Can't believe that Doug is 40 today....and a special photo

 It is so hard to imagine that Doug is 40.  It is always like this....people say that time has gone by so fast.  But I can assure you, it really feels that way to me.  That last two pictures above are really special for so many reasons.  I had an emergency C Section when Gwen was born in 1979 and that meant general anesthesia on the surgical floor of the hospital.  I did not get to see Gwen until almost 4 hours after she was born.  By 1982, things had changed drastically in the world of having babies.  Just days before Doug was born, the hospital opened a surgical suite on the OB floor and women could have epidurals for a C Section.  And, Dads could be in the delivery room.  This was a brand new practice and I was so thankful that I actually got to be awake and got to see Doug the minute he was born. It was shortly after this picture was taken, that the nurses realized that Doug was having trouble breathing and he was whisked away to the NICU. I was so thankful for these moments to spend with Doug.  It's been a great 40 years. 

Two weeks ago Doug drove me to Minnesota to attend my sister Julie's funeral.  I am so grateful for his willingness to drive, no matter the weather, so that I could support my family.  It was so good to see my brother and sister-in-law, Jerry and Thoralee, even under these bad circumstances.  We were able to visit and catch up on all of our "old people" problems. There was time spent with my sister's children and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren.  My nieces had made poster boards with pictures of Julie and family and I was surprised to find this picture on one of the boards...

This photo is from the Christmas as 1960.  I don't remember many pictures of just "us girls" - my sisters and my mom and I.  You can really appreciate the wide age spacing I had with my sisters, looking at this photo.  My oldest sister Karen was married (and actually pregnant with my niece Amy).  Julie was a teenager and looking very cool, while I was just starting Elementary school.  The most interesting thing about this photo is that I don't really remember ever seeing it!  I happen to have the "matching" photo of all the guys taken at the same time. 

Somehow these photos got separated and Julie got one and I ended up with the other!  I am so thankful to now have the set back together.  It is interesting how important a small black and white photo can be.  I wasn't "missing" this picture because I never knew it existed. But looking at it today, makes me so thankful for my dad's passion for photography to even take these photos.  I am also surprised that both of these pictures survived the cardboard box that all of the pictures were jammed into.  In the last years of my mom's life, Gwen and I went through that box and tried to get mom to tell us who was in the photos.  Many were not able to be identified.  I believe I actually got the "guy picture" from that box.  

Losing a sibling and then having your youngest child turn 40 is for sure a sobering thing.  My sister Karen has been gone since 2007, my dad passed away in 1985 and my mom died in 2011.  Jerry and I were talking about our "advancing years" - Jerry is 79 and Roy (my brother-in-law) is 89!  My brother Greg is 72.  So, yes, I have been lamenting getting old. Grief is such an odd thing.  I am feeling waves of just missing my sister.  We haven't lived close to each other since 1967!  Yet, we did stay in touch. So the desire to pick up the phone and call her, is certainly there.   There is just something about having someone who had the same experiences you did, when you were growing up.  One thing is certain, I am feeling the pull to keep on telling the stories of our ancestors.  I don't want all the  information about our family to be lost when my generation is gone.  I am the youngest of my siblings.  My mom and dad were both the youngest of their siblings.  I am the youngest of all of my cousins - on both sides of my family.  Sadly, I don't have any connection to my 17 first cousins on my mom's side.  I am connected to more of the 15 first cousins on my dad's side, mostly through Facebook.   I certainly don't have ALL of the stories, but I made it a point to listen carefully to my mom when I encouraged her to share.  For sure it seems like I have a new project on my hands.  

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday.  As I sat in the darkened church, surrounded by lanterns and candles, it felt like home.  One of my earliest memories was a Lenten service, sitting next to my mom.  I am so grateful for my faith, for the church, for the continuity of the church year.  Mostly, I am thankful that saving faith in Jesus is something that connects me to my ancestors and also to future generations.  This year, I sat by Gwen and Anna during that service.  It is a powerful thing to see your children and grandchildren loving and serving Jesus.  

Birthdays, funerals, photos, aging, grief, ancestors, cousins, and faith in Jesus. Quite a line up in one blog.  Yet this is exactly where I am right now.  A mix of emotions, thoughts, plans, and feelings. Now add to this, the world's issues with the conflict in the Ukraine right now and so many suffering great loss and hardship.   Honesty is one thing I always promised on this blog and there it is. Two on the songs at my sister's funeral have been on my mind today.  Both were used at the funerals of my dad and my mom.  Both are special to me also.  Certainly, both are peace giving and calming.  

How Great Thou Art

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder, consider all the works thy hand hath made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Refrain - Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee:  How great thou art, how great thou art.  Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee:  How great thou art, how great thou art.

When through the woods and forest glades I wander and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.  When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur, and hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze.

(Refrain)

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing.   Sent him to die, I scarce can take it in.  That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin.

(Refrain)

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fell my heart.  Then I shall bow in humble adoration, and there proclaim, my God, how great thou art! 

   What A Friend We Have In Jesus

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!  What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!  O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?  We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer.  Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?  Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?  Precious Savior still our refuge - take it to the Lord in prayer!  Do your friends despise, forsake you?  Take it to the Lord in prayer!  In his arms he'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.  

Jesus, thank you for bringing my emotions back to the central place today.  You are the peace, and the answers for us all.  Thank you for children and the blessings you bring to us.  Holy Spirit, remind us that we are all family in the body of Christ.  Give us courage and boldness to continue to walk out the plans and purposes you have for each of us.  Thank you Jesus.  Amen