I actually picked up this set at the Walmart. I was there to do my regular grocery shopping and decided to check their Christmas aisle before I went anywhere else. After adding this set to my cart, I continued on with the remainder of my shopping. Something interesting that I have discovered in the last couple of months, Monday is not the best day to shop. At least not at Walmart. Many of their shelves are very picked over. Even the cereal aisle looked like a pack of hungry wolves had descended on it. Thankfully, I was able to complete my list and head to the check out lanes. I stopped to look in the book section, and then this happened...... There was a young gal with a beautiful little baby boy in a car seat, nestled in a cart right next to my cart. I couldn't help but stop and admire him. He was clearly very "newborn". When the mom noticed me looking at the baby, she smiled at me. I guess it is the "grandma" thing. I don't look very threatening and she must have noticed how seeing that baby sort of stopped me in my tracks. When I could finally breathe, I smiled back and told her what a beautiful baby she had. And then I walked away as quickly as I could.
Yes, this was one of those unexpected "waves" that just seems to catch me when I least expected it. I know that when you go to Walmart you can expect to see anything. And that includes babies. That cute little baby just brought a flood of sorrow and missing into my heart. But I was able to take some deep breathes and pull it together. I went to the check out and completed my shopping trip. When I got to the car, I realized how surprised I was at the emotion that hit me. But, I am working on being gentle on myself.... not expecting things to just be okay. And this was a time that I needed to remember that.
I blasted the Christmas Carols in the car on the way home. And remembered that I had that new Nativity Set in my trunk. Yes, changing the focus of my thoughts to Jesus, was certainly helpful. I was able to regain a large measure of peace before I pulled into my driveway. If I have found out one thing since Lucas died, it is that there is no playbook for grief. It is a personal and very difficult journey. It is just a path that each person has to walk on their own. I have been thinking about Psalm 23 lately...... "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Yes. this has been a really dark valley. And I am so thankful that I can rest in the assurance that Jesus is with me. And I love that he is guiding me along this path that I am on right now. Just that assurance helps me remember that he is guiding my path....... even during this difficult time.
Jesus, thank you for this season and the time to celebrate your birth. Holy Spirit, thank you for the reminder to focus on Psalm 23 and the truth that it contains. Thank you for walking me THROUGH this dark valley and the reminder that I am not staying there.....I am walking through it. Jesus, thank you for your great love and care that provides all that I need. Thank you for the provision of this new Nativity set. Amen
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