So much to write about - so little time to write!

This last month has been something else.  Something else, indeed!  Although I had made the discovery of my paternal DNA, and on paper, knew my ancestors/relatives, I had not had any luck connecting with a living person on my biological father's side of the family.  That is, until last week.  Previously, I had contacted a "potential" cousin via messenger, who said that "possibly" she might have relatives that had lived in South Dakota.  And then, nothing - no further contact.  And then later, I had actually discovered my half brother's daughter on Facebook.  However, my attempts to connect with her were not good.  She refuses to believe that her grandfather would have ever done "something like that".  After a brief message interchange, she also blocked me.  So, with a "last ditch" effort, I once again, messaged all of my cousins, hoping and praying one would hear my desperate plea to just have some information.  I don't even remember including a link to my blogpost about my DNA discovery.  But I had included the link.  

That day, I actually connected with my first cousin via email and then telephone.  He was completely accepting since the fact was our shared DNA made us undeniably first cousins.  As he said, "DNA doesn't lie"!  Not only did he provide me with family details, information I could not find anywhere else and also a 5 generation family tree, but 45 pictures of my paternal family.  He actually only met my biological father twice, but he remembers him being 6'5" and having a size 16 shoe.  Needless to say, this is a lot to process.  I haven't even had time to share the pictures with Gwen and Doug yet.  Between their busy schedules and mine, there has not been time!  But watch for future blogs with pictures of my new-to-me family and ancestors!  So, what have I been up to?

We took a family visit to the local Lego Discovery Center.  When I tell you this was a "pre-planned" visit, I mean it!  This is actually the fulfillment of a 2019 Christmas present!  Than there was Covid and the lock-down and then there was Jimmy (born in 2021) and not ready for Lego's until this year.  We had so much fun as a family and all of us (well, except Ellie) loved the 4D movie!  Jimmy even left the glasses on for the entire thing!  

We concluded the day with our family favorite - Portillos.  It is really something to do an order for 11 people!   But everyone always eats all their food when we go there.  It was interesting for me to sit next to Doug and watch him eat his Maxwell Polish.  It was Ken's favorite at Portillos.  Whenever our family is together, it is these little things that pop up and remind me of all Ken is missing out on.  

After a "normal" week and time to catch my breath, this past week was Bible Boot Camp Week at Fellowship of Faith!  

This year I helped out mostly with snacks and also helped out setting up some stations.  In my last blog I talked about taking Grace to a VBS program.  Now, it was Lia, Ellie, Zeke and Anna's turn!  Bible Boot Camp is not like a traditional VBS program in some ways.  However it is EXACTLY like any VBS because the kids hear Bible stories, they sing songs that help them remember the stories, they memorize Bible verses and have a wonderful time doing it!  Bible Boot Camp is an OUTSIDE program with obstacle courses, water balloons and slip and slide, plus capture the flag.  I think this might have been the first year that severe thunderstorms brought the fun inside for most of one morning.  The leaders did an amazing job setting up an indoor obstacle course, and the kids claimed it just might have been the best ever.  Thankfully, by capture the flag time, the severe weather had passed and outside play was able to happen.  Nothing beats seeing a church full of kids and youth and young adults singing and dancing and just having a celebration.  Each day had a "service project" that was completed at home. My favorite project this year, was a "Birthday Cake in a Pan" for the local food pantry.  Each family filled a foil cake pan with a box cake mix, a can of frosting and a can of soda.  You don't need any other ingredients so anyone receiving this from the food pantry can make a cake for a special occasion.  I don't know the exact number but a guess is around 40 will be delivered to the food pantry.  This project touched every child there. What a great way to extend the love of Jesus through a celebration! 

There is something about seeing families serving and learning together that is so good.  I was not the only grandma helping out!  My friend Colleen (another grandma) and I served snacks this year.  It was also wonderful to see several grandpas come to help with Firm Base  (Gwen and Tim's ministry - click the link to learn more) current mission while their grandkids were in Bible Boot Camp.  This "Container Home" project is in support of Good Samaritan Ministries in the East St. Louis area.  

These old shipping containers are given a second chance by recycling them into homes for the many homeless people in the East St. Louis area.  Firm Base acquired these two containers which have been cleaned, painted and converted into usable space.  There is interior wiring and plumbing pre-set as well as drywall.  When this pre-finish is completed, these will be transported to Good Samaritan, where they will be set on foundations and connected to water/sewer and power.  This project has several completed homes, already occupied by people who had no where to live.  I can't think of any better way for kids to see service in action than through their friends and family.   This week, all the kids at Bible Boot Camp played, ran and shouted right by these container homes as the grandpa's worked!  And most of the youth and young adults who were helping with Bible Boot Camp had already cleaned and painted and pulled weeds around the existing container homes in East St. Louis.  This photo is from the Boulder Mission Trip in early June, 2023.

Having these Container Homes right on the property of Fellowship of Faith brings the Mission Trip back home and helps shares the mission.  Seeing moms and dads and grandmas and grandpas making time to help others, will help change the world of tomorrow. 

I have seen Jesus working in so many ways during these past few months.  In just a matter of weeks, I found out more about my parentage, connected the dots to find my family, got connected with the right person, have photo's and information to fill a family tree and even more.  I have also celebrated being together with my family, enjoyed spending time with my grandkids, had time with friends, and even had some time just enjoying the outdoors (when it wasn't a heat advisory or an air quality alert).  In it all has been a great measure of peace.  I can't recall a time when I have felt more joy and more peace in just the normal day-to-day.  Every day has brought something new to me. A new understanding, a new discovery, a new thought.  New is especially good when you are approaching your 69th birthday and so many things seem old.  Someone recently asked me how I was "handling" finding out all my growing up years contained hidden untruths.  I am so thankful that Jesus is taking care of it all.  The evidence of this is that peace and joy.  I wake up each day, thankful for all the new that is ahead.  That is good advice for everyone, not just us old folks!  

Jesus, thank you for always being with me.  For your presence in my life, your peace and your joy.  Holy Spirit, remind us each day to walk forward into the new that you are bringing to us.  Keep our eyes set on you, Jesus as we share you with the world around us.  Amen

Already been a busy July!

 I am always amazed at just how fast the weeks go by.  Spending one day at Gwen and Tim's and one day at Doug and Susie's keeps me on my toes!  The Fourth of July was a really hot day.  I went with Susie and Grace to a local parade in the morning, along with Susie's parents.  Doug stayed home with Jimmy who was feeling under the weather and had a slight fever.  Being outside in the sun with the temperature in the 90's didn't seem like a good idea!  It was a fun "candy-filled" parade as usual..  The next day was hot as well and Grace and Jimmy (who was feeling much better) spent several hours in the pool!

Jimmy has no fear and stood at the top of the slide and jumped face first into the pool!  He needs a life jacket at any pool deeper than two inches, for sure!  

Grace was counting down the days until it was time for her "sleep over" with Anna.  It was another "Mission Trip" weekend - this time for the kids in 6th - 8th Grade.  Zeke was especially excited about this trip, since it was his first!  The older kids were the the leaders for this trip (along with the adult Bolder Leaders, of course) so Ellie, Lia, Gwen and Tim were gone also.  That left just Anna home with Grandma!  So we planned to bring Grace along to let these cousin/friends enjoy a couple of days together.  

Grace had been waiting to swim in the "Cousin's pool" for so long.  Sadly, it was a cold and rainy couple of days.  Needless to say, we braved the 70 degree cloudy weather and went swimming both days, between rain storms.  The girls camped out in the living room, in popup tents.  We played many games, watched a movie, had a picnic lunch outside,  painted, made beaded bracelets, made some suncatchers and did more painting.  We also visited a playground, had an ice cream treat, ate breakfast at a restaurant, AND THIS WAS JUST A TWO DAY SLEEPOVER!  Needless to say, this grandma had a great time.   Anna found "Matching dresses" in her closet, so they both wore these dresses on the last day.  

I somehow did not take a picture of the girls wearing these dresses (a grandma fail for sure), but did snap this picture of them working very intently on some coloring.  It was cold and rainy that day, but both insisted they were not at all cold in these very summery dresses!  Anything for fashion - and matching - I guess!  

This past week I helped drive Grace to Vacation Bible School at a nearby church.  Because Grace and Jimmy are in daycare two days a week, I needed to do the driving so she wouldn't miss out on this program.  She had a wonderful week at "Compassion Camp"  and I sure enjoyed watching the closing program on the day's I drove her back and forth.  My heart is certainly tied to Children's Ministry and there is nothing I love more than seeing groups of kids learning about Jesus.   Grace was especially interested in the collection that was taken to help support a local homeless shelter.  The goal was $200 for this community ministry.  I love that Grace is loudly singing all of the songs she learned this week and asks me to play them all the time.  

I can't wait for Bible Boot Camp - the Vacation Bible School program - that Gwen leads, which is the last week of July.  The first year I helped Gwen with this program, Anna was only two and a half!  You can expect a full report later this month.  I have so many great memories of leading Vacation Bible School programs.  I am so thankful that I still get to experience the joy and wonder and fun that these programs bring.  

I was remembering the one time that I went to Vacation Bible School.  I was in 3rd Grade and a neighbor (who we really didn't know) came over and invited me to attend the program at their church.  It was a Lutheran church - but not the church that we attended.  My mom was not so sure this was a good idea since she didn't really know this family at all, but I really wanted to go.  This church was across the street from my school and I knew some of the kids from my class that went to that church.  In looking back at this experience, I am so thankful for the willingness of this neighbor (whose name I don't even remember) to bring me each day.  During that program, I made a mosaic picture of a cross that I still have!  I also received my first "real" catechism, which is still on my bookshelf.   My attendance at church and Sunday School during my grades school years was spotty, at best.  With my mom working full time and my dad traveling almost every week, Sundays were busy with household chores and rest.  We also spent most weekends at our cabin from May through October.  This experience at Vacation Bible School made a difference for me and I am convinced it created a special place in my heart for Vacation Bible School.  You just never know the life-long impact an experience can have on a child!

If your church has a summer program, invite your neighbors.  It doesn't matter how old you are!  It doesn't matter if you don't have any kids yourself.   Can you volunteer to help?  Or how about bringing some snacks or bottles of water to a church holding a program near you.  Don't miss out on a chance to change a child's life!

UPDATE ON MY PLOT TWIST...Given my recent revelation and search for information from my DNA, I have been having many memories flood my mind.  I have had questions and comments asking me if I think that my mom knew my parentage, or if I had any "feeling" that I wasn't related to my dad.  I believe that my mom believed that I was my dad's child.   I was totally shocked with this news and never had any thought that this would be my story.  Because of the wide age spacing between my siblings and I, my life was very different from theirs.   I have to trust God's timing on this revelation.   While I would love to be able to actually TALK with those involved in this,  I know that there is a reason that I didn't know this until now.   I am still hopeful that I will be able to get more information on my biological heritage - on my father and half brother.  I would certainly love to have contact with this family.  And I will remain hopeful for that contact.  

Jesus, thank you for Summer and warm weather.  Holy Spirit, open our eyes to the ways you are working in our communities.  Give us courage and boldness to invite children (and families) to programs to learn more about you.  Give us hearts of compassion for those in need around us.  Thank you Jesus for children, laughter and song.   Amen

A Plot Twist I never saw coming......

 These are the earliest pictures I have of me and my family that include my dad.  I am sure that I have shared them on this blog at some point.  Just for background -  I am the youngest in these pictures.  The top picture is from Christmas of 1955 (I was about 16 months old) and the bottom picture is from the summer of 1957.  As you can see by the bottom picture, my dad was the photographer, and seeing that I am child number five, that might explain why these are the only two pictures I have that include my dad. 

Let me tell you a little story.  In total truth telling that I promised from the time I began this blog, a story that I never knew I would need to share.  

As most of you know, Ken was adopted as an infant.  When Doug was having so many health issues, I began to ask questions about his genetic health.  Ken himself had a very "unique" set of health issues as a baby/toddler that were never explained.  So I asked about getting any information about his birth family.  \He and I were told several different stories about the reasons for his surrender as a newborn.   Ken was just not interested in spending any time finding out about his birth family.  Some years later (2009) I convinced Ken to do an Ancestry DNA test to see if there were any obvious connections.  After some months of prodding, he finally agreed to the test - as long as I did a test as well.  So I did.

When the results were received, Ken had a couple of lst cousin matches.  We contacted them, but saddly, they were also looking for information since they were adopted!  Ken just laughed this off and said - well I guess I am not supposed to know!   

My DNA was also not remarkable.  I could pretty much identify all of my "close" relatives, who were on my mom's side of the family.   I did think it was somewhat odd that I didn't have any close matches to my MANY cousins on my dad's side of the family.  However at this point, DNA was really new.  And there was a cost to getting this done.  So I didn't really think much about it.  The only surprise in my "Heritage" was that I was very little German and my mom was 1/2 German and 1/2 Norwegian!  Otherwise I was Swedish and Norwegian - which I expected!   In 2015 my sister Julie did a test.  I actually hadn't been looking at my Ancestry account very much, and had missed that she had matched to me.    In looking at our results, it seemed really odd that our match was not higher than it was.  As a matter of fact, Ancestry just called us "close relatives".  Julie and I kind of joked about this, and pretty much forgot about it.  As the years went by and the DNA science improved, there were constant changes to the Ancestry site.  They added a percentage of match number to each DNA match on your account.  Julie and I only shared 17% DNA.  

Here is where the plot twist begins.  In my mind, I questioned if Julie may have had another biological father.  She was born exactly nine months after dad returned from WWII.  Plus, she had a very unusual genetic health condition that none of the rest of our siblings had.  I never discussed this with Julie at all and, she passed away in 2022.  After her death I discovered that she had also done a 23 and Me DNA test and had matched to my sister Karen's children.  Apparently this was not the right time for me to fully understand what this all would mean for me.  

Around the this time, I also made contact with a distant cousin on my dad's side of the family who I had not known much about.  He actually lives very close to me, and was willing to share an updated and very complete family tree for my dad and his family.   He had inherited pictures, letters and documents from Sweden that included many family photos from my dad's family.  It was so fun to find out about our connection and to talk about my dad's family.  The story of my dad's parents coming to the United States as Indentured Servants had always fascinated me.  Dave and his wife Carolyn had visited Sweden.  

Somewhere around this time (think 2020 Covid isolation), I decided to complete a more detailed family tree on Ancestry.  Off an on after that time, I would sign on to Ancestry to see if there was anything new happening.  Ancestry began to mark your matches to assign them to either maternal or paternal DNA.  It is truly amazing that they can now tell by your DNA how you are related to someone else.  Initally they were asking you if you knew the person you matched with, and also whether it was a maternal side or paternal side match.    At first I really didn't notice anything unusual with the designations - except for my sister Julie.  I would mark that we were related on BOTH sides and they would send me a notice to correct this error.  They would change it to maternal match.  

Then, in late April, I actually received a phone call from Ancestry DNA.  This very kind women asked me about my match to Julene Anderson.  I told her it was my sister!  She very calmly then told me that there was a question on my family tree (which I had made public so it was accessible by anyone).  I had a very detailed family tree going back 5 generations for Harry Alfred Johnson on my DNA.  However, I had 18,515 PATERNAL DNA matches and NONE of them matched to my paternal family tree.  

Yep - there is the plot twist.  My dad is not my biological father.  

This was a shock on so many levels.  How I wished I was not 68 years old and the bulk of my relatives who I could talk to about this were already dead!   I was sad for Gwen and Doug who had only thought they knew 50% of their heritage, now only knew 25%!  I was extremely close to my mom and spent so much time with her in the last years of her life.  How could I make sense of this?  And what should I do about this now?

There was a pretty evenly divided response when I told close relatives this news.  One response was - "So what?  It's really not that big of deal".  The second response was "What are you going to do to find your biological father and family."   The first camp of people felt that I had a family that had raised me and I grew up knowing - so why should this change anything.  The second group of people understood that I might need to know the truth of my heritage - especially who my father was.    It took a while for the dust to settle and my mind to clear.  Within a short time, I knew that I would have to do my best to figure out who my biological father was and what relatives might be out there.  I also came to the stark realization that I might never know.  And I knew that I would then have to just accept the not knowing.  

This is my story, and I am allowed to tell this story.  Some people might question why I am telling this story so openly.  There are repercussions for sure.  There are all of my extended family (some of whom are reading these words here) who will be shocked at this news.  I also face having another family who might very well NOT want to know that I even exist.  Shortly after my conversation with Ancestry, I messaged all of my close paternal relatives and asked them to contact me.   I did a bit of looking on Social Media to see if I could find them and located one 2nd cousin on Facebook.  I messaged her and we had a brief exchange that ended when I asked if she had any relatives that had lived in South Dakota in the early 1950's.  Her answer was "possibly".  And then she blocked me.  

It has been a long couple of months. I will tell you that I have discovered who my father was and I do have a paternal  1/2 sibling.  Again, because I am almost 69 years old, most are already deceased.  I have reached out again to various relatives through the DNA sites, but as of now,  I have had no response.   The interesting thing, part of the reason I didn't detect this at an earlier stage, is that my biological dad's heritage is Swedish and a tiny bit Danish.  So nothing looked amiss on my initial results.  

Where do I go from here?  That is a very good question.  In total truth telling - I really don't know.  What I have found is that there is an VERY LARGE online group of people who received shocking news after a DNA test.  Some found children they didn't know about.  Some found that their parents or grandparents were not DNA related.  Many found 1/2 siblings they didn't know about.  It is a very big crowd and the numbers are growing daily.  As DNA science is advancing and getting even more exact, I am sure that there will be more.  

I have been in the process of writing a book about my mother's family and the Spiritual Heritage from that line.  I know that this revelation has come for a reason at this time.  For many years I have used the phrase "what is revealed, can be healed" and it applies to this situation for sure!  Jesus has wanted me to have this information so that I can process it.  The truth is always better than a lie.  As always, I have made a commitment to share the truth on this blog, and I will continue to do that.  Watch for updates as this new chapter in my life unfolds! 

I am very aware that I will never know the "whole story" of my birth.  But I also know that God had a plan and purpose for my life that began before I was born.  I was created for a specific purpose and given the exact gifts and talents that I would need to fulfill that destiny.  I know that Jesus has always loved me and cares for me, in all circumstances.   Even this "plot twist".  

Jesus, thank you for your presence that has allowed me to weather the storm of revelation that has come my way.  Holy Spirit, thank you for reminding me that I am loved and cared for.   Thank you for providing the wisdom and knowledge that are needed to walk through this situation.  Jesus, keep the many others in a similar place in your love and care.  Help them to know your destiny for them that has never changed.  Thank you for giving wisdom and knowledge to advance science in this day.  Amen

Yearly "Mission Trip" time with Zeke and Anna

 Every year since Ellie was a baby, I have had some part of the yearly Mission Trip that Gwen and Tim always spend some of their vacation attending.  In 2009 when Ellie was just 4 months old, I went with on the Mission Trip (to Toronto) to be Grandma to Ellie when Gwen was busy being a leader/participant on the trip.  When you have a nursing baby, you do what you have to do!   I stayed home with the kids as they were added to the family with the exception of 2020 (of course)!  There were only a few years with all four kids, since beginning in 2019, Lia went with Gwen and Tim!  This year, 2023, Ellie went with, so I just had Zeke and Anna.  Zeke is counting down the years (just two) until he goes on the trip also.  It is a "right of passage" for these kids and something that they can hardly wait to experience.  Our time together this year was somewhat different.  Having only two kids means more opportunities to do fun things and less disagreements on what those things should be.  

The biggest highlight of the trip for the kids - and they are telling everyone this - we ate at 14 different restaurants during the 8 days that Gwen, Tim, Lia and Ellie were gone.  There are many reasons why this happened in 2023 but I think the biggest one is my age!  At just a few month shy of 69, I am tired of cooking!  And I know that I have gotten lazy just having to cook for myself!  I really enjoyed all of the meals out and lets just say - it made the kids very happy!

I do have photos of most of the eating out, but I decided to just include this one!  I love the sign on the wall says EAT and that is what we did!  I had some of my favorite meals out that I just never go to alone.  If my count is correct we had 10 "sit-down" meals (some were at fast food places) we had pizza delivered  one time and then we visited Starbucks, Dunkin and the TeePee (Riverside Chocolate) making up the other 4 "eating out" times!  We went to four local playgrounds, we went bowling, roller skating and to the library.  We visited a skate park and also went to a local water park (thanks to Anna being invited to a birthday party).   I'd say that was a pretty good week for Zeke and Anna and this grandma.  

Since Gwen and Tim have a pool and a trampoline we also had plenty of time to swim and jump while at home. Seriously though, this year was the worst weather for swimming we have ever had during this week.  It was COLD and RAINY several of the days.  I actually borrowed clothes from their closets since I only packed clothes for HOT weather!  This was actually really good for the Mission Team since this is the first year in a very long time that they have not had heat advisories!  And they had no rain during the week either. 

 The kids also receive a daily gift from the "mission trippers" which is always a highlight of the day.  This includes a note about what the Mission Team is doing that day and then gives us some specific things to pray.  I love that the kids are older now and really understand this.  Each day, one would open and read the card and then pray for the concerns.  The other one got to open the gift.  Here is a sampling of some of the things they received as gifts...

It was COLD and the water was cold but the kids insisted on taking this volleyball net into the water on the first day!  I know that Gwen was also planning on HOT weather during this week. As it turns out, we didn't get in the pool very much!

Slime making, diamond art, tie dying, and painting were just a few of the gifts.  This year Zeke discovered Sudoku and picked it up quickly!  He pretty much carried that book with him anytime we left the house.  

One of my favorite parts of the trip, besides the games we played and the movies we watched, was that Anna asked me to help her with a scrapbook she was working on.  

Anna and I spent many hours sorting her paper and putting the pictures she has into an order that made sense to scrap.  It was so much fun watching her enjoying something that I love so much!  Zeke was more than happy to have some video game time while us girls were busy cutting and pasting.  

Seriously, the best part of all the eating out was Zeke's very heartfelt statement that he wanted to actually spend time sitting and talking together.  More than once he opted to play a game with Anna and me rather than have a bit of video game time.  Anna told me over and over just how grateful she was to have time with me.  Things like this really melt a grandma's heart.  

I love this time so much!  Over the years various people have made comments about my kids "taking advantage" of me taking care of their children.  I am always taken aback by those comments.  Being with my grandchildren is the greatest gift I could ever receive from my own children.  Being a part of their everyday lives, watching them grow and change and knowing exactly how to pray for them is a priceless gift.  One I would never trade!  

So here I am, back at relationships.  Spending time together is really the only way that we can get to know someone.  I love seeing small glimpses of the amazing way Jesus is shaping each of the kids.  Knowing their strengths and their struggles gives power to pray specific prayers.  And I remember the adage "General prayers get answered generally and specific prayers get answered specifically".  

These last two months (May and June) have been difficult for me.  (Watch for the next blog... yes, I am leaving you with a cliff hanger).  I know that being with the kids and all of the activities in these last three blogs has been the glue that has held me together.  If I did not have an active relationship with Jesus, I can't imagine how this time would have played out.  This is my encouragement for you today.  If you have family that you are estranged from, consider making an effort to form stronger bonds.  If you have been curious about why some of us rely on our relationship with Jesus, just ask!  Find a trusted person with whom you can have open and honest conversations.  Visit a church or two or three.  Try it out.  You might be surprised that all the things you might see on social media are not true.  Are you missing that old friend you haven't seen in years?  Call, write, text, email, message.  Take a step.  Don't have many friends you can count on?  Join a class at the library, talk to your neighbors, visit some older folks at the nursing home nearby.  Take that first step and watch how things will happen.  

Sometimes life throws you an unexpected curve ball.  If you miss that throw, chase after that ball.  You just never know what blessings are ahead.  

Jesus, thank you so much for children, laughter and fun.  Thank you for the availability and the means to find good food around us.  Thank you for cool weather and rain but also for warm sunny days.  Jesus, you know exactly what we need and provide that for us.  Thank you for Mission Trips and for times at home to pray for those who go and the people they touch.  Holy Spirit, nudge us to seek you without fear.  Show us truth as we scan social media.  Thank you for your care and concern.  Amen