Thankful for Ken -Part 7

 In the previous blogs I have written about Ken, I mentioned some of the travel that we have done.  I also shared about Ken's trip to Japan.  I have kept a pretty accurate "vacation journal" and there are 47 entries over the 48 years that Ken and I were together.  That seems like an "annual" vacation, but in reality, there were many years when our kids were young that we did not take vacations.  We simply did not have the money to make trips.  During those years, I did take the kids to my mom's almost every August, but Ken did not come with us.  And these family visits are not included in the count of "vacations".  

Our first real family vacation was in 1987 when we traveled to Minnesota with the kids and went to my family lake home with my mom.  As a side trip, we went to Itasca State Park and saw the headwaters of the Mississippi  River.  Doug was finally doing better physically and we had a really great time.  The interesting part of this trip was that Ken rode his motorcycle to Lake Maud and the kids and I took the train to my mom's house and then drove with her to the lake.  

Ken took several motorcycle vacations without us during those years, including several trips to various motorcycle races that included tent camping.  He also took a couple of driving trips by himself - one to "Four Corners" and one to Denver.  At the time I was working and using all of my vacation time for Doug's illness' and doctor visits and to visit with my mom.  

Our first BIG family vacation was in 1993 when we took the kids to California.  We went to LA and did Disneyland and also went to San Diego to the Zoo.  Ken was able to piggyback this trip to a work trip and it was so much fun. 

The next year we took the kids to Florida.  We did the Disney World experience that included staying on the Disney property.  We had a really amazing 4 days there that included visiting 4 parks.  

After Disney we took the kids to Cocoa Beach.  It was our first ever time at this location and we loved it.  Doug spent hours in the water on a Boogie Board.  We also took the kids to the NASA Space Center and they were not impressed.  Needless to say, Ken and I were very disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm about all things space.  

We then drove to the Gulf side of Florida and stayed at St Pete's Beach.  Ken really wanted to take the kids to Nokomis on this trip, but we just didn't have time.  That was one of Ken's biggest regrets.  For all the times that we went to Florida we only took two trips to Florida with the kids.  And this was the closest we ever got to bringing them to see Casey Key.  He always regretted never experiencing his favorite spot with the kids.  That is one more reason that we really need to plan our family time to honor Ken and spread his ashes at that spot.  ALL of us!  

I think that has been on my mind so much over the last three months.  I have been so aware of all the things that we hold as "regrets".  I have began to think about my own regrets and make a plan to settle these things!  Some things you just can't go back and fix.  But, just as in this case, Ken could have been clear about his feelings on this, and I am sure that the kids would have done their best to help him satisfy this strong desire.  

Webster's defines regret at "feelings of sadness and disappointment over a missed opportunity". I really like that.  It is especially difficult when you have a regret and there is no way to fix it.  When the opportunity is lost forever.  I have come to realize that regret is the biggest part of grief.  Each of the regrets that I have that include Ken can never be changed.  I often find myself saying "I really regret that......."  As I have been working through these feelings, I have been able to let go of many of these regrets and also begun to separate the regrets into those that I will never be able to fix and those that I can make right in the future.  And that process has brought me a great deal of peace.  Most of that process is about forgiveness,  Being able to forgive others and yourself either for things done or not done.  Such a good exercise. And in my experience, we just hold on to regrets instead of taking care of things.  

I hope this is an encouragement to all of you to stop and think about these things.  Those little niggling things that you regret.  Remember that in some cases, you just need to forgive to not have these regrets hiding somewhere, waiting to resurface.  The amount of peace and joy that comes from this process is worth it.  

Forgiveness is such an amazing thing.  When you forgive someone else, you really free yourself!   We are told in the Lord's prayer to forgive others as we have been forgiven.  And we have been forgiven with no strings attached.  Freely, unconditionally, without any action on our part.  So my prayer is that as you think about regrets, you freely give forgiveness.  To yourself and to others.  And in doing that, you will find freedom and love and peace and joy.  

Jesus, thank you so much for reminding me of your unbelievable forgiveness - when I sure didn't deserve it.  Holy Spirit, bring to our minds those deeply hidden regrets that are weighing down our spirits.  Give us all courage and boldness to face these regrets and to walk through the process to find the deepest places of your love for us.  Thank you Jesus for being with me as I navigate this grief process.  Help us all to keep our eyes on you Jesus and to feel your love for us.  Amen