When it just isn't enough......but it is good.

Today our families got together at Doug and Susie's house to complete some very necessary tasks.  We helped Doug and Susie go through cards and write many, many thank you notes.  It was what seemed like a daunting task to Doug and Susie.  But, as the old adage says, "many hands make light work".  With several of us doing the writing and even Lia helped by stuffing the cards into the envelopes, we completed this task rather quickly.  The sign in book from the funeral was nearly full.  There were that many people there.  And then there were the stacks and stacks of cards.  They were so beautiful and so heartfelt.  Most contained hand written notes.  All I could think was how much Doug and Susie are loved and how many people loved Lucas.

After we completed that task, we had one more thing to do.

We made ornaments to honor Lucas.  Susie and Doug had saved and dried the many, many flowers that they had received, both from his birth and from the funeral.  Each of us selected items to create exactly the ornament we wanted.  This picture doesn't capture well the ornament that I made.  I selected some white and blue flowers, as well as some golden colored flowers.  I also used white feathers and some very sparkly blue balls.  And then finished it with two different shades of blue feathers.  When I look at the completed ornament, I see reminders that are so important.  I see the colors......white, blue, gold that remind me of Jesus and the Holy Spirit.   And I think of Lucas and heaven and the hope and promise of seeing Lucas again one day and I was remembering his sweet face. As I was making the ornament, it felt good and comforting and right. Yet, when the task was completed, and I was hanging that ornament on our Christmas tree, it just wasn't enough.  I just miss him so much.  And I am sure that my missing is just a drop in the bucket to Doug and Susie's missing.   It feels good and right to have this on our tree.  It's not that we need to be reminded of Lucas.  He is always with us and in our thoughts.  We will  always have him in our hearts. This ornament just gives us something to touch and hold.  But sadly, nothing can fix the missing.  

Our tree is covered with ornaments filled with memories.  Last year in December, I blogged about a different ornament each day.  When I added this ornament to the tree, it was adding it to the years and years of memories.  Those memory filled ornaments made putting up the tree this year, feel okay.  And putting this ornament for Lucas on the tree, was good.  It may not be enough.  But it is good.

I never really understood Romans 8:28  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."  This is certainly one of those ALL THINGS times.  And I know that God is at work.  I also know that I love him.  It is the working for the good part that seems hard to understand.  As I was writing that last paragraph, that verse came to mind.   In this awful situation, when nothing seems to help, there are some things that are good.  That ornament is good.  But more than that, I am so thankful that Jesus has reminded me that He is continuing to work for my good.  Right now that doesn't seem possible.  But I can trust that Jesus is working for the best "good" for me.  Even in this terrible, terrible BAD of losing Lucas, I am trusting that Jesus is still at work.  Because He loves me.  Because he loves ALL of us.  That IS enough.  And it is good.

Jesus, thank you for bringing me to a deeper understanding of your work in my life.  Thank you for reminding me that you are enough.  Holy Spirit, help me to hold on to the promises of the Bible.  Give us all comfort and peace when we are empty and missing Lucas so much.  Help us to hold fast to your love as you continue to fill all those empty places.  Amen