Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Certainly at my weakest......

Yes, this showed up in my email.  I can tell you that there is no question, I AM AT MY WEAKEST.  As a matter of fact, I can't think of any time when I have felt more empty and lost.  I know that I blogged about the hope that I have in Jesus.  And that hasn't changed.  But here's the thing.  Honestly, where I am right now is so hard to explain.  One minute I think that things are okay.  And then the next minute I feel as if the bottom has dropped out of my life.   I have never known more clearly that I can not "do" my life right now on my own.  If it were not for Jesus and HIS strength, I know that I would be simply flattened.  

The thing about grief is that it comes in waves.  You just never know when you will be hit by a big one.  I love the ocean.  As a matter of fact, the ocean is really my special place.  So thinking about these feelings being waves, is a bit hard.  
But the truth is, that it does feel like waves washing over you.  There are times that you can feel the sand start to shift under your feet and you know that there is a wave coming.  You can prepare a bit for that grief to hit you.  But just as likely to happen are the waves that take you by surprise.  You might have your back turned slightly.  Or you are looking at the sky.  And suddenly you over bowled over by the power and strength of that wave.  Sometimes it is like that when a wave of overwhelming sadness and sorrow just strike.  I am so glad that Jesus is collecting my tears in a bottle.  And I am equally as glad that the bottle does not have a finite size.  Anytime I get hit by one of those waves, I remind myself that Susie and Doug are facing much bigger waves.  And that allows me to stop and ask Jesus to be with them. To surround them with his love and peace and strength.  

Yes, this is an impossible situation.  There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make the situation any different or better.  It just IS.  The good news is that when those waves come, it is good to have a lot of friends and family standing around you who will help you withstand those waves.  I am so thankful for friends who have been calling and listening to me share and cry.  And I am so grateful for their prayers.  I am so thankful for our family that drew up close together.  It was encircled in those loving arms that we each had the ability to walk through these days.  Lucas will be with us always.  And so we will remember and honor him.  And we will grieve and cry.  But we will also celebrate his place in our family.  There is no correct way to walk this road.  There are ups and downs and twists and turns. There are lots of waves and lots of tears.  But we are walking forward with hope not in our own strength, but in the strength of Jesus.  

So today I am thankful that when I am weak, He is strong.  And that is enough for today.  

Jesus, thank you for being gentle and kind to us as we are navigating this unfamiliar road.  Thank you for all who are pressing in to our family to be that support when those waves hit.  Help us all to be kind to each other and understanding when others don't know what to say or do.   Give us more of your strength since we are all at our weakest.  Thank you for reminding me today that your strength is enough.  Amen

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