"You are amazing, the way you figure out the good side of things from bad things. Did you ever get mad at God? Did you ever blame God for Lucas' death?"
I have been thinking about this all day. At first I was just going to put a sentence or two reply comment on the blog, but then realized that this is really a BIG QUESTION that deserves a more complete answer. Remember that I promised to be honest on this blog.... totally honest. And through the last 8 months I have been honest. There have been many, many very down times for me. Times when there have been more tears than I even imagined that I could cry. But there have also been many times when I have felt that hope just rise in my soul. And I have felt the joy and wonder of all that Jesus is doing right now. But I want to be clear about this...... yes I have been angry about this whole situation. There have been times that, like David in the Psalms, I have been mad at God. David didn't understand his circumstances, or the events surrounding him. He was angry at God, but at the same time, he also always remembered exactly who God was. So many of the Psalms begin in that place of sadness and anger but then they move on to the wonder and greatness of God. Yes, there has even been times I have shaken my fist at God.
Not because He caused Lucas to die. But just because I was so angry that Lucas died. Sin and death are in this world because of US..... not because of God. His plan was for us to live with Him in the Garden of Eden and never know pain or sickness or death. God knows that we are hurt and angry. And he is big enough to handle our anger. We were not "made" to experience grief. It is a part of our world because of sin. Sometimes people joke about the shortest verse in the Bible..... "Jesus wept" John 11:35. But this has become a very important verse to me. Jesus understands. He gets it. He was experiencing grief in this world. His friend had just died. And he cried. I have looked at that verse more than once in these last months. And when I go to Jesus in my grief, He fills me with the peace that passes all understanding.
So, no, I never blamed God for Lucas' death. And I know that the only reason that I can see the good side of things is because of Jesus. Staying in touch with Jesus. Keeping my focus on who He is and the knowing that His promise is to work good for those of us that love Him.
"And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes." Romans 8:28
I appreciate this comment on my blog from a friend. It has given me another chance to remember how thankful I am for the presence of Jesus in my life. This life is not easy. Our world is difficult and at times so terribly hard. There are so many things that we just don't understand. But no matter what emotion we are feeling, whether it is happy, sad, scared, - whatever, Jesus understands and He cares.
Thank you so much, Jesus, for this reminder that you care about our feelings. Holy Spirit, encourage us to always be honest with Jesus about how we are feeling. Thank you for bringing that wonderful peace when it is most needed. And thank you for all of the people that read this blog and share their thoughts and comments. Bless anyone who is struggling with anger. Reach them and bring your love and your joy. Thank you for being so present with me in my grief. Amen