to- distant park that had a (somewhat) clear horizon view so that Ken could snap some pictures of the sunset.  

The irony of this being a sunset photo is not lost on me.  It was certainly the sunset time of Ken's life.  He wasn't very happy that day.  He couldn't get the shot that he wanted.  Nothing was right about it and I could not do anything to help the situation.  But, I am so thankful that we made the trip that evening.  

It is true that none of us know when we might have that "sunset" moment.  For me the last month has been much harder this year than last year.  I don't know the reason for this, but I have come to think it might have something to do with my recent DNA discovery.  There has been some grief associated with that, for sure, and it seems to have increased my feelings around losing Ken.  Time is a strange thing.  Sometimes it feels very "new" that Ken is gone, but then other times it feels like a very long time ago.  Each new day holds new memories and new experiences and they do continue to build up.  Last week, I watched Jimmy zooming up and down the sidewalk on his "balance" bike.  Ken would have loved this so much!

Also, Jimmy has been asking to watch videos of motorcycle racing and I know that Ken would just be very happy sitting with Jimmy watching all things motorcycle.  These things bring a new kind of sadness and missing Ken that I wasn't expecting.  

This reflection has begun a sort of "new" season for me, which is very good timing with the onset of Autumn.   In this season I want to spend time looking ahead and planning for new things.  I am a list maker and so there will be lists involved in this.  There are many "undone" projects and plans that will find a home on this new list.  It is my prayer that there will also be many that are crossed off as they are completed!

In church, we are hearing a new sermon series titled "Different Life".  The overarching theme, as a follower of Jesus, our life is different!  The opening Bible Plan (on the Bible App) devotion said this..

If you are born from above you're different.  There's just no getting around it.  When the Spirit of God takes hold of someone, he changes them.  From top to bottom, inside and out.  Hear, soul and mind, you're just going to be different than you were before.  The Bible uses all kinds of language to describe this; Holy, remnant, chosen, sanctified, children of God, and more.  If you are born of God, there is something different about you.  And that's a good thing!

If you are interested in seeing more about this Different Life series, you can watch it on YouTube at Fellowship of Faith McHenry Il and find the Bible plan on the Bible App.  

The timing of this series certainly fits this "new" season for me.  I am so grateful to be shifting my focus while looking ahead, grounded in just how different my life is and most importantly WHY my life is different.  

 Jesus, thank you so much for knowing exactly what I need to hear!  Holy Spirit, thank you for being comfort during those times of grief and sadness.  Give us courage and boldness to reach out to our friends and family when we are feeling overwhelmed.  Thank you for leading and guiding us into new seasons and giving us help along the way.  Thank you for the change of seasons that remind us that life is ever changing.  Thank you for loving us.  Amen