Remembering Ken on his Birthday and celebrating Zeke's Birthday!

 Friday would have been Ken's 69th Birthday and Doug suggested that we remember him with his very favorite barbeque - Uncle Bubs.  So Doug went on the rather long drive and picked up enough food to feed a small army.  I went to their house to spare Susie a car ride to my house (so close to baby due date!)  Grace was delighted to have dinner with me and we had fun remembering Grandpa.  It was such a beautiful evening that we ate outside.  

It was fun to hear Grace talk about Ken.  She has a few memories of him and Doug and Susie will continue to remind her all about her Grandpa.  She remembered him napping whenever we were together (which is accurate).  And she also remembered the time that Doug brought a "really big burger" for Grandpa and he ate the whole thing! This is also true and was actually the last really good meal that Ken ate.  I love Uncle Bubs so this was a real treat for me. Doug and Susie sent me home with enough food for several more meals.  It was a good way to remember Ken and to honor him on his birthday.  Ken loved to bring Dunkin Donuts to work on his birthday and always made sure to have plenty to go around.  I was trying to remember how many years he had done this, and thinking back, it was as long as I have known him!  Every place he worked, got donuts on his birthday.  I think I will need to purchase some Dunkin Donuts soon!

This is our families really busy time.  Between Gwen's birthday, Mother's Day, Ken's birthday and my Wedding Anniversary, we have added Zeke's birthday (which is actually also my mom's birthday) and Lia's birtday is on the 28th!  And very soon we will be adding, yet another birthday to these busy weeks.  I love being with the kids on their birthday and always try to find a special present for them. This year Zeke was requesting all things Fortnite.  All I know about Fortnite is that it is some kind of video game that includes needing "peels", all of which means nothing to me.  But I managed to find all Fortnite related items for Zeke, who turned 10 years old!  

And from his reaction to his presents, I did good and he was very happy. His presents included wireless gaming headphones, which I confess were more of a present for everyone else in the household who will not have to LISTEN to Fortnite anymore!  I actually celebrated with Zeke earlier in the week because the yearly Dance Recital fell on his actual birthday.  I knew that the day of the recital would be very busy so it was fun to spread out his celebration a little bit.  

It is sure interesting going through this grief process.  Most of the time, I don't feel like I am really in a grief process.  Many people asked me if I had a hard day on Ken's birthday.  For me, it isn't the big things (like Ken's birthday) but all of a sudden, some small thing will trigger a reaction for me.  If you haven't gone through the loss of someone close to you, this may seem strange to you.   Mostly I think that Ken's declining health gave me a long window of time to come to grips with how limited his time would be.  And because of that, I was in a very different place at his death.  I am much more aware now, of trying to be present in every day.  Finding gratefulness has helped to keep me grounded and also given me freedom to look ahead.  Coming out of the pandemic has been a breath of fresh air for me, as I feel as if some kind of normal is returning.  In a way, COVID has helped me transition to this new phase of my life since everything is different now for everyone!  Knowing that Jesus is in control helps me the most.  There is a real freedom from worry about the future when you know that our days are numbered by God.  Taking time everyday to read the Bible, to pray and to seek guidance for that day has brought peace and joy to me.  If I were to give advice to someone struggleing with loss or grief, my encouragement would be to draw close to Jesus.  If you don't know how to do that, or if it seems difficult because of your circumstances, just begin by telling Jesus!  Even the simplest prayer - "Jesus I want to know you" - will open the way.  When you ask, He will answer!  Trust me, you will be amazed at the way it happens.  Feel free to reach out to me if you want to know more!  

Jesus, thank you that you are ready to answer even that very simple prayer.  Holy Spirit, help us all to find our direction, our peace and our joy in drawing closer to Jesus.  Give us courage to admit that we might need help or guidance.  Give us wisdom to follow your plans each day.  Jesus free us from our pride that keeps us from being honest about our feelings.  Thank you for memories and birthdays!  Amen