Not your typical Christmas this year.....

In spite of Covid, I got to spend Christmas Eve with Gwen and Tim and the kids.  I have been basically staying home, except for seeing their family.  I was so thankful that it worked out for me to be with them this year.  With losing Ken, it would have been really hard for me to be alone - Covid or not.  

We are all quarentining right now so that our whole family, including Doug, Susie and Grace, can celebrate Christmas on January 2nd.  Something I am really looking forward to.  

We had a lovely dinner that included lighting the Advent candles.  I really enjoyed seeing the kids so excited for Christmas.  After dinner, we all went to church.  Gwen and Tim's church has been meeting with social distancing, masks worn, and special cleaning protocol.  I realized that being at the Christmas Eve candlelight service was the first time I have been in church since last Christmas.  That hardly seems possible.  But Ken was in the hospital and not well basically the entire three months that Covid wasn't an issue.  And then after that, everything was shut down.  Yes, this is certainly not a typical year.  

Even with masks, and the small number of people there, it was so wonderful.  Gwen actually sang which made the service even more special for me.  It was such a blessing to be able to do this.  

I spent Christmas day home alone, which was pretty normal for me.  I watched many movies, ate lots of junk food, worked on my jigsaw puzzle, and just enjoyed my decorations.  And since then, I have been quarentining so that we can have our family Christmas.  I've done many facetime calls with Grace and Doug and Susie.  I've talked to my sister several times.  And I've basically just been enjoying this time to do nothing.  

One of the hardest things for me in the last months has been figuring out what to eat.  I have sort of fallen into a pattern of eating a bigger meal at lunch time and then sort of snacking in the evening.  I was searching around for something to eat the other day and settled on this.  A favorite of my mom that always brings me back to so many times eating this with her.  Yes, peanut butter toast with hot cocoa.  This was my breakfast for many years growing up.  I couldn't count the number of times we ate this in the last years of her life. It was such a familiar and comforting meal.  As a matter of fact, I think I'll have this again!  

So, no, this was not anything like Christmas' in the past for me.  I don't think I could have imagined a year that was so different.  But yet, it was so normal and so familiar.  There was the excitement and joy of the kids.  There were the beautiful lights and decorations everywhere.  The music - oh how I love all the Christmas music.  And the candlelight service at church.  Yes, I am missing Ken.  And my mom.  But Christmas brings to the forefront the greatest gift we ever received - Jesus.  And because he came, death is no longer the end for us.  We can look forward to seeing our loved ones again one day.  And that is an amazing gift.  

My prayer is that all of you will find familiar things in the midst of this very non-typical year.  In spite of masks and social distancing and all things COVID, Christmas still came. Jesus has rescued us.  What a blast of hope and joy that brings.  This is a really good time to remember the end of the story.  Jesus is the King of kings and Lord of Lords and he reigns!  No matter what is going on, we can celebrate the Good News!  

Jesus, thank you for all the normal things in this not so normal year.  Thank you for being the light of the world that shatters the darkness.  Holy Spirit, thank you for your comfort for all of us walking through a not typical holiday season.  Thank you for peace and joy when it doesn't make much sense.  Help us all to keep our eyes on you Jesus, and to let go of fear and worry.  Amen

Some small bits of JOY through unexpected surprises!

I had many comments after my last blog from people who were really concerned about me.  I guess that I was just being honest that these months have been hard!  And while I do have moments of being lonely, the thing is, I think that because I was so honest in that last blog, this week it has been easier to not miss some really cool, unexpected surprises.  These surprises have brought me so much joy, so much peace. A really good way to go into Christmas week.

This extremely young looking couple is Ken and I.  I know this picture was taken around Christmas of 1972, just after Ken and I started dating.  I received this picture, along with 4 other photos that I had never seen, from the friend that actually introduced Ken and I.  Marie's Christmas card was such an unexpected surprise and certainly brought a smile to my face.  

Shortly after receiving Marie's card, I decided to start the Jigsaw puzzle that I had planned for Christmas week.  I bought two puzzles several weeks ago on a buy one/get one free sale.  I was picking up several other items that day and just grabbed these two puzzles off the rack without really looking closely at them.  

When I opened the puzzle, I didn't look very carefully at the box, mainly looking at the colors and the actual content of the puzzle.  And then I actually looked at the insert.....

I wish I could figure out how to highlight a portion of this.  This artist is from my place of birth - Watertown, South Dakota.  And there is not much that you can say about Watertown.  So Terry Redlin is quite a big deal.  It was such a reminder to me that Jesus knows exactly what we need, when we need it.  Again, a bit of joy from an unexpected place.  The puzzle is actually really hard and taking me so long to even get the border done.  But, I have plenty of time to work on it!

I had a grocery pick up order, something that has become just a part of my usual routine.  But this time, I received these added treats

There was a little bag with all these sample products which was such a surprise.  Kind of fun to try so many different products.  And then I realized that my bags also included that bag of Peppermint Bark.  I don't know why that candy made it into my bag, but it is my Christmas favorite and if I had been shopping in the stores, I would most certainly have purchased these.  But here it was, just a gift to me.  What a touch of joy.  

So my pickup order had a couple of items that were "not available", one of which was bread.  Bread is something that I really don't want to go without.  So I decided to go to the small local store that is right in my neighborhood.  I planned to only grab the bread and get out of the store.  As I was walking down the bread aisle, there to my surprise were these....

Needless to say, I bought all three boxes.  Tapioca is just one of those childhood things that I just love.  I ran out sometime in October and I have been looking and looking for tapioca all over the place.  I even had Gwen and Tim looking for me.  And then we discovered that there is actually a tapioca shortage that is partly caused by COVID but also my weather conditions where Tapioca is grown.  Who would have known that Tapioca could be so hard to find?   At any rate, I really needed this little burst of joy this week!  And the Tapioca pudding is chilling in the fridge right now.  

And then for the biggest bit of joy in an unexpected place.  I had decided to sponsor a child through Compassion International but was going to wait until after Christmas to actually go through the process.  I was awake during the night, unable to go back to sleep. (Nothing very new for me, and not a real concern).  At any rate, I decided to watch a few Vlogs that I follow.  One family Vlog is called "Our Tribe of Many" and I have followed them for quite awhile.  The dad is from Kenya and the mom is from the US.  They have ten kids and I love their perspective on life.  They have had a challenge since Thanksgiving to have their followers sponsor children through Compassion International.  The Vlog I watched, the mom mentioned that they had 91 children sponsored through their channel.  I decided right then to click the link on their bio and see about sponsoring a child to help them reach 100 children sponsored.   The first child that came up was this little boy...

I almost couldn't believe it when I started to read the information about this child.  First of all, he had been 464 days without a sponsor.  That is a long time.  And then I noticed his birthdate.  It is a very special day for our family.  That date is also the day that my grandson Lucas was born.  Such a special way to honor Lucas' memory.  And then I noticed that he lives in the Philippines.  I had just received an email that my Operation Christmas Child boxes had gone to the Philippines this year.  And those boxes are always done in honor of Lucas.  Needless to say, this was more than just a little prompt.  I hit the button and now can say that little Entoy is in my heart and prayers.  What a feeling of joy and so perfect for Christmas week.  

For sure, Jesus has shown me not to miss those small things that bring joy into us.  I feel so thankful for each of these ways that I felt the comfort and care of these unexpected and out of nowhere treats.  Getting those old photos brought a smile to my face and also the memories that each picture held.  And with each of these other small things, a smile filled my face.  So while I know that I will certainly still have times of loneliness and grief, I am feeling much more calm and settled.    

I've been thinking about this a lot today.  Isn't it funny how some silly little things can totally change your mood?  I just love that Jesus knew what I would need to shift my thinking and then there was provision for each of these surprises.  Isn't it wonderful that this season of surprises comes at the darkest time of the year?  Each year we get to celebrate the Light of the World coming to us as the biggest surprise ever.  As a tiny little baby, born in a stable and sleeping in a manger, Jesus brought "Joy To The World!"  And every year we get to join and sing and remember that joy.

Jesus, thank you for bringing us light at the darkest time of the year.  Holy Spirit, help us all to see those small little surprises that can raise our spirits and bring smiles to our faces.  Give us reminders to listen for your gentle nudges when there are ways that we might be the surprise bringers for those around us.  Thank you Jesus for showing your love through your life on earth.  Remind us to listen to the words of all of the familiar carols as we join in singing this Christmas.   Amen

Thankful for Ken - Part 8

 This was the first Christmas that Ken and I spent together.  It was 1972 and once again, I am so thankful that I have my photo albums right at hand to see these photos.  At this point we had been dating since August.  This photo was taken at my parent's house and Ken did not have any decorations at the place he was living.  He spent most of his time at our house when he wasn't working or sleeping.  Yes, I have been thinking about how very different this Christmas will be with Ken missing from all the photos.  

A couple of my favorite Christmas pictures are these two -  the first Christmas' of each of the kids. 

This was Christmas 1979 when Gwen was about7 months old. And that is Sheba, the dog that Ken and I had when Gwen was little.

 

And this is 1982 when Doug was about 9 months old and Gwen was 3 1/2.  Basically I always insisted on a photo with Ken and the kids at some point during Christmas.  I always took the kids pictures and it was not easy to get Ken to agree to a photo.  He was much better at taking the pictures rather than being in the pictures.  

And then I was thinking about the pictures from last Christmas.  We sure would never have thought that these would be the last Christmas pictures we would have.

 Everything about this Christmas seems just a bit off to me.  Of course, in addition to missing Ken, there is COVID thrown in the mix.  It is certainly not ideal to have a global pandemic, while dealing with the grief of losing your spouse.  But I am thankful that Ken has not had to deal with yet another shut down this fall.  He had such a hard time in the spring when the stores and the restaurants closed.   If there was one thing that Ken enjoyed, it was eating out.  He would have liked to eat out every day for breakfast, if I would have allowed it.  He had a series of favorite places and favorite foods that he missed when we were not able to eat out. While I miss eating out, it is not quite the same for me. 

One of Ken's favorite things about Christmas was going to the Messiah presentations.  If we did not go to a performance, he would always listen to one of the many recordings he owned. He would have been very sad that all concerts are canceled this year.   He loved all classical music and would often choose that over anything else to listen to.  It is certainly an odd "listening library" that he had!  Everything from Bach to the Beach Boys and the Beatles.  Classic Rock was also a favorite of his.  

One of the interesting things about Ken and Christmas is that he really didn't have any big family traditions that had happened every year for him.  His mom had many different types of trees and even different decorations most years.  So it was kind of hard for him that I wanted pretty much the same kind of Christmas that I had growing up.  However, when Ken's mom died and his dad moved to Florida, we found Ken's favorite tree in their attic and it became ours.  It was an aluminum tree in the original box from 1962.   

We had that tree for several years, but it was really a pain.  It was losing all of the little shreds of silver all over the house.  The last year we had the tree so much fell off that many of the branches were half empty.  Ken loved that tree so much.  And I think that the three years we used that tree were his favorite Christmas trees.  ,

My tree this year is just like the last 7 years.  There are many of Ken's decorations on the tree.  There is the pink bell that we got from Ken's Grandma Baker the first year we were married.  There are several musical instruments that had been on the tree when he was young.  There are more current favorites of his - Bob and Larry from Veggietales,  There is a RonJon ornament and a camera and motorcycle ornament.  It is very bittersweet sitting in my living room, looking around at Christmas that seems so normal, when everything is very much NOT normal.  

As Christmas gets closer, I am realizing that all the tasks of the last few months have been keeping me from "feeling" the loss.  I am incredibly thankful that I have managed to get most of the "business" of losing someone taken care of in these months.  But now that I am spending most of my time not doing much at all, the house seems very empty.  While I am being careful to spend some part of each day in useful tasks, the days are still very long.  And the weeks are longer still.  Certainly I will be very glad to move into 2021 with the hope that life will get easier in the months ahead.  

I have been listening to Christmas music - of course.  It is interesting how the words can hit you so differently depending on your own circumstances.  Today I heard a rendition of O Come All Ye Faithful.  I'm not sure exactly who was singing this and/or what the actual name of this arrangement was, but it included he line "Sing choirs of angels, sing with exaltation, sing all that are in heaven around God's throne."  I searched today and I couldn't find this exact arrangement anywhere, but I know that I heard it!   I was instantly thinking about Ken and so many others, who are there today, around the throne.  It was just what I needed today to bring a smile to my face. I love that Jesus knows exactly what we need, every minute of every day.  For so many people, Christmas is hard.  There are so many losses and so many lonely people.  So many people are having a really hard time being away from people.  People in masks seem "faceless" and it is hard to connect when you can't really "read" what people are thinking.  I know that Jesus is nudging me to make sure that when I do go out (safely, wearing a mask and social distanced) that I go a bit slower.  And in that slowing down, Jesus is encouraging me to look people in the eyes and to make sure and smile with my eyes.  It is possible to connect even from a safe distance.   When I am alone (or just feeling lonely), I will hang on to the words I heard today (even if they weren't really there) and remember that great cloud of witnesses who are there before the throne.  And I can join them in singing "O Come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord!"

Jesus, thank you for all the great memories I have of Ken.  Thank you so much for the gift today of the reminder of the joy before your throne.  Holy Spirit, give us grace and courage to keep on each day of this pandemic.  Fill us with your hope, Jesus, that we are walking through this and are not in this place forever.  Thank you for family and friends who help us remember what is really important.  Thank you Jesus.  Amen

 

 

Thankful for Ken -Part 7

 In the previous blogs I have written about Ken, I mentioned some of the travel that we have done.  I also shared about Ken's trip to Japan.  I have kept a pretty accurate "vacation journal" and there are 47 entries over the 48 years that Ken and I were together.  That seems like an "annual" vacation, but in reality, there were many years when our kids were young that we did not take vacations.  We simply did not have the money to make trips.  During those years, I did take the kids to my mom's almost every August, but Ken did not come with us.  And these family visits are not included in the count of "vacations".  

Our first real family vacation was in 1987 when we traveled to Minnesota with the kids and went to my family lake home with my mom.  As a side trip, we went to Itasca State Park and saw the headwaters of the Mississippi  River.  Doug was finally doing better physically and we had a really great time.  The interesting part of this trip was that Ken rode his motorcycle to Lake Maud and the kids and I took the train to my mom's house and then drove with her to the lake.  

Ken took several motorcycle vacations without us during those years, including several trips to various motorcycle races that included tent camping.  He also took a couple of driving trips by himself - one to "Four Corners" and one to Denver.  At the time I was working and using all of my vacation time for Doug's illness' and doctor visits and to visit with my mom.  

Our first BIG family vacation was in 1993 when we took the kids to California.  We went to LA and did Disneyland and also went to San Diego to the Zoo.  Ken was able to piggyback this trip to a work trip and it was so much fun. 

The next year we took the kids to Florida.  We did the Disney World experience that included staying on the Disney property.  We had a really amazing 4 days there that included visiting 4 parks.  

After Disney we took the kids to Cocoa Beach.  It was our first ever time at this location and we loved it.  Doug spent hours in the water on a Boogie Board.  We also took the kids to the NASA Space Center and they were not impressed.  Needless to say, Ken and I were very disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm about all things space.  

We then drove to the Gulf side of Florida and stayed at St Pete's Beach.  Ken really wanted to take the kids to Nokomis on this trip, but we just didn't have time.  That was one of Ken's biggest regrets.  For all the times that we went to Florida we only took two trips to Florida with the kids.  And this was the closest we ever got to bringing them to see Casey Key.  He always regretted never experiencing his favorite spot with the kids.  That is one more reason that we really need to plan our family time to honor Ken and spread his ashes at that spot.  ALL of us!  

I think that has been on my mind so much over the last three months.  I have been so aware of all the things that we hold as "regrets".  I have began to think about my own regrets and make a plan to settle these things!  Some things you just can't go back and fix.  But, just as in this case, Ken could have been clear about his feelings on this, and I am sure that the kids would have done their best to help him satisfy this strong desire.  

Webster's defines regret at "feelings of sadness and disappointment over a missed opportunity". I really like that.  It is especially difficult when you have a regret and there is no way to fix it.  When the opportunity is lost forever.  I have come to realize that regret is the biggest part of grief.  Each of the regrets that I have that include Ken can never be changed.  I often find myself saying "I really regret that......."  As I have been working through these feelings, I have been able to let go of many of these regrets and also begun to separate the regrets into those that I will never be able to fix and those that I can make right in the future.  And that process has brought me a great deal of peace.  Most of that process is about forgiveness,  Being able to forgive others and yourself either for things done or not done.  Such a good exercise. And in my experience, we just hold on to regrets instead of taking care of things.  

I hope this is an encouragement to all of you to stop and think about these things.  Those little niggling things that you regret.  Remember that in some cases, you just need to forgive to not have these regrets hiding somewhere, waiting to resurface.  The amount of peace and joy that comes from this process is worth it.  

Forgiveness is such an amazing thing.  When you forgive someone else, you really free yourself!   We are told in the Lord's prayer to forgive others as we have been forgiven.  And we have been forgiven with no strings attached.  Freely, unconditionally, without any action on our part.  So my prayer is that as you think about regrets, you freely give forgiveness.  To yourself and to others.  And in doing that, you will find freedom and love and peace and joy.  

Jesus, thank you so much for reminding me of your unbelievable forgiveness - when I sure didn't deserve it.  Holy Spirit, bring to our minds those deeply hidden regrets that are weighing down our spirits.  Give us all courage and boldness to face these regrets and to walk through the process to find the deepest places of your love for us.  Thank you Jesus for being with me as I navigate this grief process.  Help us all to keep our eyes on you Jesus and to feel your love for us.  Amen

Thankful for Ken - Part 6

I am sure by this time, many of you are thinking "how long will this go on?"  But I am pressing through on writing about Ken's life so that my kids and grandkids have a bit of a record of some things that might be forgotten as time goes on.  So, in this "chapter" I will be sharing about Ken's work life.  At least from my perspective.

Here is Ken in the place that he loved most..... the Metrology Lab at Newell Brands.  This was his last job and I decided to begin this blog here because it represented truly the best time of Ken's work life.  One of the last long conversations that he had was with the Chaplin from the Hospice.  He loved to tell people that he was a Metrologist and then watch them try to figure out exactly what that was.  This conversation was no different and he had a great time explaining to the Chaplin what he had done for almost 15 years at Sanford (which then became Newell Brands).  For those who might not have already googled this, Metrology is the  study of measurement.  He would often tell people that he spent time "breaking pencils" or testing cap strength on pens.  Which was exactly what he did.  What he did was work closely with engineers who were developing new products, mostly for the Sharpie group.  As they would come up with new ideas, Ken would work with the measurements on the design of the pen and then test samples of these designs to determine if they met specifications.  He loved this job and enjoyed going to work every day.  It was extremely hard for Ken, when Newell decided to close the Chicago location.  Given his age at the time (65) he was offered a retirement package and it just made sense for us to except that.  I am sure that if the company had not moved, Ken would have continued to work as long as his health would have allowed.  There is an interesting story about how he actually got this job, but I will start at the beginning of Ken's work history so that you can really get the full picture.  

By the time I met Ken in 1972 when he was 20 years old, he had already had 5 jobs.  This included working at a Hardware store when he was in middle school, repairing bicycles.  He also had worked at McDonalds during high school and for a short time, worked in construction driving a bull dozer.  Shortly after we met, he applied at an Ink manufacturing company in Elk Grove Village.  He got hired as a mixer man, which was sort of lowest on the totem pole job that meant he was pretty much covered in ink from head to toe that didn't come off.  Roberts and Porter was a good company and within a short time, Ken was moved into the lab doing color matching and weighing of the ink.  This was a much cleaner job, but meant that he worked second shift (3pm - 11pm).  Not ideal, but it was something that kept Ken interested.  He worked there for around 5 years and during those years he also worked part time at a number of somewhat unusual jobs.  We were saving to buy our house and both of us held second jobs.  Ken worked at a CB store (if you are too young to know what that is, just keep reading).  He worked at a Jewish Deli and also McDonalds and for a time worked at Sears in the automotive department.  After we moved to Warrenville he was offered a job as an "In Plant Ink Man" which was something that he wanted to try.  It was an even further drive (about an hour and a half verses 40 minutes) but it was working regular hours. After about two years on that job, he was offered a job as a color matcher at another Ink manufacturer much closer to home.  He worked at Borden Ink for over 9 years.  During that time Doug was born and Borden had self administered insurance.  While it had fairly good coverage, each person had a lifetime limit of one million dollars.  Doug had reached $998,000 and we had begun to look into state insurance provided for hard to insure children.  But just as we began that process, Borden decided to go with standard insurance and Doug's coverage started over with no lifetime limit.  It was truly a God provision for us during those years.  And one more way these stories show God's care for us even when we were not aware of all that he was doing.  

In an interesting turn of events, in 1988 both Ken and I lost our jobs in the same week.  Now while this might seem like a terrible thing, in fact it really worked out well for both of us.  Because both of our companies were closing their locations, Ken and I each got a good sized severance package.  Ken had a job the day he found out his company was closing, and it was back at the place he started in the ink industry, which had now become INX International.  I ended up getting a job basically immediately also and both of us ended up making more than we had been.  So it was a good financial time for us.  Again, something that God orchestrated for us that we didn't see at the time.  I remember having to explain to Gwen why we could afford to buy new furniture when both Ken and I had lost our jobs.    Ken worked at INX in so many different jobs. He worked long hours and for several years,  traveled all over the country doing waterless ink demonstrations.  He ended his time at INX as their Quality Control Manager.  One of his best memories of his time at  INX was his trip to Japan in 1992.  INX was owned by a Japanese company, Sakata INX and Ken was able to tour their facilities in several locations. 

One of his favorite things were his business cards that were printed in Japanese on the back.  These two picture are from the scrapbook I made for him of his trip.  And right now I am so thankful that I have this album to pull off of the shelf to share these photos with you all.  
 

After Ken lost his job in 2002 due to a reduction in work force, he worked a couple of short term jobs.  One in the ink industry and one doing quality work.  During that time, he was so desperate to find a permanent job that he was applying to everything. He was hired at Sanford in 2003.  After he had been at Sanford (Newell) for over a year, he asked his boss why he had been hired.   The interesting thing was that the boss was pretty clear that he really didn't know how it had happened.  At the time Sanford had a policy of only hiring from the temporary workers that they got from an agency.  Ken came in off the street!  It was as if God just reached down and placed in into exactly the correct job that would make the end of his working career the very best years.  At first he thought that his color matching and knowledge of ink was the reason he was hired.  But it had nothing to do with his job.  All of that happened in the Chemistry lab and all of those people had advanced college degrees.  Something that Ken did not have.  

So by the numbers, Ken had worked at 16 different companies, doing countless different jobs, during the 56 years he worked.  He had 29 years in the Ink industry and 15 years as a Metrologist.  Quite an impressive set of numbers.  I am so thankful for Ken's work ethic that kept him going to work, even when he was in a less than happy place with the work.  

One wonderful thing that comes out of these blogs, is how easily I am seeing God's provision for Ken and I over the years.  I know that hindsight is always good and this is certainly showing that to me.  I am sorry that Ken and I never did this when he was alive.  It would have been so good for him to see just how much he accomplished over the years.  My encouragement to you all is to spend some time looking back on your life.  No matter what your age, whether you are in your 20's or 70's you will be able to see God's hand on your life.  After you have done this, you will be so much more able to stay in a place of faith and hope when you are in a challenging situation.  

Yes, I still have more to share about Ken.  I am even thankful that I have more time (thanks COVID) to think through what I want to share.  I am especially thankful for each of you who have been taking the time to read these stories and I appreciate your thoughtful comments. 

Jesus, thank you again for always being with my family.  Holy Spirit, remind everyone reading this that there is benefit in remembering and telling how God has blessed them.  Give us all new hope and increased faith as we continue to walk through this COVID epidemic.  Jesus bring healing to all who are suffering with sickness of any kind. Give us all peace in place of fear.  Thank you for holding us in your hand.  Amen

Thankful for Ken - Part Five

It has been such a good process for me to put together these blogs.  I have been able to think back on not only Ken's life, but my own life for the last 48 years.  I decided to post a bit of those years "by the numbers"  

First of all.... Cars.  Something that is important to most men.  As far as I could count (and I confess that I might have missed a couple along the way) Ken has had at least 32 cars since he started driving at 16 years old.  When I first met Ken he was riding a bicycle and did not have a car!  That changed when he got hit by a car while riding his bike home one night.  My dad insisted that we help Ken buy a car.  Which we did.  It was a  $100 car that we had to finance!  I can't remember what kind of car it was, but you needed to add oil every time you went anywhere.  But it was a car!  After Ken got a more steady job he was able to buy a better car - a Ford Torino which we actually had for around 3 years.  It was a manual transmission with the stick on the column.  I learned to drive a stick in this car. 

Here we are, on our wedding day, leaving for our honeymoon in that car.  We owned so many "beaters" that I am sure that I have missed a few in my count.  A couple of memorable ones include another $100 car we bought that was more rust than car.   But Ken was able to drive that car with few problems over an entire winter.  We also once owned a Volkswagen Rabbit that had no floor under the drivers feet.  We had covered it with cardboard, but you would have to raise your feet when driving through water.  It was interesting to say the least.  We had both kids at the time also.  We bought several brand new cars including three Ford Pintos and a Ford Maverick and then our Ford Escort. 

This Escort was a car that we bought when we really couldn't afford a new car.  Ken went to the dealer and asked for the "cheapest car on the lot".  They had this car to show how stripped down you could get an Escort.  It did not have carpet.  It was a stick shift.  Basic about describes this car.  You can see how young the kids were, yet both of them drove this car.  As a matter of fact, we gave this car to Gwen and Tim after they got married.  Tim drove that car and even today will tell you that he regrets trading it on a new car.   Ken's favorite car of all time was this one.

Like so many men, he always wanted a sports car - especially a convertible.  We bought this Miata used and had to have the top replaced immediately.  Ken had just made the really difficult decision to give up his motorcycle because he felt his reflexes where not as sharp as they had been.  He was riding to work, in traffic and I felt this was a good decision.  So I agreed that he could get this car which would be safer.  We had three cars for a number of years, but it was getting harder and harder for Ken to get in and out of this very small, very low little car.  He very reluctantly agreed to sell it.  

In the last weeks of his life, Ken was talking about buying a sports car.  He even went and looked at a few for sale.  I of course, was saying that we did not need another car.  He was also talking of wanting to buy another motorcycle.  Clearly cars and motorcycles were important to him.  I am thankful for the last car that Ken actually bought.  It was the first time that we owned an SUV - a bigger car that we could actually carry things in.  That is the car that I am currently driving and it is a great car.  I don't think I would have picked it, but Ken was clear that he wanted this particular vehicle.  It has been a good choice for us since it was easy for him to get in and out of in the last months of his life.  

As I was writing this blog, I began to see just how faithful God was to provide reliable transportation for us throughout the years.  Without these cars, we would not have been able to get to work.  And this is just a picture of all of the provision we had during some very lean years.  I continue to be so thankful for all of the years that Ken and I had together.  Of course I am sad that our time in retirement was so short.  But I know that Ken chose to live his life exactly as he wanted.  And it was some of his lifestyle choices that led to his earlier than necessary death.  

This is a great time of year for everyone to stop and look back at the path they have walked.  It is good to write down some of these facts, like how many cars you have owned, so that it is not lost for the future.  If there is one thing that COVID has done, it is that families are together and have time to talk and share.  Make good use of this time to tell these stories, to write them down.  You will be so glad that you did.  . 

 

Jesus, thank you for always providing for our family.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding me of these very important memories.  Jesus help me to see your care and provision as I go forward without Ken.  I am so grateful for this Advent season to think about and prepare for your coming to us.  

Thankful for Ken - Part 4

 While I understand that November is over and today is December, I have decided to continue sharing about Ken.  I am more convinced than ever that these stories are important (at least to our family) and have meaning even beyond that.  So much history is lost when people die without having memories saved in some way.  I have scrapbooks full of pictures and journals that tell the story of our life together after 1972.  My goal in sharing is to motivate you all to think of ways to tell your own stories so that they will not be lost.  Don't put this off.  Share them now!  Tell those stories verbally to your kids and grandkids, but more importantly, write them down.  Think about the stories that your parents told you and put those on paper.  We, as a society, have not done a good job of keeping our personal history for future generations.  Enough said.... on to my sharing for today.

After the last blog, I was thinking about some of Ken's best memories.  The stories that made him so happy to tell and retell.  This photo represents one of those cherished memories.  This is Ken getting a hair cut from his "Uncle Charlie".  Uncle Charlie was actually his mom's uncle. Charlie and Alva had a cabin in the Cooks Forest Pennsylvania and also had a home next door to Ken's grandparents in Nokomis Florida.  That cabin in the woods was the site of this haircut and so many great memories for Ken.  I never got to meet Charlie and Alva.  They were already living in an assisted living home by the time Ken and I got married.  On Ken's 21st birthday, his mom gave him a picture of this cabin that she had painted.  It hung in our hallway for many years.  The frame is broken and needs replacement now.  But Ken wanted Doug and Susie to have it. 

 On our last vacation in 2019, we went to Cook's Forest and tried to find the location of that cabin.  But with no real idea of where it was, we were not able to find it. Charlie and Alva were certainly like another set of grandparents for Ken.  Charlie and Alva had bought their home in Florida before Grandma and Grandpa Baker were retired, and many of the visits that Ken made to Casey Key before he was 8 were to visit Uncle Charlie and Aunt Alva.  Around 1960, Grandma and Grandpa Baker made Nokomis home and Ken became a regular visitor there.  

This picture was taken in 1976 and is Ken helping Grandma Baker clean up her palm tree.  Ken's mom is in the background.  The house is really Ken's very favorite place.  We recently drove by and the home is sadly not in very good shape anymore.  But it held so many great memories for Ken.  

After living in Ohio, Ken's parents moved to Pittsburg when Ken's dad took a new job there.  They only lived there about one and half years, but Ken often called Pittsburg home.  When we visited there in 2018, Ken was able to drive right up to their house and find his school with no problem!  

This was his one and only birthday in Pittsburg.  He never was much of a big sports fan, but he loved the Steelers and we have many hats to prove it.  

After that short time in Pittsburg, his family relocated to Russelville, KY.  Ken spent his entire Junior High years in this small, very southern town.  He loved the weather (warm year around with not much snow.  He said that one year they had 2" of snow and the town shut down).  He had a really good friend, John that he lost track of after moving to Illinois.   Something he always regretted.

During those years in Kentucky, Ken's parents purchased a lake lot on a nearby man-made lake, Lake Malone.  They also purchased a boat.  These were truly happy years for Ken.  He loved the lake and the boat.

One of our first driving vacations, we stopped in Russelville and revisted Ken's favorite spots.  We even kayaked on Lake Malone and found the lot that his parents had purchased.  It was truly beautiful.  In the last years I would often see Ken searching Zillow for property on Lake Malone.  It was a dream of his to someday own a house on that lake.

Of course after moving to Elk Grove, the lake lot and boat didn't make much sense.  They sold the lot first but kept the boat.  Anyone who lives around here knows that there is not a really good place to use a boat anywhere around Chicago (think small fishing boat, not a boat suitable for Lake Michigan).  His parents did keep it for a couple of years and they actually took one "camping trip" to Minnesota and Canada when Ken was about 15.  

His favorite memory of that trip was the fish that he caught while camping in Canada.  His parents were not really the camping sort, and shortly after that trip, they sold the boat.  Again, something that Ken always wanted, but we never had - a boat.  

As I was thinking of these blogs, I spent some time really trying to remember the memories that Ken held on to.  I think I have captured some of the stories and things about his life before we were together, that were important to him.  A few pictures and several paragraphs can't embody someone's life.  But it can give you a glimpse into a deeper part of a person that you might have only known casually.  Both Ken and I moved around as children, and we knew that it had impacted our childhoods.  So we did decide to stay rooted in one place.  Our kids only lived in one house growing up and I still live here! Whatever the reason, I am incredibly thankful for the years we have spent here in Warrenville.  And I am very thankful that Ken and I got to visit each of his childhood homes and I got to see and experience the places he lived.  We had plans to go to South Dakota and Minnesota in 2020 to visit each of my childhood homes, but illness and COVID intervened.  I can assure you that I intend to make that trip myself at some time in the future.  

If you haven't visited your childhood favorite places, I encourage you to do so!  Make plans now to take that trip - hopefully in 2021.  Look for those old pictures and make plans to call or write to (or Facebook message) those old friends.  Scrapbook and journal your memories.  Do it before it is too late.  Your children, your grandchildren, your friends and family will thank you.  

Jesus, thank you for your plan and purpose for each of us that you have known since before we were born.  Remind us of your presence with us during the good times and the hard times.  Holy Spirit, help us all to let go of the hurts and trouble from our past.  Jesus fill us with your love and surround us with your peace as we see the past with your perspective.  Give us renewed joy as we continue to walk through this challenging year.  Thank you Jesus for your love and care for each of us.  Amen

Thankful for Ken - Part 3

This picture is from Ken's graduation from Elk Grove High School in June of 1971.  While this was certainly an accomplishment for him, hidden behind that smile was a very, very sad guy.  Let me explain with an important story about Ken's high school years.

Ken's family moved  to Elk Grove Village, IL in August of 1967.  Interestingly enough, my own parents moved our family to Elk Grove Village, IL in August of 1967.  Even more interesting is that Ken and I lived only about two blocks apart during our high school years.  Ken actually was in the class of 1971 and I was in the class of 1972.  We had many common friends, but never dated during high school.  We actually didn't begin dating until August of 1972, after reconnecting at a good friends house (thanks Marie Liewehr Berberich). We finally married in May of 1974 and the rest is history.  Back to today's story......

One of the first friends that Ken made in Elk Grove was Arnold Abraham, who Ken always called "Abe".  Abe lived just a few blocks from Ken and they had many interests in common.  Both of them were AV geeks and were in the AV club at school.  Even though we went to the same school, our classes were HUGE, and I never knew Abe.  

I lifted these two pictures out of the 1970 Elk Grove High School year book.  Ken had regret that there were no pictures of him with Abe.  Abe and Ken had many, many adventures during those years.  They would frequently go into Chicago and I can only imagine what these trips included!  Remember this was the 60's and early 70's!  They went to many concerts and movies and parties.  Sadly, Abe is not one of the many high school friends that show up on my Facebook page.  Sometime during the 1970-71 school year, both Ken and Abe got sick.  Ken ended up spending almost two months in the hospital recovering from a really bad case of pneumonia.  Around the same time, Abe was diagnosed with leukemia.  Ken would visit him in the hospital as often as possible.  One thing is for sure, Ken's senior year was not what he expected.

These three painted plastic statues were one of Ken's most prized possessions.  They were given to him by Abe after he painted them while in the hospital.  They represented a special friendship that had been taken away.  Sadly Abe died in late May of 1971, just a few weeks before Ken's graduation.  The process of his death, the wake and the funeral, had an impact on how Ken felt about life, death and funerals the rest of his life.  

In my last blog I mentioned that Ken tried to go into the Navy as soon as he graduated.  Certainly Abe's death was a major part of that decision.  When that didn't work out, he felt very adrift.  He had no interest in going to college, mostly because of his dyslexia. School was very difficult for him.  He took a job working in the camera department of the brand new Marshal Fields store at Woodfield Mall.  He actually worked the day that Woodfield officially opened. I find it interesting that Ken's adult life began with cameras and it ended with cameras being the main thing on his mind.  

I have had some questions about the end of life decisions that Ken made.  My kids will tell you that Ken never went to wakes or funerals if there was any way to avoid it.  I usually ended up representing us at these times.   The first time I realized that Ken struggled with death was at his Grandpa Bakers funeral in 1976.  I knew that we needed to go, but Ken really didn't want to go.   I am very thankful that we did make that trip to Florida and it opened the door for me to really hear Ken's heart about loss and death.  Ken's choices as his health declined, were exactly what I expected.  He hated the hospital and would do anything to stay at home.  He didn't want any wake/funeral.  He wanted to make a difference for others, so he donated his body.  I am so thankful that in spite of his adoption, his early health issues, his struggles in school, and the loss of this close friend, that Ken took a risk on our marriage.  Although he never went to college, he had several fulfilling jobs and ended his work career doing something his loved.  

After our grandson Lucas died, Ken talked often with me about seeing him again in heaven.  That was really the first time that I felt that Ken really believed in eternal life that we have through Jesus.  This year on Lucas' birthday, I left a plaque at his graveside.   

I am thankful for Ken today.  Thankful that I can think about Ken doing what he so loved - taking pictures.  And knowing that those pictures will include Abe and they will also include Lucas.  

Jesus, thank you for the assurance that we have that our physical death is not the end.  Thank you for your promises of heaven and being with you there.  Holy Spirit, help each of us to work through the issues from our past that have followed us into the present.  Keep our hearts open to your healing love.  Thank you Jesus for your plan and destiny for each of us.  Amen

 

Thankful for Ken - Part 2

  So many people commented on my last blog!  I am so thankful for each person that reads these blogs.  As I stated in that post, I am really sharing a few of Ken's stories so that my kids and grands have a bit of a written history of some stories about Ken.  In the last blog I talked about how Ken became part of his adopted family.    Somewhere around 18 months, Ken started to have seizures.  And these were not just seizures.  He would actually stop breathing and would require oxygen and "help" to resume breathing. It wasn't exactly easy for his parents, and I can really relate to just how difficult it is to have a toddler with medical issues! Again, remember that I don't have any actual knowledge of this medical issue.  I am only relating the things I was told.  This first picture is significant because it was the day of his last ever seizure..... and Ken remembered it.  

During those early years, Ken's mom told me that she was afraid to go anywhere with Ken.  They really didn't know what was going on medically and he was taken to Columbus and Cleveland to different doctors and hospitals.  They had oxygen tanks at home and always brought them with when leaving the house.  It was a very stressful time for them, for sure.  After that last seizure he was put on Dilantin, a powerful anti-seizure medication and it eliminated his seizures.  He remained on several medications all through out his childhood.  He made the decision to go off of his medications at the age of 18 and he never had another seizure.

During this period of his childhood, his family lived in several houses in Wadsworth, Ohio.  He had wonderful memories of the various homes.  He remembered that they had birds as pets and they would often be in these windows.  

 In spite of the unknown sickness' Ken had a pretty normal childhood. He did struggle in school and as an adult, realized that he had dyslexia.  He came up with some pretty creative ways to be able to read and understand.  Small town life was good in the 50's and he talked of riding his bike all over Wadsworth.   Wadsworth was home until Ken was in 5th grade when the family moved to Pittsburg.  One of our favorite vacations was a visit back to Wadsworth.  We found all of his childhood homes, the schools and we visited this park.  He remembered spending so much time here! 

One of the hardest things for Ken, when Doug was sick as a baby, was not knowing his own health history.  There was always a niggling feeling that there might be some "inherited" reason for Doug's kidney and immune issues as a baby, toddler, preschooler.  Although Doug did not have a seizure issue, we never really knew if there was some connection to Ken's early health issues.  

Also, revolving around this health issue, was that Ken was rejected by the military!  After high school, Ken tried to enlist in the navy (think July 1971).  Yes, this was during Vietnam when so many were "draft dodging".  Ken felt totally healthy and so wanted to follow his dad's footsteps into the Navy. (His dad served in WWII).  He had numerous tests at that time to try to prove that he had no residual issues from that childhood seizure disorder, but the Navy still refused to let him enlist. That 4F draft card was really awful for Ken.  Getting that rejection was one of the pivotal things that followed Ken into his adulthood.   It was also terribly hard for Ken when we had to make the decision to have one of Doug's kidneys removed.  I remember he lamented for days that having one kidney would always make Doug not eligible for military service.  Truthfully,  this never entered my mind, since Doug being healthy was my end goal.  Ken didn't talk about this at all in the later years.  But I know that he always experienced a bit of regret and longing on Veterans Day and Fourth of July.  

Doing these blogs has reminded me just how important it is to keep your personal stories available for that time when you are no longer able to share them!  I think that heading into 2021 I will be starting a series of my own "growing up" stories!  And this is gentle reminder to all of you, that there is so much that you should be sharing with your family!  If this gets just one person to write down (journal) their own stories so that they are not lost to future generations, then I have accomplished something important through these blogs.   

Jesus, thank you for this opportunity to share a bit of Ken's life.  Holy Spirit, help us all to remember the importance of sharing our own history.  Jesus, I am especially grateful for the Bible - a collection of stories that reveal exactly who you are.  Holy Spirit, keep us mindful for your presence with us as we recall our own history.  Thank you Jesus for loving us!  Amen