Year end wrap up.... goodbye 2021

 What a year.  I think all of us are kind of glad to see 2021 go.  There were certainly some very good things in this year, but the constant ever present Covid just kind of put a damper on everything.  Right now things are not looking good on the Covid front.  The numbers are skyrocketing and things are shutting down - again.  But in spite of that, I am ending the year in a hopeful and happy place.  

As usual December was a busy, busy month.  In spite of some minor sickness (just common colds) and the rising Covid numbers, my family was able to gather and celebrate Christmas together.  

I am especially thankful for remembering to get photos of me with the adults and not just the kids this year.  I don't remember the last time I had a photo of me with Gwen and Doug.  As usual, we had a wonderful day together.  Even James cooperated and took a good nap, in spite of all the noise and commotion.  It was a day of fun, laughter and many memories made.  

I had several other wonderful surprises during this month.  While volunteering at the Operation Christmas Child processing center (which is only about 2 miles from my house) I actually got to meet Franklin Graham.  

He just happened to visit this center on the day that I volunteered.  I have been filling shoeboxes since 2014. I started doing these boxes in honor of my grandson Lucas,  shortly after his death.  Every year I fill each box for a little boy who might be close in age to Lucas.  I love praying that each box finds a boy that needs to hear that Jesus loves them.  This year (March of 2021) I actually heard back from a family that received one of the boxes I packed in 2019. 

This sweet little boy lives in Chili with his mother.  She wrote me a wonderful email thanking me for blessing her little boy.  They went to help center to get some necessary items and he was invited to attend a shoebox event.  You can see him holding the picture I included in all of our 2019 boxes.  It was so amazing to actually see what impact such a small gift can bring.   So meeting Franklin Graham and actually getting to once again touch hundreds of boxes, and pray for each of the children was an incredible start to my Christmas season.  

Then, one day in the flood of packages that arrived at my door, I received an "unknown" package.  You know, the one where you hold it in your hand and wonder, "Now what did I order?"  Well, this package remains a mystery since STILL no one has claimed to be the sender

This lovely scarf has all seven of my grandchildren's names listed over and over.  I love that this includes Lucas (who can so easily be forgotten by others - but is never forgotten by family).  It was sent by someone who knew that blue is my favorite color.  I just love this mystery gift so much!  I don't remember the last time I received a truly mystery present that has brought me so much joy.  I actually got to wear this scarf the other day when the weather changed (finally) to cold and snow.  It was such a comfort to find this scarf wrapped around my neck - just like being hugged by those special people.  

I finished off the month by going with Gwen and Lia to purchase new Pointe shoes for Lia.  The first pair of Pointe shoes that Lia has were now "dead".  Apparently that is what happens to well worn pointe shoes?  Lia actually pointed out how worn they were and showed me the marks made by running through the grass to get quickly on stage during their outdoor "Recital" (thanks to covid).  I learned so much about the fitting and wearing of pointe shoes that day.  It was most amazing to watch the mature, confident, young lady that Lia has become, interacting with the gal fitting her. 

 Sometimes I look at Lia and think, "Where was I when she grew up? How can she be this old?  I can't help but reflect on the powerful words and visions I had for her when she was just born.  She is a "little bird with a big voice".  A leader who will show her peers the right way to go.  

I made these name frames for each of my grandchildren, from the words that I was given to pray for them, even before they were born.  I love watching each of them grow into the things that Jesus showed me for them.  As I watch Lia, I can see this just come to life.  I can't wait to see what is ahead for her.  

Over the last few weeks I have been working on the frame for James.  Because I have not yet given it to Doug and Susie, I won't share it - yet.  But It has been part of my December this year and remembering Lia's frame has just made the construction of Jimmy's frame that much more special.  So...look for a future blog about James!

The Lord has been so good to me!  That phrase just rolls around and around in my head.  This has been a year of firsts in missing Ken.  This was the second Christmas without him.  Our family has been lamenting that we have not been able to plan our trip to Florida to fulfill Ken's wishes to have his ashes scattered at Casey Key.  It has been a frustrating time,  deciding when we could all travel and then trying to find a place that could actually fit all of us!  I have spent literally HOURS searching VRBO and  AirBnB trying to find something that would work.  I have messaged and called countless hosts trying to find something.  Around Thanksgiving one particular host called me and told me to wait until after Christmas.  She said that often people cancel reservations that week, before the year ends and often weeks open up.  So, I waited.  And then a miracle happened.  This place emailed me that they had three weeks open up... One in early May, 2022.  

It was almost to good to be true.  It is on Casey Key.  It has enough beds for all of us.  It has a pool and is steps from the beach.  It even has a pier for fishing.  Really more than we hoped for.  So, at last, our trip is set.  I think that we all breathed a sigh of relief.  I know that we have all needed this last piece of closure.  This trip would make Ken very happy.  We will all be together at his very best happy place, Casey Key.  It will be a wonderful way to remember Ken.  

This was really a great way to end 2021.  This trip seemed impossible for so long and now it is on the horizon.  I am so thankful for the many answers to prayer and the joy and hope that are filling my life.  It's been such a wonderful December.  I can't wait to see what is ahead in 2022.  I don't usually do "New Years Resolutions" but this year I am.  I have decided to 

*Pray more and worry less

*Sing more and sigh less

*Praise more and complain less

I can't think of a better way to start a new year.  Yes, Covid is still here and most likely will be all through 2022.  There are many things that could make this year hard.  But with these resolutions in the front of my mind, it is going to be a great year.  This world wide pandemic has gotten to all of us.  I hear so much fear from even those who know Jesus. This is a time to remember that 

You dear children are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 1John 4:4

Also, I have been continually reminded to start each day, putting on the full armor of God.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   Ephesians 6:11-17

*Belt of truth.... we all need truth!  Not what we hear/see on the internet.  TRUTH

Jesus said "I am the way, the truth and the life"

*The breastplate of righteousness - covers our heart to keep our emotions in check.  

*We can walk in the good news of the Gospel that Jesus has won the battle!

*We have the shield of faith that protects us from whatever the enemy throws our way.

*Most importantly, we have our heads - our minds- covered in the helmet of salvation.  Because of this, we can think clearly

*Finally, we have the offensive weapon of the sword of the Spirit.  We have the word of God available to us.  

It is my hope that you will be blessed by the reminders I have just shared.  In these uncertain times, it is good to be firmly planted in the truth.  So, dear friends, follow with me in hope and joy as we walk confidently into 2022!  

Jesus, thank you for all the reminders you have given to help me stand during the last years of change and transition.  Holy Spirit, bring these words to life for those who are seeing this post.  Give us all courage to acknowledge your help and your presence in our daily life.  Thank you Jesus for all the wonderful good times I had in December.  Amen

Waiting and preparing.....Advent

 It's been a busy time getting ready for Christmas.  I started assembling all of the gifts I have purchased and made a list of the missing items.  This year I also have a list of yet-to-arrive things that may be "lost" in shipment!  I am right there with everyone else, I guess.  It has been a a contemplative time for me.  Each ornament I put on my tree seemed to bring back a memory.  And I wouldn't want it any other way.  This year I especially focused on this ornament.  In 2013, I actually wrote a blog about that included this ornament.  But this year, my thoughts are a bit different. I've been thinking about legacy.  

This ornament has a unknown age.  I know that it came from Germany.  I know that it was brought to the United States by my Great Grandparents, Ernst and Clara Toensing around 1871.  They already had four  children when they began their journey.  Sadly, their youngest child died during the journey.  When they arrived in the United States, they settled in St. Paul, Minnesota.  Their family grew to include five more children, including my grandfather.

Clara was never in very good health after the trip here (as you can see by the picture above).  She died when her last child was only 9 years old.   As far as I know, the story behind this ornament has been lost.  I don't know if it was already old when Clara and Ernst received it.  Could it have been on their parent's tree for years?  Possibly.  Was it a wedding gift?  Maybe.  I can imagine that deciding what to carry with them during their journey across the world, was very difficult.  So this was a precious item for them.   By the time my memories of Christmas begin, my mom always hung this ornament on our tree.   She had cared for her father and her aunt (who had helped raise her) in their old age.  So she had inherited this ornament after their deaths.  For mom, this ornament held memories of her own Christmas celebrations and my usually stoic mom, was very sentimental about it.  I remember the year that she brought this ornament to me to hang on my own tree.  She was dividing up her Christmas stuff among my siblings and knew that I especially loved this ornament.   When Gwen and Doug got married, I passed a couple of special ornaments on for their families.  I  have some pink bells that were made by Ken's grandma Baker.  Each of my kids have one of those on their tree.  And I  have some china "Choir Boy ornaments that my mom got for our family tree, long before I was born.  So, for me, those have always been on my Christmas Tree.   My mom gave me three, so Gwen and Doug each got one.  I love looking at their trees and seeing these pieces of history living on into another generation.  

Christmas is full of traditions and customs for every family.  I love that Jesus is the focus of the holiday for our family.  We have always celebrated Advent and use the time to retell the Bible stories that reveal God's plan to bring Jesus into the world.  The Advent wreath helps us to focus on one theme or story and remember just how amazing God's rescue plan was to bring a savior into the world.  Yesterday I had the privilege of helping in the Rock (the children's Sunday School at Gwen's church).  The message was that Jesus came to bring Good News to the world.  The reminder was that we all have good news to share with others.  

The Second through Fifth graders got sticky notes and they wrote Good News things they could share with "My World", "My family", "My school", "My Friends", "My Neighbors".  I especially loved this poster to the world.  If you look closely you can see "Jesus is coming" "Jesus has come"  "Jesus saves us" "God loves us" and more.  What a great lesson for these kids to know that it is wonderful  to share this good news with the world.  

I am so thankful that my ancestors knew and honored the story of God's rescue plan. They brought their faith and traditions to the United States when they came here.  They built a church so that their children and their new neighbors would hear the Good News.  

Ernst Toensing built this church with the help of his brother (who also came to the United States at the same time).  Zion Lutheran Church was the sight of the baptisms of Ernst and Clara's five children born here.  And it was also the location of the funerals of many of them and their descendants.  The cemetery across the street from this church, has the "Toensing family plot, the final resting spot of my grandfather and grandmother along with many other relatives.  That church is still holding weekly services for recent immigrants to the United States, the Hmong community.  I am so thankful that the legacy of my great grandparents is sharing the Good News of the birth of Jesus, the great rescuer who came to save us all.   

Jesus, thank you for coming to our rescue through your birth, life and death.  Holy Spirit, give us all boldness to share this incredible good news with those around us.  Thank you for songs and carols that continue to tell the story.  Thank you for candles and lights that remind us that the light of the world was born in Bethlehem.  Jesus help us keep you in all of our celebrations during this season.  Amen

November is almost over.... singing a new song of praise!

I can not believe that next week is Thanksgiving.  This month has just flown by.  I was at the doctor this week for my yearly exam and she asked me if I was getting enough physical activity.  I told her she just needed to take a look at my calendar to understand why this is not a problem!  It is a very rare day that I am sitting at home, doing nothing.  Most days are packed with activities and I am quite happy with that.  After a year of pretty much doing nothing but staying at home, it feels good to have purpose in each day.  And the doctor declared me remarkably healthy "for my age".  Sigh.  Can't I just be healthy?

Seriously, I am very thankful for good health and the physical ability I have to be with my grand kids on a regular basis.  Many are not so fortunate.  

We began this month, remembering Lucas on his seventh birthday.  

It is always good to gather and remember Lucas.  it was a really nice fall day and the leaves were crunchy underfoot.  Unfortunately, Scott, Susie's brother, was not able to be with us.  He is still in recovery from the random gunshot wounds he suffered in June.  It is sobering to see how difficult his recovery has been, since he is an innocent victim just walking down the street when he was shot.  I don't think we appreciate just how devastating these injuries can be and the length of the recovery after something like this.   Thankfully, Scott is getting wonderful care at a suburban hospital.  I am hopeful that he will be able to start 2022 closer to a full recovery.  These visits to the cemetery are always a time to stop and reflect and remember.   It is always a good time to talk with the kids about death, and this year there was a very new grave near to Lucas.   There were lots of questions from the kids, and I am thankful that there was time to talk openly and truthfully.  Not easy, but very good.

The "cousins" (as Grace calls them) are always so glad to be together.  Grace loves being with them so much.  

I just loved this picture of the girls together.  Zeke is so thankful to have a boy cousin now.  And always talks about missing Lucas so much.  

I love this picture of Doug holding James talking to Gwen!  It's so good to see your adult kids together and enjoying each others children.  

Spending time each week at both Gwen's and Doug's is so nice.  I really get to see the kids and be a part of the things they are interested in.  Lately, I have been helping Gwen out with some of the (constant) driving that comes along with having four kids involved in various activities.  I take Lia to her Co-op class in the morning and then at the end of the day, drive Lia and Ellie to dance before heading home.  I just love this car time with the kids.  I get to watch the kids homeschool and this was my view the other day....

It looked like Chandler was doing his own bit of "homeschool" while he sat on a folder!  He is most definitely Gwen's dog and likes to be where she is!  That same day, I saw this...

Their resident Cooper's Hawk, who lives in their yard, was actually sitting right on the railing outside of their sunroom.  It was shocking to see just how big he was when he took off!  The kids think this is the same hawk that I saw sitting on the trampoline a few weeks ago.  They do have a park-like setting for sure.  

Every week James grows and changes.  And, for that matter, so does Grace.  She is nearing five years old and her imagination is incredible.  Sometimes I get flashbacks to Doug when he was her age.  He was always telling me some random fact that he had read in some book.  She is an expert game player and always seems to win at Checkers.  And she loves art - all art.  Paint, glue, color, stickers.  Really anything.  And she loves books.  

She loves James so much and can't wait for him to actually be old enough to play with her.  James loves her and breaks into a huge smile anytime he sees her.  Now that he is bigger, she loves to hold him.  

She is a big help and will fetch burp clothes and diapers for me anytime I ask.  Soon enough James will be able to play.  I snapped this picture in James' room and didn't realize that the blanket behind them is the one I made for James!  You can just about make out his name behind Grace.  This week he actually cut his first tooth.  I can't believe he is almost six months old already!  

Thankful for so much this year.  Thankful for good health.  Thankful for family and the ongoing support that we have among us.  Thankful for children and all the activities they have - thankful for the activities they have today and all the places they will go someday.  Thankful for the beauty of the earth and all of God's creation.  Yes, those last few sentences sound a lot like some Thanksgiving songs.  But I am truly feeling them this year.  I have been doing a wonderful Bible Study on Psalm 40 - my favorite Psalm.  I call it my "Slimy Pit" Psalm. If you are curious, just google Psalm 40 and you will understand!  We are getting near the end of our study and have been talking about these lines  Psalm 40:3...

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.  

I have never felt, more than this year, the "new song" that Jesus has given me.  I am in a new season of life, as a widow.  Last year was all about getting used to how different my life was.  This year has really been about the hymn of praise.  Being so thankful for my life, each day.  Waking up busy, but so happy.  Ending each day, tired and thankful. So hopeful that my life will have impact and meaning.  My prayer is that I will see the "many" who are watching me, put their trust in Jesus.  

Lately, Grace has been asking me to sing her the "whole world" song.  A few month ago, I randomly sang the old children's song "He's got the whole world in his hands" to her and she remembered it.  The repetitive lyrics are basically...

He's got the whole world in his hands

He's got the wind and the rain

He's got the sun and the moon

He's got the little bitty baby

He's got you and me (insert name) in his hands

He's got the whole world in his hands.  

I don't think there is a better song of praise than that.  Knowing that God has got it ALL!  No matter what!  Yep, my thankful song of praise is rooted and grounded in knowing that He's got the whole world in His hands!  Be encouraged.  No matter where you are today.  If you are mired down in that slimy pit, know that Jesus is the solid rock that you can stand on. If you are feeling your world shaking, know that He's got this!  If you are walking into a new situation, stuck in a bad situation or just don't know where you are..... don't worry "He's got it!"   Jesus has the whole world in his hands!  

Jesus, thank you so much for this season's reminder to be thankful.  Holy Spirit, show us all how God has got us in his hands.  Keep our spirits open to hear your voice and help us to feel your loving hands holding us, even when things are hard.  Thank you for the new song of praise that you give to us.  Amen

What a busy month it has been....

Sometimes it is hard to just stop and look back on the past few weeks since there was just so much that happened!  You would think that, at my age, I would be mostly just relaxing in my Lazy Boy (which to be fair, I do quite often.)  But here is me being very grateful and feeling very blessed to be able to be so busy.  If Covid has done one thing, it has made everyone appreciate times of being out and doing fun things together.  And while this busyness does make it hard to find time to put my thoughts and feelings down "on paper" (so to speak) in this blog, I don't want a whole month to go by without recapping it.  So, here goes.

Being at Tim and Gwen's house is always like being at some very wonderful, nature area.   There is this incredible view from the family room (which has a huge picture window) or from the sunroom of the sprawling forest behind the home.  On this day, a very large hawk decided to land on the kids trampoline net!  It was really big and surveyed the grounds for a number of minutes.  It was shocking to see just how big it was when it actually took flight.  Watching the trees begin to change color and the leaves begin to fall, helped me mark the change of season.  It is so good to just stop and breathe out every time I am there.  

The very next day, I was at Doug and Susie's house and there was a really big thunder storm that moved through the area.  Of course this brought a day inside for Grace, James and me.  But just as I was leaving for home, the sun came out and I saw this really incredible rainbow over their house.  I turned around and went back inside to bring Grace out to see the rainbow.  It was still raining slightly, and I managed to snap this one not so good picture.  Grace was so excited since this was the first time she had ever seen a "real rainbow"!  It is so wonderful to be able to be a part of an experience like this.  These small firsts with any child are so special.  

A few days after this, I spent the weekend with Zeke and Anna (and Chandler) while Gwen and Tim, along with Lia and Ellie, were away at their Youth Fall Retreat.  As the kids get older and older, I have fewer and fewer of them during these retreats.  Starting next spring, I will just have Anna since Zeke will be gone also.  

The highlight for the kids was for sure the various playgrounds we visited.  We played some games, did some crafts and helped clean up all of the water toys for the winter.  Anna even painted my nails.  For me, the best thing was having breakfast out and then visiting the lake across the street.  The kids threw rocks in the water and tried to find skipping stones.  I was able to skip a couple and it sure brought me back to my own childhood at the lake.  I just treasure these simple times with the kids. 

The next week, I finally delivered on a birthday present for Ellie from last March.  Gwen and I took her to see Hamilton on stage in Milwaukee.  

It was the first time that Ellie had been to a live show and Hamilton is her all time favorite.  Again, getting to be a part of these "firsts" is just so amazing.  We had such a wonderful time, made even more wonderful after the Covid delay.  It actually felt "normal" to be sitting in a large auditorium.  I realized on the way home, this was the first time I have been out of Illinois since September of 2019!  For the last two years, I have never left home.  With all of the traveling that Ken and I did, it is no wonder that I am feeling sort of stir crazy.  Such a nice day and way to mark a milestone for Ellie.

Just a few days later, was an opportunity to watch Tim run a marathon and Gwen run a half marathon.  It was a simply gorgeous fall day, crisp and cool but sunny and dry.  

Tim's race started an hour before Gwen's so we were there bright and early.  I stayed with the kids and we became a "cheering section" on the path as the runners came by.  There was a large group of people from their church that also ran with them.  We had lots of runners to cheer for!  

Thankfully, everyone finished the race!  It was so fun to watch the group, some who were getting their first ever medals!  This was Gwen's 6th half marathon and Tim's 11th marathon.  I am so proud of their dedication and follow through.  I love being an eye witness to these important events.

Being able to spend time each week with Grace and James has been a joy.  James seems to change and grow overnight.  So it is a blessing to be able to watch each new accomplishment.   Grace has done so well being a big sister.  She is anxiously waiting for James to be able to play with her.  It is so hard having to wait!  James has recently grown big enough and strong enough to graduate from his playmat on the ground to his activity center.  I found Grace happily "reading" to him and he was loving it!

Grace actually read him many more books and I am sure, quite soon, she will really be reading the words to him!  She is such a big help for me, whether it is getting a burb cloth, or letting Kylie out when I am feeding James.  I just love watching her loving on her brother.  

Is there anything better than the smiles of children?  I am so thankful for all of these activities.  For all of the hugs and kisses, for all of the hours of play.  For all of the special moments and the milestones.  All of these things are worth hanging on to and worth remembering.  

Recently I was talking with a number of friends about the power of testimony.  Sometimes we forget just how much our small, little moments can have a big impact on someone else.  I remember hearing a very long time ago, that it is the current things that we should be sharing with those around us.  The big testimonies have a place, the life changing ways God has acted in our life, yes, those are worth sharing.  But don't forget to tell someone else about the little ways that you know Jesus is with you and listening to your cries for help.  I love to hear how others have seen Jesus in their day to day struggles.  It brings me so much encouragement and certainly deepens my faith and hope.  For me, each of the stories above are evidence of Jesus' love and care for me.  I feel his presence with me as I go from activity to activity.  He knows exactly what I need each day.  Being able to be with my kids and my grandkids is something I do not take for granted.  It is truly a blessing and a joy.  

Jesus, thank you for the daily ways that you meet us exactly where we are.   No matter how busy we are, you are never going to leave us.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding me to capture these milestone moments with my family, no matter how small they may seem.  Jesus help us to be willing to share our struggles and our small moments with those around us.  Amen

Family time to remember Ken

 Last weekend was the one year anniversary of Ken's death.  As a family we decided it would be really nice to remember Ken at one of his favorite locations - The Morton Arboretum.  We picked a time and prayed for good weather and we were not disappointed.  It was a simply glorious fall day with sunshine and cool breezes and temperatures in the 70's.  Just getting all 11 (now 12) of us somewhere is quite a job in itself.  Yes, we are now 12 since Lia has a boyfriend, Micah,  that we happily welcomed for this event.  I am sure that Ken would have been more than willing to embarrass Lia by asking Micah all kinds of questions.  For me, it was a perfect way to embrace our family growing and changing as we walk into the future.  

Ken so loved the "Trolls" exhibit at the Arboretum and took so many photos of them.  He would have loved this new exhibit that includes 5 large statues.  Each of us saw something different in them and appreciated them differently.  They are truly art and therefore whatever you see is okay!  I happened to catch the following picture...

This would make Ken so happy!  Usually Gwen and Susie are the photographers in the family.  And now Ellie also always seems to have her camera in her hand (see my previous blog about this).  But Doug just isn't usually seen like this.  Susie was "baby wearing" James, so that might explain Doug having the camera.  But it just makes me smile so much seeing him "walking in his dads footsteps'.  

The kids had such a good time, running around and playing together.  We had a snack time and ate some of Ken's favorite things.  His "special mix" granola was a favorite and also the apple cider donuts.  We munched on sausage and cheese and crackers while the kids played a rousing game of tag. 

Here are a couple more of my favorite pictures from the day.  We spent several hours hiking through the woods to find all five statues.  Because it was beautiful day, the Arboretum was busy.  But because it is so big, (and we avoided the buildings) the crowds didn't bother us much.   On the way back to the cars, I picked up these three special reminders of the day....

I loved this very big leaf.  You can't really tell by this picture, but it is much bigger than my hand.  I love the small pinecone and the tiny acorn also.  The leaf seems to represent a bit about my life.  Some of the life is gone, but there is still some green left there. My life as "us" is done, but I have more ahead. And the acorn and pinecone suggest new life.  I love that Jesus has chosen to speak to me in times of grief, through songs on the radio.  After Lucas' death in 2014 this song Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey was always on the radio.  It spoke to me so clearly that Jesus had so much ahead for our family.   I was really not expecting that to happen again.  And then  Scars in Heaven by Casting Crowns played on my radio.  It took me a long time to take in all that this song was saying to me.  This verse touched my heart so much..

I know the road you walked was anything but easy.  You picked up your share of scars along the way. Oh but now your standing in the sun, you've fought your fight your race is won, the pain is all a million miles away.  

Ken had so many health issues through out his entire life.  This verse really captured that for me and spoke so much hope and joy into my heart.  And then it concludes with this verse...

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you. You live on in all the better parts of me. Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run, until I finally see what you can see.

I've been searching and asking for Jesus to show me a direction for the years ahead.  And here it is.  I will keep on in this fight - whatever that is. If it is Covid and shutdowns and pandemic issues, I will get through it.  I will keep on running the race that is before me.  Doing and being the best mom and grandma that I can be.  Serving Jesus in whatever ways I can.  Making a difference to those around me and those I may never meet personally.  I will always carry a part of Ken with me.  And it is comforting to know that he lives on through the kids and grandkids.  What a great legacy.  

To all those who are themselves in times of grief, sadness or suffering, know that Jesus loves you and cares so much for you.  He sees us all - exactly as we are.  Trust me, he will send the exact message we need at the appropriate time.  Just keep your eyes and ears open and he will speak to you.  

Jesus, thank you for the comfort of music and songs that touch the deepest parts of our being.  Holy Spirit, remind us to treasure every moment we have with our family and friends and with you.  Give us courage to stay open to what you are saying to us and wisdom to know your voice.   Thank you for nature, for trees and for tiny little pine cones.  Amen

 

First Special Sleepover with Anna and Grace

These girls have been waiting a long time to have a sleepover at my house.  I finally got a new guest room set up and have a great new daybed and trundle set up - perfect for a sleepover.  Anna was counting down the days.  We started the activities with a snack and then walked to my neighborhood

playground. 

Watching these cousins play and have so much fun together was wonderful.  Sadly our time playing was cut short by a rainstorm.  There was no rain in the forecast but the sky turned dark and then the drops began to fall.  We ended up walking quickly to get home before the showers really started.  I ordered pizza and the girls watched a movie, before heading to bed. 

Surprisingly, the girls went to sleep before 10:30pm and were still asleep when I woke up at 7:00am!  That was a miracle for sure.  The parents were coming to pick up the girls around noon, so we had a lot of playing to do!  It was a marvelous day, 70's and sunny, so we went outside after they did a bit of "work" at the table.  Anna had drawn a picture for us to all color together so we completed that. We all had to color one of the flowers and write our name.  This masterpiece is now hanging on my  fridge. 

  

We had bubbles and chalk and the girls spent a long time blowing lots of bubbles.  I think I had more fun the girls did.  

Later in the morning we went out front and decided it was time for a game of hopscotch.  It is always interesting seeing kids enjoy a game that I played for hours as a young girl.  I couldn't tell you how many games of hopscotch I played, back in the day.  Interestingly, I don't really remember Gwen playing much, so maybe it is one of those things that skips a generation.

The timing of this sleepover was good.  We planned it so that we could do our family remembrance of Ken after the pickup.  The only downside to this, was that both Anna and Grace were really tired and by the end of the day, they needed to be done! Watch for the next blog to see how our family time went.  But all in all, it was a great first sleepover.  

For Anna this was a very big event.  The rule in the Johnson household is that no sleepovers are allowed unless you are vaccinated.  Sadly, Anna and Zeke are not old enough to receive the COVID vaccine.  But because we have allowed our family to be together during the pandemic, Gwen and Tim allowed Anna to spend the night at my house.  Anna was very nervous.  So was Grace, since she had never spent the night with me at my house either.  COVID has really done a number on the kids.  Grace really doesn't have any memories before the shutdown happened when she was just 3.   We are just getting used to what is now our new normal.  

The timing of this sleepover was also very good for me.  I knew that this weekend, the one year anniversary of Ken's death, would be difficult.  I had been dreading the date approaching and, just is so often the case, the actual weekend actually passed quite well.   I am so thankful for the relationship that I have with each of my grandchildren.  It is so wonderful to see how they are growing in their gifts and talents.  This kind of one on one time (or actually two on one time) is so valuable.  Each time I get to be with the kids doing fun things, I try to just soak it in.  Time passes so quickly and the kids are growing up.  I don't want to miss a minute of it.  I love how Jesus has given me this time to spend with the kids.  In spite of Covid, in spite of Ken's death, my life has been filled with blessings.  Yes, a yearly time to reflect is a very good thing.  Making the effort to see the blessings, to embrace the time and to notice the little things is such a gift.  

 Jesus, thank you for the gift of children and grandchildren.  Holy Spirit, keep us aware of all of the blessings that surround us and help us to embrace each day.  Thank you for times to reflect and remember.   Keep our hearts open to your prompts every day.    Amen